Jump to content

Hawk

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    139

  • Joined

 Content Type 

Everything posted by Hawk

  1. Hawk
    Hi w and welcome - sorry to hear that you are still at the worst stage of your breakup. It does get better and you sound like you have some wonderful things happening in your life that give you something to focus on. I know you would love to be sharing those with your ex, but sometimes it's not to be. The good news is that, in time and when you are ready, that there is someone out there who will want to share all of this with you.
  2. Hawk
    Octopus - that's what my dear old grandmother used to say and it is so true - 'everything happens for a reason - you might not know what it is at the time, but in the goodness of time you will'. She has never been wrong yet.
  3. Hawk
    I just had to let go - to keep on going the way I was going was driving me insane and the obsessing about her and her new man had me heading to a seriously dark place. So I just said, I have to get on with my life. As soon as I did that it became so much easier - I have been spending time with people I haven't seen in ages, am going out for dinner with a woman who is so excited to be spending time with me and went scuba diving for the first time in 8 years yesterday. This will sound trite, but you can't put your life on hold. They have moved on and the ONLY thing you can do is the same.
  4. Hawk
    No the hurt doesn't stay with you forever - it dulls and fades - never goes away - but it does get better. I was in my last relationship for 7 years and had some of the best times of my life. Would I risk not having that again - no I wouldn't because the good times outweigh the bad and even though the pain was huge, each day gets a bit better and I know something better is out there waiting for me.
  5. Hawk
    Sweetsmile - have to agree with Capricorn about the spying - i did it and it nearly sent me crazy. You make all these assumptions, some of which may be right, most of which are probably wrong. But in the end knowing that she is with someone else isn't going to change how she feels about me. I still have to display the most incredible willpower not to drive past his place to see if she is there with him, but every time I fight the urge and win, I feel as though I have moved forward.
  6. Hawk
    Lizzy - don't keep thinking about what he is doing - it will only drive you insane - just keep doing what you are doing, focus on the things that you can change (you). You are right - when they don't contact you after a while it does it make it easier.
  7. Hawk
    Pilot - firstly welcome to the forum....all of us who come to visit have treaded the same path as you and know exactly how you are feeling at this point. I guess the good news is that this is the low point, and as slow as the path to healing is, each day gets a little bit better than the last ...you still have days when you feel that you have been knocked back to square one, but by and large you do make progress. I sympathise with you about having to seeyour ex every day - I am in the same situation as we still share our house together while it is selling. This past week has been a little better because while here son is on holidays she is staying with a girlfriend and her niece. I have to say that when you can go the NC route completely it really does help. I wanted the same things that you wanted, but you can't make someone do something that they don't want. Until you can go complete NC, try as best you can when you see her to be upbeat and positive - DON'T talk about the relationship and where it went wrong. If space is what she wants, give it to her in spades. The last piece of advice that I have only just taken on board is to take up a new hobby or one that you haven't done in ages. I am getting back into scuba diving - something that I used to love to do, but gave it away because my ex wasn't interested. Sometimes we give up so much to make others happy - what I have learned is that from here on in I make myself happy first and if others choose to share in that happiness then great.
  8. Hawk
    Don't worry about her not calling you. Honestly if it is over it is over and you don't need her callng you, even if it's just to check on you and see how you are going. Count it as a blessing because every time they make contact, whilst it doesn't send you back to square one it just makes harder to move on.
  9. Hawk
    Because for me just walking through a shop and smelling the same perfume that she wore is enough to get the old brain going.
  10. Hawk
    Dako This is the third time I have been through this c..p and each time I told myself a) never again and b) I am never going to find anyone who came close to my ex. The first two times I ended up in a new relationship, not straight away but when I was ready, and guess what? Each time I have ended up with a new lady in my life who was different, but in most repsects better than the relationship I was in. Wish I was still with my ex, but then again there a lots of things that I wish in my life that I know aren't going to happen. The lesson? You never know what is waiting around the corner for you. I am now just looking forward to what life brings me with the confidence of knowing that past behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour - can't wait to see where I go from here!!!!!!!!!!!
  11. Hawk
    Don't think I could do the double break-up - think I shall keep that at the top of mind for weak moments.
  12. Hawk
    Chaos - as I said I wanted to know the same things that you did, but I just don't know what I might gain by finding out - does it help me get closure in any way? Am I just sick of being treated like an idiot? In the end I just had to let it go because the torment was turning me into a basket case.
  13. Hawk
    It is hard and your mind keeps processing all these thoughts about what they are thinking, what are they doing, will they call, do they miss me. I sometimes wish I could have the old times back as well, but the thing about us as humans is that we grow and change - and I do know that there will be lots of good times in the future.
  14. Hawk
    Dogg - can only vouch for what coolsome has said. It DOES get better but the cr.p part is that it takes time, but I think the amount of time it does take is reduced when you do no contact and use that time that you have to heal yourself. It hurts and it sucks and why we have to go through it, no one knows. But it does get better.
  15. Hawk
    Why would you want to settle for less than you deserve by being her friend - she gets to win AGAIN. She cuts off the very thing that you want and keep you as her "best friend". I am with Boomer, I really think it is time for the moment to cut all ties and move on.
  16. Hawk
    I think it is the right move not to answer - she knows what you want and it sounds like the contact that she is attempting to make is not about meeting your needs. As others have posted, if your ex wants to get back with you they would move heaven and earth to open up the lines of communication.
  17. Hawk
    I know some guys that went to school together, broke up when they left school and then 15 years later got back together and got married!!!!!!!!!!!!
  18. Hawk
    OCD Do you think she already knows that you are not interested in a friendship?
  19. Hawk
    I would only get in contact with them if I was absolutley positive that I had put in enough time and distance to make sure that talking with them doesn't undo all the good work that I had put in. And if I had a shadow of doubt I wouldn't do it, I just couldn't bear the thought of having to do all that work again. And if I still thought that there was a chance of reconciliation, then to me that means that I am not at the point where I would feel strong enough to do it. I think the only thing that could get me talking to them when I still feel the way I do is to hear the words "I'm sorry, I made a mistake, I want to work on us."
  20. Hawk
    I wouldn't even give her the satisfaction of knowing that she got under your skin - NC from here on in and time to get yourself under control and live the rest of your life the way you want to live it.
  21. Hawk
    I think that's an easy question to answer (for me anyway) - my life is about me and getting anything less than I deserve or want is a compromise that I probably don't want to make - if you pick up the phone and ask what he wants, what is the likliehood that it has been anything else than what has gone on before. I don't know, I just think there comes a time where you have to draw a line in the sand and say enough is enough - I don't want to play anymore on your terms.
  22. Hawk
    Great story and great inspiration for all of us that come to this forum. Congratulations.
  23. Hawk
    I did what Da5id's friend did and went looking for details and it was the worst thing I could ever have done - it's just not worth the pain that you inflict on yourself and there have never been truer words than "Ignorance is bliss". Now I like to think that I am a relatively intelligent person, so I don't possibly know what I could have been thinking and what good it could have done me to find out any details - it wasn't going to change anything. Chaos - I just wanted to know if she was seeing anyone else for the same reasons - so now I just assume the worst, that she is and she has been lying to me. Believe me finding out for sure is now worth the pain that you open up.
  24. Hawk
    I finally had my best nights sleep 2 months after my ex decided to relocate for a couple of weeks to a friends unit - to be honest it was driving us both insane. I was scared of the prospect of living alone and to be honest I know I am going to have times where I won't enjoy it, but the burden that was lifted from my shoulders was massive. Let's just hope we can sell the damn house quickly and put as much space between us as we can.
  25. Hawk
    I say no letter - made the mistake of sending one the other day, against my better judgement. They know how you feel and the fact that you can't be contacted, in my opinion, isn't a sign that you have changed how you feel about things. Anyway, isn't time that they were confused about things for a while - I am sick of being the victim and for me NC is about taking control back over my life.
×
×
  • Create New...