annie24

Hey there - I'm glad you're getting rid of him. So, I have a question for you... Don't take this the wrong way, I'm just curious for my own future reference... How did he hide this from you for 2 years? Did you have any indications he was cheating on you, but you chose to overlook them?

humor, yes, but not being a drunkard!

ok - so, it's not you... you're still brushing your teeth, right? so, then, I think it's time to sit down and talk with her to figure out what's going wrong. You're not the first poster here with this problem... have you searched through the older posts?

Alrighty - you're going to get some mixed opinions, but I think you should tell them. My rationale is the same as yours: so you all can get tested for STDs! who knows if it's just 2? It could be way more! Now, just prepare yourself for any backlash. They may not believe you, or they may choose not to believe you. Or, he may find out, get mad, and yell terrible things at you. I wish you Good luck and Good riddance to this man!

No... no... by "moving" I meant - is she moving away... physically? To a new city? What about you.... have you let yourself go? Have you packed on a few pounds since you met her? Do you still romance her, bring her flowers, take her out on dates? Do you dress up for her?

It doesn't matter if you percieve the problem as minor. You can break up with someone for any old reason. Remember the old Mike Myers movie, "So I married an Axe Murderer?" He broke up with a girl because she smelled like soup! Now granted, he had some issues (obviously!). A breakup does not have to be a democratic decision - or even a logical one. The heart wants what it wants. Accept her breakup. Give her space. If she wants you back, she knows where to find you. Keep yourself occupied. New friends, new hobbies, new dates... etc. Good luck!

I think this is the right attitude. I'm basically the same way. Why would I want to stay in touch with a man who has looked at me and all my qualities, and told me he doesn't want to spend time with me anymore. Ick! No thanks. There are plenty of people out there that DO appreciate me and want to hang out with me. I think that's the right thing - talk to her, only if it's an emergency - fire, flood, or blood. But even then... isn't there someone else she can call?

Ok good! Now that that's taken care of.... Hmmm.... I think you should sit down sometime (not in bed!) and have a talk about this. Ask her if she's going through something. Maybe she's nervous because she may be moving soon... (I don't know... just a suggestion). Tell her that you find her attractive. Use a lot of "I" statements. Don't make her feel bad for not satisfying your needs. But, try to really emphasize how much you love her and love being with her physically. Hopefully, you two can come to some kind of compromise. Good luck!

No danimal - I've stated that I've had guys break up with me, who then later have been the first to re-initiate contact. Basically - this guy knows that she is still interested. She's done enough. If he really wants to see her, he will pick up the phone and dial her number. If he doesn't, then obviously, he really doesn't want to see her all that badly. Now, that doesn't mean he doesn't still think about her from time to time, but if someone doesn't physically pick up the phone, and dial your number and tell you that they want to see you again, just how interested could they be?

Erm... first off, what country are you in? Because this sexual relationship is illegal in certain countries. I don't advise getting into a sexual relationship with a minor. (PS - I moved this post into a more appropriate forum )

Ditto to what Hope said. Until she says or does something that really stands out (ie, she kisses you, or says, "let's get back together"), you should figure that she is only interested in your friendship. Don't read too much into things.

Danimal and Avman are absolutely right with their posts. bf/gf relationship are like cats, if you try to hold on, they will get resentful and run away. And when you are aloof and not paying attention to them, they come and sit on your lap and want to cuddle. I've been in similar situations. When I have broken up with guys, and they started crying or begging and pleading, it right away turned me off. I wasn't interested even in being their friend anymore. I just wanted to get away ASAP. The men I broke up with, who said, "ok - that's cool" and then went on to do their own thing, having fun, I would see them around campus and think, "ooopss... maybe I made a mistake." Then I would try talking to them again, to see if they would want to come back. I've also been on the other end. Guys have broken up with me. When I did the crying/begging thing, it just pushed them away farther, and they would make excuses as to why they didn't call me, "I lost my cell phone - I had to get a new one" or "Oh - I went on vacation, it was a last minute decision - I didn't even have time to pack my bags." (Yeah... whatever. ) But, when a guy's broken up with me, and I said, "ok" and moved on, got new hobbies, new friends, new dates, suddenly, some were back, asking for a second chance. Not all, but some. What I'm trying to get accross is that your only chance of getting back with him is to MOVE ON. It's hard. And it's counter-intuitive. If he sees you happy with a new life, and new friends, that might make him change his mind. Crying, and begging are not making you look more attractive in his eyes. If you want a job, or to be accepted to a certain university, it requires persistence. Lots of work, lots of phone calls, resumes, etc. Relationships are not the same way. I really think you should seek some counseling. Also, you said you don't really have friends in the boston area. I think you should join a church group. It's a great way of having a tight-knit community. I see the 20-something church groups in my area always organizing BBQs and camping trips. It seems like a really fun way to meet new people your own age. definitely - DON'T ask him out for his birthday. It was his decision to break up with you. He knew what he was getting into when he did that. Just remember: if he wants to be with you or see you, he'll call you and ask you out again.

I was a veggie for years, and trust me, it doesn't bother us (or at least not most of us) when others eat meat. Hopefully, she's not the type that would impose her morality on you. In which case, you don't want her anyways. How about a movie, and then get some ice cream? Or, like you said - you can take her on a drive, stop somewhere to get some coffee, maybe go to a local museum, go to an interesting bookstore. Or, ask her what she's in the mood for. good luck!

hmm... why don't you try being friends with some girls that you don't find attractive to help you deal with talking to girls. I'm sure that the attractive girl that was looking at you was hoping you would go over to her and say hi. You should do that next time.

Hi - How about this: Call him and leave a message when you know that he's at work. Just be like, "hi - just wanted to say hi and catch up." Make it sound light. If he calls you back, see how he acts towards you. Good luck!

Hi - It's ok - You'll laugh at it someday. I know that I've had my share of stupid drunken acts and comments. Now you know that you shouldn't drink that much, because then you'll do stupid stuff. Don't get so down on yourself - chances are most of your friends don't remember what you said either.

it's ok - like DN said - somedays are just worse than others. Whenever you start feeling that way - get to the gym or watch a movie or something - anything to keep your mind busy busy busy. You may want to read a book on healing. I dunno - just some suggestions....

It's ok. Cry if you need to. How long have you two been broken up? In times like those, what helps me is just drinking tea, and watching a funny movie. Just something to distract you for a while. The pain will get easier over time.... you'll get through it. Take care of yourself, ok?

Well - lots of things can be going on. You should try googling insomnia, or check on link removed for more info. A few things you can do: 1) don't drink caffiene in the afternoon 2) the only things you should do in bed are sleep and sex. don't read or watch TV from bed, because then your body is used to being awake in bed. 3) try to go to sleep at the same time every night and wake up the same time every morning - even on weekends! 4) You may want to try some sleeping pills for the first few days to get you on schedule. 5) don't work out late in the day if you keep having problems, go to a doctor. good luck!

Oh no - you're not horrible. That works for me also. 30 minutes of work, then I go walk to a coffee shop to get coffee, then back to work...

Hey - I'm so sorry to hear about this. First off, yes, birth control pills can affect your mood. One possibility is to find a birth control pill that is better suited for your body. Next, have you read any self-help books for dealing with divorce? I think John Gray (of Venus and Mars) has one on "starting over." I would look at the library or bookstore, and read some books about healing. Also, look into free help. Perhaps your health insurance covers some therapy sessions? Good luck!

You don't have to ask us - I think that you have a perfectly valid reason for breaking up with him. If him not wanting to marry you, not wanting children, and not respecting you aren't valid reasons to break up, then I don't know what are. There is nothing wrong with wanting to get married and have kids and be in love and happy. Clearly he doesn't share these goals, so there's no reason to continue any longer. Honestly - he sounds like a loser. You work with a bunch of cops - mostly men, right? I'm sure that they must know lots of nice single guys that they could set you up with. But, only once you're ready to start dating again. You'll be fine. You have a good job, an apartment, you seem like you have your act together. I'm sure in time, you'll meet someone who shares your life goals. Good luck!

hi! Yes, I am also a queen of procrastination. I'm doing it right now! When I'm really serious about doing work, I'll go hole my self up in a library, leave the cell phone at home, and just sit at a quiet desk and work. I just say to myself "I'm not going home until this assignment is done" or whatever. If I'm trying to read, writing notes helps me stay focused. My guess is that whatever you're trying to study isn't really interesting to you, so your mind wanders.... I think concentrating while working or studying is important, as you'll be more efficient with your time. Get rid of whatever distractions you may have. Good luck!

Here's the thing: a lot of guy, actually, girls too will say, "I just want to be friends with you" when they are not interested in a person. A good deal of them don't even want to be friends, it's just something that they say to try to soften the blow. So, if you find he chases you when you back off, why don't you just back off! Let him miss you. Tell your other friends about your problems. Don't be so available to talk to him. Don't linger around him. Act happy, do your own thing. Start dating other guys. This may just drive him nuts about you, and he'll come back to you begging to be with you. Or, he won't, and you'll be well on your way to moving on.

I'm wondering now with his upcoming marriage, if he isn't being bombarded by people saying things like this to him. You know, his dad, uncle, grandfather, best friend, cousins, sister, co-workers whoever, all going on and on and on about fidelity and the sancity of marriage. Maybe everyone around his is kind of "guilt-tripping" him unknowingly. Maybe he's starting to feel kinda sorta bad about cheating while his fiancee is out there picking the flowers and the bridesmaid's dresses. Yeah... but once everything settles down, and all the presents have been unwrapped, and the thank you cards have been sent - I think you'll be hearing from him again. I wonder why he is marrying this girl in the first place?