frozenblaze

Hello Rhonda, Thanks for taking time to answer to people here, I'm sure your advice is appreciated around those forums. As you may guess, I will ask you to answer a question so here it is... I dated a girl for more or less 3 months and she ended the relationship on november, 6 weeks after that she was interested in someone else and it saddenned me a lot, for I did care about that person. She had been the first girl who was really "my type" in all my love-life. The reason for the break-up was that there was a huge age-gap between us (7years) and that she was a bit confused in her feelings toward me. I'd like to move on but then I still think about her a lot, I miss her and always hope that she can realize something that would make her come back. I did not have any contact with her since december and I try to avoid every place where she might be. She is still with the guy, though I have seen him in "my" club (I work in a bar) with another girl, in a drunk-mating type of social interaction... I don't really want to date other persons, well I don't feel like it... Time does not seems to heal anything, only making the pain greater, I miss her... I'm not asking you if I have to move on for it is probably the only thing I can do to have control back over my life, what I am asking is if there is a chance that she might regret dumping me someday ? Is there a point in a life where you look back at your past and then consider that some people might have brought you more than you could imagine ? For me the answer is yes, but then i'm a hopeless romantic so who cares about my idealistic views???

She slept at his house yesterday... brings back the despair in me... damn love is only a poison...

Well I'm not planning to do anything anyway it's not my business... now... Just hoping he will get caught someday...

Ok I posted about my ex, how she was the girl of my dreams and how much i did miss her. I took the NC road since the first weeks of december, so time passed... I also decided to take a break off from school since I considered that I was not ready to see her (and her new boyfriend), not stable emotionnally and not strong enough to go through all of this. I have to say that this decision is mostly about me, she is not really the cause, though I would probably had stayed if she was not on our musical department... I will take this time for myself to heal my wounds and change my ideas, the biggest NC I have ever done. I'm not quitting, just taking a break, going back in autumn...I know that most of you would say that it is an error to do that but I have to say that I study for the fun, the knowledge I learn there, not for the job that might come (or not... that is what musicianship is all about i guess !) after it. I need a break from her and all this anxiety it brings in my life... But this post is not really about that so let's keep the me, myself and I and go on to the she-part The guy she (my ex, who, you should have guessed by now, is still the person I love) is about to go out with (i have no clue if she is with him but then she sees him regularly) went in my club (I work as DJ there) with another girl. She was holding him by the hand and he was following her everywhere(I'm used to this kind of drunk mating ritual). They were like holding each other by the hips, so I guess they ended up together that night. And the day after, my ex was with him at a restaurant (I go downtown everynight so I ended up seeing them, I'm not stalking her at all, circumstances always do wrong things I guess). The thing is she has been cheated by each of her ex so it is not something she really forgives, in fact for her it is the worst thing someone can do... Even if they are not officially a couple (that is not a fact only a speculation) to me it is cheating, well not being honest at least, you don't start a relationship while making out with other people... Ok now I know what you all think, I should think about me and care only about my little self, but I do respect her... her choice might hurt me but I just want her to be in a relationship with someone who really cares about her... and that guy has proven me that it is not the case...

What about an almost "perfect" relationship where the dumper only realizes that the love he(she) had was not what he(she) was seeking...

Let's say that most internet based tests are not really efficient, one should look to someone who knows well about socionics to give him an accurate type... Those tests are based on preferences and cannot really give a good idea sometimes... And the most important thing about that is that socionics are mostly important when you consider interactions between persons, they are not an horoscope or a prescription about who you are... they are a typology based on social interrelationships... Anyway, I'm a hopeless INFP, why am I trying to do a logical statement here ? I think that most of us here are xxFx type for most logical (xxTx) type person would never end up on a forum asking for advices from strangers...

I think you don't really understand the principle in taking time for a guy, many things can turn sex into mess. Insecurity and stress particularly do not help guys who try to perform... Sometimes you can hold it sometimes you cannot, it is a burden to know that your girlfriend did not had an orgasm and it is quite heavy to bear that weight on your mind. It can ruin the whole sexual life forever... I remember that one of my girlfriend was making me feel insecure so I could'nt hold it... She was angry but can you guess how I did feel ? A girl should not complain but understand and try to make her guy feel better so then the sex would last longer... Your opinion is egoistical and does not show compassion toward your "loved" one who is trying hard (I'm sure about that) to give you a longer penetration... There is nothing fun in being a minute man... PS As you can see it happenned more than once in my life, but it was with girls who did not understood who I was and they did not made me feel good in my relationship with them... now the question is upon you... what are your expectations and is your partner comfortable with you ?

Is it an age factor ? Or a maturity level... I mean, do you people think that younger people like to cheat more for they want to discover ?

The fun part here is that only women answer... I know you girls are considerate beings... but I'm a guy... I know what kind of beast we are usually

Yeah, I guess what your saying is that some people feel guilty about it and some don't...

I did not even considered cheating once in my life, though I did have the opportunity many times (with two girls at one moment... I guess those things happen only once in a lifetime but I don't really regret it). My question is : does a cheater stays a cheater all his life ? Some of my friends did cheat on their gf and exes, each time saying they would'nt do that again when they had a new girlfriend they really "loved", but they ended up cheating anyway... I consider it is a matter of personality, someone who does allow himself to cheat once, may cheat more, and it is not important who they are dating, it is more for a thrill or a change... what do you think people ?

Written and spoken words should always be at the first person... there are too much accusations in this mail, she wants to put her guiltyness on you... You should feel insulted to receive this kind of mail, no one should try to express their own feelings with a "you"...

Ran into her today... can't really say she seems happy... she even looks angry when we run into each other, though I don't really say a word to her, keep talking with my friends... I know her new date is becoming a more concrete thing... I have a strong feeling of emptyness and boredom, I go out with friends and try to keep myself busy, but yet it does not change... I've lost something I really cared about and I just wish she can realize the same... Dammit, yeah I know I should try to move on and live my life, yeah I should'nt even give her attention for she does not deserves me... Everything on this forum is helpful but there is nothing I do, to relieve this feeling eating me from the inside... Am I normal, holding to things that do not really worth my time ? No, I know I'm a melancholic freak but then nothing pleases me in this... I'm a mess for now and though I would like to have someone new in my life, I don't feel I can do that nothing is healed and it will never happen... trust me on this one I still carry wounds that happenned 5 years ago and they are just as hurtful as the present situation... Btw, I don't reply on this post so it can stay up the list, I just need people to share their experiences...

She can be attached... even if she tries to ignore it... anyway what do I know about your story ? Seriously i always find hope were there is'nt... People talk and I still believe in what I think the situation really is...

Well the same can be said about her...