Andy223

In your situation it is very easy to be reactive. If you are reactive to the situation (as in you give in to things which happen outside your environment), you will feel pain in the long term. revenge is a very reactive response to a situation. This might make you feel better in the short term, but in the long term you will dwell on your actions and discover that revenge is not the right thing to do. You are seeking self-justification and validation from your ex. By getting him drunk, you are giving in to his own actions! you are guided by your ex's actions. If you seek revenge, he will still be control of you, cos your actions are hinged on how your ex reacts! you may not be able to see this, but it is true. Do you really want to lower yourself to his level? no! you are better than that. By not giving into revenge you will not prove how great you are to every1, you will be telling yourself what a great person you are and that is far more important.

I agree with everything renaissancewomen just said. If you are looking to improve the way you preceive and think about yourself, i strongly recommend reading books my paul mckenna and listening to his audio tapes. He knows exactly what he is doing, and uses techniques which have changed peoples lives... check it out

"sorry ___, actually I don't want to go out with you. You're not my type." but then to be funny I was like "and to know what you're missing, this is how hot and prestigious I am (!)"... and listed some instances of prestigious guys that hit on me... It was totally meant to be teasing/lightly humorous but came off as being arrogant and conceited instead, I guess because I already rejected him... and people were like 'omg, what a b****...' The problem with using the internet, and this is one of its disadvantages, is that it is very discrete. Even though you were trying to come accross as teasing, to every1 else, they will read the words for what they are. In order for some1 to understand teasing, they need to see facial expressions and hear tone of voice. I suppose we shouldn't have met in any case, although I could have if I really wanted... I don't know. Ultimately he is too good for me anyway, so there's no point in feeling sad about it....right? it probably wouldn't have worked out in the end... but why can't I get him out of my mind? :sad: ](*,) okay this is what i dont get, first of all you want to go out with him and u ask him out, then suddenly when he shows a bit of interest u start playing games. (okay it might be a bit of fun) but if some1 did that sort of thing to me i would leave, (as i would see it as being manipulative and immature) teasing people in person is different, doing it over the internet is going to leave yourself open to insults. And you wonder why he suddenly lost interest!? u probablly cant get him out of ur mind cos phsycologically u knew u cld have had something, but u were idiotic about it and screwed it up. nevermind!

do you have any interest in this guy, other than being just friends?

it means that ur buddys girlfriend was gossiping with the girl that you like.. she was gossiping about you, and she was very happy when they were talking about you. i think she prolly likes u too

when a girl is giving you her number she is giving you more than just her number... She is saying that she has some kind of interest in you, giving away fairly personal information that could be abused by you, and having the possibility of some kind of future contact with you. So there is a little bit more going on than just a "phone number" its more complex than that to her. To just presume that its okay for her to give you her number, is the wrong way to go about it. Asking a girl for her number once you have built up rapport is polite and shows common curtisy. Trying to find a manipulative way to making her give you her phone number achieves nothing. The simpler you make it the better. Dont over complicate it

"hi, are you Jeremy? I need to talk to you, please step outside with me" I respect this guy for telling you what was going on between your wife and him. I expect he feels a bit guilty (i would if i was in his position) I also get the feeling that your wife is feeling guilty about it, which is a good thing. Even though ur ordeal seems to come accross as being negative, i picked up on a lot of positive things... and i think you could work it out. Confronting your wife and putting her in the spot light, made her put up her defences which is why she denied the affair. telling ur wife that u cheated on her when u didnt was the wrong thing to do, but things like that happen in the heat of the moment. its not as bad as actually cheating on her. You said that she fell to the ground and started to cry... This is where i can see some positive things. The fact that she was crying is a good sign, cos it shows that she still cares for you. If she walked out of the house angry at you, then it would be different. there is no conclusive evidence that she did cheat on you... you can not be sure of this unless your wife tells you she did. At the end of the day your kids are the most important things... so is your marriage, but not as important. In my honest opinion, i think you can bandage things up, but the only way you are going to be able to, is to be completely honest with her... on every subject... this will help bring more trust into ur relationship. If you are honest with her about something... she will be honest with you, simple. the best option is for both of you to sort things out... give it one last try... not just for the kids sake but for both of you.

NC is powerful because people want what they can't have... there is a big pshycological explanation but i cba to go into it

You're life is more important than any girl or any guy... or anything anyone could possible do to you. You are unique, u have a chance to make it in life, you know this.

If you want to get a womens number in a hurry and not come accross as too available, keep it simple: You may have heard of little special tricks like getting one of ur mates to ask a girl for a number for you, or useless scams / chat up lines. These dont work and will come accross as being very fake. When you ask her for her number, you are asking her to make a decision and she will make that decision on how she feels. thereforeeee, you need to make her feel good when you ask! make sure u do things like... smile, maintain eye contact, keep the conversation focused on her, using her name, talk about something u two have in common. Make sure that when you talk to her, you are clear and articulate. Its not what you say but how you say it. Make sure u portray confidence when asking her (thats number 1). keep the conversation short... make her laugh, or compliment her (then ask for her number) Leave on a good note and call her the next day. easier said than done i kno, just keep it simple

relationships have been known to end, usually by loss of interest. If a partner becomes boring (predictable) unexciting, the other partner will go off and search for other lovers. Human beings are attracted to exciting things like metal to a magnet. Women are also attracted to men on a subconscious level, and if the partner fails to provide this level of attraction, then the relationship will fall apart same thing goes with cheating, if a guy or a girl cheats on you, then he / she isnt attracted to you... its simple! Never allow yourself to become predictable and boring.

Ok Aporia you have to understand... that if you dont give us enough information we cant help you. his text "you cant make up for what you have done" is a very powerful message. Someone at the age of 23 would not say that unless you actually did something harmful to your relationship. (i'm not saying you did... but he thinks you did) i dont think u realise the seriousness of it... talk to him about what the problem is! phone him... sort it out, dont ignore it. If there was no real reason for acting the way he did, then you should save yourself the bother and leave him

"My friends suggested that I snoop thru his things" lolol can i say that you should ignore your friends here... what if he catches you! then that will give him a good excuse to do whatever he likes. I think that for your friend to come up with the assumption that he was cheating, just by being seen with another girl, is ridiculous. You have no concrete evidence, only assumptions. Carry on, as you two are. I think your friends could be jellous (dont hold me to that). If a guy looses interest in you, he will cut off contact with you for a long period of time... even if you try to get in contact with him.

you are a girl right? well just ask her how you 2 feel about each other.. if she doesnt feel the same way u need to respect that. once you respect that, it will be easier for you to get over it

sleeping is a natural process which is used for many things, one is to help keep you mentally healthy

he needs to feel more comfortable around you.. i expect he hasnt had a lot of experience with women... why dont you try ringing him up... invite him out... get to know him a bit better. talk to him more in more lengthy conversations. This will make him feel much more confident and more comfortable

okay, lets think about this logically... how many people are there out in the world... (6 billion... prolly more) Now what are the chances that, that 1 person you found was you'rone and only soulmate!? 6 billion to 1.... You may have felt a strong connection between each other, but there is no way that he could possibly be the only guy out there for you! its just ridiculous!

yeah what i said lol

k mate, here are some tips: 1. know your purpose (why are you approaching this girl, what do you want to happen ideally?) are you trying to get her number, ask her out, or do you want to get to know her better? or are you trying to practice talkin to women? 2. notice something funny about the situation. (the best way to approach a girl or people for that matter, is to have a purpose for starting the conversation) come up with something humorous and unique about the situation. (of course it doesnt have to be humorous) 3. think of an open ended question> think of something you can ask... anything... women like being asked their opinion on things 4. start talking to her, use eye contact, smile and say your comment. and carry on. 5. when you ask for her number, make sure she is either smiling or has laughed at something you said... you dont want to keep chatting to her, and chatting to her consistantly otherwise after time she will see you as a friend. you have to make the moves... unfortunately thats the way it is. The first time is the hardest (but once you take that leap of faith... it will become much easier)

okay... there are 2 ways you can play this. When i mean "play" i dont mean play games, dont ever play games with people they backfire. What im saying is you have 2 choices. You can either 1. (discuss this with him and tell him that you feel badly about the situation with him and his ex) 2. (Remain at ease with the situation... do not mention it to him, unless he mentions it to you) Now i can tell you, choice 2 will get you much further than choice 1 and let me explain to you why this is... if you seem at ease with the whole "EX" situation, your boyfriend will be supprised. He is expecting you to get curious, he is expecting you to comment on it and be uncomfortable. He may not be doing it delliberatly, but he knows your jellous. You must keep a lid on the information that could be damaging to your relationship. Take a few seconds to run through the event in your head. (You walk into his room, see her photo... then you get upset and franticly ask if there is anything between him and his EX. He then says "there is nothing wrong... stop bothering me" he leaves the room), (you get more upset and the situation gets worse!) If you are mysterious about this, you will be more in control of the situation and he will be drawn to you. Try not to chase and compete for his attention (that is what he wants you to do)! Seem as though you are content with your life (still meet up with him and talk to him of course) but dont mention the "EX" subject in a negative way. This is important If you let yourself become jellous and competitive over his EX, he will get fed up. A mysteriously attractive person would let him do whatever he wants and doesn't worry about it; communicating a calm strong confidence which is extremely rare! here is a tip: - He has her photo pinned to the mirror... instead of saying "why have you got her photo in your room!" instead say "she looks really nice, i like her hair!" The human brain does something strange here in how it reacts, but he wont be expecting that comment! it will have a positive effect! manage to keep a lid on information that could be damaging to your relationship. I cant stress this enough This may sound like the opposite to what you want to do, its hard to hide your emotions about it, cos you feel strongly for him, but it is a much better option than getting annoyed....

You wana know where to meet women? EVERYWHERE... anywhere you can think of. Ill give you some bad examples of where to start conversation with women - When a women is at a night club, she is expecting to get hit on, so she will put up her defences. In a place like this, all the guys she sees will want to hit on her tonight, and you are going to have a hard time getting anywhere. (A great way i found, is to make friends with some girls, get to know them, then invite them to night clubs) You will be amazed at how much they will lower their defences around you. - Try to think of places "normal places" such as check-out lines, stores. Places like this, women arnt expecting to get hit on by some randy guys.

You are concentrating on the PROBLEM not the SOLUTION separate your facts and assumptions. Write down an area in your life which you might be lacking. Then underneath this problem right all the statements, which makes you "think" this statement is true. Once you have done this, walk away from it for an hour then come back to it. When you come back to it, cross out all of the statements that are not facts. By facts i mean (i went into a cafe and she walked out the door). An assumption would be (i went into a cafe and she thought i was ugly so she walked out the door). This is just a random example of course. But can't u see that the last statement was an assumption and there is no way you can be sure it is true! When you do this a few times, you will only trust your positive thoughts not your negative thoughts. Negative thoughts are irrational and ususally have no concrete evidence of them being true. Also, instead of highlighting the problems you have, think about the solutions, think about (what can i do to solve each one of these problems) Do this and in time it will work. It certainly helped me. I just changed my thought process, and my life has got so much better. Concentrate on the SOLUTION not the problem

the only person who can put it right is you. I can tell you loads of stuff about how to do it, the best way to do it etc, but you are going to have to work it out. Picture it like this (knowing how to make a car engine inside out by looking at books doesnt not enable you to make the engine from scratch). The only way you can make the engine is by doing it yourself through practice. same thing applies here. If you trust in yourself you'll be fine

trust me mate, if you feel good about yourself and trust in you're abilities, you will succeed... carry on feeling good about youself (the only way is up)

okay... so what if you dont look amazing, what if you didnt have the same body you had in you're early 20s... this doesnt matter. looks are what get women interested in you initially, but when it comes down to it... looks dont matter all that much to women at all. if you convey a strong confidence in yourself when talking to women, you will get all the respect you need, and respect is the cornerstone to any relationship, without it a women cant be attracted to you. if you are constantly worrying about what she thinks of you on a date, then you will intuitivly give off negative feelings. I dont say this to make you paranoid. A clever way around this, is to judge the girl you are on the date with (does she meet up to you're expectations of what YOU want) If you make every date like this, you will give off extreme confidence. to me, you are describing yourself in a very negative way, women are going to pick up on that if you go out and meet women and it doesnt work the first few times, thats life. The secret to success is failing and learning from the mistakes. The more you fail, the more you learn, the more you will put right and the easier it will become to achieve what you want to achieve.