renaissancewoman101

My main reason for composing a letter is that a few posters on enotalone suggested to me that it would be a good idea to write him a letter telling him that I am sorry for what I did wrong and that I want to right my wrongs, so as to get a second chance and/or to clear the air. I am not sure what the right thing to do is. I am scared about what to do. If I wait, he will move on and maybe find a new gf (if he hasnt already). I will probably see him again since he still has my cell phone and he still owes me about $1500, which I will have to work out with him how he is gonna pay that back.

Novaseeker, his main complaints lately is that I don't do anything he likes and that I don't spend any time with him anymore. This whole summer as well as a few months before that, I was going through a lot of turmoil in my life. I tend to try and deal with problems myself and not involve others. As a result, I pulled away from him, shoved him off on his friends, and spent very little time with him. He got scared by that and chased me hard. I had also lost my feelings for him and that scared me a lot. The weird thing is last year, almost to the same week and month, my ex took a week break from me because he said he lost his feelings for me. At that time, he said I was too clingy to him, to smothering, and that he could not handle my attachment to my two friends. As for liking the stuff he does, I dont like a lot of the stuff he does. He likes to play computer games a lot. I suck at them and feel stupid when I play them. He also likes to do LAN parties with his friends. I dont tell him that he cant do that, this year I let him do it as much as he wanted to. I just didnt want to join them, and I think he was hurt by that. He does like to go see movies, which I like too. He also plays Magic the Gathering, which I am ambivalent about. He loves toys, collects and plays with Star Wars stuff, Transformers, etc. He also drinks a lot and smokes. He spends most of his money on that stuff. In our relationship, he has always put me first, and his friends knew that and didnt care. It was just that when I lost my feelings for him and began to resent him, I got scared and ran from him. I was wrong. Sometimes, relationships are not perfect and I have to accept that. We all have stuff we want to and dont want to do in a relationship. In order to make a relationship work, there has to be sacrifices made on both side. He mad the sacrifices this year. I DIDNT He did a lot of the stuff I wanted him to do, even though it didnt always make him happy, but he did it. No, I am not out to change him. I try to tolerate the way he dresses and the way he acts in public, although at times, it is very trying. His main reason for dumping me is because I pretty much ignored him these last few months and made him feel like I didnt care anymore. From what he told me once, he felt like I had dumped him and moved on, but didnt really "dump" him per se. I know I took him for granted and dumped a lot of crap on him. I should not have done that. I regret that a lot. I am not sure how else to go about this. My ex is afraid to see me, mainly because I flipped out on him about a month ago. I had gone down to hang with him and his buddy. This is about two weeks after we broke up. That night I got drunk and had a nasty fight with the ex. My ex doesnt deal well with people who flip out on him. His last gf of three months, flipped out on him and dumped him w/o reason. I did not mean to get so mad at him that night, but my emotions were high and drinking didnt help it all. After that night, the next time I ran into my ex, he was afraid to talk to me. I also like being in this relationship because his family accepted me so much. HIs mom thought I was the best thing that ever happened to him. Last year when he took a break from me, I freaked and called his mom. Only reason I had called her was because about two weeks before he took a break from me, his mom took me aside, gave me an expensive gift and told me that they all liked me, was glad I was in my ex's life, and that he loved me a lot. She also told me that she thought I was a good influence in his life, unlike the other losers he had dated in the past (of all his past gfs, I am the only one with a stable job, living on my own, owning a car, driving, and investing my money). My ex's mom liked me a lot. I know she did not want us to break up. THat my ex did confess to me. I ended up writing a letter to his mom about this situation and sent it late last week. I have no idea how to approach him now. The last time I saw him was two weeks ago at a Ren Faire. His first reaction was to freak out that I was there because he thought I came to raise hell in public with him. After he calmed down, he talked to me for about 20 minutes. He was very nervous around me and kept looking away and looking at other women and commenting on them. He told me that he did not know what to do with our relationship, that my actions caused him to lose his feelings for me, and that he didnt want to try again. The only thing that caught his attention was when I told him that I was severing my ties with T&D and that I was going to dissolve my agreement with D. When I said that, he looked at me and said. "why didnt you tell me this earlier in the summer that you were planning to do that????" as if though, if I had told him I was going to do that, he might not have broken up with me. He then said it wouldnt change anything, but his first reaction surprised me. I dont know when I will see him again. If I see him again, I could approach trying to play video games again. The only way I can talk to him or approach him is to drive two hours down to where he lives or where he works. His coworker tells me that he still talks about me at work (not sure if can trust coworker either), but I dont want him to flip out on me about me showing up. He told me that he needed a lot of time and space from me, but that he wasnt dropping me out of his life. He still has my cell phone of which I pay the bill. I let him keep the phone so that he could call people w/o having his parents breathing down his neck for using the home phone.

Myrddin, we have been apart for about a month. Last time I saw him was two weeks ago at a Ren Faire event. These last few months, I pushed him away because I lost my feelings for him. I realize now after the breakup how good he was to me. He is a very emotional and understanding guy. He has had many girls dump him. Most girls dump him. I am the only one that he has ever dumped. As for referring to T and D, my ex did not like my friendship with them, and I am telling him that I am letting them go. My ex was always jealous of them. The last time I saw my ex, I told them that I was planning to sever my ties with T&D and end the agreement I had with the both of them. When my ex heard that, he was like "why didnt I tell him that I was planning to do that earlier in the summer!!" From the way he said it, it seemed as though if he had knew I was planning to end my ties to the both of them, he might not have broken up with me. Simone Tiger, I am trying to acknowledge what I did wrong in the relationship and telling him that if he gives it another try, it wont happen again. Novaseeker, yes sending this letter is cathartic. I want to tell him how I feel. I also want another chance. I am emphasizing that my two friends who had great influence on me, and whom he did not like because he thought I had stronger feelings for T (who is also an ex of mines, but he is gay) than for him, are leaving. My ex thinks my relationship with my two friends had a great deal in destroying our own relationship. I also do not know how else to approach trying to get him back. His main complaints are that I dont do the stuff he likes, I wont open up to him, and I am so reliant on my two friends T&D, that I even put them first before him. I dont know how else to go about trying to get him back. He wants someone to share in the stuff he likes and hang out with his friends. In order to show him that I am willing, there has to be the opportunity for it. That is why I am writing this letter. Novaseeker, how would you go about it??? My ex is a mamma's boy who loves to live his life in the teenage world. He is very smart but he acts like a punk and adults dont always take him seriously.

I am sending the letter hoping to get a second chance at a relationship. I address what I did wrong to him, and am asking his forgiveness. I also want a second chance at this.

This is the letter I am planning to send to ex Dear , I hope things are going well for you and that life is treating you well. I wanted to write you this letter to explain some things to you about why I had been treating you the way I was for the last few months. Sometimes, the only way I can open up is by writing a letter. It helps me to put down my thoughts on paper. I do miss you a lot. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you. You mean a lot to me and I still love you very much. I should have said "I love you" more to you this summer. I do understand why you broke up with me even though it is very painful for me. I know I treated you badly these last few months, when all you wanted to do was be there for me. I was so preoccupied with my own self and my own problems that I failed to see that you were trying to be there for me and wanted me to share my problems with you so that you could share in them with me. Instead, I pushed you away, ignored you, and treated you badly. I am so sorry I did that. I did not respect your feelings at all. You did so much for me this year and I did so little for you in return. That was so wrong of me. I also took you for granted and thought you would always be there. I guess the phrase "you never know what you had until it is gone" is very appropriate. I did not come to appreciate your personality and your love for me until you were gone. In a way, I believe my treatment of you caused you to lose your feelings for me. Now I miss you like hell and I regret what I did. I wish I had taken the time to open up to you about my own demons that were plaguing me, the problems that were weighing heavily on me, and let you in on some of the things that were bothering me. I was afraid to let you in on my life because I didn't want to burden you and have you think I was weak or not in control of things. I wanted to make life happy for you, but in my preoccupation with my own life, I ignored you and pushed you away. I never wanted to put you on the back burner. You are one of the best things to ever happen to me in my life. I just have a problem trusting people. Part of that comes from being burned in the past. I am afraid of being a burden to people so I tend to shut people out when I have problems in my life, and try to deal with them myself. I also tend to isolate myself when I feel that life is overwhelming me. The last six months of our relationship, I felt so overwhelmed by my life's problems (my grandma's death, the abortion, the death of my guinea pigs, my problems with my parents, my money situation, the impending departure of my friends, etc) that I felt like I had nowhere to turn. I wanted so much to turn to you and let you in but I was afraid that you would leave me if you knew how unhappy and confusing my life was. You are one of the first people in my life who has actually taken an interest in my problems and being there for me, and that was so new to me. It scared me because not many people take the time to listen and be there for me. Most people expect me to be there for them.Yet, I did not take the time to appreciate that or the uniqueness of your life. I am so very sorry about that. All you did was try to be there for me. I wish I could have opened up to you. I was just so afraid of getting hurt. I have a hard time dealing with people who get close to me. I have had people get close to me and hurt me terribly. I fell in love with you over a year ago and I still love you a lot. Maybe that is why the memory of you still haunts me and makes me regret terribly what I have done to you. My feelings are still there for you and I wish could reawaken them in you. I love you a lot and I miss you so much. I know I should have taken the time to play computer games with you, share in stuff with you, hang out with you, etc. I was wrong in not doing that. You did all you could to be there for me and hang out with me doing the stuff I liked. I wasn't being fair to you and I am so sorry about that. I do like the stuff you do, I really do. I also enjoy Bristol a lot, but this year, I shut myself from everything, including you, because I felt that my problems were overwhelming me, driving me to distraction, to an inner torment that no one can understand but myself. I felt as though there were no solutions to my problems and there was no end in sight. I was so overwhelmed. I felt so beaten down and so unhappy that I just wanted to give up, curl up, and die. I felt there was no hope to my life, so I shut everybody out. I hung out a lot by myself during the times that I did not see you. I did not spend a lot of time with T either. I just isolated myself, praying and hoping that my problems would go away and that my life would get better. I should have taken the time to appreciate that you were willing to be by me and to help me in my life. All I had to do was ask, but I was a fool and decided to try and conquer life alone. In these last few weeks that I haven't seen you, I have missed you terribly. I feel so much remorse for doing you wrong. I hope you can forgive me. You were so good to me yet I pushed you away. I was so wrong for doing that and I regret it, for now I know what I have lost. I cannot get you out of my mind. You haunt my dreams, my thoughts, my emotions. I would do anything for another chance at our relationship, for I now know what I did wrong. You were always there for me and I shut myself away from you. I wish you could find it in your heart to forgive me and give me another chance. I can do you good, and I want to do good for you. That is why I let you keep the cell phone for the time being. I wanted to make life a bit more convenient for you and a cell phone helps you keep in touch with people. I want so much to be there for you and to walk down the path of life, hand in hand. I want to take care of you, like the way you tried to take care of me, share in the stuff you like and enjoy, and support you in the times that you fall or falter. Your breakup with me has caused me to re-evaluate my life. That is a good thing for I have come to the conclusion that I can live my life without T or D. They are moving to LA at the end of the month and I am not going with them. I am also dissolving my contract with D at the end of the month. I have gotten a lawyer and am working out a settlement with D so that I do get some money from this whole thing. I want out with them for now I know how much they have poisoned my life. I am staying here for the time being so that I can get my life together. I have also went and reached out to some people on Guinea Lynx. Just this past weekend, I was involved in a guinea pig rescue event and I met a lot of new people and made some new friends. Next weekend I will be gone at another guinea pig event with these people. I am moving on with my life, but I still feel empty and wish that I could move on with you. You still mean the world to me, and will always hold a special place in my heart.

Thanks for all your support. I DID NOT go down to the Faire to surprise him. I ended up going to visit my friend who is preparing to move to CA. I spent about two hours talking to him about his decision and he listened to me about my problems with my ex and gave me some advice on what to do. He thinks that once he is out of the picture that my ex may resurface. My ex does not like my best friend (the gay guy) because he thinks my heart lies with my best friend and also he feels as though he cant compete with my best friend. My best friend has a good job, owns a house, has a car, and has a lot of money invested. I will try to work on the letter to my ex tonight and then email it to sombody on this board to read and get some opinions about. I love this board and the people on it. You guys are great at encouragement and getting through the tough times. I do miss my ex, but talking to my best friend helped to take the edge off missing my ex.

Anne24, I want him back so bad because I miss him. Also, he treated me well. He was always there for me, made time for me, bought me little gifts, did things with me, would talk to me about feelings, etc., and he was very affectionate with me. I did not like his childlike nature and his love of video games, stuffed animals, toys, etc., but I am willing to overlook that to keep a relationship with someone who treated me so well. He was always attentive to me, made me first in his life, etc. I got tired of that and pushed him away. I regret that a lot for I never knew how good I had it. After reading a lot of people's postings on here, I realize my ex treated me a lot better than some of the exs on here, and yet the posters want them back. He was a teenager in an adult body.

I have a chance to run into the ex today. Should I take it. He is going to be at a very small Ren Faire within a hour drive from me today. This is a small Faire with about 7 vendor booths and very few patrons. Last weekend they had the same ren faire at the same place and people were complaining about the lack of patrons going there. I miss him so much and I want to see him, but I am afraid. The last time I saw him, he told me that he wanted A LOT of time and space away from me. I sent a letter to his mom telling her how much I loved him and how sorry I am for taking him for granted and ignoring him. I also told her that I would love to have a second chance with her son. She should have gotten letter this weekend. People on here have told me that I should write a letter to him but I am so afraid to. I dont know how he will take it. As for today, if I go to the Faire, I will stick out and he will notice me. The last time he saw me at another Faire, his first reaction was avoidance and run away from me, then he did have a chat with me. I dont know what to do?? Afraid that if I do see him, I may push him away further. Right now, my hopes are pinned on his co-worker whom I talked to last week. He tells me that my ex hasnt found a new girlfriend and he still talks about me a lot at work. His co-worker thinks my ex misses me. I hope the co-worker isnt lying to me and/or telling the ex everything I have told him. I have been trying to keep busy this last few days. Yesterday, I went and helped out at a guinea pig rescue event. Next weekend I will be gone helping out at the same event. I try to forget about him but things bring back memories and I cry. Yesterday, as I drove the two hour drive home, I cried about him. I cannot get him out of my mind. We broke up over a month ago. I hope he still remembers me and thinks of me at times. After this time, my chances of seeing him are going to be slim since I have no idea what he will be doing for the rest of the year. He lives two hours from me and we dont have common friends. Only way to see him after this, is to go down by his house and wait for him to come home, although he doesnt always come home right after work, or else I go and wait for him to get off work.

I know, that's what I am afraid of. I kind of regret doing it after I did it. Although talking to Jean gave me a ray of hope in an otherwise bleak existence. I talked to Jean because I wanted hope, hope that there was still a chance with this relationship. I love my ex a lot and I miss him terribly. I have not tried to contact him since I saw him at the Faire two weeks ago. I have written his mother and called Jean. That is it. I dont know what to do. I dont want to lose hope, that is why I reach out the way I do. I also dont want to sound like I am pestering him, so I am giving him space and not contacting him. Is what I am doing so wrong? If he wants space and time, I give it to him, but I try to find out in roundabout ways, whether there is any hope to this. I guess I could try calling him again in a week or so, but I dont want to be pushing him to get mad at me or anything like that. I dont know what to do. Some people say NC if I completely want it over. SOme people say minimal contact just to say hi, etc. to show I still care and hoping for the best. I want the best but still want to give him his space and time right now. I am afraid if I push too hard, he will run.

I am really bad. After yesterday when I said to myself that I can go on and not worry about the ex, and I signed up to go away this weekend to help a guinea pig rescue group, I fell off the wagon. This morning, I was missing my ex and thinking about him at work. Work has been slow for a while so a lot of time on my hands. I miss him so much, want things to work out so much, etc. Yesterday, I had sent the letter to his mom telling her how much I missed her son and wanted to work things out. People on here say I should also send my ex a letter telling him how sorry I am and how much I want to work things out and that I love him, etc. I havent worked out sending him a letter yet, because when I saw him last about 2 weeks ago, he told me that he needed a lot of time and space from me, so I am trying to respect that. I knew that his boss wasnt going to be at work today because it is a Jewish holiday and she is Jewish. So, I knew it was just going to be my ex and his co-worker. My ex's co-worker is a 45 year old gay man and his name is Jean. He is really fun to talk to. When I was still going out with the ex, I would always stop by to pick him up from work and I would talk to his boss and Jean. He knows me and always likes to chat with me whenever I would call for my ex. I decided to have a friend of mines call my ex's work and ask for Jean. When the guy got on the phone, I took the phone from my friend and talked to him. At first Jean didnt recognize me on the phone, but when he did, he was exuberantly happy to talk to me, he was like "hey girl, how you been" and he mentioned my name. I quickly asked him if my ex was there and if he was in the vicinity and he told me he was there but not to worry, that he was in the stockroom getting inventory. I then asked Jean if he knew that my ex had broken up with me. Jean told me that my ex had told them about it. My ex has a tendency to talk about his home life at work, all the time. I then went and asked Jean how my ex was doing, did he talk about me at work anymore, does he seem to miss me, does he have another gf, and did Jean think my ex and I could get back together????? Jean laughed when I asked if my ex had another gf and he said "your ex, yeah right". Jean also told me that my ex still talked about me at work, mostly about stuff that we had done before. Jean thinks my ex still misses me, and he thought my ex and I could get back together. I then asked Jean if I stopped by my ex's work in the next week or two to say "hi", did he think my ex would flip out. Jean said "no, and that my ex might probably like it" since he still thinks my ex misses me. I have no idea whether to believe Jean or not. I am also afraid that he might tell my ex that I called and everything I told him. I dont trust him that well, and I have no idea if my ex was there listening to everything or not. Do you guys think what I did could have sunk me even more? I havent talked to the ex in over two weeks. Still keeping NC, but trying to find out stuff in sneaky ways.

I am really bad. After yesterday when I said to myself that I can go on and not worry about the ex, and I signed up to go away this weekend to help a guinea pig rescue group, I fell off the wagon. This morning, I was missing my ex and thinking about him at work. Work has been slow for a while so a lot of time on my hands. I miss him so much, want things to work out so much, etc. Yesterday, I had sent the letter to his mom telling her how much I missed her son and wanted to work things out. People on here say I should also send my ex a letter telling him how sorry I am and how much I want to work things out and that I love him, etc. I havent worked out sending him a letter yet, because when I saw him last about 2 weeks ago, he told me that he needed a lot of time and space from me, so I am trying to respect that. I knew that his boss wasnt going to be at work today because it is a Jewish holiday and she is Jewish. So, I knew it was just going to be my ex and his co-worker. My ex's co-worker is a 45 year old gay man and his name is Jean. He is really fun to talk to. When I was still going out with the ex, I would always stop by to pick him up from work and I would talk to his boss and Jean. He knows me and always likes to chat with me whenever I would call for my ex. I decided to have a friend of mines call my ex's work and ask for Jean. When the guy got on the phone, I took the phone from my friend and talked to him. At first Jean didnt recognize me on the phone, but when he did, he was exuberantly happy to talk to me, he was like "hey girl, how you been" and he mentioned my name. I quickly asked him if my ex was there and if he was in the vicinity and he told me he was there but not to worry, that he was in the stockroom getting inventory. I then asked Jean if he knew that my ex had broken up with me. Jean told me that my ex had told them about it. My ex has a tendency to talk about his home life at work, all the time. I then went and asked Jean how my ex was doing, did he talk about me at work anymore, does he seem to miss me, does he have another gf, and did Jean think my ex and I could get back together????? Jean laughed when I asked if my ex had another gf and he said "your ex, yeah right". Jean also told me that my ex still talked about me at work, mostly about stuff that we had done before. Jean thinks my ex still misses me, and he thought my ex and I could get back together. I then asked Jean if I stopped by my ex's work in the next week or two to say "hi", did he think my ex would flip out. Jean said "no, and that my ex might probably like it" since he still thinks my ex misses me. I have no idea whether to believe Jean or not. I am also afraid that he might tell my ex that I called and everything I told him. I dont trust him that well, and I have no idea if my ex was there listening to everything or not. Do you guys think what I did could have sunk me even more? I havent talked to the ex in over two weeks. Still keeping NC, but trying to find out stuff in sneaky ways.

It is hard to be able to lean on my best friend. He is in the middle of a move that is going to affect his life and his own personal love relationship permanently. My best friend has a bf who does not allow me to see my best friend all that much. There is so much turmoil going on there too. My best friend is moving to CA, his bf isnt and my friend is afraid of leaving w/o him. I have talked to him on and off, but he is too preoccupied to give me much advice. As for my ex, part of our relationship demise, was my fault. I had suddenly lost a lot of my feelings for him in Feb. It just all happened. Before, I was so in love with him and wanting to spend all that time with him, but that day at dinner, I looked at him and all of a sudden, my feelings for him seem to die. I think that was a big part of why I pulled away from him. I was scared at the loss of my feelings. I was scared about the loss of the other things in my life. My ex wanted to be there for me and wanted me to trust in him and open up to him. I tried, but it was so hard. I had opened up to him the year before but last year, around this time, he broke up with me for a week because he wasnt sure about his feelings for me. That shook me to the core of my inner being. Even though he got back together with me, it was very hard for me to trust him after that. I do want him back. I do love him and I miss him terribly. Not a day goes by that I dont think about him. I let him keep the cell phone so that he could have a tie to me. He has always treated me very well, like a queen. He has never cheated on me. I just couldnt stand his childish way, his love of toys, and video games. I could not understand that and participate in that as much as he wanted me to. I also could not handle him living at home with an overprotective, bossy mother who treated him like he was three years old and who expected ME to keep him in line. After reading a lot of posts on this site, I realize my ex was actually a very good catch, since he was very devoted to me, and he spoiled me, and was always there for me. I miss him a lot. I may end up writing him a letter expressing remorse for what I have done and asking for a second chance. Not sure if that is going to help. I have talked to him one other time asking him for a second chance. That is when he told me he needed a lot of time and space from me. I am trying to take care of myself. Besides hanging around here, I also belong to a guinea pig website, populated by people who love guinea pigs. One of the ladies on the site is organizing a rescue event on Sat for some guinea pigs that were rescued from a breeder. I volunteered to drive three hours there both Sat and Sun to help them out since they need all the help they can, and I want to make new friends as well as get out of the house.

I just went to see my therapist to talk it out with him about my feelings and what I should do about this situation. From his take, he thinks I took my ex for granted and if I want to leave on good terms, I should write both him and his mom a letter apologizing for what I have done. I am not sure what I should do. I am still so devastated by what happened. I also have a sneaking suspicion that my ex may have found another woman. I am not sure about that though. I decided to do something for myself this weekend to try and get myself out of the funk I am in right now. I also belong to a guinea pig messageboard. This weekend, about three hours from me, they are doing some rescue event where there were about 100 guinea pigs confiscated from a collector/hoarder, and one of the ladies from the guinea pig site is coordinating a rescue effort to get the guinea pigs healthy and ready for adoption. I volunteered to go and help them as a way of meeting people and getting out of the house so I would not think of my ex. What do you guys think about writing an apology letter to both my ex and his mom???

Smallworld, this also came at bad time in my life. Right now, a lot of things in my life are changing. My best friend (the gay guy), he is moving away to CA to pursue the job of a lifetime. The last time my ex broke up with me, I leaned on my best friend for comfort and support and he gave it to me. He now doesnt have time to deal with me. I have no friends left out here. I may be out of a job by next year since our company is going through a reorganization. I think the reason behind why my feelings changed for my ex was because this year has been an extremely hard year for me. I went though a lot of pain and suffering and I didnt let my ex into it, even though he wanted to be a part of it. I lost my grandma in April, I have been having a lot of problems with my parents, I lost some pets that were very special to me, and I also had an abortion the day after my birthday. The abortion was so weird to me. My ex supported me in my choice and was there for me. He even told me that if I wanted to keep the baby, he would have supported me in that decision. I didnt want to keep it because I was so confused about my feelings for him at that time. Sometimes, I think the abortion poisoned a lot of my feelings and emotions for him and maybe even led to relationship demise. I dont know anymore. There are times I wish I had kept the baby, even though I wasnt sure if I was financially and emotionally ready for one. Having a baby might have brought us closer together. I dont know. I need to take care of myself. I am not sure if I can.

Acuraman, I am not sure what can be talked over. He is adamant about not having a relationship with me, because now he says his feelings for me have dried up. Partially, that had to do with how I treated him after my feelings changed. I ignored him and pretty much shut him out of my life. I was scared and confused about how I could love someone at one time and then, all of a sudden, my feelings would change and dry up. I tried to talk to him about two weeks ago on a Sat when I went to a Ren Faire he was working at. He literally avoided me and when he did have a conversation with me, he would not look me in the eye, and he kept looking at other women and making comments about them. He did tell me that he wanted A LOT of space and time away from me, since he wanted to get his life together and he didnt know what to do with me or our relationship. He also said he didnt think there was anything to be salvaged. The only thing that keeps him tied to me is that he still owes me about $1500 that I lent him to pay off some of his bills (I really dont care about the money at this point in time), and he still has my cell phone which he shares a plan with me, and I pay for it. He is good about the cell phone. He rarely uses my day minutes, only using the night and weekend minutes that are free. I suspect that he may have found another woman to date. Reason I say that is because I have searched the phone records for his phone (technically it is my phone since I pay the bill and I bought the phone for him). So, should I still try to talk to him soon, or should I wait for some time to pass before contacting him. I am so scared. This is the first normal, long-term relationship that I have ever had. My first relationship lasted 7 years but it wasnt normal at all, since at the end of the 7 years my guy came out and told me he was gay. I need advice on how to keep sane. I feel like I am falling off the deep end

No, I didnt do the breaking up. He did the break up with me, but I led him to it. My feelings for him kind of changed in Feb., and I didnt know how to deal with that. I was also afraid to tell him since last year, around this same time, he broke up with me because he said his feelings had changed for me and he couldnt stand my attachment issues to my best friend. We patched things up that time within a week. This time, my feelings changed and I still stuck with the relationship. But I pulled myself away from him and didnt spend a lot of time with him. I distanced myself from him and gave him a lot of space and time to spend with his friends. He tried hard to understand what I was going through and he tried to work things out with me, but I kept pulling away. I still dont understand why I did that. He chased hard, but then this summer, he gave up and broke up with me a month ago. It didnt really hit me until a week after he broke up with me. Now I regret everything and dont know how to deal. I have never had a normal long term relationship like this and it HURTS like hell right now. It is taking me a lot of self control not to try to call him or go down to where he lives and wait for him to get off work and talk to him. He lives about two hours from me and he gets off work 2 hours after I do. Help me! I feel like I am losing it.

I know I have posted so many times on this website and I must be tiring you guys out. I am just so scared right now. I am not in the crying mood anymore. That was last week. I just keep reflecting on my relationship and how I threw it all away. I can understand why some people want to leave their relationship because a guy/girl treats them bad. With my relationship, my ex treated me like I was the queen. He always made time to listen to me, to understand me, to be there for me. He was always kind and gentle to me, always remembered holidays, bought me gifts, watched out for my well-being, etc. He was the type of boyfriend that every girl dreamed of. Most of my female friends thought he was the picture perfect ideal of a gentleman. And I threw it all away by losing my feelings for him, and not trying to work things out. I guess I sabotage everything of mines, that is why I dont have many friends. He tried to get me to open up to him and to his friends, and to expand my circle of friends by getting to know people. I tried but I didnt feel comfortable doing that around him. Also, by the time Faire came around this year, I couldnt stand being around him. I cant understand why that happened to me. THere werent that many things bad about him. He liked a lot of childish things and didnt really enjoy or was comfortable around my adult tastes. He lived at home with parents that treated him like he was three years old. He didn't drive. He smoke and drank too much. But, he was a mellow drunk. There wasnt that much wrong with him and yet my feelings for him vanished. I wish I wasnt so stuck on my friend (the gay guy) for that had a hand in doing my relationship in. I miss my ex so much. I constantly go over and over in my head what I did to destroy this whole thing. I ruined it and there is no way to take it back. He is NEVER coming back to me. I dont think writing his mom will help. I think everybody is avoiding me from his mom to his friends. I tried to IM one of his friends tonight and he didnt answer back. I am not an evil person. I really am not. I am hard to date because I have problems with my self-esteem and all that. But, I am loving and caring. I am going to destroy my life over this. I cant think, cant concentrate, can eat well, cant sleep well. I am so haunted by the memories of this relationship I feel so lost and so angry at myself. Please give me some advice to help me get over this. If breakups are like this, I am not sure if I ever want to date again. It is killing me not to call him or stop by his work to talk to him when he gets off of work, but I know it is not the right thing to do. I am giving him space, but it is killing me to do so. This is one of the first normal long term relationships I have ever had in my life. My first one (with the gay guy) was not normal and he treated me like crap.

Right now, I am not sure what would warm his heart. He seems so determined not to have a relationship with me. I am not sure if I can change his mind. Right now, the only link I still have to him is the cell phone. I gave him a cell phone and he shares my plan with me. Other than that, he owes me about $1500. I am not sure if he wants to work on rekindling feelings of love between us. I know I want to. He told me last week that he needed A LOT of time and space since he wanted to get his life back together and he didnt know what to do with me or our relationship. From the way he was acting last Sat., it seemed like he felt trapped and wanted out. I have to respect him and give him time and space, otherwise, it will drive him further away from me. But, I do like your advice of sending him something small to warm his heart. I am not sure what I am going to do yet. I am not sure if I should just give up hope or not.

Yes, that was a sudden thing. I was so in love with him earlier this year. I took him away for the weekend for Valentine's Day and, I dont know, my feelings started to change. It was so weird. That night when we went out to dinner at a really fancy place and I sat accross the table looking at him, I started to realize that I didnt like him, and that everything that he did began to bother me. I did learn one thing out of the whole thing, if one begins to pull away, usually the other party begins to chase. He noticed that my feelings were changing so he began to chase me, try to buy me things, spend more time with me, all the while, I started to not be able to stand being around him. That was so weird. It wasnt as though he was mean to me or anything like that. The sad thing is that I pretty much shut myself off from him emotionally. I still had sex with him though. He tried hard to get me to open up and trust him, but I couldnt. I dont know why I was like that, and it wasnt like I was out to hurt him either. He didnt do anything to deserve to be hurt. I had never had this happen to me in a relationship, and it kinda scared me. I should have opened up to him and we could probably have worked on some issues. It was just that everything about him bothered me, when before, I liked everything about him. Now, since he did go and dump me, I miss him like hell and I want him back bad. I wish I had not acted the way I did to him these past few months, otherwise, we could have had a good relationship. He was very good to me, like everybody's dream boyfriend. I did try to go down to see his mom today. I drove two hours down to his house only to find that his parents werent home. I may write a letter and send it out this week to his mom, explaining that I still love her son very much and explain a few things to her and tell her I wish he would give me a second chance. Another thing I noticed, he has been using a lot of my weekend minutes this weekend. He still has the cell and uses it. He is very conscientious about only using my night and weekend minutes. I am just mad that I cant find out who he called since this month's bill doesnt print until next month, and the idiotic people at Sprint will not give out the call information over the phone even though both the phones are MY PHONES AND IN MY NAME AND I PAY THE BILL. The idiotic people refuse to give the phone numbers that were called. It isnt as though I wont find out later. I just have to wait till the bill prints, and it isnt as though they dont have the information on their screens, they are just being a**holes about it.

I went out with some friends tonight. They are lesbians. We went to a lesbian bar. They went out with me to help me try and forget about my ex. I am so fricking drunk, but at least I am happy for the time being. Wish I could get back with my ex. I miss him so much.

Another thing, how can a guy who once loved you so much, wanted you so much, to the point that he was contemplating a long term relationship with me (ending in marriage), to the point he bought me a diamond pendant necklace, etc., all of a sudden after the break up, act like he doesnt want to see or speak to you anymore? And when he sees you, he tries to run away?????? He was acting like that yesterday at first, but then he calmed down and managed to have a conversation with me. I can tell he still loves me, but he wont look at me straight in the face anymore. Also, when he was talking to me, he kept avoiding looking at me, and he kept looking at other girls passing by and making comments about how they looked. Was he doing that to HURT me???? Does he miss me in any way possible????? If someone was in my shoes, how long would they wait before trying to make contact with the ex. My ex told me that he wanted A LOT of time and space from me so he could get his life back together. A LOT is so relative. Any ideas????? I really want him back because I knew that he loved me and for once, treated me decently, something of which I have had a hard time finding in other relationships.

I do think NC is good for awhile, but there is always the nagging question in the back of my head that while I am doing the NC, will my ex miss me, or will he just go on his merry little way, and eventually meet someone new. I have decided to do NC for a few weeks to a month. It is killing me to do NC, but I know my ex is busy with Ren Faire things right now. Hopefully, when things calm down by mid Nov, he will miss me. It is hard to do NC, but he told me that he needed a lot of space and time away from me to sort out his life and try to get his life back in order. He tells me he doesnt know what to do about us. He doesnt think there is hope for a relationship anymore. Maybe NC will give him the opportunity to miss me, like he did the last time he broke up with me. I doubt it though because in the last few months when we WERE together, I did not see him a lot. My feelings had changed towards him and I was confused, so my defense mechanism was to pull away from him. I will take it upon myself to contact him sometime in mid November, not saying that I may not get shot down. He may never answer my calls again and just go on his merry little way. I dont know. But, he has my cell phone and he knows I am the one that pays the cell bills. He also owes me about $1500 that I lent him to pay off his bills. So, this might not be the last time I hear from him. Also, he told me that he did not want to dump me out of his life. He has always had a hard time with dating relationships. His first gf stayed with him for 7 years then dumped him to go after a younger, more successful guy. His following gfs have always been flakes and young ones at that. From everybody's opinion, I am the best thing that ever came along his way. Part of me is afraid the next time I contact him, he may have found a new gf. THat would hurt me a lot since I still have some feelings for him. Maybe this stems from the fact that he dump me. Then that would be odd, me having feelings for a guy that dumped me. NC is a great way to let go of a relationship if that is what one wants to do. If one wants to see if the relationship can be patched up, then NC is not always the right way to go.

I am not sure when I am going to phone him. When I saw him this past Sat, he told me that he needed A LOT of time and space from me. I am not sure how to take that. He still has my cell phone that I gave him. I pay the bill for our cell phones. He offered to give it back to me if I wanted it, but I told him if he wanted to keep it for now, he could. He told me that he didnt want to COMPLETELY dump me out of his life. He still has my cell phone and he still owes me some money ($1500). I am not going to call him for about a few weeks, maybe sometime in Nov. I miss the hell out of him. He had a long enough relationship with me not to forget about me. I am his second long term girlfriend. His first long term one dumped him after 7 years and he still mourns that loss. Problem is, I am not sure when I am ever going to see him again. He lives about 2 hours away from me in a big city that I dont go to that often when he isnt around. So, it isnt going to be easy for us to just run into each other. The next time I may see him at a function would be at the end of Jan., when the Ren Faire folks have their midwinter gathering. I am not sure if I can wait that long to try to contact him.

I know what you mean about keeping your mind occupied. Right now working during the week is saving me from dropping down into the depths of insanity. I really miss my ex and wish he had not broken up with me even though we were so incompatible. This weekend, if I wanted to see him or run into him, I could do so, because he is going to be in my neck of the woods attending a local Ren Faire. It is taking me a lot of self control not to want to go there and talk to him. I know he needs a lot of time and space from me. I just hope he will one day talk to me again. He still has my cell phone. I am still paying the bill, in the hopes that we can get back together again.

Any ideas? The biggest problem now is I think he knows what life is like without me, because this last 6 months, he hasnt seen much or me, but has talked to me on the phone 1-2 times a week. If he is used to being away from me, because of the fact that I had pushed him away for the last few months, how do I go about getting him to realize that I regret what I did and want him back and am willing to spend more time with him???? I dont think he misses me. The last time we broke up, we were just a year into the relationship and I spent a lot of time with him, so when he was away from me for the week, he was really sad and cried and missed me a lot.