heloladies21

Hang on dude, did you ask her for her number or did you expect her to just give it to you?

Tell her straight up. It'll avoid all of the game playing and you'll be able to move on for real.

Well Luke, I hope you know enough to ignore the feminist preachings which don't even come close to addressing how this is going to affect you, which is the only thing you should be concerned with. As guys, no matter even if we have been rejected, we will still be attracted to a girl no matter what. Going back and trying some sham friendship with someone who you're attracted to will still end up frustrating you even if you are in a relationship already. This is the reason it's not good to be friends with girls you're attracted to, the constant hit your self esteem will take by not being able to get someone that you want (ie. not being good enough). So best to let it be. You gave it your shot and it didn't work out. Learn the lessons you can, leave it in the past, and go try again with someone else (when you're available of course ).

A doc won't help as this isn't something medically wrong. No kind of medicine can cure someone who isn't emotionally attracted to you anymore. We talked about this in an earlier thread. You can get married to her if you want, but nothing's gonna change. It'll just get worse until one of you finally gets fed up and dumps the other one.

Good for you on getting back out there by the way. Keep at it with other girls and you'll get this down in no time. I'm not sure why you asked her this? Cause when I'm talking to a girl, the last thing I want to know about are the other guys in her life. It's one thing if she brings it up (as a test to see how you'll handle it), but nothing good can come from asking her this at this point. Basically, this is the kind of question a friend would ask another friend, questions about her love life. It sends her a weird vibe if you're trying to be romantic with her, but asking about her situations with other guys. This is probably one of the things that pushed you to the backburner when she checked her calandar. If I did ask a girl something like this (other guys), I would fully expect that I would have to show some jealousy and possessiveness after she started talking about it. Or if she brought it up, I would confront her on it and ask her why she's telling me this stuff. You only want to know if she's single. Then you have an open door to proceed. You gotta tease her about this. Like mildly make fun of her about it. Cause if you just accept it completely with no resistance or consequence, she's gonna get the impression that you have no self confidence and ability to stick up for yourself. You want to let her know that you notice the fact that she's kind of dissing you, but you don't take it so seriously. You dothis by mildly making fun of her about it. That's a lame excuse. Same here, you need to rip on her about it. Come on, favorite TV shows??? If you just say "OK, maybe some other time then" (click), then you lose out on an opportunity to show you're something more than the rest because this is the way most guys would handle things. Again, I'd show some kind jealousy about something like this. This was another test. Until she becomes interested in you above the superficial level, she won't ask you any questions about yourself. It's up to you to show her that you're something different and can capture her interest. You're on the right track and didn't do bad, but this is a tough game out there and girls are very finicky (which they should be) about who they get involved with so your "game" has to be air tight.

No, girls only do things because it is what they want to do it, not because of what is right for them. Look at all the girls chasing after these players who cheat on them. The right thing to do is to dump him and move on, but they stick around because of the emotions. They simply want to do it so they do it. No, girls will go against family wishes to do what pleases them. Well you wanna text her for the right reason. If you just wanna talk to her to make yourself feel better or to just let her know you care about her without addressing the core issue, then don't do it as it will get you nowhere. If you don't feel like you are strong enough to accept the rejection, then stay in NC. But if she tells you that she still needs time, and you think you are strong enough to interpret it the right way and say "If you truly believe that you are meant for someone, then you don't need time to figure it out, you just do it", then confront her on her stalling and indecision. But this would be it, no going back as you would truly be moving on.

Yeah, see that way of thinking needs to be changed because relatinships aren't about power struggles, it's about caring about the other person and showing it. If it's gotten to this point then it's nearly impossible to bring it back. Best thing you can do if you feel up to it is to call her up right now and clarify the situation. Say "Are we gonna do this relationship or not?" Then let her answer. But beware thatif she answers with anything other than a yes, then she is BS'ing and you need to call her out on it and not accept anything less. Then you tell her you only want a relationship and nothing less and if she's not interested, then you prefer to stay out of touch. Then do NC. Then move on for real.

No. She pulled this stunt in order to see if you truly cared about her. But your lukewarm response of surpressing your natural human response showed her that you don't care thatmuch about her. Think about it, you would only get upset, mad, jealous about someone that you care about. It would've shaowed her that you cared. That you were emotionally affected by what she did. This is the way girls think and communicate and either you learn and adapt how to speak this foreign language, you get constantly cheated on/dumped. You sound like a nice guy, but it's to your own fault when it comes to chicks. Because they want to know above all else that you care about them. You accomplish this in many different ways and telling them is just one of them. But you have to back it up with the actions as this is the way chicks can tell if you are being honest with them or just putting up an act. So drop the nice guy act and start being real.

This type of apathetic response tells her you don't care about her. I personally believe you care about her, but this is what she hears. Here's whatI would do if my gf pulled similar stunt, I would immediately confront her on it. Be very direct and say something like "Why are you talking to me about this stuff? This isn't the kind of stuff you tell someone you care about and want to care about you." I bet this type of apathetic, here's what i think but do-as-you-please attitudt is what's causing all the problems you encountered in the relationship. So make a decision to drop the holding your feelings inside act and stick up for yourself anddon't accept anything less and you will have successful relationship.

This relationship is over. She has emotionally checked out. If you don't dump her, she will eventually end up cheating/dumping you.

I'm surprised how often people try this kind of test to see if their partner really cares. It has a bad unitended effect though as she basically hears "I have no problem being your 2nd choice, thereforeeee I have no self confidence and don't really care if you stay of go (don't really care about you)." You do bring it up and mention it to her, but you don't follow through. You'll have the argument, but there will be no resolution. So things will end up just starting up again. Too much lying and disrespecting. Of course she will have some contact with her ex regarding the kid, but her contact is also extracurricular to that. It's all fishy to me. She might end up getting back together with her ex, but it won't last as exes are exes for a reason. But one thing is for sure--she does not believe you are the man for her.

Good for you on noticing your flaw. This is a problem which affects the majority of men in western civilization when it comes to girls. Guys just have a real problem when it comes to sticking up for themselves and seeing the truth. If you wanna change, think about how you would handle your gf flirting with another guy if you could do it all over again. What would you do differently? For me, I would instantly confront her on it. I would be very confrontational and aggressive in addressing the situation as I have been very disrespected. I would basically put the whole relationship on the line and if she didn't shape up, I would dump her. This is more of an internal change you have to make. You have to come to the decision that you are going to stickup for yourself and then act on it.

I'm not giving you advice on what to do or anything because everything is already set in motion and there's no way to stop it. 100% positive you two are going to break up.

Before anyone goes defending his gf,read over his old posts. Your gf has shown plenty of disrespect to you so if her actions with others are the same, then this is the reason why she gets picked on. There's nothing you can do to help her get friends. You should be more concerned with handling your relationship right so that you don't get dumped/cheated on.

It won't impact the situation as for sure the things you are going to apologize for really had nothing to do with the break up. You sound like a good guy,but it may be to a fault because typical "nice guys" have a hard time showing negative emotions like jealousy and possessiveness when it's necessary.

You stud, don't you know that you will not only get back to 100%, but you will take this knowledge and become happier than you've ever been before? The lesson you've learned is one I didn't learn till I was 25 and you've learned it at 21. You're well ahead of the curve. Just keep expanding on your social life, get out there and try new things like you've been doing and you'll get where you wanna be in no time. You can trust me on this one too

Good for you, it's a start. Next time you can ask her how her trip was an a conversation starter and extend the conversation longer then ask for her number/on a date. Post what happens and then we can give you the feedback.

Of course other guys don't care about you. I mean, they're not in a relationship with you, so they owe you nothing. It's all up to your girl to keep things sane and on a platonic level. The responsibility is hers. And never let her use any excuse like "it was the alcohol" or anything like that. She knows the possible negative impact drinking could have so once again, the responsibility is on her to keep aware.

You're not overreacting and if you keep being passive about this stuff when you should naturally be reacting and showing healthy jealousy, then she's eventually gonna dump you/cheat on you. Some guy she's known since she was a kid and obviously nothing sexual between them, alright let them be. But some guy she just met and making comments about him being sexy...not ok. And before I get the feminist flaming, think about how she would react if you became friends with some girl and said something about her having a sexy shot. Do you think your gf would sit back and have no reaction? Not a chance, you'd hear about it trust me. You're gonna have to develop an intuition about what is your insecurities and what is BS. Right now you're getting some of each, but not reacting to anything. And kind of mentioning it doesn't count, it has to be with confidence of she'll see right through it and assume you're not for real.

It's confusing to me the reason why so many guys use this method of basically befriending a girl in order to get her romantically. It must be something in the media that pushes guys towards this misguided method. As a man, why would you want to hear about her other men and problems in her romance life? This is the last thing I want to hear about when I'm interested in a girl. If a chick brings it up, end that subject and start a new one. Most of the time I openly challange her on bringing it up. This is a common test girls do to see if you are romance material or if they should put you in the friendzone. The natural reaction is healthy jealousy which lets her know of your intentions. So drop the friend act and never try this route again. It will only lead to your doom. Let her know you see her more than a friend then see whatshe says. But if she's not interested, then she never will be and it's best to drop her entirely so you can free up your time and heart for someone else.

That's fine, but be I'd stay away from giving her more time and space as it's been long enough now and there is the highest probablity thatshe won't give you a straight answer and will string you along while she considers her options and you are no backup plan. If she's not 100% all about you after this whole relationship you've been in, then you don't want her anyways.

That's gonna be tough to do, see her without being emotional. More like an impossible task. Let her know what's going on. Call her and tell her that you need some time alone to figure out what's going on and what you want. There's nothing wrong with it. But be prepared thatshe might not respect your request and will contact you anyways. In thatcase, she is being selfish and you have to stick up for yourself and what you want. This is all about building back up your self esteem first. Once you've done that, everything else falls into place. Nc is the path.

Well teasing is a skill you're gonna have to learn of you want to effectively flirt with girls as well as addressing their lying, flakiness, etc. It's really the only way I can think of to handle this type of situation. As for how to do it, it's best shown through examples. Here's something that happened to my brother last year. this one girl set up plans to meet up with him. When the day arrived, she never called (typical flake). She called later on that night saying how she didn't fell well/slept through blah blah blah, BS excuse basically. My brother was about to blow it by staying all quiet and serious and stuff. So I chimed in and got involved saying stuff in the background like "I don't know about her, she sounds like trouble to me" in a real sarcastic tone so it was very obvious that we were making fun of the situation/her but not in a malicious way. They ended up going out a different night under the pretense thatshe would be making it up to him (I think she owed him a drink or something for the flake) and eventually becamse bf and gf. I had to do something similar with my current gf when she flaked out on me. It's all in the tone of your voice. You can say so many different things and they would all come out the right way if you say them the right way.

You do smart to notice the trend. When a girl loses it for a guy, is ultra hard to bring it back. Break ups are for real, it takes a lot for a girl to dump a guy as their natural instinct is to stay with him. So in the end, it's best to view the relationship as over for good unless she does something extraordinary to change your mind. As for your question, both NC and LC are ineffective at bringing back your ex. LC has been beaten into the ground and I've seen it fail exactly 100% of the time. The only thing that comes out of it is a lot of false hope, wasted time, and broken heart when she drops you in the end. You need to do NC until your emotions cool to the point where you can think rationally. You'll know when the time is right to get backin touch, but you're not making any progress right now. The you can get in touch and finalize intentions. but if she's not 100% interested at that time, then she never will be and you can move on for good with no doubts. Then you NC from then on.

Try it to make sure, but this kind of thing doesn't work. Neither does this "friends back into a relationship" method. It has proven 110% not to work in cases like yours. You don't want a friendship, you want a relationship. By accepting a friendship in the meantime, you basically tell her "hey I'm not willing to stick up for myself and what I want." You need a bit of NC to get your head in order. She'll still be there when you're ready, but you're not making any progress in your current state of mind.