ShySoul

Hi Fairyhugs, That's a very moving story and I'm sorry that you've had to go through this. I know it must be hard on you, especially around this time of year. Grieving is hard for everyone and different people deal with it in different ways. It's okay if your still hurting, you'll always miss you mom. Time well help ease the pain, slowly but surely. In the meantime, find someone you can talk to about this. Talking things out and having someone who cares about you and is there to listen to you is always a big help. How about your father? He should be willing to help you through this and should realize that he has to do more to help you out now. If this doesn't work, try a school counselor, a trusted teacher, or a close friend. Talk with someone. Don't worry about acting your age, being mature and responsible is something that will benefit you in the coming years. And remember, it's okay to be sad. There's nothing wrong with missing her, as long as you don't let it take over your life. Try to enjoy yourself and have fun. Know that wherever your mom is, she loves you and is proud of the person you are.

Something may be wrong and he hasn't felt like doing much lately. Maybe he really was tired or wasn't feeling well. Or maybe he just has a different idea of fun then you do. Not everyone thinks a "night out with the boys" is all that fun and something there interested in doing. I'd whether stay in then watch a movie full of explosions and girls in skimpy outfits, does that make me boring? I've never had much luck with girls, does that make me a loser? But I still like to have fun in my own way. Instead of getting upset with him, try to look at it from his point of view. What''s his personality like, what is he interested in? Getting upset with him or judging him as no fun and a loser doesn't do anything. Maybe you just have different values and interests than he does.

Well, not a lady but i'll take a try at helping you out anyways. There's no definite timeframe on when things should happen. Some people may feel an instant connection while others know each other for ages before finding that spark. It depends on the person. Is she shy? Has she been in alot of relationships? How old are you? She may be uncomfortable talking about personal things and need time get comfortable enough to trust you. If your young and she hasn't had many relationships maybe she is unsure of herself and doesn't want to do anything wrong or go too fast. If she has had relationships, maybe something went wrong and she is afraid things will go bad again. There could be any number of reasons for her not opening up. The important thing to look for is if she enjoys being around you and shows a desire to talk with you and meet you again. If she does then things are going good. You just need to have patience. Let her know she can trust you, show it through your words and actions. When she's ready she'll confide in you.

I can relate. Love and sex isn't something that should be separated. If you have sex then love should be a part of it. In fact, without love sex isn't anything special and there's no reason to have it. I plan on waiting until I'm married and would love my future wife to be the same way. But realistically, thats probably not going to happen. Most people have slept with someone by my age and I won't hold that against them. Yes, if they are going around talking about sleeping with dozens of guys and having purly physical relationships, I won't be interested. It's because we have a clash in values, which is an important part in any meaningful relationship. I want someone who understands me and shares my beliefs and values. Having that kind of spiritual connection will make the first time, and subsequent times, truly special. But you shouldn't hold a persons past against them. We all do things that we regret. As long as she is willing to put any promiscus activites behind then there shouldn't be a problem. Just becuase someone isn't a virgin, doesn't make them less compatible. It's the connection, the bond she shares with you that should matter. What if someone was perfect for you in every way and made you feel better than you've ever felt before, but she wasn't a virgin? Are you going to throw everything away because of something from her past? What you want is someone who loves and respects you for you. You want someone who shares your same values and beliefs. Those are good things to want and you should pursue someone like that. Few people have the will power and moral convictions to wait as you are. For that, your special. But don't take it so far as to reject an otherwise great girl becuase of her past. Maybe it was a one time mistake, maybe she really did love the person, or maybe she wants to change. No matter what, everone deserves a second chance.

Love isn't something that we should be actively searching for. When you put your attention on finding love you often seem desperate and that could hurt you. Or maybe your looking so hard for something thats perfect that you miss out on an opportunity thats right in front of you. You may become so busy searching for diamonds that you miss a pearl. The best loves come when your not expecting them, when you wake up one day and realize that everything you've ever wanted is right there and you never saw it coming. That's not to say you should give up on love. Like most things in life, moderation is key. Spend your time focused on yourself, living a good life, and being the best person you can be. It doesn't matter if you've waited a year, or five years, or longer. Sooner or later you will find someone special. When that happens you have to take action. It's a combination of waiting for love to find you and then acting on the feeling and taking a chance on that love.

Get well soon PADreamer. Happy holidays.

Well, if its hurting so bad that you can't bear to be around her becuase you think about what your missing out on, then that might be good. But I think you should try to stay friends with her. Just because you can't be in a relationship with her is no reason to throw away a good friendship with someone you care about. And what if this relationship doesn't work out? Don't you think she'll need a friend to talk to?

I know how you feel. It's not easy and at times you feel like giving up. All your efforts seem to go unappreciated. Your nice to everyone but end up getting taken advantage of. Everyone says what a great person you are but they never really take the time to know you or appreciate everything you do for others. I feel the same way. I'm very different then most people I know. I don't feel like I'm a priority to most people. You don't deserve it and it isn't fair. But life isn't always fair and some of us have it harder than others. But eventually things get better. There will be a rainbow after the rain, it just takes time and patience to get there. Eventually you'll find the happiness your looking for, and when you do it will be wonderful. All the hurt will have been worth it as you will feel good about yourself and will find someone who does understand and appreciate you. Your standards are not high, there are just right. There are respectful, responsible, loving guys out there looking for girls just like you. It's just a matter of shifting through all the bad guys to find that one special jewel. The important thing is to be happy with yourself. Don't let others opinions get you down. Know that you are a great person, a special person who deserves the best. Your not worthless. In fact, you sound like you are a very special person who will do great things in life. No matter how dead you feel inside, suicide isn't the answer. The hardest thing about life is living it. But those who endure the hardships that life places in front of them are the strongest people. You will find happiness, believe in yourslef and have hope. And if you want to talk, you can always PM me.

First, don't do anything your not comfortable doing. He should respect you and follow your wishes. Second, have more confidence in yourself. I'm sure in his eyes you are the most attractive person he knows. He sees something special in you. You are not a loser. I'm sure your a very good, nice, and pretty person. The only thing negative about you seems to be your lack of self-confidence. You need to believe in yourself. You are beautiful and deserve to have someone who loves you. And please, don't hurt yourself. This won't do you any bit of good.

We are only as alone as we choose to be. Sure, some of us will have it harder than others and at times we will feel like no one understands us. I feel this way often. But none of us are truly alone, hence the point of this site. Maybe the point of feeling alone is to motivate you to help others so that they don't have to feel as alone as you did? In turn, helping them can make you feel good about yourself and see that your not alone in the world. Or maybe all the lonliness is to help you appreciate the love that eventually comes your way? As for finding that special someone, we all want that connection. But the more you long for it and pray for it to happen, the more discouraged you'll get. Love will happen when it is suppose to happen. It could be at any moment. What's important is to not let your desire for love and companionship became a driving force in your life. Focus on living a good life and being the best you can be. Then when love does come, it will catch you by surprise and be magical.

It doesn't matter which path we choose if the destination is the same. If our goal is to live right, help others, and build a more peaceful world them we are really on the same path. What differs is details like names and rituals. In the end these things aren't truly important and can easily divide as. "Jesus lived a perfect life." This misrepresents everything I was taught about Jesus. Jesus was the son of God, accepting a human form. With that form came all of the flaws and limitations that humanity has. Jesus was a bridge between God and us, devine and yet still human. I'll grant you that he may have been as close to perfection as there has been, but he wasn't perfect. I seem to recall a story in the Bible where Jesus got upset about a temple being used as a market place and basically threw a fit. Also, in the garden of Gathesmane (sp?) before he was caught and executed, Jesus asked that he wouldn't have to carry that burden. He got angry, had fears, and had flaws like anyone else. "The message of the Bible is unique." The Bible is a unique interpretation on themes that are central to all religions. I once had a book that pointed to the same themes being featured in Christianity, Hinduism, Judaism, and other religions and used passages from the Bible, Koran, and other holy books are proof. I respect others believes as well. I think that religion is a topic that people can get too passionate about. A debate on theology and philsophy is good as it can show you perspectives and ideas you might not have thought of. It can also strengthen your convections. If you are able to logical defend your viewpoints against other peoples challenges you will feel more secure about your beliefs. But too often people became convinced that there way is the one true way and they lose sight of the overall meaning of all religions and of God: peace and love.

Easy, option 2. It's the connection and understanding that is the foundation of any lasting, meaningful relationship. Looks, reputation, education, are nice but they don't guarantee the relationship lasts. If the connection is there then you will see the other person as attractive no matter how much they fit they sterotypical vision of attractive. Everyone has made mistakes so that should be irrelevant. If you trust and understand each other then odds are the person does have good qualities. There will be misunderstandings in any relationship. But if you connect with the person then you will take the time to work things out and the relationship will be stronger because of it. Without that strong connection the first hint of problems could lead to a breakup as the couple doesn't have there heart into making things better.

Love is not something to be won, it is something that happens. If you are changing your behavior to win someone back then you are not doing it for the right reasons and will probably revert back to your old behavior at some point. Change for your sake and if you end up with the ex then that's good. If not then it wasn't meant to be.

Not at all what i was trying to say and I'm sorry if it came off like that or if you were offended. I believe in exactly what you said about the basic idea of religion being love and caring about people. I went to a catholic school for K-8 and have spent my college years at a Jesuit university whose motto is "educating hearts and minds to make a difference." I know what Christianity is supposed to be about and believe the same things. I've just encountered too many people trying to make out that they are being Christian when in fact they are doing the opposite of what they a real Christian would do. Those kinds of hypocrites make me leery of people who claim to be acting in God's name. Most Christians are good people who do good deeds. But I'd rather like at indivuals behavior than make any judgments about such a large and diverse group. I also have seen people too focused on details and specific acts, like praying or going to church. They miss out on the larger picture of what religion is all about. It's like they get so caught up on there way of thinking and there beliefs being right that they don't stop to consider others people beliefs. If you read through my posts you'll find that I've agreed with you on the basic core elements of Christianity: love, caring for and helping your fellow man, building a peaceful and just world, etc. These things aren't just the heart of Christianity, they are the heart of most religions. I choose to not put a label on myself by saying I'm Christian. Instead I'd prefer to say I'm human and I'm working for the best future humanity can have. Not everyone is Christian, or Muslim, or Jew, or Hindu, or any other religion. But everyone is human. I focus on what unites us all, are life as humans today. I'll deal with death when I get there, for now I want to focus on life. Why focus so much on something that is hopefully far away when there is the here and now to be concerned about? Why selfishly think about my eternal salvation in heaven when I can place the needs of others first and ensure that the future generations on earth don't have to endure the same prejudges and sorrows that exist today? I'm doing my actions for no other reason than it is the right thing to do, without giving a thought to any possible reward. In my book that makes the action purer. I've been trying to get people to think for themselves and form there own opinions. I've seen plenty of websites or newsletters that have only been advertisements trying to convert people to Christianity or other religions. But people need to make up there own minds, not just rely own a website. By presenting an alternative viewpoint, people have gotten different perspectives and can chose which one is right for them. In the end it doesn't matter who they agree with because the same basic message is there: life a good, honorable life by loving and helping others.

I disagree. It is possible for someone to develop feelings for someone they weren't attrracted to before, but it won't have anything to do with phermones or a chemical reaction. It has everything to do with what you say and do. If you are nice to the person and are there for her when she needs someone to talk to or help her out, then feelings may develop. She may grow to see how much you care about her and that you have always been there. She'll see that you wouldn't hurt her and wants what is best for her. It may be rare, but it does happen and when it does it is something special to cherish. As for chemistry, I think its just another way of saying there is a connection between the two of you. It's an intangible category that covers the overall physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual connection between two people. It's hard to explain and is something that you both have to feel. Don't lose hope. It is possible for feelings to develop over time. Actually, I think that's how the best loves happen. When two people start off just as friends with no interest in romance, learn more about each other and spend time together, and gradually allow love to bloom.

I'd go with the white rose to represent an innocent love with pure intention. If your not going out then red may be too much right now.

Wouldn't it depend on what your definiton of God is? I don't necessarily believe in the same image of God that most people have but I still believe in being a good person and have a relationship with God. I don't see God as some higher power in heaven that we have to get to. God is the essense of what is good and what is right. I was taught that the spirit of God is in all of us. So couldn't you say that we are communicating with God when we interect with others? And if I am a good person then I should be able to go to heaven. God would not be petty enough to turn you away if you've dedicated your live to helping others and doing what is right. That is the essense of what God and Jesus is all about.

Ok, I asked someone who has done his share of getting drunk and he told me that getting ill comes with the drinking, especially if you plan to get drunk. There's a difference between having a drink to be sociable and getting drunk, which it sounds like your planning on doing. The real question should be why do you need to get drunk to have confidence? There are better ways of gaining confidence in yourself and better ways of having fun. If you need to be drunk to be comfortable around these people, are they really the people you want to be around. Is the harm your doing to your body worth it.?

If you really don't want to get sick, don't drink. There are plenty of better ways to have fun then to get drunk.

Okay, why not just give a simple answer instead of making her dig through a bunch of topics? I can't comment on techniques since I've never actually done it myself but I will say my general though on kissing. Don't think, just act. Kissing is all instinct, you'll know what to do when it happens. The more you try to force it or do something to make it special, the less you're focused on simply enjoying it. You said you had the courage so just kiss him and do what feels right. And your young, it's not like you're going to be expected to be the world's best kisser. As long as you two care about each other, you'll both enjoy it.

Which would you prefer: someone who you have to make yourself attractive for before they'll take the time to see the real you or someone who understands the real you and that causes them to be attracted to you? I don't believe that a lasting, meaningful relationship can begin based upon flirting or some superficial attraction. The best relationships start when two people truly understand each other and respect each other for who they are on the inside, not the face they put on for others but for their true selfs. And you are putting in an effort. You are taking the effort to talk to them and get to know them, and in turn they should be putting in the effort to get to know you. Not to generalize or anything, but maybe the reason you found it didn't work is because you're 17, still young. At that age, for that matter at my age, most people don't fully grasp what love is. They focus on attraction more and many girls go for the bad boy who teases them. But as you grow older people mature and hopefully begin to see that appearances can be deceiving.

Bottom line, just be yourself. If you are naturally playful and a joker, then that will work. If you are a nice gentleman, then keep doing that. Don't overthink a girls actions or try to make yourself more appealing to her. Just be yourself and she should like you for you. If she does than everything works out great. If she doesn't then she wasn't the girl for you.

The highest form of love is wanting what is best for the other person, what makes her happiest, even if it doesn't include you. If you truly love her than you have to respect what she wants and let her be. It may be hard and you may feel saddened, but you will get through it. Time will ease your pain. Remember, we never know what the future holds. She may one day realize that you are the person she's been looking for along and everything will work out. Or maybe you'll find someone else who you love even more and are truly suppose to be with. Don't get discouraged, you'll find someone who returns your love eventually.

Hey, I know how it feels to be lonely and the holidays can especially get you down. But don't let it get to you. Joining a club or volunter group is a good way to meet people. Especially around this time of year, volunteering is a great idea. You can give back to the community and maybe help make someone else's holiday less lonely. Plus you can meet plenty of good people there who also believe in helping others and giving back. Good luck.

Looks aren't the problem, attidude and confidence are. Looks are just a convient excuse. Physical attraction varies with every indivual, not all woman find the same guys attractive. I've yet to hear a clear consensus on what is handsome or attractive. Each person has there own tastes. There have probably been woman who have found you attractive but either your shyness prevented things from going further, or they were too shy to speak out themselves. And do you really expect to find a meaningful relationship in a bar or club? It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think you are ugly and unattractive, that is the image you'll give off to woman. This makes it unlikely you will find somebody. If you don't believe in soulmates, that will make it virtually impossible to find one. Yes, finding that special someone is hard and can make you want to scream. But we only truly become alone the moment we give up hope.