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Abacab

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  1. Abacab
    Sorry to hear about your intentions... It's not fair for your wife to deny you the intimacy that you deserve in a marriage, nor is it fair for you to be resentful against her day after day... Having spent some time here at this forum; I cannot but dismiss some of the actual advices given to you here: clearly you've tried to communicate with your wife regarding your problem, but your words just fell on deaf ears. Since you've arrived here as a last resort, advices such as "communicate" or "talk", however good the intention of the advice giver is, bear no meaning to you or to your situation. However, the only realistic advice given to you by one of the previous posters is the option of going to a counsellor; either together with your wife or alone. From there may you be able to form a decent decision as to what you want to do with your marriage. Keep this in mind: lacking intimacy in your marriage will cause you to suffer silently for many years to come, and you will without doubt resent your wife more and more each day.
  2. Abacab
    Cartecay said I don't think it possible to love another person, in the sense of love required for marriage, without wishing to be intimate with that person. I couldn't agree more!
  3. Abacab
    Same here.... Excellent match, perfect couple... No sex until wedding night; where it all started to go downhill. We just weren't compatible... But kept it going for 19 years for the kid's sake...
  4. Abacab
    Couldn't agree more with what Beec posted. There's no point in pursuing a one-way relationship. Especially if it's going to result in a sexless marriage *shudders*....
  5. Abacab
    I've been aware of sex since 7 or 8.... But I feel compelled to write a couple of things sparked off by the origninal posters remarks: Being a virgin until 22 is great, when you consider all the nasty things that you could get by practising unsafe sex. However, IMHO sexual education is very important; not only to learn how one's own body ticks, but also for the future of a fulfilling sexual relationship which is required for a harmonious marriage. In addition to the above, a marriage based on a purely platonical level which excludes any form of sex cannot last. A little story for you all now... When I was studying my 2. year in university, I had a tight group of friends where everyone but one of the guys engaged in sexual activities. This guy used to breed canaries and one day while studying together the subject of him not dating anyone came up. He pointed towards the canary happily chirping in its cage and said that he remembered buying the canary when it was very young and when the time came, it mated naturally with another one. He added that on his wedding day he'd just follow nature's course. At the end he did get married and his wife divorced him within 6 months, claiming irreconcilable differences. Heard through the grapvine that he'd only engage in sex in the missionary position without any foreplay at all!
  6. Abacab
    It's hard to imagine to have a loving relationship with little or no sex involved... Your girlfriend is indeed jeopardizing the relationship. Have a good conversation with her about this problem. Should you not be able to convince her that sexual intimacy is one of the main pillars of a harmonious relation, get out as soon as you can! Unconditional love (read: without sex) is mere hypocricy... Some people may have lower sex drives, but if couples cannot reach some sort of compromise on sexual intimacy, that relationship is doomed.
  7. Abacab
    Intresting to note that the original poster has not returned to reply the most relevant questions so far: was the situation the same before they got married, or did they refrain from having sex until they got married? In any case, the only way out here is a long heart to heart discussion with your wife... Depending on the outcome, there even might be some counselling in order. Whatever you decide to do, don't delay it. In the long run you'll be hurt. I know it very very well! Hope things'll turn out right for both of ya!
  8. Abacab
    Ah.... All the pressures and expectations forced upon you when other people consider you as smart. Not only more is expected from you, but what you do or say is always meant to be clever. Even a casual goofing on your part will be considered inappropriate. Other kids in school might get away with a crappy homework and an average test score; but no, that is not expected from you. [-( Take it from another one who previously walked in your shoes: suck it up dude, and continue to act like a smart person without letting yourself taken advantage of. And don't forget: smart guys typically get more attention from the opposite sex. Also, it's nice to carry such a label once you try to enter into the workforce: there'll be more opportunities for you.
  9. Abacab
    Sad to say but you're apparently more mature than your friends.... Still, you haven't been able to distinguish those more suitable who will value your friendship. So this is your wake-up call! Ditch them!
  10. Abacab
    I don't get it Dude... Do you love this girl irrespective of her faith? If so, why dwell into the religious aspect of her personality? Does she ask you questions about your faith?... There are many good sources of information out there on the internet about the Muslim religion, along with many books. You may with to consult them..... Don't let religion be a source of conflict in your relationship. Cheers
  11. Abacab
    Can't speculate why the receipt was in his pocket, but I know for a fact that your family PC could have been hacked without your slightest knowledge. The other day I reinstalled the operation system and connected to the internet for about 10 minutes... Lo and behold; spyware and worms appeared everywhere, and yes, in my IExplorer "hosts" file, there was a list of over 50 porn sites! Cheers
  12. Abacab
    Hello Kere, I have been raised in two completely different households (first one being christian, next being muslim), and I understood that all religions do have a common code of conduct. Although I have no conviction and only do believe in a superior power above, I am certain that religion, by setting a code of conduct, does influence us to be better people with certain moral standards, thus creating a better society. Religion, in its purest form is essential for spiritual growth. But after having witnessed all the wrongdoings in present time as it has been throughout in history, I no longer believe in it. Worse, religion is having a hard time following the advances in societal formation. That is why you're feeling like an outcast. Alas, in no way am I suggesting you become agnostic or such; that is up to you. Just try to remain as a genuinely good law abiding person who is also helpful to those needy in your society, true to yourself and your sexuality, and you will certainly qualify for heaven regardless of your religion. Cheers
  13. Abacab
    Looks like your hubby is taking you for granted. Now think very hard: If you're pretty sure that you can look after the children with him not around, declare an ultimatum to the effect that he should stop smoking pot (which shouldn't take place in a home with kids around) and curtail playing video-games and pay more attention to you! That, is another form of communication as well. Well, if he doesn't want to play ball, unfortunately you're going to become more and more bitter against him with time; which might lead you to adultery. So act now, and don't let him off the hook. If everything goes downhill, consider divorce. But in the meantime, affairs are a big no-no. It can be used against you in a court, resulting in you losing custody of the children. Hope everything turns out OK.
  14. Abacab
    I concur with lungomare.. After ten years and counselling, if things aren't working, well, they never will. The most prevalent phallacy is that people can change for the better (read: accepting partners wishes voluntarily or involuntarily) for the sake of a marriage which lasted that long. It just doesn't happen! But kids are very important and if you and your wife can still provide a sense of security and well-being at home, I would refrain from doing anything drastic. However, if you two are bickering constantly at home; then there's no way you both will be doing any good to your kid. Whatever decision you reach; keep in mind of the above (and of course all points raised by other posters) and make a final decision, to which you'll stick by all means. In the meantime, the other woman is a no-go! Only if you reach the unfortunate decision to leave your wife should you be in the position to consider her. Hope everything turns out for the better.
  15. Abacab
    Hate to jump in.... But, I believe that sometimes love can make you blind and/or oblivious to the tell-tale signs of cheating, and thereforeeee you may never be able to catch a cheater. Especially if he's a clever one at that!
  16. Abacab

    oral sex

    Abacab replied to donkey's topic in Sex and Romance

    Donkey wrote was wondering if you can move it, like down so instead of pointing up it is pointing dow. Wow, if you force down a fully erect penis, you can cause pain for your partner, and probably damage the thing!
  17. Abacab
    Volution wrote only people realised that infatuation isn't love! And that infatuation wears off after about one or two years (the 18-month itch?). That they have only lost lust, not love! And if they really love each other, that lust can be regained! I agree with the point that infatuation isn't love. However, there's no sound method to bring back that elusive lust once its gone... On the other hand, apart from several platonic examples, love is not entirely enough to keep two people together for eternity. People do change with time. You're either able to incorporate these changes into your relationship or not. Cheers
  18. Abacab
    Hello all, I think we're missing the point here... I believe that by posting his problem here KonaScott is letting out a cry of help; not essentially seeking an excuse to begin an extramarital affair. Most advice here on this site centers on having an open and honest dialogue between married couples. However, as most of us have observed, many times a partners pleads to rectify a problem (either rightly or wrongly perceived) falls on deaf ears. In such a situation, how can one go about expressing his/her problem when the other is not willing to listen? Do not get me wrong here, I'm %100 in favour of bilateral communication. But more than never, it just doesn't work. While I do agree with some points raised by previous posters, I think the most valid suggestion is for you to arrange for counselling together. If your spouse refrains from participating, it will demonstrate her unwillingness to address the prevailing problems. Then you should be able to decide to move on or not. In any case, do not act upon your needs until you get a divorce, should that be your final decision. As for your kid, I wish the best for him; but I doubt the benefits for raising him in a loveless (and sexless) marriage... Best of luck for all of you.
  19. Abacab
    Interesting read... Sorry it happened to you though.. Hmmm... where to begin? First of all, snooping is bad, really bad. But I think you acted on a gut feeling which prove you right. Apparently her action(s) prompted you to do this. Secondly, apart from a few men (oh yes, women too), nobody goes out and fools around if everythings OK at home... in the emotional, intellectual, spiritual and physical domains. If there's any problem in any one of those departments, spouses will wander in search of gratification... Which leads me to suggest that you sit down with your wife in a calm manner and try to talk things out. Maybe it outright boredom you two are facing; having been together for over 12 years together. Couples conselling is very much recommended too. In any case, without resorting to the above suggestions, I wouldn't opt for divorce... Good luck to you and keep us posted.... We're here for you.
  20. Abacab
    So sorry about your sister... I for one would like to teach that prick a lesson or two I hope the wounds could be remedied by plastic surgery. Anyways, IMHO, if you weren't around when this happened, or if you're not the source of that fight, you shouldn't blaim yourself. Hope your sister has a speedy recovery.
  21. Abacab
    Hello White, I've been there too in my youth. You're experiencing a phase of loneliness and rage. When I was in your shoes, somebody suggested that I started helping a charity organization (the leo club), which I later became one of its chairman. In the process, I received extreme satisfaction from being able to help other people in the society and be rewarded just by the look of appreciation they gave me. Needless to say, that period made me a better person and changed not only my families perception of me, but also gave me some of the best friends (and yes, girlfriends too) I had. Don't let anybody take your self esteem ever, and be patient until the day you'll be able to live your life to the fullest, as you see fit. Cheers
  22. Abacab
    Princess is correct: get the problem corrected or you'll be missing a major component of your relationship. If not, the world's greatest SO will be the source of your constant unhappiness, which prompted you to post here in the first place. Cheers
  23. Abacab
    Sex and intimacy are essential components in a relationship. If you can't get her to a gyno through your best efforts, cut your losses and leave. However, her unwillingness may be harboring an abusive childhood. If that is the case, maybe counselling might be in order. Still, if this assumption is correct, do you love her enough to wait until this (supposedly) problem has been taken care of?
  24. Abacab
    I totally agree with Ramirez... If you've really tried everything to salvage your marriage, and haven't been successful, go for a divorce. In the meantime, establish NC with the other woman. Staying married for the sake of kids may sound noble indeed. But at the end you'll feel more and more resentment towards yourself and your spouse. Good luck to you.
  25. Abacab
    Why not change e-mail address and phone numbers?
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