katefl24

I wanted to mention that good shoes do NOT last 3000 miles. They will last about 350-500 miles maximum. While the tread may not look worn, the shock absorption breaks down after this impact. (I can feel it in my knees if I have pushed my shoes beyond their mileage limits. Once I get new ones, things are fine again.) Another thing is that as a new runner, you should start slow or you will face injuries. Especially when you move into the higher distances, my threshold was about 35 miles a week when injuries began. Take your time, and gradually build up. Also listen to your body: when things hurt, rest! (I didn't do this, and had to learn the hard way.)

I have an ipod sports armband, so it's attached to me and as stable as possible when running. I think the new video ipods are more sensitive to breakage than the older ones. Probably something about the video component, I've only heard people talking about the video ones breaking from running.

I am an avid runner, I like to run 5 miles a day at a fast pace (about 35 minutes for 5 miles). I broke my video ipod after 4 months due to running. Apple gave me a new one, but I bought a shuffle for running and use the other for biking/weight training/rollerblading/the car/home/etc. I didn't want to, but I didn't want to run the risk of breaking my video ipod again AFTER the warranty ran out. If people tell you that you can run with it, they must not run very intensely.

I would say a safe bet would be a short term CD (certificate of deposit). You can get them for as little as 6-12 months, and they pay much more than a savings account (3-5% usually, versus 1%). They are also very safe, if risk is a concern for you. If you wanted something higher yield, you could get into the stockmarket but it's much risker and requires more investing knowledge. Retirement accounts are also safe but you can't touch that money without penalties until retirement so if you want/plan to use this money for something in the next few years that might not be the way to go. My personal best advice? Keep saving until you can use it as a downpayment on house. I bought my first at 23 and while it was scary at first, I am SO glad I did as it has been a very good investment. But if you aren't ready for that, a CD is the way to go. You can set it up through nearly any bank easily, usually with no fees if you are a member.

He will probably only continue to deny it. Pathological liars never give up, even when you have them nailed down with proof. That's how my ex was at least. I was like, "We're broken up, I know it for sure, people have come out of the woodworks telling me the truth now. Why bother denying it? And no matter how you protest/keep claiming your innocence, I know it isn't true." He still denied it, and it didn't make me feel any better. I don't think it would have made me feel any better if he had finally admitted it though either. The bigger thing was that I accepted that it was the truth, he was a liar and cheater, and I wasn't going to have to deal with that ever again.

I can relate to the feelings of being cheated and cursed in some way. When my older borther died at age 20 when I was 17, it was very difficult for my mom, dad, and younger brother. But I was able to rationalize that it was a freak accident that unfortunately struck our family. When my younger brother died in August 2003, we felt cursed. People said it was like winning the "unlucky lottery" to lose both sons/brothers at such young ages, in such unexpected ways. I have read "Hello from Heaven" and liked it a lot. I saw that I wasn't crazy, a lot of the same "signs" I had such as their scent filling the room at certain times, lights coming on/off for no reason at all, the car alarm going off 15 times in a day for a few weeks following their deaths... were all mentioned in the book. I do think that unless you've experienced this you would think we were all nuts, but I am a complete believer. People don't truly understand unless they have been through a traumatic loss like we have. Another book my mother loved and has given to other parents who've lost children was "A Broken Heart Still Beats", have you read that one? She said it expressed how she felt totally, and took a different approach from other books on grief: that you will never "get over" it and that shouldn't be your goal, but instead it's about learning to live with the pain. I still have days where I miss them so much, and know that the big events they will miss in my life - getting married, having kids, etc - will be especially tough for me. Like you, I feel stronger and wiser due to everything I've experiences. I also think it has made me try to be a better person, and to appreciate life more. I try and take the few positives that I can out of it.

Didn't you read when I wrote, "I LIVE IN FLORIDA, WE JUST HAD HURRICANE WILMA?" Obviously, I have been in a similar situation to Katrina victims. Florida has had 3 major hurricanes is just over one year, how do you think we feel? We didn't ask for Hurricane's Jeanne, Frances, and Wilma (plus Katrina but it was only a category 1 when it hit Florida - people seem to forget that it did hit us though). Oh yeah, I forgot, the media didn't give us the coverage New Orleans got after Katrina. The rest of the nation has no idea how bad it was to be without power, groceries, gas, money from atm's, hot food, HOT SHOWERS etc. for over a week (some people up to two and three), people not having jobs to work at because everything is closed because of no power. And yes we have blue tarps ALL OVER - in fact my neighborhood still hasn't finished repairing the roofs from Jeanne last year. I do feel bad for them, but I hate people making excuses. By the way, I do know what great personal loss is as I lost both my brothers at ages 20 and 21 - it CAN happen to anyone, even my family members. And it sucks, and I felt like giving up at times but you know what? I made a choice to go on and live my life in a positive, productive way. You have a choice, and trust me at times I would rather have given up (almost did), but I make the choice every day to get up and go to work. I didn't have a job after the second brother died and it was extremely hard for me to force myself to go to interviews (or to get out of bed at all some days) as it all felt so pointless but I did. Bottom line: What's different between New Orleans and Florida really? You ignored that point completely. Why should some people be expected to prepared for these things and others aren't, the government is expected to take care of them.

I tend to agree with Elizabeth. I live in Florida, and after Hurricane Wilma we did not get $2000 from FEMA. We were expected to bear the related hurricane expenses ourself. Those of us living here have learned that we need to prepare for these kind of natural disasters, to protect our homes and ourselves. It is very expensive to live in South Florida, part of that being the high cost of home and flood insurance. (Most people pay over $3000 a year for the home insurance, and flood insurance is about $1000 a year.) Yet people manage. If they can't, they should move somewhere else. I was very "poor" for a while in college, and know the stress of wondering where you will get money for gas, for food, to fix your car when it breaks down. Every little thing in life is harder without money. But for me that wasn't an excuse, I found ways to get by. And I vowed that I would never LET myself be in that position ever again. Everyone has choices in life, and I do agree the New Orleans situation has been shaped and molded by the media. When I first heard about the $2000 FEMA cards that would be unregulated but "suggested" to be used for necessities, I knew that it would be abused. Why couldn't the governemnt limit them to pay for food, clothing, and housing? Food stamps are regulated so as to limit the abuse. I was not surprised at all to ready that FEMA cards were spent at strip clubs and on alcohol, as well as other abuses that were clearly not hurricane related necessities. There was no other big story going on, so the media decided to cover Katrina. (We didn't see near as much on Wilma and the destruction in caused here.) I do feel bad for those who were really hurt by it, but what about everyone in Florida who were out of work for a week and didn't get paid because we had no power, some still don't have power here? We got nothing. (I am lucky that my company was good enough to pay everyone even though we didn't work, but many were not as lucky.) But maybe I too just sit on a pedestal... PS - If I had only $10, I probably wouldn't own a home because I know I couldn't afford to protect my asset, I would rent as it's cheaper anyway. (Or if it were REALLY bad I would qualify for Section 8 housing assistance. Some pay as little as $0-$50 a month in rent through government programs like this one!) Then the owners would have to pay for Hurricane related dwelling damage and I probably wouldn't own enough valuable furniture/personal possessions to need rental insurance anyway. Where there's a will, there's a way. People do whatever it takes to survive.

I tried a lot of products to reduce razor burn and bumps, but the only one that REALLY made a big difference is called "Bump Stopper". It's for men, but it works for me. Apparently it has some sort of exfoliant to keep the hairs from growing in, something that makes the hair finer so it'll be less able to grown in, and an antibacterial to fight infections from hairs already starting to grow in and get infected. The only thing is you have to use it pretty much every day to really help. The website is link removed in case anyone wants more info, just though I'd mention that for me it works.

Just though I'd tell you that after having three children, my father had a vasectomy. Years later he married my stepmom whom had never had kids and wanted one of her own. He had it reversed, and while it took a while (due to HER age according to the doctor, not because of the vasectomy reversal) they finally had my sister, her at 43 and him at 50. While it may not be as easy, don't think that it is impossible. It was worth the effort for them, as my stepmom got to have her baby. (I must say I'm glad as well because I love my little sister so much.)

Running is the best cardio for weight loss because it burns the most calories. She should continue the running, but exercise alone won't do it. Diet is very important whern trying to lose weight, you basically need to burn more than you are consuming EVERY day or it won't come off. Some people make the mistake of thinking, "Well, I ran so I can now eat a huge dinner" or desert, or whatever. Also, I notice that some women's idea of working out at the gym is not really what I consider a "work out" - you should be sweating and your heart rate should be up or you aren't working out hard enough. For the treadmill, she can try increasing the incline or speed (or both), or going for longer (time or distance) than she is currently doing. I have worked out for nearly three years, but started runnning a few months ago and have lost that last toughest 5 pounds and am down to a size 1! So it does work, but I also eat very well. Lots of lean meats like chicken, eggs (whites - yolks have cholesterol and fat), and fish with a lot of vegetables and fruit. You don't have to go "no carb" crazy, but you should limit them. I eat sweet potatoes instead of regular, whole wheat pasta instead of plain, use "I can't believe it's not butter" spray, drink lots of water, skim milk, egg beaters.. All of which are either fat free or low fat. I do eat desert on occasion but it's like one tiny scoop or icecream instead of a whole bowl - portion size matters ALOT. Another thing that makes a huge difference is eating small "meals" throughout the day - more like three meals and three snacks. You should aim to be eating a meal, then a snack, then a meal, then snack every 3 hours to keep your body burning calories at it's maximum rate. For snacks in a hurry I like Pria bars (110 calories - men's protein bars typically have lots of calories, around 300 usually), or a piece of fruit. Additionally, I would add some weight training as building muscle will naturally boost your metabolism and get your body burning more calories even when you aren't working out. My mom swore she just couldn't lose weight no matter what she did, and I had her exercising daily and following my advice, she lost like 20 pounds. She didn't believe it would work for her, but it did. At first it's hard to get used to not eating anything fried, cutting out fast food, and ordering grilled chicken salads (fat free dressing on the side) at restaurants but amazingly your body gets used to it. Now if I eat fast food, it makes me sick to my stomach afterwards and that keeps me from wanting it. I hope this helps, I would also recommend maybe you work out and try eating healthier together as well, it will make it easier for your girlfriend and will encourage her.

As a "Western" woman, I found the last post to be offensive. I have had conversations with Latin women about the relationship differences that exist. The opinion of my friend was that latin women are trained to be subserviant and to accept their husbands affairs/poor behaviors due to the economic reliance that exists in the culture. The difference? I work and thereforeeee do not HAVE to rely on a man and hence do not have to "put up" with affairs, mistreatment, etc. Now, maybe because of that I am going to come off as "less loving" (although I do come home from work and cook dinner for my boyfriend, do his laundry, etc...some of the "traditional" gender roles) but in reality what must threaten you is that I am not going to put up with as much of your crap as a latin women might. If you want a doormat, that's fine but don't make a statement that there are no good Western women. That's like saying all men are pigs.... I guess I am so lucky to have found a man who isn't threatened by my intelligence, independence, and career and doesn't view it as a negative.

I'm so sorry. I watched my parents suffer the losses of their two sons (and suffered myself) and I know that it forever changes you. All I can say is that while you will never get over it, it will get easier and you will one day smile again, and one day laugh again. Eventually you might be able to remember your son in good way without the pain and tears that probably accompany all your memories of him. But it will take a long, long time. My mom's best advice to others mothers who have lost children is, "It's not about getting over the pain, it's about learning to live with it." Also while there are a million books out there the only one my mom said helped her, that she has (unfortunately) given to other parents is called, " A Broken Heart Still Beats". I hope maybe it helps you. He will never be forgotten by those who loved him.

That's what I was thinking, expecially since two of his best firends are getting married soon and both asked their dads. I was present when they were talking about how nerve wracking it is to ask, but something you have to do...Still I don't really think that could be it. I'm more concerned with getting past the I love you barrier...

Okay, here's the situation: I've been with my boyfriend just over a year. He moved in with me four months ago (at first, was going to be temporary but we've since decided to continue it) and everything is great. I'm completely in love with him, and I think he feels the same way. His actions say so, other people notice and call us "lovebirds", very affectionate, everything I could want. The problem? Neither of us has actually said "I love you." I've nearly said it a bunch of times, it's always right at the tip of my tongue but I'm still scared of the awkwardness/being first/etc. In fact I MAY have said it once even but I'm not sure. (I know that must sound weird, so here's the explanation: I was just about to fall asleep in his arms and sometimes at that point I get really groggy and "out of it". So I think I said, "I love you" and remember thinking to myself oh no! but figured 1) he might be asleep and not heard or 2) he would dismiss it as me being sleepy. He said, "I love you too" and I remember thinking how silly it was that I even doubted he would say it back. But all of that may have been a dream, that's how out of it I get at that right-about-to-fall-asleep moment.) Is it weird that we haven't said "I love you" by now? I find myself saying all kinds of other three word terms of endearment (you're so sweet, you're so cute, etc..) and I think they are kind of substitutes for the big 3 words. He does too, for that matter. I've always been extremely nervous with him because of how much I like him, and he knows that, but I can't seem to get over the nerves! It's always been a problem for me, I was a nervous wreck when we had to discuss his moving in and it took me until the last minute to finally discuss/offer. Another thing: we are going to Mexico soon for our first real vacation together, to an incredibly romantic resort, all of which was his idea. Some people from my work have said, "He's going to propose to you," but I doubt that since we haven't even said I love you. Although we have discussed our future, kids, talk about things "when we're forty" etc. indicating we are both on the same page with eventually wanting that. Anyway I pretty much dismissed it until recently, but then we had an odd conversation wherein he mentioned him going to see my dad – without me. That struck me as really weird, it has never happened and I don't know why he would want to do that! But still, he couldn't be thinking of proposing before "I love you" is said right? Sorry this is long and thanks for the advice.

Reading your post is weird because your g/f sounds exactly like my b/f's ex (except the timing would be off.) But anyway having gone through the whole ex issues with her and my boyfriend, I feel as if I know "situation" of a girl like that a bit. The main reason they broke up was because she wanted to go overseas, and he wasn't willing to wait indeffinately. To me, a girl like this thinks only of herself. She would LIKE to have a boyfriend at home, patiently and faithfully awaiting her return. More power to you if you can do that. But how do you know that she will ever return, and that she will be content in one place when she so desperately needs to travel? I don't think she knows what she wants in life or in a relationship right now, probably is too young or too immature to know - I am young but mature and know what I want out of life already, have begun a career, bought my fisrt home vs. someone only a tad younger who is still figuring out "what they want be when they grow up"? It seems like it is leading someone on to tell them you want to be with them, invest the time to develop a relationship, and them say "Uh, but I'm going to do my thing and that is what comes first." I have no doubt that what you have said already is the cause of her behaviors. Be careful though as she has the potential to hurt you when it comes time to leave.

I guess the answer that you want is that rebound relatinships don't work.. I think anyone whose ex goes into a "rebound" relationship before they are really over them wants it to NOT work out, to prove that the ex couldn't possibly have gotten over you that quickly. (Thus making you the loser who couldn't let go and move on..) My answer is kind of mixed. I guess I was/am the rebound girl for my b/f, a few weeks out of a 2 year relatioship with a girl I think he though he would be with forever. And it' been almost a year now so in that aspect it can work. However, looking back on things he probably shouldn't have started dating me so soon. I could tell at times that he wasn't completely over her yet and it has made me very insecure. We've discussed it and he said he couldn't help the timing, he just liked me so much even though he was PLANNING on taking a "long break" from dating anyone. And I knew I shouldn't date him but wanted to anyway so that was my fault. And, she continues to be a problem between us in that she just won't go away for good...Trying to stay friends with him... So, I guess it can work but I think there are always issues for all involved when someone goes out of a serious relationship and into another very soon. Everyone is to blame, but it creates unpleasantries. From my end, I wish she'd just accept that he's with me now and stay out of our lives. But from where you sit, she's probably doing exactly what you are: hoping that if she hangs in there (as his friend), eventually we'll break up and he'll realize she is the one for him.. I don't know what to tell you, give it some time but if he continues to date this girl then just accept it and move on.

Well, from the "other side", this may not be what you WANT to hear. But maybe in the long run it would do everyone involved some good. In response to the person who said that the other girl was probably just a way to get over someone... I started dating my boyfriend not long after he'd broken up with his ex of 2 years. (Not three days, but less than a month.) He almost didn't call me back, he told me, because he wanted to be sure he was "over" his ex, but decided that he was and we started dating. Now it's been 9 months, and his ex decided SHE wanted him back, did what you did, called him, cried, still writes him love letters... None of this makes me very happy, but the fact remains: he is still with me, not her. He's told me their differences haven't changed, although he's still obviously emotionally tied to her in some way (by taking her calls), he has moved on. Don't become that terrible, psycho ex who stalks her ex-boyfriend. I do agree that you should forget about him and move one but the bottom line is that if he wanted to get back together with you, he would not be dating someone new. I'm sorry, I know it sucks and I would probably feel the same way if I were you. But the problem is that he has moved on and you haven't. It will take time, but you'll get over him and realize that you can find someone new who is even better than your ex. Each failed relationsip teaches you something and the next one is usually better because of that.

I know (unfortunately better than most) that no words will really help the pain that you are feeling. I know that people mean well in saying them ("I'm so sorry for your loss", "They are in heaven now/at peace", "May God comfort you") but they feel so empty in comparison to all that you are going through. I lost my older brother in 1997, and my younger in 2003. So, all I can offer in addition to my sympathy is my advice and knowledge to you. Things won't ever be the same, or ever really be fully "better" again so don't expect it to. Also, it takes a long, long time to even begin to get through the grieving process. Alot longer than many people think.. I am still not quite past the worse of dealing with my younger brothers death. I would say that the next 2 years are going to be tough for you and your family. My best advice to you is to remember the good times, and be grateful for the time that you had. (I felt slightly ripped off in that I felt 20 and 21 was too young to die, but I still wouldn't trade the time that I did have, the experience of growing up with siblings, how close I was to my younger brother to have never had to endure all the hurting their deaths caused.) Try to be strong for your parents, they'll need you more now than ever. Also, expect things to change with them, they will never be the same. As hard as it is to lose a brother you were extremely close with, I hear (and have witnessed in my own parents) it is much harder to lose a child. Mine grew overprotective and it bothered me at first, now I just try to deal with it as best I can and be there as much as I can for them. I know that your brother will always be with you in your thoughts and in your heart. He will always be a part of you, of your life, even though he is gone. Here's a poem I liked and a website that I found helpful b/c it showed me that there were many others in my same (or similar) position. link removed My Brother With a burdened heart and a troubled mind, I kneel by the side of his grave And I cry for my brother, I love so much, For no longer can I be brave. I know he'd hate to see me cry. But, everything's gone wrong And I need to tell him I love him. I haven't told him in so long. He used to dry my tears away And put a smile in their place. Oh God, I'd be so happy If I could only see his face. You see, I miss him terribly. We were close, him and I. He taught me so many things, Lord. He took the time to answer why. Why did he have to leave me? I feel so all alone. I long to hear his voice, again, To call him on the phone. Oh Lord, please give me strength To bear this awful pain. Tell him that I love him, Lord. Slow these tears that fall like rain. Assure me that we'll meet again, Upon your Golden Shore, And once more he'll be my brother In Heaven, forever more.

Well, it's been a few months and I've tried to just forget the whole nasty "I want you back" letter ever happened. Things have been going well, except I can't quit worrying about what's going to happen in June... Well, last night we went to dinner at Chili's where his ex worked for a few years. An old friend of hers came over to my boyfriend and started talking to him. It was a group of us, so I tried to get involved in a conversation with some other people and not be listening in (took the advice on not snooping anymore), but everyone else was sitting further down and I couldn't really get involved in a conversation so had no way to block out their conversation.. She asked if her still spoke with her and he said no really. She was like, "No way! You guys don't talk anymore? I don't believe it, how long has it been?" And he said, "Well, we email. It's been about 2 weeks." And she said, "She's coming back soon, isn't she?" (I knew that already, but now I can admit to knowing it from her and not snooping...) Finally after this girl just talking about his ex and him for a WHILE (felt like forever to me, I was very uncomforterable), she asked him if he was dating anyone and I guess he pointed to me (didn't hear him say anything) and she was like, "Oh, sorry!" and left. This girl, like his ex, is dumb. Too dumb to realize he was sitting with a girl and MAYBE she shouldn't be blabbing about his ex? I know his ex is dumb because her letter was the worst spelling and grammar I've ever seen for a college grad...Seriously a third grader could do better. I'm very smart, and he likes that a lot about me so I wonder how he could have dated someone not so smart like her.. Basically, she was talking as if they would certainly get back together since she's returning from Peace Corps. And he admitted they keep in touch regularly. And I know (from snooping) that she is trying everything to get him back, so their correspondence CAN'T be platonic as she is practically begging for them to get back together. She ignores the fact that I exist, that we've been dating for 8 months now, like I'm just someone temporary to him until she gets back so she'll choose to ignore my existence completely and I don't know how much he agrees with that or doesn't, if at all. When we first started dating, he was honest about his recent breakup but said that he was sure it was over and that he was ready to date someone else. He said if he had ANY remaining feelings for her he wouldn't have started seeing me. But now I wonder... The distance was not their only issue, I learned from mutual friends. I only hope he remembers that. Apparently she doesn't want to live in FL where he and I both live and have family. (She was here for college, family is in Maine.) Also, she considered being a lesbian at one point and wasn't sure about all that..My hope is that he sees that clearly I am the better choice, because of my intelligence and the fact that he won't have to support me (I am a professional with a great job, actually make more than him) like she is assuming he will do if they get back together... Her college degree is the easiest and won't get her a job.. She plans on doing nothing but letting him support her so she can do her "charity work"... Anyway, after dinner I told him (not all at once but throughout the conversation), "I just want you to know that I'm not only smart but very perceptive as well. I pick up on little things, and even if I don't say anything, not much gets by me. It's very hard to put something spast me, and even if you think you have most likely you haven't. I usually know more about things than you think." He acted dumbfounded, but I had a feeling he knew what I was talking about even though neither of us said it. I think he was afraid of saying the WRONG thing! So, now the question is: 1) Do I say anything else? What if he brings it up? 2) My problem of her is still there... what to do about that if/when it becomes an issue? 3) Should I just stop agonizing over this and dump him before he can do it to me (and risk losing the best guy ever...who I am completely in love with yet haven't been able to tell him becuase of all these fears that I'll lose him.. Saying it is like admitting it to myself and opening myself up to getting hurt). Another interesting tidbit: my ex, an abusive lowlife who I dated for 4 and 1/2 years, is in jail and had himself moved to where i live, where he has no family /friends.. Haven't told my boyfriend about it. Maybe I can casually say, yeah my ex is in town, he called/wrote me and we are going to be friends now.. To make him see that it's NOT cool to be constantly talking to your ex?? I know it will make him jealous, he's gotten jealous about some of my guy friends before so I know it will work... Any ideas or advice will be GREAT as I'm still having major anxiety over all this...Thanks.

I appreciate the good adivce but wanted to add one thing in response to the last comment, about taking a step back and looking at things independent: I know that many women are very incapable of indendence and get desperate/clingy just to have a man and I think you may be feeling this is sort of what's going on with me. This is NOT the case for me, I was in a 4 and 1/2 year abusive co-dependent relationship and learned a lot. It took a lot of courage and independence to leave, and I dated NOONE for a whole year so I could learn just what you said - how to do things on my own, how to accept being by myself, etc. And it worked wonders. I now know that I can make it just fine, with or without a man, which I think is one of the things that helped my current relationship. The new insecurity reminds me of the "old me" which I DO NOT want to return in any way so that's why I was asking for the advice- I don't want to turn into a crazy, jealous psycho in a relationship consiting of contant fights when right now things are perfect. I think I will trust that she is just trying but won't sway him - we've discusssed how she tried to pressure him into marriage. I think the fact that I do not pressure him, give him his personal time with friends and don't grill him on things (where were you/who were you with/why were you out so late, etc..) is one of the things he likes the best about our relationship compared to with her. So I shouldn't let my insecurity turn me into exactly what he and I don't want- someone like her! I just really hope this doesn't backfire on me and end badly because I don't know if I can handle it too well - between the abusive relationship and the deaths of my two brothers in '97 and '03, I don't think I could take much more and this great new relatipnship was exactly what I needed to give me hope that life could be good again. If it ends terribley then it only reinforces my original thoughts: that life basically sucks and is full of pain and hurt.

Thank you guys so much, I feel better already to hear from others that it does sound like her issues, not so much his or mine. I admit the idea of getting pregnant was a stupid one, I know it's never the right reason and is still no guarantee as far keeping him is concerned. I knew it was crazy, but it did pop into my head at the thought of this girl trying her hardest to get my man. I was totally ok with him and her being friends, although he did recently (before I snooped and found the letters) allude to the fact that it is hard to be just friends with someone you dated because you can't erase that history; probably his mind changed once he started getting the letters and phone calls. He told me at the beginning that their breakup was a mutual decision and ended amicably so remaining friends seemed normal. I just can't believe how she is acting, like they are still a couple and I am nobody, instead of recognizing that I am the person he is with almost every day, I am the one who he's sleeping with, someone he has introduced to his family (before I ever dreamed of bringing him to meet mine – which he has finally, and they love him). I guess she is just crazy, she did make a mistake because he's a great guy but her loss is my gain and I think him and I make a better couple than her and him because we have more in common and do have the same long term goals/want to settle in the same area whereas they did not. Last question: I still feel like I should discuss my new insecurity about her with him so I can finally put this matter to rest, but how do I do it without admitting I was snooping? I do feel badly about it, I don't normally do it but couldn't resist when I saw the hearts and that it was from Maine.

Here's the situation (as quickly as possible, it is complicated): June 2004 my boyfriend broke up with his girlfriend of 2 years. They parted amicably, she wanted to move back to Maine where her family is and his life is here in Florida. She wanted him to marry her and felt that would solve everything (still didn't settle the differences of where they each wanted to settle down). Anyway they broke up and I met him 2 months later. We had an instant attraction and began dating quickly. I worried about being a "rebound" for him but we talked about it and he explained their situation to me. He said it was definitely, definitely over or he wouldn't have started dating me, in fairness to me, if he wasn't absolutely sure. Things were going so, so well and still are. We've been dating 6 months now and haven't had a single fight – not even come close! I feel that we have an ideal relationship, I trust him (jealousy was a problem for me with my ex because he cheated on me) and have no problem with him going out with the guys, and he trusts me. We share a lot of things but still have our separate time as well. I've been scared to tell him that I love him for the first time, but I'm pretty sure we both know it without having to say it. I can tell by the way he looks at me and the things he says like, "I was watching you sleep last night for a long time. I never do things like that, but you looked so beautiful and peaceful," and "everything just keeps getting better and better with you." We've discussed what we both want in the future, which is marriage and kids, and all his friends and mine (we met through friends, so we now have a common group of friends – his buddies from college, one of whom a good friend of mine married…) have made references to us having kids/getting married/etc… Once, his ex called him like 3 times in a row until he finally turned off the phone. He told me they still speak occasionally (I respected his honesty) and that she called herself his "stalker". I knew immediately she wanted him back, but she's far away so I didn't worry too much. But today, he left for work earlier than me and I noticed an envelope with hearts on it from Maine where she is. I hate to admit it, but any girl in my position would snoop which I did. What I found was a letter professing her undying love for him and her feeling assured that they would end up together again someday soon when they "figured stuff out". She said stuff like, "I want to have babies with you and die next to you. This experience has only deepened my love for you. Happy Valentines day, I wish we could be spending it together my love." She also sent him a belated Christmas gift – CD's she made for him with pictures of the two of them on them. Now I'm desperately afraid I'll end up getting terribly hurt if he gets back with her and dumps me. Am I just a placeholder until she comes back here (may not happen but the way the letters read, she just might if she thought it would work). I know he told her he is with me now, but she just ignored that fact completely in her letters. I considered dumping him just so I won't get hurt if it happens later, but that's like letting her "win" and I don't want to lose him. I also considered telling him how much I love him, but I don't think it should be just out of response to this I want to say it when it feels right to me not because of her. My main question is: what should I do? I don't want to tell him I snooped, but I need to know what is going on. Is she just crazy, and if so I think he needs to tell her to back off. I was tempted to tell her to back off, but feel my getting involved with her would only make things worse, it's something he needs to do. Last month, we faced that I could have been pregnant but wasn't and he said it wouldn't be a terrible thing if I had been, so when I read her letters I though, "Maybe I should get pregnant, he wouldn't care and then she'd back off for good!" But that won't solve anything, she could still try and it's really not the right time for us. (I'd like to be married first, but like him it wouldn't be terrible to me if it did happen now. We are both at good places in life, have good jobs, I bought my first home right as we started dating, etc.) When he told me they talked occasionally, I was kind of ok with it initially but now I would like him to cut off contact completely. How do I tell him this without creating an ever bigger issue? This just could be the foundation for our first fight, I just don't want our first to be our last.