law

Oh some_guy282, I know for a fact she did not cheat on me (sadly I have her email password and also know the full story), but I do know also at the time she was planning on sleeping with her new date although unsure of the idea or someone else later if it did not work out, but she was torn because (I know it sound s terribly ego driven ) but I am a f***ing good lookin guy. Just not appreciated after 6 years of relationship, my bro even says she was lucky with me and he was not trying to cheer me up. This is why she has tried to keep one foot in the door, because of the sacrifice she was making over some ruffer looking oik simply because at the time they were available and they were someone different. Well good riddence now. I am moving on and moving on up! she's now old school! She wants me she will have to get to the back of the que and then I might only hand her a picture of me, signed if she is lucky.

from their ex who dumped them? My ex of 6 years who left me to date another guy had a habit everytime of contacting me over something lame, to try and tell me how wonderful her life was and asking me about mine in which I never told her anything. Needless to say I could not be done with this BS so I have chose to not answer the calls she made the other day. She came to collect her remaining items from my house and spoke to one of my house mates why I was not answering and he told her straight that I can't be bothered then she reluctently handed over the house key she has no real use for that she has been holding on to. Me not being friends with her has been her worse fear and ever since we have split up 7 weeks ago she has just tried to make me jealous in some way every now and again. Now I gather this really is cutting off and inducing the fear of loss to her, but also I was in a loose loose situation with her anyway and need to move on, so to avoid further mental damage to myself I thought I would make the painful decession of not taking calls or emails unless it is a very important life or death email (not that I am an emergency service)

I wasn't thinking about just having one relationship, I was thinking of the ex being part of many other on going ones like a Thursday night girl or something. Yeah sure there will be a lot a of ducking and diving but hey.

>>depends...what do you want? eerrrr sex!

How do you react cold and distant, warm and friendly? just a normal hello, or just your real old self?

I like the idea of using the sword to cut those ties, and yes if I don't play any game and just move on ahead then she has lost and I have gained. I need to get some good women on the go, some with some stimulating conversation thats what I need, get the mobile buzzing with text messages again. And yeah its true about the friendship thing, I think it is a security thing, just so they know your there if it all goes wrong. I know my exs older sister who she looked up to, dumped her long termer and f**ks around while he sits there with open arms for her hoping that she will one day return. I think my ex felt she could play the same game as she said I should have his email address so I can b*tch about them with him about how our ex's are so mean. Stupid ol' bint, she has now seen how wrong she is to assume that I will roll over and play nice doggy like her sisters ex boyfriend. She said she hoped I was bluffing when I said I don't play friends, well look at my previous ex's sweet heart, I left them in the dust years ago.

Yes I can't say that we are argueing, well maybe we got off to a little shaky start with freedoms uncompromising take 'no prisoners' style but when explained he does have a valid point and hey we are now both now talking and understanding where each other is coming from. I know freedom you might say shut up but she (which I predicted), did not come to collect the rest of her stuff this weekend such as the important mail and remainder personal items . And she still has stuff of mine to return, I know maybe she has been busy all weekend but hey she at the moment lives 10 minutes walk and this has been dragging on for over a month, and I still do not have the house key that she made such a huge point about once for dropping off, so I don't believe she will use it to get in the house but I do feel a little jumpy that she could turn up at any given moment. You see these items are now our only final connection to each other, once she has returned my photos she accidently took with her and she collects the remainder of her belongings and then drops off the key there is nothing else accept meeting up in 9 months to finalise our joint financial status. I suppose I should really just carry on regardless of her dragging her heals on all this and not even bother wondering or care what her motives really are as she was the one annonced it was over.

>>But that being said, did you ever find out what you did wrong for her to run away? because self growth is knowing somethings from the other party, know what i mean? Yes, we were both bored but in love, in fact the biggest irony was I was considering dumping her as I was waking up feeling very empty most mornings and starting to imagine she was someone else, yet she was very beautiful. but familiarity breeds contempt. I did not have the b*lls to end the relationship as I had done so with a previous ex once and spent a whole two years living in regret (she was a real Catherine Zeta Jone lookalike beauty but a real bi*ch) so yeah I was worried the same would happen here so I just held on untilthe wheels fell off the relationship, but.... it did not just end, there was a date I was being dumped for, aaaaahhhhhhh! So yes it did have to end, but now with me being stabbed in the back from someone I trusted my life with, thats the bit that bites.

>>So what you are trying to say is that you wanted to teach her a lesson about the responsiblity of friend and relationship. Tell me, did she learn? First of all I do know what you were originally trying to get at and I am sorry I snapped back. Anyway yes, I don't know why, and I am pretty confident she is learning a very valuable lesson as she had a huge belief in her head that I would remain the same guy to her but minus the sex with her (she got above her station), now she can see that stabbing people in the back has consiquences not that I will personally reap the benefits. But the only reason I can look forward and no that I am going to be alright again and happy is because I have been down a simular road before and trust does come back after time, but you just have to learn to watch your back but not let them get any impression or know that you are insecure about certain things. From all my long term relationships I have just learned nothing lasts for ever and that people should also just enjoy the moment whilst it lasts, I hate being a cynic but I have never known life to be any different. I have met up with exs in the past and they have explained their regret later wether I have dumped them or they dumped me, not that it does any good for me once again as I am well and truly over them at that point but I basically feel satisfied knowing that everytime they think of me, they feel the loss, yet at the moment I am the happiest guy on the planet. For now though I just want this pain to subside and her to become a distant memory, thats what hurts, that I have been forced through no fault of my own to move that way. The sad thing is like I explained to her in the beginning, If we had split up with no one waiting on the wings and we went our separate ways to see other people then I would have been happy to be there for her and give her hugs when she needed them and to remenise about the past, now she wants hugs and phone calls and I just can't bring myself do to how she tarnished everything. So damn sad! Anyway thanks for your advise, it all does make perfect sense when explained.

>>I would think that the wound inflicted would be deep and you really need to step away all together, reassess your position and maybe consider talking to her after a few LONG months if you still want to be friends. If the friendship is that important to you, remember its you and not her. You are now handling your situation for yourself and not for her, but it doesnt give you permission to go out and hurt her. ok ok look we could be here all day discussing if it is mature or not to hurt someone back but personally as a defence thats how I work and always have done, but in this case I would not have felt so vengful if she had just left me alone, but no she had to come back and rub it all in my face. In fact I was polite and grown up all the way through even when she came to tell me how she may be having sex with her date that evening??. I even offered her two concert tickets for her and new date that we had previously bought for ourselves. Why would she do this? it was a loving relationship, we did care about each other, I was not abusive, I was not a drip. I tell you why, it was her uncertainty when I wished her well on her endevours even gave her and her new date to be my blessing instead of kissing her a*se and given her the satisfaction of me begging. I was going about my business and picking up the pieces she had left me with and preparing to get on with my life. I felt very let down and want more than anything for the bitterness and pain which I only show and share on these boards to go away. I still love and care about her but I know it is wrong, it does not do me any justice but as a human being those feeling simply do not vanish over night as you make it sound. I really felt if I got into the friends routine it woulddo me a lot more damage. There is a possibilty I will be friends another day but then again i said that about all my other ex's which were long termers too. It just don't happen, it is very sad and I am very disappointed if anything that it ended the way it did as I knew deep down that our friendship would be terminated but she could not and cannot believe anyone can be like that. I will find love again, it will take time, but what I fear is having a to enter a relationship thinking in the back of my mind the woman could suddenly turn from a loving dedicated girlfriend laying flowers on your mothers grave to then having a bikini wax ready for a new date with some one they have met only once before all in a space of a week. I don't want to be that person and I do not want any future relationships to suffer because of someone elses self-esteam issues and their quest for power and dominance over men. So in a nutshell she has left me with something and now I have left her with something. The value of friendship and how you do not betray people you care about.

Yes sure freedom it is as black and white as that isn't it? It has nothing to do with maturity, it is all to do with the complexities of human emotions. It is thereforeeee an immaturity in human emotional development to not understand and appreciate this.

>>If you dont have the self control to stick to your strategy then you are going to fail This what concerns me about myself, like am I pushing it to far, or not enough, I mean is emailing for her to much I mean I will not be friends as I said, the only time I will have for her is if she is begging, which she was but for me to call her, but I need a big damn sorry I f**ked up. I am hoping so far the last week and a half has been a real warning shot with a week and half of uncertainty and making her think if i will be in touch ever again, and now that I am 'just' its her time to hold on. Now I cannot keep doing this and she knows from my previous long term relationships that I do let go and move on. OK now I have already pretty much covered this in a previous post but I did not feel I elaberated on certain points and what I think is going on in side my head and my motives so here it is again. Now the 3 week NC at the end of the relationship really did work as it drawed my ex in with her curiosity and it gave me the opportunity to reject her twice and turn up 10 minutes late to meet her for lunch over the so called subject of finances but on my terms so when she asked me questions I could say what I liked and it was great to feel in control and reject her affections. Since saying I will not be friends with her after the meeting a week and a half ago I felt I did either the right or maybe wrong thing, I feel better for it now as it feel like I have thrown the ball back into her court, basically I broke NC just to remind her about me. It was a genuine looking reason I had to email her for, I was not going to email but I felt after a while I look bitter, so I sent just an short polite email saying there is is some important looking mail of hers that needs collecting and that the rest of her belongings are ready for when she is ready to collect. That was it, it amazing how it gets this pathetic after a relationship to anylize something as tiny as an email. I got a very damn quick reply saying great she will collect it all at the week end and then told me about a new place she is moving into and that she will give me the details of it when she is there next month????? Now I did not or never have asked for details of her new address and I thought this as a reply to a guy who has said he don't want to be friends was kind of weird or pretty irrelevent to my email. Anyway I just then replied thats really good to hear and I am happy that she has found somewhere large enough for her to settle into. Now, I don't know what my motive is maybe just the power, I know I can't chase (althoughI suppose I am in the smallest way possible) and I don't feel like I could ever take her back, but there is a certain magnetism there even after everything that has happened. I have sought of used my own reverse psychology mixed in with things I have read like below. And in the beginning when she announced it was over I did not plead or beg I just agreed that it was the best thing for us and I wished her well for her and her date, which look like it did throw her. Here is some little notes I have read: This rule only applies once a certain level of appreciaiton has been attained. The need to withdraw only comes AFTER you have established your presense (5 whole years of it) Now I have been reading that by withdrawing something from the market, you create instant value. and the moment you allow yourself to be treated like anyone else, it is too late--you are swallowed and digested. (happened to me) To prevent this you need to starve the other person of your presense. Force their respect by threatening them with the possibilty that they will lose you for good; (I don't play friends) create a pattern of presense and absense. (my quick email) By begging them to comeback, or giving us another chance, or asking them why they don't love you anymore etc;. You are only giving her MORE satisfaction, when what you should have said from the outset when she first brought up breaking up is, "That's a relief. I thought I was the only one feeling this way and I didn't want to hurt you. Thanks for making this easy on me!" (Glad I did not beg and I said something on the same lines) Now plan is to get some women and geniunly enjoy myself which I originally wanted before she dumped me for a date.

Well I have just gone and done it, I have just broke NC, and emailed her innocently regarding her mail thats gathering at home, and I was polite and none emotional. She has offered to give me her new home address when she moves to it for some reason, but I have thought, she knows my stance and my position on how the relationship ended up, and I can be friendly to show I have no bitterness as I am fine now with out her, and with the friendship thing, well I mean I don't have to call her hang out with her and share personal information about me which is what she would like, I am not going to give it to her I will become a mystery and disappear in to the city, but I have decided not to tell her I am not going to give friendship to her like I did previously, keep them guessing, thats what I will do, keep them all guessing, the whole freaken lot of 'em. I will just leave it all uncomftably open for her and now its time to get on with my life and get the girls chasing, if she wants a piece then she will have to join the que.

>>(but remember, good friends are hard to find) But I have hundreds apon hundreds of friends, so her friendship for what she has done is not the greatest loss, the good memories which I have been forced to choose to forget about are a very big loss, she f**ed up its plain and simple. The truth is, I don't want and need her friendship, we were at the time very good friends and got on very well but I ain't up to being her good little friend to talk to whilst she is seeing another. She can't have it both ways. It is the way I was tossed to the side like a piece of rubbish so easily that got me. So yes I would like her to feel part of my pain and loss. If I explain to her my feelings it will help her know that she made the right descision as it is a pressure on her and this is the only reason she has been bouncing back, because I showed no regret.

does it really hurt them and make them think hard about the choice they made?. Does it make them feel rejected? My ex girlfriend of 5 years left me very suddenly to date someone else a month and a half ago to someone she had only met twice for a drink. Since then I have not contacted her but have replied to a few un-avoidable finance releated emails. The relationship was friendly I was not too needy and gave her enough attention but we both were curious about the outside world so expected one of us to dump the other soon, but not to dump for another person. Which is what I have a problem with. Well anyway to the emails after the split, she also pushed me into meeting up with her a couple of weeks ago, I guess through curiosity, although I was very apprehensive about it and said no a few times I did show up. She did not mention there was anyone else but asked me if there was anyone, she said she would like to meet up more and for me to call her and she wanted to hug and kiss me before I left the meeting, I said I did not miss her anymore and that friends is out of the question all for what she did to me in which she seems oblivious to any wrong doing or any trampled feelings. My question is this, I have hidden the fact that I do have feelings for her as much as I dislike having them after all this. But can refusing friendship out of general principle for her actions have a simular effect to what dumping someone does. Will she now share the feeling of rejection as I have not chased her only rejected friendship. It has been a couple of weeks now from the meeting with her where she bought me lunch and I have not heard anything since. Has anyone out there had there had their friendship rejected, what does it feel like if you brought in on yourself for your actions. Or maybe you have rejected friendship and found a short time later your ex starts to call and plead forgivness. She almost begged me to contact her and I have almost be tempted but I feel it will be wrong and it will be rewarding her, as she was in the wrong and hurt me terribly and and I should march forward as she will gain the power if I call and continue friendship. What could she be now thinking? Has she been sitting by the phone? could this be the end of her? should I make an excuse for an email, which would be easy so that I am in her mind or should I just leave it and move on? have I set myself up as unobtainable thereforeeee now a challenge?