renaissancewoman101

Lifeiscash, can relationships ever work out when the couple has completely different interests?? The only thing that my ex and I shared was a love of Ren Faires and reading. His love of video games, collecting action figures, Magic the Gathering sometimes bothered me and he always wanted me to share in the stuff he liked with his friends, something I had a hard time doing. I probably should have tried harder to make things work, but I wasn't that happy about things. I just feel very lonely right now because my best friend is moving to CA in a matter of days (10 days), I got dumped by my ex, the winter is coming, the holidays are coming, etc. I used to enjoy the holidays with my ex because he gave me a family life with his family. Yes, I have a void in myself that is hard to fill. I have always had low self-esteem and that has partly caused my ex to leave. He told me that he couldnt deal with my low self-esteem anymore. But towards the end, I rarely saw him and I did not cling to him. I pushed him away a lot on to his friends. It is hard for me to find a guy to date. My ex was the second long term relationship I had, and the first normal one. How does one create confidence in oneself? I want to find ways to boost my self-esteem. That is hard to do. Ever since the breakup I have tried to find ways to move on, meet new people, hang out with new people, and make new friends. It is not easy to do. JC2006, I did not break up with my bf, he broke up with me. I just cant believe since he break up, he is so cold to me and wont even receive a gift from me.

It is almost 1 AM on a Sat night. I am sitting here feeling empty, alone, and scared. I feel like no one likes me or even wants me. It has been a tough two months and I feel like no one cares about me. Last month my boyfriend of two years decided to break up with me. I saw that one coming. I had lost my feelings for him in Feb, but I clung on to the relationship ever while spending less and less time with him. He chased hard and tried to patch things up, but I didnt seem to want to. I dont understand why I did what I did. I treated him like crap and led him to break up with me, why I dont know anymore. He was one of the nicest, kindest guys I have ever dated and he always treated me well. We were just so different and into different things. I should have appreciated him more and taken him less for granted. Well, after this summer, he decides he has had enough and breaks up with me. When he first told me that, I was like "oh, ok!". It didnt bother me until almost two weeks later. Then it hit and I realized he wasnt coming back. I tried to get him back, went down to his place to talk to him twice. First time got into a drunken fight with him, second time spent three hours with him and he is adamant he doesnt want to date me again. He says we can be friends. I need a bf, I am so lonely. Second thing, my best friend (and first ex) is moving out to the west coast in less than two weeks. That scares me a lot because after he is gone, I will have no one left here. I will be alone and the holidays are coming up. My best friend wants me to move out there but I feel that he wants me out there for his own good since he will have no one out there. His bf isnt moving out there yet, and my best friend is devastated. I want to move out there maybe but my best friend takes advantage of me a lot. Always assumes I will be there to help him out. My closeness to my best friend had a hand in doing in my relationship with my ex. Nothing is making me happy right now. I am scared as hell. I had hoped that when my best friend moved out to CA, that I could lean on my ex to help me thorough the tough time of letting go of my best friend, but my ex had to go and dump me. From my phone records (ex has my cell phone and he uses it with my permission still for the time being) I see that my ex has been calling someone on a daily basis for hours at a time. Now, everybody is gone or going to be gone and I feel empty. I have tried to get my best friend to talk to my ex and see if he can convince ex to forgive me and give our relationship another try. Best friend said he would, but that is not on his priority list. He cant see how much getting the ex back would mean to me. He could give a crap. That pisses me off so much. I have done so much for my best friend for a long time. The one thing he could do for me is talk to my ex and convince him to come back. Best friend says he will, but I doubt it. He could care less how I feel or how life is going to be for me once he leaves. I have tried to go on with my life having these two things on my mind. I have no friends left out here. The friends I did have were mostly my ex's friends that when I was dating the ex, we hung out with. They have pretty much abandoned me to side with the ex. My best friend wont help me get the ex back. I think he would rather I move out west with him. I tried to get involved with my life but I dont have much going on with me. My house is a mess and I dont care. My pet guinea pigs, I watch and play with, but that only cheers me up so far. I have tried to make new friends by going out with people from this guinea pig site and helping out with the guinea pig rescue. Drove two hours one way to a lady's house to help her out in caring for 102 rescue pigs. That was fun, but only lasted till 5 PM. Am going back to help again next Sat. Helps to keep my mind off the things that scare me. But, I feel like I am not making friends with her either. Feel like she takes me for granted too. I dont know. Dont feel like anybody wants me. I want to be loved and wanted by someone. Yet, when someone did love and want me, I pushed the guy away and now he has become my ex. I see couples walking around. I see my best friend and his bf whenever they let me, and I feel so lonely and so left out. I am so sad about all this. I need to move away from here and start over again. I have so many unpleasant memories out here. Give me some hope.

Yes, I took him for granted partially because he was always there for me. Part of me likes the chase and the challenge of someone who is not always available, hence my somewhat attachment to my gay best friend (one time ex bf too). He treated me like a queen and was so accommodating. He never cheated on me either. We were very different though in terms of what we liked, disliked, etc. and in time, I think that turned off my feelings for him. He was into stuff that was very childish (computer games, playing with action figures, toys, etc). He also liked to hang around friends that were a lot younger than him, his best friend is 16 years old and my ex is 32. I pushed it to the extreme because I lost my feelings for him and I did not know how to deal with it. I was afraid to break up with him myself because I know how it feels like to get dumped so I didnt want to do that to someone who was so nice and loving. I dealt with my loss of feelings as best as I could which was to pull away from him. He chased me hard but I couldnt deal. Only when he dumped me was when I realized what I had lost. I do regret this whole thing. Maybe in the future we can get back together again. Not sure. I still somewhat do love him. I miss him a lot and I am somewhat beating myself over the head for what I have done. I had a very unaffectionate and uncaring father...so I know where it stems from and I have to remind myself that that is a trait that frustrates me, so I've gotten a lot better at NOT being attracted to guys with those traits. When you say this are you meaning that you are attracted to guys who are unaffectionate and uncaring like your dad? I guess we are attracted to those most like our parents. I am trying to move on and it is hard. I am trying to get involved with doing things with other people, like these people from the guinea pig rescue. I am curious though, has anybody ever, all of a sudden, just lost his/her feelings for their boyfriend, like everything was going great and then all of a sudden, just one day, you look at your bf/gf and suddenly everything about them starts to bother you like hell.

I know what you mean when you say things dont go quite as well as planned. I broke NC to call my ex to see if I could get my medication back from him. He was very cordial to me on the phone and friendly, that gave me some hope. He told me that I could come by his house and pick up my medication so I did. When I got there, we talked for about three hours, but he was so different to me, he was nervous, would not look at me in the face, would not do anything that we use to like to do like go out to eat, watch a movie, or even play a computer game. It was as though he really wanted to forget the two years of our relationship. That was hard to take also because it was my fault that this happened. Our first year was great, he was so nice to me, treated me like a woman should be treated, bought me gifts, spent a lot of time with me, etc. We were almost complete opposites in what we liked, hobbies we liked, etc., but I tried to learn to like to do his stuff, and he tried to learn to like mines. In Feb of this year, I suddenly lost my feelings for him (this was after over a year of dating him) and everything he did began to annoy me like hell and I began to pull away from him. I severly curtailed the time I spent with him, etc. I was stupid for acting like that. This was one of the first times I had such a long term relationship with someone and it scared me so I withdrew. He tried hard to get my feelings back but I withdrew from him. He tried hard until Sept when he decided to break up with me. Last night, I didnt hang out with him for that long. I tried to get him to do something fun with me, he didnt want to. He also did not want to try our relationship with me again. It was though he put up a wall against me. That hurt when I had hope and was praying every day for a good outcome of this whole thing. He says he wants to be friends with me but I doubt it because I asked him if we could hang out and he told me yes, but depending on how his situation is (whether he has a gf or not). I will probably see him again because he still has my cell phone. I do care about him as a person so I let him keep the cell for the time being. He lives at home and his parents are ruthless about not letting him use the home phone a lot. He also still owes me about $1500 that I lent him to pay off some bills earlier this year. Breaking the NC was a stupid thing because I was starting to get better about him breaking up with me, now I am sad again and it bothers me. Part of it has to do with my loss of hope that we will ever get back together again after seeing what happened last night. I think he never wants to get back together with me again. That makes me sad. I also found out that he called someone last night after I left for over two hours. This number he calls on a daily basis for hours at a time, using my cell phone although he is careful about using only my free night and weekend minutes. I do monitor his phone usage because it is my phone and my billl. I also wanted to know if he has any other gf prospects. It is hard to move on but NC does help a lot. It helps the feelings to diminish and go away.

Echo, yes, I know I made my own bed and I have to lie in it. I went about this whole thing the wrong way. That is the irony of the whole thing. I did learn a lot from this relationship and it should help me in my next one, I hope. I just cant understand how one person (me) who loved someone so much for a long time ( I was in love with my ex for over a year even when he and I took a week break last Sept) could just one day look at that person and lose all her feelings for the guy. That was what happened to me, and it is a scary thing. I just looked at him that evening sitting accross the table at a fancy restaurant and everything about him began to bother me and my feelings all just changed like that. Has anybody ever had that happen to them? I dont understand why that happened, it wasnt as though he treated me badly or that he cheated on me. He was one of the best boyfriends that I ever had for he treated a woman the way she should be treated.

RayKay, we went out for about two years. The first year was great. He was so nice, kind and attentive to me. Second year was ok until I lost my feelings for him in Feb, but I didnt dump him. I just pulled away from him and curtailed the amount of time I spent with him. He chased me hard, but I stayed aloof from him until in Sept, he had enough and dumped me. He tried hard and now, in hindsight, i realize how stupid I was. i should have tried to work at the relationship as much as he did since he did care and didnt give up. I gave up. I am so new at relationships, that I just didnt know how to get the feelings back and I was afraid to tell him at first. I never experienced loss of feelings for someone and it scared me since I had no idea how to deal with it. RayKay and gattsuga, i am trying to move on by getting myself involved in other things. It is just hard to do since I like him so much. I do miss spending time with him and doing stuff with him. Only after he left did I realize how much I did miss him. I think I am feeling this way because I hung out with him last night and he didnt want to do anything together with me that he likes doing, like playing computer games, going out to eat, etc. It is as though he wants to cut me out of his life. I thought that at least we could do something on friendly terms so maybe could reignite the feelings, but he didnt want it. Last night, he was nervous around me, we talked about the relationship and rehashed it, but he didnt seem like he wanted to do anything for old times sake. He still has the cell phone and he still owes me money. He tells me he still cares about me and wants to be friends with me, but I dont know. I have no idea when I will see him again. He tells me he wants to be free to take care of his own stuff (artwork, paying bills, etc). I am pissed at his best friend Brian. I tried to get some advice from him to see how to get my ex back. We went out to dinner to discuss things and he came up with some stuff to tell me. The a**hole went and told my ex that I was calling him about him. What a jerk. I wasnt trying to know about the ex's life, just to see if possible to get him back. I am tired and want to give up on my life.

It has been over a month since our breakup. I am still upset about it, although not as bad as before. I still miss my ex-bf a lot. I have a lot of regrets about the relationship. I feel it was my fault that he broke up with me. I had lost my feelings for him in Feb., and since I had never had that happen to me with anybody, my first reaction was to push him away, avoid him, etc. He did a lot to try to get me to like him again, and he chased hard. Then at the end of this summer, he gave up and decided to break up with me. I was his second long term relationship. I was the first girl he ever dumped, considering most times when he did date, the relationships did not last long, and the girls dumped him instead. Part of that hurts me real bad because I would think that if he had been constantly dumped by other women, he would understand how it would feel to be me, to be dumped by him. Also, he is a compassionate soul. He shoud understand that things can be worked out, feelings can be rekindled. I did not speak to him for over three weeks. Then yesterday, I called him at work to get some pain meds back from him. He was cordial and friendly to me on the phone. He told me that I could come down by his place last night. I was surprised and was happy about it. I went down last night for about three hours. Am I pissed about the whole thing of going down to see the ex, yes and no. I realize that yes I still do love him, but it isnt as intense as it was before. Him dumping me hurts and I would like to have him back (if I had to be honest, would be gratification of my ego - I did not like being dumped by a guy who was always dumped by other women - I am the first girl he has ever dumped). Now that hurt. I do want him back because he is one of the nicest guys I ever dated. He never went out of his way to hurt me. Always took care of me as best he could, was there for me always, courteous, etc. Perfect gentlemen. He put a lot of effort into the relationship. I know that because I had lost my feelings in Feb, and he tried hard to get them back for me, after Feb, he chased me hard, but I lost interest, until he dumped me. Then it felt like the world fell in around me. We shared little in common, he liked toys and video games and childlike things. I liked adult things like going out to eat, traveling, etc. I did the whole thing wrong last night. I ended up trying to convince him to come back to me. That didnt work. At first, I tried to be nice and do the hang out routinel. When I first got there we talked about how we had been doing and then I asked him if he wanted to play a computer game because he likes that kind of stuff. He said no. He didnt want to go out to eat either. He frustrated me so much because I wanted to be nice and do the stuff we used to do that HE liked. I tried to convince him to give me a second chance. He doesnt want to because he doesnt see any hope in it. Did I cry about it, nope. I should have been strong and told him to his face, that I dont need him, etc. Should have acted like a b*tch to him and told him that I didnt care, then maybe he would come back. Dont understand him. He has been in my shoes many times being dumped by girls all the time. Now he had to go and be the dumper, he should know how it feels. I know he is one of the most compassionate guy I ever met. I still cant believe I threw him away. If I had not changed my feelings for him in Feb., we could still have been together. I wish my feelings had not changed. I had never had that happen to me before with anybody. I loved him so much in the beginning. Then one day in Feb, I took a look at him and realized that everything he did drove me nuts and I couldnt stand him. Tonight, when I hung out with him, some of the stuff that he was doing, was irritating like of old. Even when my feelings changed, he tried to be there for me always, taking care of me, hoping to regain my love. It was only after I treated him like crap because I didnt know how to deal with my loss of feelings, that he dumped me. He is going to a Halloween party this weekend with a bunch of Faire people. I should try to talk to the guy who is having the party and get myself invited. I need to meet people and find a new bf, preferably someone HE knows, that way he can see how it feels to be shafted. I dont understand how I could do this, lose my feelings for one guy. We shared little in common but he truly did love me at first and he always treated me as a woman should be. He lavished time, attention, and gifts to the best of his ability. I was just used to a certain way of life and he couldnt give me that because he wasnt used to it, and because he made so much less than I did. I am healing because I am not as mad about the situation as I was about three weeks ago. Even though I saw him last night, I am sad about it, but I am not completely heartbroken about it. I didnt think it would work last night, when I drove down there but I gave it the good old college try. Also, I wanted to see him again. I do miss him a lot. I am trying to move on by getting involved in other things and meeting new people and hopefully finding a new bf. How does one move on and not feel sad about it??? Even though I am trying to move on, I still feel sad about this one, and there are a lot of regrets.

Well, I am back. Am I pissed about the whole thing of going down to see the ex, yes and no. I realize that yes I still do love him, but it isnt as intense as it was before. Him dumping me hurts and I would like to have him back (if I had to be honest, would be gratification of my ego - I did not like being dumped by a guy who was always dumped by other women - I am the first girl he has ever dumped). Now that hurt. I do want him back because he is one of the nicest guys I ever dated. He never went out of his way to hurt me. Always took care of me as best he could, was there for me always, courteous, etc. Perfect gentlemen. He put a lot of effort into the relationship. I know that because I had lost my feelings in Feb, and he tried hard to get them back for me, after Feb, he chased me hard, but I lost interest, until he dumped me. Then it felt like the world fell in around me. We shared little in common, he liked toys and video games and childlike things. I liked adult things like going out to eat, traveling, etc. I did the whole thing wrong tonight. At first we talked about how we were doing in our lives, work, etc. I then told him that I brought my laptop down and we could play a computer game like we used to. He didnt want to. I asked him if he wanted to go out to eat, he didnt want to either. He seemed nervous around me in the beginning. I tried to work my charm on him and do things with him that he would like to do, but he didnt want to. I ended up trying to convince him to come back to me. That didnt work. I tried to convince him to give me a second chance. He doesnt want to because he doesnt see any hope in it. Did I cry about it, nope. I should have been strong and told him to his face, that I dont need him, etc. Should have acted like a b*tch to him and told him that I didnt care, then maybe he would come back. Dont understand him. He has been in my shoes many times being dumped by girls all the time. Now he had to go and be the dumper, he should know how it feels. I know he is one of the most compassionate guy I ever met. I still cant believe I threw him away. If I had not changed my feelings for him in Feb., we could still have been together. I wish my feelings had not changed. I had never had that happen to me before with anybody. I loved him so much in the beginning. Then one day in Feb, I took a look at him and realized that everything he did drove me nuts and I couldnt stand him. Tonight, when I hung out with him, some of the stuff that he was doing, was irritating like of old. Even when my feelings changed, he tried to be there for me always, taking care of me, hoping to regain my love. It was only after I treated him like crap because I didnt know how to deal with my loss of feelings, that he dumped me. He is going to a Halloween party this weekend with a bunch of Faire people. I should try to talk to the guy, since I do know the guy from Faire, who is having the party and get myself invited. I need to meet people and find a new bf, preferably someone HE knows, that way he can see how it feels to be shafted. I dont understand how I could do this, lose my feelings for one guy. We shared little in common but he truly did love me at first and he always treated me as a woman should be. He lavished time, attention, and gifts to the best of his ability. I was just used to a certain way of life and he couldnt give me that because he wasnt used to it, and because he made so much less than I did. I also could not stand his childlike nature and the fact that he lived at home with parents that treated him like he was a little kid. He still has the cell. I dont care anymore. I am most likely going to move to LA soon to get away from all this crap. I need to find a new bf to get away from all this. He says he doesnt want to push me out of his life and he still wants me to be his friend. I am not sure if I believe that anymore. He was nice but put up a wall with me tonight. He hung out with me for about 3 hours. We rehashed the relationship. I ended up trying to plead with him for a second chance. Bad move. I am going to help out with the guinea pig rescue this Sat, just to forget about this mess. I need to try to make new friends and find a new bf soon.

juicyfruitmama, I monitor his phone usage very much. Plus he is an honest, nice, upright guy. I have dated him for two years and never has he really taken advantage of me and my generosity. The reason for our breakup was due to: 1) my insecure nature; 2) my attachment to my best friend; 3) the fact that we had very little in common. He has had the phone for over a month and he has used only fifteen of my day minutes. I check phone records on a daily basis because I wanted to see if he was seeing another woman. Also, he doesnt get off work till 6 PM and my free minutes start at 7 PM. I think he may have found a new gf from how long he calls a particular number for. Well, I am back. Am I pissed about the whole thing of going down to see the ex, yes and no. I realize that yes I still do love him, but it isnt as intense as it was before. Him dumping me hurts and I would like to have him back (if I had to be honest, would be gratification of my ego - I did not like being dumped by a guy who was always dumped by other women - I am the first girl he has ever dumped). Now that hurt. I do want him back because he is one of the nicest guys I ever dated. He never went out of his way to hurt me. Always took care of me as best he could, was there for me always, courteous, etc. Perfect gentlemen. He put a lot of effort into the relationship. I know that because I had lost my feelings in Feb, and he tried hard to get them back for me, after Feb, he chased me hard, but I lost interest, until he dumped me. Then it felt like the world fell in around me. We shared little in common, he liked toys and video games and childlike things. I liked adult things like going out to eat, traveling, etc. I did the whole thing wrong tonight. I ended up trying to convince him to come back to me. That didnt work. I tried to convince him to give me a second chance. He doesnt want to because he doesnt see any hope in it. Did I cry about it, nope. I should have been strong and told him to his face, that I dont need him, etc. Should have acted like a b*tch to him and told him that I didnt care, then maybe he would come back. Dont understand him. He has been in my shoes many times being dumped by girls all the time. Now he had to go and be the dumper, he should know how it feels. I know he is one of the most compassionate guy I ever met. I still cant believe I threw him away. If I had not changed my feelings for him in Feb., we could still have been together. I wish my feelings had not changed. I had never had that happen to me before with anybody. I loved him so much in the beginning. Then one day in Feb, I took a look at him and realized that everything he did drove me nuts and I couldnt stand him. Tonight, when I hung out with him, some of the stuff that he was doing, was irritating like of old. Even when my feelings changed, he tried to be there for me always, taking care of me, hoping to regain my love. It was only after I treated him like crap because I didnt know how to deal with my loss of feelings, that he dumped me. He is going to a Halloween party this weekend with a bunch of Faire people. I should try to talk to the guy who is having the party and get myself invited. I need to meet people and find a new bf, preferably someone HE knows, that way he can see how it feels to be shafted. I dont understand how I could do this, lose my feelings for one guy. We shared little in common but he truly did love me at first and he always treated me as a woman should be. He lavished time, attention, and gifts to the best of his ability. I was just used to a certain way of life and he couldnt give me that because he wasnt used to it, and because he made so much less than I did. He still has the cell. I dont care anymore. I am most likely going to move to LA soon to get away from all this crap.

I am not sure what I am expecting to happen. I dont want to discuss relationship. I do want to maybe hang out with him. I have no idea how he is going to react to me. Part of me is afraid to do this. I havent seen him in over three weeks. I am going to dress up a bit and look nice. Is that a good idea?

Well, I went and called the ex. He has my bottle of prescription pain medication. I suffer from degenerative disk disorder and have pain meds for that. I left my bottle over there so that when i was over there over the summer, if I need to take pain meds for the pain, I had them there. I called him at work, he was courteous with me and seemed happy to hear from me. He asked me how I was doing. I told him I was doing fine, busy as hell, meeting new friends and doing stuff with a guinea pig rescue. I then told him that the weather was changing and that I needed my pain pills back. I told him he could keep the phone for the time being, and that I had to talk to him about the money he owed me. He was ok with that, and he reiterated that all he had been using was my free night and weekend minutes. I think he is afraid that I want my phone back. I then asked him when I could get my pills. He told me that I could come down tonight and get the pills back, since his parents were out of town. He told me that he had to pack tonight. I think he is going somewhere over the weekend. He then told me he had to go. I hope I am not opening up a can of worms by doing this. People tell me I should dress up before going down there to see him. Do you guys think I am setting myself up for disaster????

Well, I went and called the ex. He has my bottle of prescription pain medication. I suffer from degenerative disk disorder and have pain meds for that. I left my bottle over there so that when i was over there over the summer, if I need to take pain meds for the pain, I had them there. I called him at work, he was courteous with me and seemed happy to hear from me. He asked me how I was doing. I told him I was doing fine, busy as hell, meeting new friends and doing stuff with a guinea pig rescue. I then told him that the weather was changing and that I needed my pain pills back. I told him he could keep the phone for the time being, and that I had to talk to him about the money he owed me. He was ok with that, and he reiterated that all he had been using was my free night and weekend minutes. I think he is afraid that I want my phone back. I then asked him when I could get my pills. He told me that I could come down tonight and get the pills back, since his parents were out of town. He told me that he had to pack tonight. I think he is going somewhere over the weekend. He then told me he had to go. I hope I am not opening up a can of worms by doing this. People tell me I should dress up before going down there to see him.

With me, after he told me that he wanted to break up with me, I talked to him about 10 days after breakup to ask him if I could see him. He was kinda distant to me but he let me come hang with him and his buddy. Unfortuanetly, we got into a drunken fight that Sat night. I didnt see him again for a week. That next Sat, I saw him at a Faire and he was scared of me and avoided me for awhile, but then talked to me for about 20 minutes. Told me he needed a lot of time and space from me and that there was no hope for relationship. That was two weeks ago. He still has my cell phone as well as my bottle of pain pills. I suffer from degenerative disk problems in my upper spine and with the advent of winter, and the coldness of the weather, I need those pills back. The cell phone he can keep for the time being. I strongly suspect he is seeing someone right now since I keep track of his phone calls and he has been calling a certain number every night for long periods of time. Number belongs to a guy who has two daughters, one is married one isn't. I know them from Faire. Not sure what to do. Part of me wants to take the phone back so that he cant get so easily in contact with her. My ex lives at home and his parent balk at him using the home phone a lot. Not sure yet.

Just curious. If one was dumped, how long did people wait to contact their ex to say hi, or whatever, and how was the outcome???? Good?? Bad??? Just want people's input about their breakups and what it led them to do. Also how did ex react? Trying to learning about relationships and breakups

Things have gotten a bit weirder. Tonight I picked up my best friend from work and took him home. Lately, he has been having me pick him up from work and take him home so we can have a chance to talk. He is moving to CA the first week of Nov. Tonight, he cried to me and begged me to come with him out there since he doesnt think his bf will come with him. This is the opportunity of a lifetime for him. He wants me to be out there with him because he is afraid of going at this alone, in a new place, by himself. At least with me, I have family out there and I grew up out there. I am so torn. I am going to be so sad when my best friend leaves, but the fact that he asked me to come out there with him because he needed me, tears me up inside. I want to be there so much for my best friend, but I am so scared. My best friend is a good person but he tends to lean on me to do things for him like pick him up, take him places, etc. He can somewhat be a user too, and he has a terrible temper. I dont know what to do. Part of me wants to stay here and see if I can rekindle something with my ex. Part of me wants to go out to CA with my best friend and see how things go out there. I need to break away from my best friend and have my own life too and have a normal relationship with a guy that isnt clouded by my feelings for my best friend. I am sorry I am ranting.

Novaseeker, I do agree with you, things do get better in time. I am starting to feel a little better concerning the ex. I have stopped crying about him every night. I still miss him a lot but am REALLY afraid to go down and see him since might open a can of worms in terms of my feelings for him. As for the best friend, he is moving away in about two weeks. My ex knows he is moving away because I told him that the last time I saw him, two weeks ago. I know the letter is a complicated thing. I have had people tell me on here that writing letters to the ex can push them away even further. Is it better to just go and confront the ex to tell them how you feel and how you think you can change things???? after a suitable amount of time has passed???? Some of this stuff is better told face to face, but I am afraid to do that. I hear horror stories about writing letters or confronting. Doing nothing is another option but now, with the moving away of my best friend, I feel so empty inside. I want someone in my life. The ex did have a hard time with my best friend. He felt, and he told me that my friendship with my best friend and the fact that I let my best friend's decisions and judgement overrride my ex's judgements and decisions, led him to lose his feelings for me and want to end the relatioship with me. If he sees that my best friend is gone and that I am still around, do you think he might be willing to reconsider his decision???? I am very afraid that he may have found a new gf, I dont know. From his phone records, it would seem like he might have. I still dont know what happened to the letter that I sent his mom, havent heard from her, but I didnt leave her a number to call either. Havent tried to call the house yet either.

No, my most recent ex was not homophobic. He had friends that were gay and he was involved in the furry community that had a lot of gays involved. My ex identified himself with being a skunk. He was an artist that loved to draw amopomorphic pictures with him as a human form of a skunk. He likes to wear a large felt "skunk tail" attached his belt, a lot of times in public. That bothered me sometimes. He goes to stuff like furry con and stuff like that. At first my ex was ok with me being friends with my gay best friend, but a lot times my best friend wanted me to do stuff with them and hang with them. It also didnt help that my best friend and his bf did not like my ex at all. My ex also did not like the fact that I had some physical tie to my best friend and his ex. Part of me still loves my best friend, that is why I sometimes spend time with him. I still find my best friend easier to confide in. No, I dont think I have ever gotten over my best friend's revelation to me. He was the first person I ever fell in love with, and part of me still loves him a lot. I just can't have him because he has a bf and because I dont think he likes me that way. He does care for me as a friend and a sister. Sometimes, I felt as though he never broke up with me and he still has feelings for me. He does enjoy being around me whenever he can, which is not often. There are some times I wish I could meld the characteristics of my best friend and my ex together into one person. I know that for me in order to grow and to actually find a relationship and keep one, I am going to have to let go of my best friend. In many ways, I compare most potential new bfs to my best friend. Part of me did that with my current ex and he hated that. Now that my best friend is leaving, it will be time for me to let him go and go on with my life. It is very hard for me to do that because my best friend has been in my life for over 10 years, but it has to be done. I just wish that my ex could be in my life right now because it would make the transition easier. Maybe when he does find out that I have let my best friend go, and dissolved the relationship that held us all together, then my ex will come back. I am not sure. I am not sure of anything. I miss my ex so much.

My best friend was my first bf. I met him in college through some mutual friends who set us up. I fell in love with him, he was ok with me, leaned on me a lot for support to get through college. We dated through college and was a couple. But, never had "sex" in the real sense, we messed around a bit. I found that odd, but I grew up very sheltered and so did my friends, so I didnt fuss about that a lot. I graduated a year earlier than he did. He asked me to stay out here for him and wait for him to graduate ( I loved him a lot so I stayed out here instead of moving back home to CA). Three months after he graduated, he told me he was gay and he wanted a bf (I still remember the day he told me this). I was devastated, but he did not want me out of his life, he told me he needed me so I stuck around. He did find a bf. The bf did not like me at all. Bf wanted me out of my best friend's life, did everything he could to push me out of his life. My best friend loved his bf and would do anything for him, except push me out of his life. He needed me to be there for him. It was a hellish few years. Finally the bf accepted me around and they were a couple and I was their sidekick. After a few years of that (about 5 years), I decided I wanted a relationship on my own with a bf of my own. I didnt want to let go of my best friend and he wanted me around too. So, I went on my own, met people, and finally met my ex. I loved my ex because he was so good to me and he wanted to spend all the time with me unlike my best friend who wanted me around but had to watch out for what his bf wanted and his bf did not let him spend a lot of time with me. Wanted my best friend and his bf to meet my ex. They took an instant disliking to him (my best friend and his bf are successful, career, yuppie types), my ex is a kidlike punk. My best friend's bf hated my ex, so we never hung out again as a group. I loved my ex but he wanted always to be with me. There were times I wanted to see my best friend but it was hard since only time I could hang with best friend was on Friday nights, but my ex would usually come up on Friday night by train to stay weekend with me. Easiest way for him to come up was come up right after work. I am not moving out there with my best friend. I am just scared a lot right now, and my best friend crying on my shoulders, ruminating over his decision doesnt help me a lot. I was the ex was still with me. I miss him too. Tonight is a bad night, miss everybody.

So, how do people get over those times when missing the ex is so freaking overpowering????? I want so much to go and see him tonight. I miss him so much. Echo, I know I am trying to "mother" him. It is hard for me to experience life on his level. He loves to play computer games, hang out with his buddies, drink and smoke, play with toys, etc. It isnt as though as he isn't smart. He loves to read, mostly science fiction. When he puts his mind to it, he actually can have a decent conversation with you. The problem is that most adults put him down, write him off, etc., because of the way he acts, the way he dresses, what he likes to do, to the point that he doesnt care and will do things the way he wants. In the beginning of our relationship, I did a lot of things for him and I took care him, and was there for him. He liked that alot because I treated him well, and his parents liked it because I kept him out of trouble and I was a well-rounded, successful, independent career woman. It is hard for me to see him as an adult, although he does have adult tastes. He likes porn and he is also very affectionate and sexual, something that I liked (not the porn). I found that the only way I could relate to him was by mothering him. I did try to do things on his level by hanging with his friends and playing computer games, but that was hard on me. He did pursue me when i started pulling away. MOst of the relationship, he was kind, nice, treated me like a lady, bought me gifts on holidays and birthdays, spent a lot of time with. He would be everybody's perfect bf, except for his peculiar likes and dislikes, his way of dressing up, and some of his behaviors. As for the letter, I might rewrite it sometime this week, and shape it according to the ideas you guys suggested on here. I think I know how to write it, write it as me wanting him in my life, but not needing him. It might be too soon to write the letter, but I also dont want him to forget me. Right now, I am scared, dont know where to turn to. I saw my best friend tonight. He is scared of moving away from here from his boyfriend and from me. He wishes we could go with him. He cried to me tonight. I am so torn. I want to go to CA with my best friend. I am still so in love with him, but I can never have him. He is gay and he has a bf. My best friend wants me to go out with him so he can have someone there that he knows. He has always had me around and his bf, at least for the last 7 years. I dont know what to do. Maybe I should move back to CA. My family lives there, can start my life anew, forget about my ex-bf who lives out here and all the memories that are in my apt and in the city. I am scared, lonely. In two weeks my best friend will be gone. No more stopping by his house to say "hi", taking him to work, picking him up, hanging out with him on Friday nights ,etc. The loss of my ex bf, and now my best friend scares the CRAP out of me.

Originally, he offered to give me back my phone when I last saw him two weeks ago at a Faire, but I care about him and I know that he needs to have a cell phone to keep in touch with friends, so I let him keep the phone for the time being. He is good about only using my free night and weekend minutes, so it doesnt really affect my bill. I also wanted another chance to see him as well as keep tabs on who he might be calling.

Right now, I am not sure if I am going to write the letter or not. Today, I seemed to have really missed him. I then went online and found that he had been using a lot of my free night minutes the last few days, calling the same number. The number belongs to a guy I know from Faire. He has two daughters living at home. One is married. The other isn's (not sure if the other has a bf or not). That worries me. But then the ex is also friends with the guy. TOday, I really miss him, really want to see him. Using all my willpower not to drive down to see him. Sometimes, I want to throw caution to the wind and just go drive down to see him. Should not be like that. How do people get over those times when missing the ex is so freaking overpowering?????

Smallworld, thanks for your input. I went and reread your emails to me and the chat I had with you. I forgot what you said and how I was supposed to approach this subject by explaining to him what I did wrong and how I helped to destroy the relationship, addressing those issues, and then acknowledging how I plan to do things if they go wrong. Besides me losing my feelings and reacting in a stupid way to him, the other reason why this relationship was doomed, was my attachment to my best friend. I wanted to explain in the letter that my best friend is moving away and I am staying behind. I am letting him go and allowing myself to be able to commit to relationship with the ex should he really want to go at it again. I am not sure if I want to send him a letter now. I am kinda scared. I do want him back but not sure if I want him back for the right reasons. I am not sure if I DID get him back, would I get tired of him again. I just feel very hurt that even a guy who had been dumped by a lot of girls would actually go and dump ME. In a way, it is a blow to my ego. I probably will never understand why my feelings changed for him just like that, and I know I reacted to the change in feelings in a stupid way that hurt him a lot. Right now I am very scared, my best friend is leaving within two weeks. After he moves, I will be left all alone here. I think that may be the driving force to why I want a reconciliation with my ex. At the emotional state I am in right now, I am ready to compromise my tastes and my feelings to keep the ex in my life. I am willing to jump into it even though I know that most of the stuff my ex likes, I really am not into. I just feel very vulnerable, alone and scared right now. Not good to send letter I suppose. I may rewrite letter, have you guys take another look, and maybe send it then. Not sure. Sometimes, I just feel like throwing caution to the wind and going down to my ex's and having a "talk" with him. But the rational side of me knows that is not the right thing to do. It is hard to sit by and do nothing.

Novaseeker, when you say try to get him back, what you are meaning is writing a condensed version of the letter that I originally posted. In my original letter, I wanted to tell him the reason behind why I ignored him and shuffled him on his friends. I wanted him also to know that I was dissolving my ties with T&D because that was one of the sore points of our relationship. My ex could not stand my attachment to T and my tie to D. That had a large effect of doing in our relationship. He also could not understand how I could after a year and half of pouring attention, love, money, time on him, how I could suddenly grow cold to him these last few months and spend less and less time on him, ever so much picking fights with him, etc. If I look in hindsight at my own actions (after reading advice columns on relationships), I could say that I was unconsciously trying to dump him since I was doing all the signs of a person who was about to dump their SO. Novaseeker, how would you suggest that I proactively get him back? I dont want to freak him out. I could try to call him, but I am afraid to do that. Havent talked to him in over two weeks. I need a game plan. And if you guys dont think writing letter is good, I wont for the time being. It is just that other people on this site suggested that I write a letter to him outlining what I did wrong, what I am sorry for, why I did the things I did, and asking him for a second chance. I am thoroughly confused about how to proceed with this.

I do agree with Beec that if you give someone mixed signals, one day you are hot, another day you are lukewarm, then yeah, you are going to have someone chasing you. That is what happened to me at first, but I wasnt really playing a game. My feelings for my ex changed, why I still dont know and I began to pull away from him, and that caused him to chase. I gave a lukewarm reception every so often and it drove him crazy and he chased harder. Unfortuanetly, my ex broke up with me too, because he could sense that, at the time, I really didnt seem like I wanted to continue a relationship with him.

Then what is a good letter??? I want to appeal to his emotions and how he felt for me once so that he can maybe give me a chance at a relationship. I did a lot wrong in this whole thing. Want to make things right.