Leonidas

ShySoul, And regarding beautiful women, from a logical perspective I do appreciate that falling for a beautiful woman is a very foolish action. Beautiful women are automatically spoilt and indulged by sad males like me. thereforeeee, of all the women in the world, beautiful women are surely the least deserving of so much attention! However, sexual attraction seems to be one aspect of life that does not obey laws of logic. And more's the pity for this harsh reality - I wish it were otherwise. I have no active choice in whom I find sexually attractive. The decision is immediately made for me on an instinctive level by a bestial part of my brain over which I have no control. I ONLY find beautiful women sexually attractive and I ALWAYS find beautiful women sexually attractive. I have no control over this reality. Mind you, H.L.Menchken, author of The American Language, said something about men loving women that I have always found very sobering: 'Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another'.

ShySoul, Many thanks for your encouragement. I take your point about confidence - I'm probably not the most confident guy that ever lived - but keep in mind that I'm 33 years old. I've fallen in love lots of times and asked out (albiet beautiful) women lots of times and been rejected lots of times. When I was in my 20s, I was prepared to accept these rejections with some grace and a corresponding sense of form. (Although I also those bitter & frustrated feelings too.) But, with advancing age, these (albiet polite) rejections become rather humiliating and somewhat undignified. In some ways, this is cuts far deeper than teenage angst or the pain of unrequited love. One's personal dignity is one's sense of self-respect - without which one has no honour. As an Englishman, I was brought up to believe that the dignity of a life is more important than its success. So, I'm probably less willing to charge into the fray at the age of 33.

Many thanks to all the readers who posted replies to my conundrum. I have distilled two distinct schools of thought from the feedback: 1. Accept that we are destined to be 'good friends' and leave it there. 2. Go for the relationship but accept that sex is not an optional part of a deal. Obviously, I shall take some time to reflect fully on these suggestions. However, my immediate reactions are as follows: Regarding solution one (the 'good friends' paradigm), I am concerned about the intensity of my feelings. Far more sharp than I usually have for a friend, male or female. Such extreme intensity I can only associate with love. However, my experience is perhaps somewhat limited. Perhaps it is normal to feel such intensity with a very close friend? I don't usually discuss my emotions with friends - although I have with this woman - perhaps this is why I feel so strongly? Regarding solution two (drop the no-sex rule), I am concerned that I could end up hurting this lovely woman if I try for it but fail to follow through. I imagine that sex requires some active physical intervention from the male partner. (I suppose it's a bit easier for the female partner who can 'lay back and think of England' if she is not especially interested.) It's a real step into the unknown and I am going to feel very irresponsible if I recklessly charge ahead only to give up later saying, "Sorry Luv, you're not really my type". Furthermore, there's also an element of pride to my losing my virginity. Although I'm really not bothered (honestly - I'm long past worrying about it), after all these years of chastity I would prefer to lose it with a woman I find sexually attractive at least. Otherwise, it seems a bit silly to expend 'the one perfect moment' on a woman I would rather not be having sex with. Thanks again to everyone for the replies. My thinking is now somewhat clearer: now I perceive two distinct options. Being a forum in cyberspace, I knew no one here knew me from Adam, so I know my anonymity is effecatively guaranteed. Late last night, when I decided to throw in my scenario on a whim, I didn't really expect any serious replies. Tonight, however, I am genuinely pleased with the commentary I have received. Many thanks to all readers who posted feedback.

I am 33 year old male and still a virgin. Although, given my age, you can appreciate that I no longer care whether or not I lose my virginity. In fact, in many ways I feel that the most difficult days are behind me. By the time I reached 30, I was totally fed up with chasing after girls and being rejected. I feel that I would rather stay a virgin forever than humiliate myself any more. Part of my being a virgin is due to my being pathologically shy. But the other part is due to my only finding beautiful women sexually attractive. It took me a long time to realise that beautiful women were out of my league. But, I have accepted things as they are - and I have no desire to lose my virginity to a woman whom I do not find attractive. Infact, this is my current dilemma (raised in a current post) because I'm in love with a woman whom I do not find sexually attractive.

I am a man and my question is really for the guys out there, although sensible commentary from female readers is not unwelcome. Is it possible for a man to be happy in a relationship without sex? I am a 33 year old hetrosexual male and I am probably quite unusual for men of my age as regards 'relationships' with women. I have never had a relationship and I've never had sexual intercourse. Not for lack of trying but I have always fallen in love with beautiful women who are out of my league. As a young guy in my 20's I was very frustrated, bitter & etc at the constant rejection. As an older guy, however, I have finally matured and I no longer blame the fairer sex for my ineptitude in the realm of romance. So, I matured at 30 and I was happy with being one of life's single guys. And I finally grew up and accepted that the type of woman whom I find sexually attractive is beyond my reach. No big deal. That's just how life deals the cards. Now I have met a wonderful woman who is 41 years old. I respect her as an intelligent human being and I love her very much but I have NO SEXUAL FEELINGS towards her. She is a lovely woman - hence my loving her - and I know she wants a relationship. So what's the problem? She had made it very slear that she wants sex from me as part of a loving relationship. I have tried to tell her that I'm not really looking for sex, but I do want a relationship without sex. She says sex is compulsory. I feel in a very awkward position. What do I say? The truth is that I do not fancy her - despite loving her very much. I feel that I would be happy to have a relationship with this woman but I ask myself if I could be truly happy knowing that I do not fancy my partner and knowing that I would have to pretend or 'to fake it' in order to give my partner sexual attention. It would be so much easier if I fancied this woman but unfortunately I do not. So, gentlemen, is love alone sufficient for happiness? Or, will sexual issues demand attention sooner or later?