Box Diver

Completely shaved

Thanks...when I get balls to say it....it's going to be something like that.

I understand. Not to give you my dirty work (which I am), but how can I phrase it to her? Something like, if you're not willing to see a doctor about this, I don't know if this relationship is going to last in the long run?

Thanks for all of your thoughtful posts so far (realized I haven't thanked you). I realize our sex drives are different....I just want her to see a doctor about it, you know what I mean? If there seriously is something wrong with her (if she was abused, if she has low libido, etc). I would be 100% understanding about our sex life. I really would, and I mean that. It's just difficult that she won't make any attempts. If we broke up....and I found out later that she was sexually abused/had low libido...I would be crushed. With the ultimatum thing....I just hate feeling like "that guy." I have a sister a year younger than me....and If a guy told my sister (in some form or another), "if you don't have sex with me more, I'm breaking up with you," I'd be a little upset. I hate this position I'm in though. Should I just use the ultimatum (though it's against what I think I should do)? Is there a way I can put it so that it doesn't seem like an ultimatum? I posted this in another thread, but I did tell her once that a relationship without sex is a friendship...and she cried for about 30 minutes saying she can't believe I said that...asking if I thought she was just a friend, etc. I took back the comment later.

Then why has she been with me over 5 years? I've tried to "not say anything" for a couple months at a time...but how long should I leave it alone? For a year at a time? I think by doing that, I'm telling her it's okay to not be sexual and that I agree with and and don't care (not the case). She knows it's an issue. Now, if I said that to her...she would probably break down and cry. She would also take it as an "ultimatum." That's where it's difficult for me. How do I say to her that I can't see a long term relationship without sex without basically meaning "either we start having sex, or this isn't going to workout?" (without obviously saying that second part)

I've sat her down more times than I can remember. Everytime she says "I don't want to talk about this," "why do we have to talk about this every month" (it's probably every 3-5 months)

There's a difference though. I'm not asking for sex everyday. Everyday is one thing...less than once a month is another. I agree that sex is a big thing....and I am imagining the situation for the rest of my life. In fact, that's the ONLY reason I haven't proposed to her. If we're not compatible...I should probably just end it, right? It would be really hard to throw away 5+ years when I KNEW 2 years ago this was a problem. I'd probably punch myself in the face. I figured as time went on her hormones would change....I'm wrong so far. She won't go to couples therapy...and I'm not getting married until this is resolved. No illnesses, medication ,etc. Yes, but who wouldn't suspect it? We haven't had sex in nearly 2 months...and she's telling me she thinks she's pregnant. What else was I to think? I'm pretty sure she's not the 2nd coming of Mary.

Read above posts. And I've tried the "not pressuring her" to have sex. I've gone months without sex...but she doesn't bite. She won't initiate sex...it could be a year and she wouldn't. Her simple answer is "I don't like sex." I've thought about option #3, but could never do it.

We're pretty honest with each other...so I've straight out asked her...have you been molested or raped? I've asked her probably 5 times total (in the last couple of years) and she says no every time. I realize I need to mention the "status" of the relationship being in jeopardy..but the weird thing is (if this makes any sense)...is that the relationship is perfect if you don't include the sex. Then again, it can't be so perfect, can it? I ask her if she's attracted to me sexually....and she says yes....says I have sexy eyes, sexy body, adorable face, etc. so it's strange. I've thought about it before, trust me. I know this sounds strange...but I can't see myself without this girl. I think I would regret breaking up with her everyday for the rest of my life. I know not all women cheat, and I know not all women are "untrustable"(probably not a word)...but I know this girl would never cheat on me....and I could trust her with everything...and that means a lot. But then I think of myself...should I really be using my right hand for pleasure...especially when I put all the time in for a relationship? I know I can't "force" her to get help....and I know I can't force her to have sex! Trust me...it's hard enough to have sex with someone who tells you to "get it over with." I went through a period of having slight Erectile Dysfunction because of it (i'm over it). And as I said to someone else she's said time and time again she hasn't been abused. Even if she's lied to me (which I'm sure she hasn't)...how would I ever know?

I'm sure you guys have seen my threads before regarding my girlfriend. If not, you'll get the jist here. -We have sex once/month tops(with missionary only....and she uses phrases like "please finish already" "finish as fast as you can.") -When I mention sex, she always gets mad....and does it ONLY as a favor for me -She tried a blowjob on me once and said it was too big (I'm only 6.5 inches, not small, but not big). She will NOT perform oral sex on me -She will not allow me to finger her or perform oral sex on her She claims she has no libido. I told her we will see a doctor, and I will pay for ALL costs involved....because it's important to our relationship. She said sex is not important to her...and she's REFUSES to see a doctor...no matter what I say. She says that I have to respect the fact that she doesn't like sex. I said if she goes to a doctor, maybe the doctor can help...and that she is missing out. She says she doesn't care...won't go...and I neet to accept it. Well...I want to marry this girl....but the only reason I haven't proposed yet is because of the sex. I could see if I was 60 years old my wife only giving me sex once/month....but we're 22 and 23 years old. I shouldn't have to feel guilty everytime I want to have sex. And hell...I shouldn't feel "not wanted" physically by my own girlfriend. I haven't pleased a girl in over 6 years. It's not that I'm not capable.....because I've done it before. She just won't experiment. And even if there's something wrong with her...she's stubborn and won't see a doctor. What should I do? I've talked and talked and talked to her about this....literally hundreds of times. What is there left to do? I really don't want to "threaten" to leave if she doesn't change her ways...but sometimes I feel like doing it.

That is my assumption because sex is a very rare occurrence. That..and the fact that her group of guys friends all would like to sleep with her...and I know she finds them attractive and she is also very flirty. I just mentioned the cheating thing as a possibility...not a probability. As for breasts changing because of the period getting close...it's not for another 2 weeks...her breasts usually don't get sore until 2-3 days before..quite a jump. Can you guys name some more reasons for me as to why they would be sore? It would give me and her a piece of mind. Thanks.

Thanks for the info. She has this "thing" in her head that she'll gain 5-10 pounds. I'm not sure where it's come from...unless it's just a reason to not go on it.

I see what you're saying, but do 22/23 year old girls/women grow breasts if the last time they grew was at age 16 (what she told me)? I'm not saying it "can't" be mine. I'm just saying it seems very unlikely that one sex act in 2 months WITH protection would get her pregnant. And yea, she hasn't missed a period. In fact, the time we had sex was 3 weeks before she had her last period (been quite a while). She is insistent on taking a test though. No birth control. Speaking of birth control, do all women gain weight from birth control? My girlfriend refuses to go on it because she does not want to gain weight. I've been trying to get her on it for about a year now, and she refuses.

Title says it all. My girlfriend is almost 23...and is experiencing breast soreness. Her period isn't due for 2 weeks . She had her last one 2 weeks ago. Is there ANY other reason she would have breast soreness (and growth) for the past 4 days? She claims that her cup size has increased at LEAST one size, maybe two. (I haven't seen her in the last week, so I can't tell). I'm afraid she cheated (but could never say that). We have only had sex one time in the last two months...and it was with protection. Again, do Non-pregnant women in their early 20's experience breast soreness/growth for reasons other than being pregnant? Thanks.

Thanks all for the responses. I had no idea there would be so many. I actually said to her today regarding sex and messing around...that two people who do not do those things are simply friends. She took offense to it...and almost started to cry. She then asked if I thought we were just friends...and I said of course not, but when we never even makeout anymore or fool around (not just sex) that it feels like friendship. She did not like it at all. I felt bad afterward...but the more I think about it I dont. Should I mention this again to get it through her head? Ive done everything I can. I offer to go down on her, offer massages, offer to pay for a sex therapist, whatever doctor care she needs...and she responds no to all of the above. She will then say "you need to love me for who I am, not who you want me to be." I said I do, but sex is a big part of love. So here I am, 23 years old turning 24 very soon. Five years of my life have been spent with her. If she decides to not be open about sex or fool around, I am honestly debating whether or not to end it. Sigh... Anymore advice?