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heloladies21

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Everything posted by heloladies21

  1. heloladies21
    You do yourself a disservice by keeping in touch with her. Overlooking the fact that your method of trying to get her by this "friends" route which is a flawed method to begin with, now that she gave a relationship a try and decided very quickly it wasn't for her, it's becoming obvious that she is not interested in the same things as you. I know it feels good to come here and vent every once in a while, but the problem with venting over and over again like this is that the underlying problem still remains. So the relief you feel is temporary. I know you might not be able to help yourself from pursuing her at this time, but if youcontinue to feel frustrated and confused by the situation months of even years down the road, just keep some of this advice in mind. Hopefully it'll help you pull through.
  2. heloladies21
    Well since this is in the "getting back together" forum and by your words in your post, i can still tell that you still have way too high of an emotional attachment to even be accepting calls from her right now. You need some complete NC so that you can regain control of yourself, then you can address the situation later. Once you're ready, you can cpntact her and clarify her intentions, but all of this dancing around the issue is getting you nowhere but a lot of speculation, false hope, and wasted time.
  3. heloladies21
    In cases like yours, NEVER. Search the archives, even if a relationship is started up again, it's always falls apart after a short time.
  4. heloladies21
    If things haven't progressed within a month, then chances are that it won't happen. i don't know what to tell you about the friends route, because it doesn't make sense to me. I'm a decisive guy, if I like the way a girl looks, I make my move. If not, then I don't bother.
  5. heloladies21
    I believe you that you're not a complete doormat, but there are many stages in between being a doormat and being 100% and sticking up for yourself fully. Think about this example. You said in another thread about how she just can't seemto shake the pain that her ex caused her and this is preventing her from fully committing to you. Obviously a doormat would just let it slide without saying a word, or comfort her or something like that. You've obviously addressed this with her and let her know it's a problem, but she still notices the end result--you're still with her. 100% sticking up for yourself would ential telling her to get over it and if she didn't, then you proceed to dump her. No threats or anything, but you're for real about this relationship and this problem will fester if not addressed to this level. The relationship that brought me to this site 2 years ago broke up for this very same reason. Relationship after relationship of mine would suffere the same fate. This time I did something different when confronted with the same situation (tol her "i'm not looking to waste my time here, so you need to get over your past and all the stuff that other guys did to you because I'm not those guys"), and she got over it that same night. So these are my experiences (my brother had the same exact same thing happen to him), take em for what they're worth.
  6. heloladies21
    You're not making any progress if you stay in touch in your current position. NC is your next step, it's just a matter of when.
  7. heloladies21
    It's taking too long to develop and if she ain't with the program at this point, then she never will be. Best thing to do would be to get on the case with other girls as her indecision is actually her decision.
  8. heloladies21
    Well, even if it was this, it deserves a similar response. Implying that I'm expecting anything more than or even just a kiss? That's an insult to a man's integrity. If it was a problem with the last guy, I'd be insulted that she's comparing me to other guys. In any case, best way to avoid all this speculation would've been to clarify and say "what do you mean?" But I can't think of any justifiable reason for saying what she did.
  9. heloladies21
    e) None of the above This is a textbook case to a problem that has so many men perplexed. How come all of your relationships have this gradual decline on sex until the final day when you get dumped? It's not a coincidence and this is not the way relationships are suppose to go. A chick's sex drive is very much tied into how she emotionally feels about you. The stronger she feels about you, the more she's gonna want you. So this is a bad sign that she has checked out of the relationship and it's only a matter of time before she pulls the plug. Just from what you describe, you sound like a "nice guy", but it's to the point where you'll hide your true feelings and you probably have a hard time fully sticking up for yourself. You don't show any negative emotions like jealousy and being upset and this translates to any girl--"I'm not being honest with you." Obviously she's gonna be skeptical about someone who acts this way. So that's where your problem lies. It's up to you to see it before you can change it though.
  10. heloladies21
    I'm not sure why you answered with this. Think about it, she basically told you that she's not attracted to you yet. What's that suppose to mean? It was basically a backhanded insult. I would have immediately called her out on her dumb comment. This isn't the kind of thing you say to someone who you're interested in and want to be interested in you. It was just a dumb thing to say and deserved a different kind of response cause the one you gave shows low self confidence or that you're hiding your feelings for some kind of ulterior motive (sex). Chicks don't like either one of these.
  11. heloladies21
    I'm not giving you any advice or anything because a chain of events have been set in motions which can't be altered. When all is said and done, you will not end up with either man.
  12. heloladies21
    No, and if you're still having these thoughts then you're not ready for any kind of conact yet. Give it some more time.
  13. heloladies21
    I'd be mighty powerful upset just with this. What's it to her if he looks happy with his new gf? Read between the lines, he's still on her mind and in her heart. Immediately I'd adress something like this. As for the other statement, that deserved some kind of response, not too harsh though. But it did bug you so it needed to be clarified. A simple "What do you mean" and you'd show her that it affected you (which is what you want because it's the truth).
  14. heloladies21
    So many different reasons why she loses interest in any of the other guys, but in your case she felt as if you weren't being honest with your feelings. Think about it, I'm sure she wasn't 100% perfect before she cheated on you, but it doesn't sound like you ever confronted her on any of her BS. Like if you got upset or jealous, you would just put on a happy face and let it slide. Always putting her up on a pedestal, even when she didn't deserve it. She had a reason to doubt how honest you were being with her, so start showing some of your negative emotions so girls don't think you're being fake.
  15. heloladies21
    You got it. I was very much afflicted with the same thing only until about 7-8 months ago when my brother brought it to my attention that I might be making a mistake by acting the way I did. Relationship after relationship of mine would gradually die out and fail just because of this very thing. But now that I've changed and made a conscious effort to address even the smallest thing on the spot and make sure it gets resolved every time, current gf can't get enough of me. She knows for a fact that I care and am being honest about it. Old habits are hard to break sometimes, but you'll get there. And once you do, you'll be in the top 1% of guys in this world who actually understand women and can have a successful relationship with them.
  16. heloladies21
    While doormat guys is a big problem, with you I sense something different. I believe you that you're no push over. What I see with you is that you don't show your emotions enough. Too much "It's not important enough to make a big deal about it" or "I don't want her to think that I'm weak by showing that I'm emotionally effected by this", but that translates to a chick "I don't really care about you." I believe that she respects you, but she's not 100% convinced that you care about her and are ginuine in your feelings about her.
  17. heloladies21

    trust

    heloladies21 replied to grn's topic in Dating Advice

    Stick up for yourself and confront the issue head on. Tell her you want to be in a real relationship here and you'renot about wasting your time with someone who isn't serious about this. Then see what she has to say. but if she's not with youon th idea, then time for you to cut it off as you would just develop stronger feelings for someone who isn't for real about you.
  18. heloladies21
    Dude, go on the date. It's as simple as that.
  19. heloladies21
    It really doesn't matter if you confront her or not. Once a women who is with you, shows an interest in another man, the relationship is eventually going to end.
  20. heloladies21
    We need to find a way for you to outlet the anger. Take out your frustrations in the gym or something. You don't want to react anything emotional to her because it would come back to haunt you and not provide you the relief that you're looking for. It's a tough world out there Caldus, especially in the beginning when you're trying to figure out the basics of women. But things get better as you start to figure things out. You're just gonna have to try and toughen up your skin in the meantime.
  21. heloladies21
    You gotta ask yourself why you wanna call her or text/email her. To let her know you still care? Why would you wanna let her know that when she's made it obvious that she doesn't care about you? If you're still at the point where you have this unconditional love for someone who dumped you, you still need no contact and that means no texting or emailing either. This is what to do if you wanna do what's right for you.
  22. heloladies21
    It's hard to learn, but talking to girls on the phone is a necessary tool if you want to get girls. It would be nice if you could just bypass this and get straight to meeting up with her, but your chances are really low that she's agree if you call her up, say hi, and just ask her out. You have to prime her up, give her a chance to get to know you a little more before you put her in a position to decide whether or not to meet up with you. Teasing is a skill you need to learn. It's a sarcastic tone, misinterpreting what she says in a funny way. Watch those Austin Powers films to get examples of this style of talking. If you learn how to tease a girl, you'll never run out of things to say. You'll even be able to get away with some of that "what do you do for a living" typical 20 questions type stuff as long as you keep mixing up the flirting in between. Before you know it, you've had a 20-30 minute conversation with her and she'll be comfortable enought to meet up with you.
  23. heloladies21
    Well let me give you an example. If I wanted to address an issue like you tried doing with your girl earlier and she gave me an answer like "I don't want to talk about it right now", I'd immediately call her out on her behavior, even to the point of laying the relationship on the line. Think about it, your girl basically told you "I don't care about you." If she told you this straight out, wouldn't you get thoughts about dumping her? I would break up with her straight out on the spot by saying something like "Listen, we need to talk about this right now because this is important, but if you're don't care enough to talk then we're both wasting our time in this relationship." If she still doesn't talk, then you have to dump her and get out of the relationship because you're in it with someone who doesn't care about you. If she does want to talk, then you have her attention. Remember that she can't control her sex drive, so the discussion has to be more than just a talk about that. The real problem is that you feel she has emotionally drifted so you need to know her true intentions in the relationship. I know you've probably never dumped anyone in your entire life, but if you don't show any kind of willingness to walk away and stick up for yourself, you show the girl that you don't care. So no more being patient and giving her time to work through things, no giving her time and space, drastic times call for drastic measures. I've done the apathy route many time, limiting contact, acting aloof, it's a quick way to get dumped.
  24. heloladies21
    You should definitely do as you've stated. Contact her and get right to the point. There's no need to go through any kind of courting phase or anything like that, she already knows what you're all about. So let your intentions be known and find out what she's interested in. But beware, because if you hear anything other than "OK, I want to get back together too", then she is stalling and that kind of indecision only leads to false hope and wasted time.
  25. heloladies21
    I don't apply my own feelings to any of the advice I give. It's all based on what I've seen.
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