Süsser Tod

I found this link (first hit on google): link removed - vulnerability vs invalidation I feel like when I'm not correct, I'm vulnerable. I don't like to be in a position where I'm not in control or correct. - active passivity (tendency to be passive when confronted with a problem and actively seek a rescuer) vs apparent competence (appearing to be capable when in reality internally things are falling apart) I try to never show weakness. However, I don't always run looking for a rescuer. So I'm not 100% that one. - unremitting crises vs inhibited grief. hmmm More symptoms: - chronic/major depression Yep - helplessness Most of the time - hopelessness Thats me - worthlessness Another one - guilt For whatever reasons... - anger (including frequent expressions of anger) I'm sorry, but yes. - anxiety The pills to help anxiety were good, but yes. - loneliness 100% of the time - boredom Even if i know I have tons of stuff to do, I never do it, and most of the time I'm bored. - emptiness Try not to think about it, but maybe. - odd thinking Yep - unusual perceptions Correct - nondelusional paranoia Dont' know - quasipsychosis clueless. - substance abuse/dependence I smoke, and right now I'm trying ot get rid of antydepresives. - sexual deviance Don't think so. - manipulative suicide gestures I think so. - other impulsive behaviors Too many... - intolerance of aloneness Sometimes - abandonment, engulfment, annihilation fears Yes - counterdependency Correct - stormy relationships It sucks, but yes - manipulativeness Don't like to accept it, but yes. - dependency Yep - devaluation Another one - masochism/sadism Nope. - demandingness Maybe, not sure. - entitlement Don't know. 1. Shifts in mood lasting only a few hours. Yes, sometimes that happens. I can get incredibly mad at someone and a couple hours later I'm cool (but obviously, whoever i hurt doesnt) 2. Anger that is inappropriate, intense or uncontrollable. Yes, for example, I kicked my car (then i had to fix it), or my motorcycle (that required a new rear fender...). 3. Self-destructive acts, such as self-mutilation or suicidal threats and gestures that happen more than once I think so, but I'm not that self destructive as to cut myself or somethign like that. 4. Two potentially self-damaging impulsive behaviors. These could include alcohol and other drug abuse, compulsive spending, gambling, eating disorders, shoplifting, reckless driving, compulsive sexual behavior. I used to drink a lot. Not very good when your dad has to come to your neighbours house to pick you up while you are stone drunk with your face on the floor. But I always try to keep myself safe. 5. Marked, persistent identity disturbance shown by uncertainty in at least two areas. These areas can include self-image, sexual orientation, career choice or other long-term goals, friendships, values. Yep thats me. Very bad self image, not comfortable at times with my career choice and can't fix myself long term goals. Friendships??? Guess that requires friends, I have none. Values, I think those are quite strong. 6. Chronic feelings of emptiness or boredom. Yes, specially on weekends. I like to work on weekends not to get so bored. 7. Unstable, chaotic intense relationships characterized by splitting Haven't had many relationships, but the few I've had, had been like that. 8. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment Yep, I always feel people try to stay away from me, or abandon me. 9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms Yeah, sometimes. - They may have problems with object constancy. When a person leaves (even temporarily), they may have a problem recreating or remembering feelings of love that were present between themselves and the other. Often, BPD patients want to keep something belonging to the loved one around during separations. Yep, thats me. - People with BPD are often bright, witty, funny, life of the party. Definitely not me. I always go unnoticed at partys. - They frequently have difficulty tolerating aloneness, even for short periods of time Mixed feelings about that. Guess I've had to get used to that. - Their lives may be a chaotic landscape of job losses, interrupted educational pursuits, broken engagements, hospitalizations Dropped out from college, twice. Quit my past job as one day I got bored and couldn't stand my boss anymore, so I just went and picked up my stuff. Worse part is I don't trust in psychiatrists/psychologists anymore. When I go to therapy I get to know the guy/gal and end up maniputaling/telling him(her) whatever he wants to hear. A couple of psychologists have refused to work with me anymore as they couldnt' move forward. And I never went back to therapy with my last psychiatrist as I felt no progress was being made.

I was reading about it, and... I think I match most of the symptoms!!! I was diagnosed as a "maniac-depressive" or bipolar, but most of the symptoms match me, and also those of a bipolar disorder. Are those related? Wow, I think I'm even more looney than I thought. Psychiatrists are going to make a lot of money from me...

I've only been 100% crazy about a girl once, well, twice... Both times for the same girl. Second was one year after the first time failed... We actually never had a relationship, we just dated. So, nope, I've just settled for the best I've been able to find. Of course, take it for what its worth, I'm an antisocial maniac depresive, so I can't find a lot...

Huh??? You are joking, right??? That girl likes you and wants to date you. The only way she could make it more clear would be to write down on a piece of paper "I like you and want to date you".

I love how easy it is to say "get out there and meet new people, make new friends". It may be easy for most of you, but it ain't easy for me! I've been dealing with that for 26 years, and up to now I've been unable to make new friends easily. I lack whatever is needed to meet people, to get new friends. It is really hard, almost impossible for me to do it. Only under very special circumstances and with very specific people I'm able to. I'm so charming that even here at work, no one wants to sit in front of me, and people who do, try not to talk to me. And unfortunately I feel hopeless, I'm just too coward to end myself. By now I don't care if God wins, I just have had enough of what I dont need, and I don't want it anymore. I used to at least have hope, everytime I had an accident or something like that I used to think "God loves me and wants me to be in here for some reason, that is why I'm alive", but right now I don't have any more hope left. All my hope has been used by now, just trying to survive, and by now I'm old and tyred, no more hope to keep me going anymore.

My ex did exactly that to me. At the end, when we broke up, I had no feelings for her. In fact, all I could do was to remember the old times, but at the present I felt nothign for her. When I think about her, I don't miss her, miss the good times, but not her.

I broke up with my ex two months ago (I think). As for the last couple of weeks she had been trying to contact me, she called on my phone and my cellphone but I never answered. One day she called my parents, and they told her I was there, so I had to talk to her. Well, she had couple of dumb questions about a new cellphone and that was it. We ended up talking for a couple of hours. Then, the next day, as we go to the same sports club, I met her on the morning. And we agreed to go "cellphone shopping" in the afternoon. Well, bought her cellphone and then we went to take a coffee, and after that for a walk. It was nice, I can't deny, we were hugging as we used to... Then the tuesday I ran into her at the sports club, and when I was leaving I asked her "when would you like to meet", she went nuts, "I don't want to get bakc to you, bla,bla,bla". Wednesday, she sent me a txt message to invite me with her friends to take a drink, I refused. Today I ran into her again. She told me that she wants me to be her friend, so I can hang out with her and her friends, and that she does not want to lose me... WTF??? She wants me to be her friend, a safety blanket or she wants to get back?

hmmm, why don't you check an online sex shop??? There are some rings, that are basically a thick ring (looks like sort of a doughnut) that you slip your penis into, then get it all down to the base of your penis. That will avoid part of the penetration (as it will be like a "bumper"), hope that helps.

Sounds to me that you are in the friends zone...

That is your problem. As you hope to get him back, everytime you have a chance you try to get him back by any means, and he knows it and uses you. The only way to break that cycle is to not accept him the next time. It hurts, I know, but it is the only way honey.

I know that I'm better without my old GF, relationship was bad and it was a burden for both of us. I'm entirely sure that we are both better without the relationship. In fact, only thing I miss is the sex, other than that, I don't miss her at all.

Obsession is not love, and you'll have to face the fact that you are obsessed and deal with that obsession instead of trying to deal with a false "love". Obsession is powerfull, feels like love, but it isnt, and it bites, really hard.

40 hour weeks??? Damn! Wish I had that much free time! I usually work 54-62 hours a week! That is somehting that you'll have to get used to, welcome to the adult world. You have to learn how to manage your time, manage your free time and get the best out of it, you'll also have to learn how to make compromises when it comes to your little free time... Here I am, working on Saturday. I just bought a new motorcycle two weeks ago, and I haven't been able to take a good ride on it! I've only take in it on my commute 3 times, and I really want to give her a good ride...

There is a third posibility, you being his safety blanket. One he breaks up with one of those girls, he comes back to you until he finds the next one. He knows you still love him and miss him, so he can be using that to have someone to fallback.

Over the past days I've had my phone rang several times. But as I'm socially retarded and know no one, I know it is her. Then I found two missed calls on my cellphone from her... That was it, until today! I was parking a motorcycle in front of my house (I'm selling it, it has a "for sale" sign), and suddenly she came in her car. Just said hi, casual talk for maybe 2 minutes and thats it. Why is she trying so hard to talk to me? I really don't want to talk to her, and I know that the only reason I would talk to her is for sex. But I'm not the kind of guy that will give hope to a girl just for sex, that is why I stay away from her. Hope she gets over me soon. I really have no regrets about breaking up with her, I'm moving on with my life, and other than sex, I really don't miss her...

Welcome to the friends zone, don't get your hopes high, regardless of what people say, there is no way out of that zone. Only very few make it to the boyfriend zone, but it is the exception that confirms the rule. Been there. Had this awesome friend during highschool. Everyone thought we were a couple, we spent most of the day together and even when we were at our respectives houses, we would spend tons of time on messenger or the phone! What happened? Nothing, nothing at all. She never looked me like a BF, only as her best friend. And truth to be told, over the time I lost interest on her as a GF. Yes, hormones were present, and I liked her fisicaly. But my mind and my heart knew that I dind't wante her to be my GF. But that took a LONG time, think like a couple of years, and before that there was a lot of pain when I knew she was dating other guys... So get ready for the pain, or face the situation, you won't be more than her friend and stop suffering about her.

Why are you embarased??? You don't want her to notice you have a penis??? Come on man, the whole purpose of kissing and making out is to get turned on, and if your little friend down there didn't come up she would be really upset. Its natural, it is entirely human and expected. Worry about enjoying it, stop trying to hide it!

Some of you may remember my other story: link removed I've come out of a 3 year relationship two months ago, and right now I have no clue about flirting/dating!!! What should I do, do I just go into the restaurant and ask her out for dinner? Or should I get her a present and.. or... what? I really liked her, I even think I was drooling But even if it does not work, I have a chance, and I rather blow it up than waste it and keep thinking "what could have happened if I..." So how do I aproach her, ideas for a first date?

I think you are overreacting. I like to look at cars like Porsches, Lamborghinis, etc. But that does not mean I'm not satisfied with my car or that I hate it. It is normal to look at porn, fantasize, and dream. If your sex life is healthy there is no problem there, it is just your imagination. I look at porn, and my previous GF also liked it, we looked at it together and then showed her what I had learned! Also remember that not all of his sex life will be related to you, he can take care of his own bussines, it is normal. Sometimes you just feel like going at it quickly and not with your couple, it is part of your own time with yourself. You should also learn to take your own time and enjoy yourself. For example, my ex liked to masturbate before going to bed. Sometimes I did her, but sometimes I wasn't feeling like it, so she just take out the vibrator and went at it and slept. Dont worry!!! You are creating yourself a problem out of nothing.

"Slightly"??? Come on! Been there, done that, and trust me, IT HURTS, it hurts badly! Get away from him, you'll be causing him only pain. Don't think you'll be able to be friends until: a) He realizes he does not like you b) He finds someone else he likes more than you And the second option may hurt you too, as you'll know your place has been taken by someone else. As I see it, by now, it is a lose-lose relationship.

Welcome to the "friends zone". If you really like her as a GF, go away, staying near her won't get you anything but pain.

Universitys here aren't like that, all of them require you to be free during the daytime, so no night school...

I posted this on another forum. And thinking about it, it is the first time I've written about this... This ghost haunts me and nevers leaves me alone. I'm in fact a college drop out... But that was the price I had to pay to finally get ahold of my life and turn it in the direction I wanted to take instead of just following my parents orders... In fact, I'm in the IT field not by my choice, but that was the only choice my dad left me. He is right, he never told me what I should study, but he always told me what I shouldnt' do... When I was a kid my godfather gave me a minibike as a present. My parents didn't liked it, but I was hooked for life. Then my dad got a moped for my brother, and as we grew, I inherited the moped =) That was my last bike, I stoped riding it when I was 14 or so... I never forgot about motorcycles, never... Then two years and a couple of months ago I had the itch to get a bycicle. The one I had as a kid (bmx kind) was too small and I bought a new mountain bike... Then I started having dreams/nightmares about buying a motorcycle!!! I always dreamt that I had my motorcycle, but didn't had a chance to ride it, and almost at the end of my dream, when I finally had a chance to ride it the damn thing transformed into the bycicle I just had bought! That was it, I knew I had to get a motorcycle... My mom took it way bad, it would have been easier if I had told her I was doing drugs. They stopped supporting me financialy, I had to get a job to continue paying for it, and had to drop college. However they didn't kicked me out from home... Now they are easy about it, and had gotten used to it. But the harm is already done. But well, I'm doing fine, I got a good job with extremely good oportunities which include certifications that can easily overcome the lack of University degree. The certification right now is extremely important for me. My mom raised me with the idea "you won't get anywhere without a University degree". I think that this certification will get me even farther than the degree by itself, and now I don't know... I long for this certification, for the fear of not being able to get anywhere without a degree, and just to prove myself that I can get to where I want. I think I'm just venting out, this ghost stalks me...