GQstatus

I can understand where you're coming from. But you seem to be categorizing a big big big group of men. Men that ARE good role models, great fathers, and take good care of their families. I was never "exposed" to porn. It was well hidden, I was just a nosy little kid poking around where I shouldn't of been in the first place. Did finding those magazines make me look any differently at my dad? Of course not. He was a provider, a great role model for me growing up, and a very intelligent man. If he is romantically and emotionally involved in BOTH their lives, why would it matter if they were married right now or not? You think a piece of paper would make him a better role model? The chances that any sane "normal" man would expose a 4 yr old boy to porno movies is highly doubtful. A child predator? Yeah, and I believe we should quit wasting our money jailing them, and put them all in a big gas oven and let them suffer, but that's a whole nother topic. If he was sitting in front of the computer for hours and hours daily watching movies, that's another story, it doesn't really seem like that's the case here though.

I agree with Azual. I didn't necessarily grow up with porn throughout the house, but I found my dads boxes of Playboy's in the basement in 5th grade. Me and my buddies looked through a couple with wide eyes, amazed at the female body. It wasn't a "sexual" feeling so much back then, as it was just curiosity. I then proceeded to sell them for 5 dollars a piece to friends to make money Later on, when I was old enough, I realized that my dad collected them. He had issues from the late 70's until the early 90's (when I found them). He ended up getting rid of them out of the blue for whatever reason. Yeah men can get addicted to porn, and it can become a very big problem. But it's not uncommon at ALL for guys to look/watch porn. I don't want to pass judgment, or categorize any men, but I think a lot of men who aren't into porn, have never really watched it in the first place. Whether it be just not their cup of tea, or they grew up in a very strict household, where sex was never talked about. Not only that, but some men have fantasies/fetishes that aren't part of the "norm" thereforeee fulfill those by watching/looking at/reading some sort of porn. As long as it doesn't involve kids or animals, I don't see what the big deal is. As far as her bf causing "damage" to her 4 yr old because he's in the house, I think that's bologna. Unless this guy is a real piece of crap (which it doesn't sound like) her boy will definitely benefit from having a male figure in his life. Especially at 4 years old. Boys at that age need a male role model to play ball with, rough house with etc.

I know that I'll loose friends because of this, but I'm pretty sure the friends I hang out with most will accept it, and thats all I care about. I don't even want to touch the thought of telling my family. They'll be the last to know, and I believe it's the best way to do it. You'll lose some, and meet some new ones that will know about you and accept you for it. From the outside looking in, I seem to have 20+ "friends" but when it comes down to it, I have like 3. Those 3 know everything there is to know about me, they can tell when I'm lying, they can tell when something is bothering me, and they know exactly how to make me smile. The others, are acquaintances. Easy way of looking at it, is we use eachother to not be bored during the weekends lol. These people know nothing about my past. I'm always picking and choosing who I want to open up to, and it's a very small amount of people. I think it's better that way. I also think it's fairly easy to read people, and know off the bat if they're someone you'd want to continue a friendship/relationship with. 4 years ago I was 19, sleeping around, using drugs, not having a care in the world. I can honestly look back, and barely know the person I was then. My friends have changed, my looks have changed, my whole outlook on life has changed, for the better. There will always be people there that won't understand you, accept you, or want you to be a part of your life. But for every one of those, there's another person standing there with open arms. Don't worry about the ones that don't worry about you bro. As far as your family goes, you'll know when the right time is to open up with them. Don't stress it too much, enjoy your life right now.

I think Locke has a good point. My ex is as bi as you can be, without being either straight, or gay. She's had relationships with both male and female. When I asked her what she "preferred" she couldn't answer it. And told me she falls in love with the person, not their gender.

HAHA. I'll hope it isn't that either. But if it makes you feel any better, the months of "wanting her back" turned around in a hot second, I got over her real quick

So no one at all knows about all this? I understand why you wouldn't want to tell your family right now. But how about telling your closest friend? You can always come here for support, but you can't exactly hug a computer screen lol. And as far as you liking cars, beer, the "macho things", being gay or bi doesn't make you any less of a man than a hetro guy. My mom has a gay friend who even the best "gaydar" couldn't pick up. His voice is as low as barry white, he restores cars, and overall seems like an over grown high school jock. Placing labels on people because of their sexual preferences is just ignorant. The older you get the more this shouldn't bother you. You'll lose friends regardless if you're bi, move away, lose interests with eachother, get a gf/bf, whatever. And just like you said, the ones that won't accept it, really weren't your friends anyway. Good luck to you.

I can imagine it sucks feeling like you can't talk to anyone. I'm not sure how big of a town you live in, but how about trying to meet some new people? It's a lot easier to be open and honest with new people I think verses people that are already in your life. You're still young bro. I wouldn't beat yourself up too much about who you like. Male or Female, you'll meet somebody when the time is right. And it's weird how it's usually when you at least expect it.

I say it depends on what "later than expected" was. If we're talking hours later, yeah I think you need to explain yourself. If it was just an hour or so, I don't see what the big deal is. What does "he did not seem too happy with me" entail?

I posted the other night about my ex breaking NC after almost a month with a 5 am phone call. I told her to get a hold of me when she found my W2's and let me know when she could send them. Well she got a hold of me, here's the message I received on myspace a few hours ago... I can look today, but it would be easier if i could fax them from my office at the tax place i work. And oh yea, your girlfriend XXXX aint got on me !!! When do you know you are coming back to the west coast? And who are you moving in with ? well give me a shout. I love you. XXXXX LOL. Yeah, alright. The girl she is referring to, is not my gf, and the ex knows that. She's a girl I had a little "rebound" with last summer after we broke up the first time, and we've kept in touch. We comment back and forth every couple days. So I really didn't think too much of it, until this other girl. The rebound girl, send me a message saying "Why is your watch guard leaving me messages?" and sent me what my ex send her. Which said... You don't got on me XXXX! That's why he didn't have sex with you last summer when you guys met. Yeah, I know all about you! You're M's cousin right? So, I officially feel like I'm back in high school. We don't talk for a month, I'm sure she has a little "make me feel better" bf, because she hates being alone, and now she's trying to find reasons to start something? Seriously... !

Thanks Frisco. I think life is going to get a lot better for me also. Maybe that's why this whole situation isn't weighing on me like it has in the past? I'm excited to get back out to the west coast, move into my place, and get back to work. The only thing really bothering me now is I feel failed, with her. I know it's not my fault, and I know there really isn't anymore more I can do. It's just hard to accept the fact you ARE a good person SHE knows you're a good person, yet she runs down a path of complete self destruction. She's still young (19) so she still has hope. It's just hard knowing someone has all the potential in the world, someone you care about deeply, and they don't do anything with it.

I got a feeling like this once. Ate away at me all night, would not go away. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, didn't know what it was. Next day I got a phone call, my ex was pregnant. Sha-bam, it went away though.

LOL Boughs. It was always somewhat easy for me to walk away from old friends that got into that stuff. But it's harder when it's someone you've loved a lot, and they turned to it later on, not in the beginning. She definitely has psycho tenancies, I wouldn't say she belongs in a nut house though. On the surface you see a beautifully stunning girl with a smile on her face, but the ones that know her best know how bad she hurts inside. I just really hope one day she gets better, not for me or her family, for herself.

Frisco - I really can't tell where I'm at. I mean, right now all I am concentrating on is getting approved for an apt so I can move back out to the west coast. I have a job lined up there, I just need to get a place before I go. So I'm excited to get back out there. I don't have much to do here, so I try my best to keep my mind of her. Which I've been doing pretty good. I got "stuck" here in the Midwest over New Years (very long story), so my car and my life is back out west. As far as her. She's not my problem anymore. I tried time and time again to "help" her, save her, whatever you want to call it. And for a good while, I thought she was finally starting to help herself. Then she just kind of gave up, obviously. Does it bother me? Yeah of course it does. Regardless of how "we" turned out, I care a lot about her. I feel like she told me lastnight what she was doing in some weak attempt to cry out for help or something. We haven't talked at all in almost a month, she would NEVER admit that to me before, why throw it out there now? I didn't get into it with her, or "coach" her, because I'm tired. I'm tired of trying so damn hard to show her she's worth more, she's beautiful, she can have a better life if she just got herself help. I think I'm finally realizing I've been fighting a losing battle for a while now. She "needs" a friend, but I know that I can't give her that. She reminds me of my childhood friends who I used to know inside out, we shared everything together, then seeing them 3-4 years later, I don't know them anymore. They're lifeless, looking for their next pick me up. I guess to put it easily, I'm confused, hurt, angry...yet content.

It's not crack. It's Meth...pretty much the same thing though I suppose. Her mother will say things like that, but she never follows through. Her mother is also a drug abuser, not Meth...but she uses a couple other drugs. She uses it as a "threatening" tool, never follows through. Her mother is responsible for a lot of crap my ex has been through. Abuse wise. Talking terms with her? No, not really. I've never respected her mother much, and she knows that.

So I had gotten a stupid message over myspace last weekend from her. Not saying much but "I miss talkin to you, hope you're well bla bla". I didn't respond. She then called lastnight around 7:30, I didn't answer. I woke up to the LOUD ringing of the phone at 4:45 am. It was one of those instincts to just grab it and answer cuz you're slightly confused. I say hello, and she says "Oh you're sleeping I'll call you tomorrow". Yes, it's 5 am, most people are sleeping. I asked her what she wanted, she got mad, called me an ***hole and hung up LOL. Calls back 5 minutes later, to tell me she has my W2's from a job I worked while I lived with her. Which was cool, because I need that W2 and didn't want to contact her for it. I told her if she could send it this week that would be nice (Because Im applying for apts back out on the west coast and need to file first). And told her if she couldn't send them soon she would have to send them out to my mothers house on the west coast. She asked why, and I told her because I"m moving back out there. She replies with "Oh because XXXX is your new girl". Talking about some girl on my myspace. I laughed, as this chick is just a friend. Then the conversation goes something like this... Her: My mom is threatening to put me in treatment Me: Good, maybe it will do you some good Her: Yeah, maybe! (complete sarcasm) Her: I just don't give a **** anymore Me: It's your life XXXXX, it's just too bad you don't care enough about it, I don't understand you Her: Yeah, I've been hitting on that glass pipe..if you know what I mean Me: I really don't understand you Her: Yeah, you never understood me And that's where I told her I was going back to bed. She told me she'd call when she finds the W2's. Funny that I KNEW she was getting back into that crap the last couple months we were together, but because we were long distance I had no proof. And she would NEVER admit to it. Because she knows how against that crap I am. I've lost friends, that have died, and lost friends just because they're so far gone from that stuff, she knows how I feel about it. Just found it funny she openly admitted it to me lastnight, without me even asking her anything, at all...definitely not about drugs she's numbing herself with. Just goes to show you how that stuff makes you care absolutely nothing about yourself, or the people you love/love you. Just sad, considering I've seen her truly happy. The first 6 months of our relationship, when she was away from her hometown, and all the dysfunction, SOBER...she was happy. She knows it, I know it, her whole family noticed it. And now, the person I talked to lastnight, I can honestly say...I don't know her.