Danica

Well yes it does totally suck and it just keeps getting harder. But I did make a decision that I need to get away from both to be able to tell what my heart truly wants. I'm going to go back home and stay with my mom so I can make this decision on my own. Someone earlier said that guilt could be the reason I keep coming back to BF and that does make sense because I obviously do feel guilty. I just need to decide which life I want and stick with it and now I think I figured out the best way to do that. Thanks for all the advice you guys are awesome and really helped.

Well sex with the other guy is great (which I didn't realize it even could be) Other guy really wants the baby and is great with kids There's something sort of special in that it was almost love at first sight Other guys family is great and I'm very comfortable with them (I'm uncomfortable with BF familly especially after what I did to him) Other guy has been fairly understanding of my confusion and my bouncing back and forth but now that there is a baby he wants me to figure it out so we can get on with our life. BF and I spent 8 good years together memories and all that stuff BF knows me like no one else knows what to do to make me smile laugh etc.. The comfort I have with BF because of the time we spent together (he's my safe place) BF has never given up on me or us no matter how much I hurt him in fact he just keeps trying harder.

yeah I guess i did. Right now I have a chance to fix it (if it can be fixed) but I miss the other guy and well I'm almost sure it's his baby and he wants desperately to have it and me for that matter. I think part of the reason that I'm not trying hard to fix it with BF is that I feel I don't deserve him anymore. Nothing seems to make me happy, when I'm with one I want to be with the other. Honestly I wish there were 2 of me so I could make them both happy. I know that in a way I have been trying to have my cake and eat it too by dragging the BF along and coming back then leaving again I'm just so confused. The thought of giving up either of them hurts so much but I realize that that is exacly what I have to do and then stick to it.

3 months before anything really happened 8 months now.

OK this is a bit long but i feel i have to tell my whole story. I met my boyfriend of 8 years when I was 18 we had a great relationship although sex has always been a bit of a problem in fact until recently I thought I just didn't like sex at all. Other than that our relationship was great. We get along so well and are so comfortable together, he understands me like no one else does he truly loves me more than anything else in the world and I do love him too. We spent 8 years together. We always had financial problems but we always got through it together even when it got bad and trust me it got real bad (at one point we were living in our car). So we decided to take a chance and move accross the country to a more prosperous area with the hope of higher paying jobs and a better life. All was going well he got a great job and although I was just waitressing the tips were great we were making more money than ever before things seemed to be working out. One of my first days at my new job a customer came in and I knew the moment I saw him that there would be something between us I don't know how but I just knew. I know this is awefull but to be honest I expected it to end up as a quick fling purely sexual. Well somehow I fell in love with him. While my BF was away for a week at a work training course I spent every night with him for the first couple days I made excuses and lied to my BF but then eventually I just told him. It was an awefull thing to do because he was far away and couldn't do anything. He obviously took it very badly and even said he didn't want to live anymore. When he got back I packed my stuff and left into the arms of the other man. Many tears were shed by both, I still loved him and hated hurting him but somehow my selfishness allowed me to do it. After moving in with the other man my BF (now ex) started exchanging text messages I missed him and I told him so, I contemplated going back and I told him so, Eventually I actually did go back but only for 2 days I missed the other man and I love him too, then I left (again) and went back to the other man but the texting did not stop. So here's where it gets really hard I am now pregnant I'm 95% sure it belongs to other man he really wants to have the baby. I got scared I guess I'm not really sure why but I left him a week ago and came back to the BF he loves me so much that he is willing to take me back even now. HE's also willing to take care of the baby. So here I am pregnant, confused, and in love with 2 men both of whom love me tons. Any help would be much appreciated.