Hawk

Mike - it's how it happens. Before I broke up with my ex we were still talking about getting married, spending the rest of our lives together all that stuff. Sometimes I think they just go along with what you are saying because the don't have the guts to break it off at that point - obviously they then move to a point where they can. You will always think about the good times, but I think what she did you is pretty awful and I would be focusing on that stuff as a way to move on. This girl cannot be that good that you would be prepared to put up with that sort of treatment just to have her in your life?

Hannibal - happened to me last night - spoke to her and I am now back at the bottom of the cycle again. So if you want to keep feeling like a piece of c..p then just keep repeating the contact process - the only thing that heals it is time.

chaos - sounds like good advice to me - if they were so right, so good, so perfect - would they ever do this to you. If they knew how much it tears at your soul and puts you at the bottom of a pit that you never think you will get out, then they never would have done it to you - they would have found anyway that they could to work on the relationship to get it right.

Well done StandTall - looks to me like a sign that things are getting better for you - and as you say go out with no expectations then whatever happens is a bonus!

brahman - I know she said she wants to spend the holiday with you, but think about why she wants to do it - she is hanging on - it's up to you but I think you are best to leave her alone.

My thoughts are that if you think something is wrong, then have an honest and open discussion with the person

Veritas - you call it warts and all - I think it's what most of us don't want to hear but need to hear.

Only thing to do is tell her the truth - anything else is just going to create more problems for you.

I guess I want to be remembered as a fabulous guy that she spent 7 years with, not a guy that got a little crazy at the end - God knows though this is enough to put you over the edge.

And please do it quickly for him - you have given him what everyone who has been dumped hopes for - a second chance. Sorry to seem harsh, but it needs to be done.

Renaissance - painful as it is I don't think he will be thinking of you during the holidays - if he is still in the early stages of the new relationship then he will still have stars in his eyes.

Is it ever a good time, but sounds like you have made you mind up so in fairness to her do it as quickly as you can. And please, as everyone on this forum who has been on the recieving end will tell you, once you have delivered the message then leave the poor girl alone to let her get on with her life.

Any advice on what to do here would be greatly appreciated. My situation is that my ex and I broke up two months ago after being together for 7 years, but for financial reasons we both need to stay in the house that we own together until some work on it is finished so that we can sell. She has a 16 year old son who is finishing school tomorrow and one of the reasons that she gave for not moving out was that she didn't want to disrupt his schooling. She is 11 years younger than me, told me she loved me but wasn't in love with me. Felt that the issues that we had couldn't be changed, even though I did a lot of soul searching and believed that we could work on it if we wanted to. I asked if there was anyone else, but she assured me that there wasn't, didn't want to be with anyone, was the last thing she wanted. However my gut was telling me that even though she wasn't with someone physically, there was someone on the sidelines trying to move in. Why was my gut telling me - the mobile phone being switched off when she got home, phone bill being sent to the work address, after we split the Wednesday night "out to dinner" that would see her getting home at midnight. Where there is smoke there is fire. Confronted her on the basis that we had agreed out of respect for each other as people (she tells me she loves me as a person and wants to stay my friend), that should we move on to someone else we would let each other know. Again said there was no one, not seeing anyone, not sleeping with anyone. Anyway, when I was looking for some work papers in the car, found an invitation to a wedding this weekend that a guy had sent to her work address. He lives outside of the city and would obviously not drive home after the wedding. This was in there together with a business card for a local motel with some room rates on the back. Is there any point in confronting her again about it? I guess for me it is about the fact that she has been thinking I am the village idiot about there not being anyone else. Maybe it helps a bit with closure, I have been very civil and polite, but practising NC where possible. Maybe this is the spur that I can use to say she has to make alternate liveing arrangements until we sell? I keep trying to tell myself that if we weren't living under the same roof then I wouldn't even know it was going on, but the fact is that we are and my pride is telling me that she at least "owes" me some honesty and respect. Thanks for reading.

Shadows - thank you for that - I think I am just about to be on the recieving end of knowing that she is with someone else - I will just take my lumps and let her know that I hope she is happy and that he can make her happy. No self-recriminations because I know that for I long time I made her ecstatic.

Sounds like friend mode to me - she felt comfortable with you and that's it - not to be hard but there was no suggestion of anything more than that.

As hard as it is to believe, it is true that every time you break up and then move on to a new relationship that it does get better every time - I just wonder how many times it has to happen before you find true happiness - or is it just a dream?

RayKay - that's the only phone call I would respond to - anything else is just playing with your mind.

Don't know - this is the second major relationship that I have had break up and whilst the pain was almost overwhelming, it fades. So in both I had about 7 years of fantastic memories and great times - I am sure I won't have 7 years of regret over the relationship.

Interesting post and thanks - you probably have saved me from doing something stupid this weekend about trying to find out who she is now seeing - at best it does nothing in terms of showing her that I am getting on with my life - at worst it would have made me look like a crazy stalker!

Bethany - that's a really good description about how you move through it and helps to understand that it doesn't just "end" and to work through it and know that over time it will fade into insignificance.

Irishqurl - I guess there wouldn't be a person who visits this forum that doesn't feel your pain with you - at times you think that there is just no point in going on - but there is. My dear old grandma who is no longer once told me that everything happens for a reason - you just don't know at the time why. Great to read that you are feeling a little better - one of the joys of coming to this place is reading how people get stronger bit by bit.

James Stay strong and don't respond. All your are doing is providing the emotional support that she is looking for. She has told she is with someone else - do you really think you are being cruel for not replying?

AC874 - if it makes you feel any better (and it probably won't), but my ex hooked up with someone in a month and we were together for 7 years. She used to tell me how much she loved me and wanted to marry me. It sucks.

Trust me - I would rather have no contact from the ex - at least until I am better.

RayKay Does it help to know who they are dating?