ShySoul

Maybe he is shy, doesn't like to rush things, or is unsure of how far you'd like to go. There could be a number of explanations. Don't jump to conclusions or think he doesn't like you. Keep hanging out and see how he acts. He may end up kissing you on the lips next time. If it seems like he likes you but is afraid to kiss you, why not make the first move yourself?

Good poem. Some good advice in there. Don't be shy about showing it to people, it was really good. Writing poems is a good way of expressing yourself and you should keep at it.

Race is irrelevant. You do date the person, not the race. Everyone's sense of attraction is different. Everone has there own preferences. As long as you are not putting them down because of there race or how they look, you are not being racist. But try to get to know the person first. You never know, you could end up liking the person first and then becoming physically attracted to her even if she is from another race or culture.

Neither of you should be drinking, especially not at 15. You need to have a serious talk about it. If he hasn't stopped then he might have a problem, either a drinking problem or something else that is causing him to turn to drinking. Saying something doesn't mean you are trying to be controlling, it means that you are concerned for him. Often times people who have a problem, particularly drinking, will accuse the other of trying to control them to avoid talking about the real issue. Talk to him about it and say that you care about him but are really worried and that this issue is causing you to have doubts. He should respect you and stop. Do things together that takes his mind of drinking. Show him that he doesn't need to drink to have a good time. I've seen drinking come between relationships. It's not pretty and I'd hate to see it happen to you.

I agree with bzborow1. You need to have a serious, mature discussion with your parents. Admit that you have made mistakes but that you are willing to learn from them. Tell them that you really care about the girl and that you want to keep seeing her. Work out some kind of compromise. Maybe you can talk to each other and see each other on a limited basis or with adult supervision until they feel more secure about your relationship. But sneaking around to see her won't do you any good. If caught it would only further ruin things.

We all wonder if we will find that special someone that completes us and whom we will spend the rest of our lives with. I often wonder why I haven't found the right person yet. I too know that when I find her I'll make her as happy as she can be. It can be hard when you haven't found the right person yet. But you have to have faith that it will happen and not let it get you down. Love happens when the time is right, often when we least expect it. The trick is too not worry about it or let it get to you. It's fine to have moments of wishing and hoping. It is normal and everyone has moments like that. It only becomes a problem if you become too focus on finding love and it gets you too depressed. I bet you are an amazing person and any guy would be lucky to be with you. Keep being yourself, believing in yourself and having faith. Love will find you eventually.

Yes, more people should think of the logical conclusions of there actions before they do something. It would save people a lot of hassle. It's not like it takes that much brainpower to think things out. Really, its common sense, not rocket science. There is a reason we have both logic and emotions. Either by itself is useless. Does anyone watch Star Trek? Vulcans are superior in the use of logic but they are far from perfect as they suppress emotions and don't understand that are feelings are what drives us at times. Likewise, too much emotion can drain out the logic and lead us to rash, unwise actions. The key is to find a balance, using emotions and logic together for noble goals.

The idea that men have to do the asking is old fashioned and silly. I like most old fashioned ideas but don't get this one. If you are interested in someone, let them know. It doesn't matter if you are male or female, going up to them is better than waiting around and hoping the person comes up to you. Some guys will let you know, others may be nervous or shy. So if your interested, approach him. And do it in the same manner you would like to be approached. Guys and girls aren't as different as they are made out to be.

Um, did you look at what the link said? It said that quoting a person should be used as a starting point, to highlight certain things. Too much quoting isn’t a good thing and actually hurts your case. You are quoting everything I say, which is a tad bit excessive, wouldn’t you say? I don’t need to be constantly reminded of what I said before, if I’m into the discussion then I’ll remember. Or at worse I can just scroll up a bit and look over the post I made. Quoting every sentence seems like a waste of space, I already know what I said. Just get down to your argument. I think Switch did a great job addressing the issue of learning about your future partner and how each time is a new experience, like it’s the first time all over again. I agree with him and will leave it at that. And since he has been in your position, I’d listen to him. While I’m speaking mainly from a moral standpoint, he has reached a lot of the same conclusions from experience, the same experiences as you. So, I’m saying sex is good not because of the act but because of the emotional connection involved. You are saying that sex is good because of the basic physical act. Thank you for finally getting that distinction down. I could defend my case by showing that the act is never what is truly important, that there is always a driving force behind it that gives it value. Then you couldn’t say that the act itself is what is good, that there has to be something more important that causes the act. I get an A on a paper. Is the A what is important? Or is that just the end result of my determination and hard work to do the best I can? I do some volunteer work. Is the actual work what is important? Or is it a product of my desire to help others and make the world a better place? Likewise, the act of sex isn’t what’s important. It’s the reason behind the sex that makes it good. Any man and woman can have sex, but that doesn’t make it good. I don’t think a rape victim is getting any enjoyment from the act. Yes, I know that you said you have an emotional attachment to her. But if you don’t see a future together, then the emotional attachment isn’t that strong, at least not as strong as it should be to provide truly good sex. And it is that emotional attachment that drives sex, the actual physical act is only a by-product of the emotions felt, whether it be love or lust. Even if it may be more tempting to have sex with the buddy when you are in a relationship, why are you looking at this as a good thing? Your looking at it as if resisting the temptation is some kind of grand declaration of love that proves how much you care about this future partner. But why even put yourself in a position where there is such a strong temptation? This way there is a chance you will give in. I mean, you admit you could go to her whenever you want. And you do give into the urge sometime, even if you say its not often. If you never had such an arrangement to begin with, there would be no urge and no chance of giving into temptation. The best way to avoid a problem is too never put yourself in a position where it could become a problem. By having this arrangement you are creating the possibility for a problem that otherwise wouldn’t exisit. No, you don’t have to be lonely to have sex. But what other reason do you have? You admit its not for love. I don’t think its because you want a child. You could say its for the physically act, and I’ve already addressed why I don’t think that’s the case. I’ve always been complimented on how I’m a good judge of character and can usually read peoples motivations pretty well. This is just my opinion based on everything you’ve said and the way you’ve said it, so there’s no reason to get upset or snippy. I have the right to voice my opinion, if you don’t like it then just ignore it. But I do think there are deeper feelings that you are not ready to deal with yet. That’s why you said you defensive quickly, why you feel like you have to so vehemently defend your position and pick apart every piece of my posts. I didn’t say intimacy wouldn’t exisit. I said that the level of intimacy is so far apart that it might as well be. Since you like to use numbers, I’d say the correct proportion would be 500 billion to 1 dollar. If you really think that one dollar is worth it, go ahead. Maybe you can use it to buy that cookie your always talking about. Plus its intimacy for the wrong reasons, and as I’ve said the motivation is what drives the act. The very notion of a sex buddy is someone you turn to for sex. There isn’t the emotional attachment or love, it is the need for sex that determines the relationship. The physical act is coming first and is precedent. I wouldn’t be in your position because I value the love and spiritual factor as being most important. Since you are in this arrangement, the physical element is at least of equal concern, if it wasn’t then you’d be able to wait until true love, or at least a real relationship. You may be pursuing love with your actions, by going out meeting people online dating, etc. But you are not pursuing it with your full heart and soul. If you were you wouldn’t be needing this buddy. You’d recognize that what your longing for can never be found in this relationship and that it’s a waste of time as it can never be truly fulfilling. And you are just settling. You are settling for a physical relationship with someone who admittedly you don’t care about in that special way. For your information, I was raised Catholic but have developed my own set of values by incorporating what I saw as the main points of all religion and by listening to what my heart and consciousnce tells me is right. I discussed my views on this in a post a couple weeks ago, and I don’t feel like reiterating the whole discussion now, so if you want to know my believes on God, etc., look back through my posts. I don’t like to label myself or make claims to being in any group. What I say, I say because I believe it completely. And I’ve always had these beliefs; as far back as I can remember. As for your paradox, its simple. You choose the path not because you are evil and destined from hell, but because you are human and make mistakes. No one is completely evil and destined for hell. We are all good people at heart. But because we are not perfect and because of our free will, we make mistakes. Some people have a hard time facing up to their mistakes because they are scared of the consequences. They refuse to take responsibility for their actions. People like this can fall into a pattern of repeating there actions and thus keep doing things that are wrong but never admitting to it. Or they make some mistakes that is so big they have to do something else wrong to cover it up. Your not intentionally choosing the path, you made a mistake that snowballed until it got out of control and you were on the wrong path. Even then, you have the option to turn things around. You may never be able to make everything right, but that’s not the point. The point is you see what you did was wrong and are willing to change. Also, God does not send people to hell. I personally don’t even prescribe to hell even though I do believe in God. God is loving and wouldn’t allow others that kind of suffering. Becoming free isn’t as hard as you think, what constrains us is the notion that its so difficult. Free will isn’t constrained and it isn’t something people just made up. We are free to make every decision in our lives. And if we aren’t we can at least choose how we respond to it. Plenty of people go against the way they were raised and do so by choice because they don’t believe in what they were taught. That’s how certain customs become lost through time, because more and more people decide not to do as there parents did. You know nothing about how I was raised. In fact, I’ve seen a lot of things that directly contradict my values. I don’t have to walk a mile in someone elses shoes, I’ve seen them walk the mile themselves and fall flat on there face. I can understand why someone would do these things, I’ve seen it from people I care about and are close too. Alcohol, drugs, sex without love… seen it. And it never turns out well. And I always try to look at why people do the things they do. From my experience, these actions stem from loneliness, lack of self confidence, lack of will power, desire to fit in and be wanted, etc. There is always a deeper emotional reason; it is never just because they wanted to or because they were raised that way. I’ve seen a lot of hardships and could have turned out really messed up. But I told myself I wasn’t go to be a product of my raising, I was going to be a product of my own heart and determination. I could have given in but I didn’t. The final choice was mine. Again, you missed the point. Let me clarify, sex period (not just with someone you love) can not be quantified. I’ve always like math, so working with numbers is something I enjoy. But some things in life can’t be reduced to mere numbers. And even if you want to, numbers can easily manipulated. I did a report on Enron a month ago and they pulled out every trick in the book to manipulate there numbers. They made it appear that they were coming out ahead when they really had a huge loss. Maybe you are doing the same thing? Maybe you’re trying to make out like you end up ahead when really there is nothing there. When sex is with someone you truly love, the rest of the times become meaningless. So we would be equal them. Or maybe the specialness of waiting will be enough to out weigh all your past encounters. I’ll have a tidal wave of pent up love and passion to give. I’ll savor each touch. To you, it will be another round, time to do what pleased that other girl. I wasn’t reaching for explanations. I’m saying that there are many variables and that just because you have experience doesn’t make you an expert. The main point is that the experience isn’t what matters, the emotional bond that I would share with the person is more powerful than any level of experience and that is what would make the act great. I’m not trying to play the odds because I realize that love isn’t a casino game. There are no odds to be played. When you are with someone you truly love and will be with for the rest of your life, it is that connection that makes sex the special thing it is suppose to be. It ceases to be just a physical act and it becomes “making love.” Sex is good for you with someone you hate. I’ve got witnesses to the contrary. I know people who have had sex with someone they hate. It wasn’t good for anybody. And it doesn’t matter if it’s good for the body because the damage to the soul can be far worse. And in turn, the damage to the soul can cause damage to the body making the benefits you received worthless. Lastly, say you were convinced that your life wasn’t worth living and that you needed to take a gun and shoot yourself. Are you telling me that you shouldn’t listen to all the people telling you that it is not the right things to do? In that case there is an entire section about suicide on this site that is worthless. Yes, you should be questioning your beliefs on your own. But sometimes people get so caught up in there own feelings and emotions that they can’t think straight. A dozen people who are thinking clearly saying that killing yourself isn’t the answer, is something that should be listened to. I’m not saying it is evidence, I’m saying you should at least consider what other people say. Also, it can give more weight to the argument. One person saying don’t’ kill yourself can easily be brushed aside. But the more you hear something, the more it gets stuck in your head and you remember and think about it. True, this could be used the wrong way, which is why you should always have other, more logical arguments to support yourself. These arguments have been what everyone has said. Ok, since I doubt we’ll ever reach agreement I purpose a truce. We’ve both said our piece and know where the other is coming from. Lets end this peacefully. That way tempers won’t have a chance to flare, we won’t end up going in circles forever, and people won’t be annoyed by our back and forth banter. If you really want to respond to anything I’ve said, please don’t don’t do I series of quote. Try a paragraph with your main point of contention. After that any one who reads this can decide what they believe on there own.

If you don't want to change don't change. Sounds like you are a good, nice guy who gets along with people well. That's a good thing! Your feeling lonely and left out because you don't have a relationship. It's like your always the runnerup, a good friend but nothing more. You want to be with someone, to feel that special connection and warmth. But you never get that far. Don't worry, it will happen eventually, when the time is right. The more you think about it and let it get to you, the worse you will feel. I feel the same way. I get along with everyone but for some reason no girl ever takes an interest in me. I don't get it. Focus on making yourself happy and doing what you like to do. Continue being the nice guy you are. Eventually, probably when you least expect it, some girl will notice you and you'll have the relationship your looking for. Love tend to find us when we are not looking and catch us by surrise.

Agreed, don't do anything until she losses the boyfriend. Doing something now will only cause problems and could ruin any chance you might have. If she does break up with him and you still have feelings for her, wait awhile until your sure she is over him and not just "on the rebound." Then have an honest, heartfelt discussion about how you feel. It sounds like you have a good chance at being with her. But even if you don't make make sure not to lose the friendship.

Hey. I know how it feels to never be the one girls are interested in. It can be lonely and depressing. But what you need to do is change your attitude. You don't need to be "hot" or learn how to pick girls up. Be yourself and let love find you. Caldus is right, its not about finding girls it's about finding one girl, that one special girl who you get along with and share a bond with. She should respect you for you, not for some macho attitude you put on to try and attract girls. Yes, I know how badly you must want a real relationship, I want one just as badly. But are you really going to feel good about yourself if you have to be something your not just to get one? You'll find someone when the time is right. It may sound cliche and it may be a pain waiting, but its true. Until then, focus on bettering yourself. Do this not to meet girls but because you want to be the best you can be. Now, as a shy guy myself I think the first thing you need is to work on confidence. You have the desire to put yourself out there, you are probably just worried about it. Your thinking of yourself as the quiet kid who no one would want to talk to. Start thinking positive. Keep telling yourself that you are a great guy who has lots of interesting things to say. If girls are finding you attractive, then they are taking notice of you. All you need is the confidence and you'll be set. Ask casual questions to get to know the person. If you hit on a subject your both interested in, go into detail. Ask her questions about herself. Be confident and speak up. If any girl doesn't go for this then they aren't worth your time. If 90% are attracted to jerks, look for the other 10%. Be nice, the best girls will appreciate it. I'm assuming your young. It takes time for some girls to mature to the point where they can respect a nice guy like you. But don't let that discourage you. Your on the right track, just believe in yourself and speak up.

Learn to consider what other people say but stick to what you believe. If your sure about something and can back up your point of view, keep telling yourself that you are right and that you won't let other people influence you. Maybe part of you wants to please others so you go along with them? You need to find a balance between listening to what others think and standing up for what you think. It's not easy but you can do it. Also, you seem like you put alot of pressure on yourself. I can be the same way. Remember, you don't have to be the best as long as you try your best. Sometimes you will have the highest score, others times someone will will be that much higher. Perfection isn't necessary. You sound really smart, I'm sure if you are trying hard and concentrating on your work, you'll be able to get into Oxford or anywhere else you want and be very successful in life. And if you want to be influenced by someone, be influenced by this: "You are a good, smart person who will do many great things in life."

Beautifully stated Spartan1. Couldn't agree more.

I resolve... ... to above all else stay true to who I am. ... to reach out to and help more people. ... to find a way to solve the myriad of issues in my life. ... to take over the world. (Ok, just kidding on this one.)

Of course it's possible for friendship to grow into a loving, lasting relationship. In fact, I'd say this is how the best relationships happen. Before you can truly love someone you have to be there friend. You have to respect them, care about them, enjoy being around them. These are qualities of a friendship.When two people start off as friends the can really get to know each other. They will see each other at there best and worse. They will be there for triumphs and sorrows. But through it all the will be friends. If two people go through all of that before starting a relationship, there is a good chance it will last.

Just be honest and tell him how much you value the time you've had together. Nothing means more than something that was written from the heart. And it may be sappy, but don't say good bye say until we meet again.

If he's grabbing you like that and looking down your shirt, thats disrespectful and wrong. Someone who truly cares wouldn't be doing that. Tell him you don't like it and firmly tell him to stop. If he respects you he will. If he doesn't, get out of the relationship. At 13 I doubt he understands what love really is and touching you went you don't want to isn't a sign of love. You have plenty of time to find someone who does love and respect you and treats you well. Never take that kind of poor treatment from anyone.

Write two letters. First sit down and write everthing you want to say. Be as mean and angry as you want. Just let it come from your heart and get all your emotions out. Look it over. Now, how do you say these things in a calm, polite manner that won't get you fired but still show your concerns? That's how the second letter should sound. Keep the first one and look at it as therapy. Send the second one and/or talk it over with the manager. But be ready with a backup plan and another job. If things are really bad, the job isn't worth it. You want to work someplace where you'll enjoy yourself.

I’m not mad at you. If anything, I respect the way your argueing your position. Your making me think about how to defend my case, forcing me to be clear and come up with good arguments. Most people would have given up long ago just to shut me up. You’ve even go the hint of sarcasm at times that I like to use. I just feel passionately about the subject, maybe because I hold such a rare opinion. It gets frustrating that people don’t see my point, but I respect you and anyone else, regardless of our differences. I have admitted that everything could go fine, I just think the odds are a lot greater that they won’t. And generally I find that when people start dissecting every little comment it descends into a childish argument. Not to say that’s how you are, but that’s usually what I find. And isn’t that committing the same appeal to popularity? Just because that’s what happens on other sites, doesn’t make it right or that you should do it. You can have a good discussion without picking out every little detail. You didn’t mention how you are learning about the your future partner. The only way I can think of is that you are learning how to please a woman in the bedroom. But that still won’t help you in the rest of the relationship or tell you about the person in general. And if you can’t make the rest of the relationship work, great sex won’t keep you together forever. Yes, there are similarities between people, but each relationship is different. They each have there own complexities and quirks. As much as you think this will help you with a future partner, there will still be lots you have to learn. And part of the fun is in the exploration and learning new things together. You can say past experience helps, but each time is a new experience that differs from the rest. Yes the physical act feels good, but the emotional act aspect feels better. Having sex without the emotional attachment of a serious relationship is lessening the best part of sex. It can still feel good, but that doesn’t mean it is good. You could know the difference and not cheat. But it makes the temptation easier to give into. It’s like a teenager saying that getting drunk once won’t hurt him. Then the next time they figure, oh nothing happened before so it’s okay to do it again. Each time there resolve is weakened and it becomes easier to give in. You could have tremendous will power and not give in, but in my experience that level of determination is rare. Change is a difficult thing and doesn’t happen over night. There’s a good chance you won’t be able to drop this idea that casual sex between friends is a good idea. And even if you do, I think it shows that the sex wasn’t all that valuable to you. That you were doing it because you were lonely and wanted someone’s touch to keep you warm in the cold night. There may be intimacy, but the level of intimacy between two people are having sex because they enjoy sex and the intimacy between two people who are having sex because they love each other are two completely different things. The latter level far surpasses the former. I wouldn’t be in the same position as you. I’m looking for true love. That’s love with every aspect – emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physically. I would be saving the physical until every other piece is in place and that I’m sure it would last. The sex wouldn’t even be a factor. Why would I feel the need to look for someone else if everything I’ve ever hoped for was right in front of me? You may still be looking for true love, but your willing to settle for something on the side. You haven’t fully dedicated yourself to finding that one special person, your mostly commited but are willing to take a break from searching when your in the mood for “fun.” I think true dedication is putting your entire soul into it and never just settling for what’s there or because you have urges. In the face of temptation I wouldn’t give in. I have been tempted before in other regards and held to my viewpoint. Just a few weeks ago I was being tempted to drink alcohol by a large of group of acquitances. You think its easy to not have a sip when everyone is telling you to and are drinking around you? But I still held to my vow of not having alcohol. I would say I’m more committed as I refuse to waver in the slightest. You, on the other hand, are willing to falter every now and then. Just because you say you are looking for true love doesn’t make you committed. Everyone is looking for true. I agree it’s a different way of looking at things. But it’s a way that I can’t see any true value or rationale in. And I’ve tried looking at it from every angle and taking different beliefs into account. I still can’t grasp why sex would be treated so carelessly. “Happy Points?” Ok, I’ll give you credit for originality but your lacking in substance. I won’t dispute your weight of happy points, I’ll dispute the very use of points. Sex with someone you love cannot be quantified. It cannot be measured. If you want to add weight, it is infinity. No, it is anything you say plus 100. That way it always comes out on top. Add up all the prior sexual experiences you’ve had and it won’t come close to just one time with that right person you are meant to be with for the rest of your life. The pleasure then will be the same, because we would both have found our soulmates. You can have the experience factor, I’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that I’m giving myself to this person completely, in a way that no one else has or ever will experience. Having a thousand of something doesn’t necessarily make you an expert in it. It just as easily could make you tired and bored with it. And who knows, maybe I’ll be a natural when it comes to making love? Or maybe the person won’t care how well I perform, she’ll like it because she’s sharing it with me, the person she loves. Not every basketball player is Michael Jordan and can make the right moves and the best shots. But that doesn’t mean they still can’t play the game pretty good. And again, maybe the exploring and thrill of discovery is just as important as experience. If you don’t see the difference between this relationship and wearing a watch, you aren’t thinking clearly. Sure, I watch could make you miss an opportunity. But the relationship could mess up the opportunity when its already gotten started and going well. Show me where sex is recommended 4 times a week. And if it is, are they saying with anybody or in a loving monogamous relationship? Maybe gluttony was the wrong word, but how about greediness or just plain excessive? Your problem isn’t that you need sex all the time or that your addicted, its that you are apathetic about having it just because you lonely and in the mood. You can wait long periods of time (maybe because part of you realizes you should wait) but then give in when the urge gets to strong. I wasn’t trying to make an appeal to popularity. In fact, I tend to be one that steers clear of what’s considered popular, following my own path and what my heart tells me is right. Appeals to popularity used in the wrong way is bad. But what if it’s used to highlight something wrong? The fact that so many people had slaves when it seems to violate the idea of “all men are created equal” should have made people stop and think if it was really right. If they had then followed there hearts they would have seen it wasn’t. The point is, if such a large group of people think one way you need to at least consider they might be right. It doesn’t mean they are, but it gives you something to think about. Sex can be used in both ways, but only when the love and bond is placed first. The very idea of a buddy places the physical aspect first.

The problem here isn't that you've never meet, its that you are so young. It is possibly to form an intense connection and respect with someone who've never meet and be a step away from being in love. The meeting is just the final piece of the puzzle to make sure both sides have been completely honest with each other and that the bond does in fact exisit. But at 15, you don't have a full understanding of what love is. Almost all relationships at that age aren't serious, even when the couple see each other everyday. Between the age and not seeing each, this is clearly not love. Its an attraction and infatuation.

Okay, so your not 30. The age isn't whats important, its the feelings that matter. I think you probably are lonely deep down and are using sex as an escape. It may be suconscious and you don't even realize it, but one day you will. By feeling the need to dissect my post line by line I get the feeling that you really are in need of self confirmation and convincing yourself that you are right. But if that's how you want to play, it's alright with me. Your leaning more about your future partner? How? Each person is different and I would you'd want to cater your actions to the individual. Just because something you do pleases one person, doesn't mean it's going to be the same for someone else. Again, it's not the physical act that makes things feel really good, its the emotional connection. I didn't say you were a sex addict or that you objectify women. The point I was trying to make is that your attitude about sex could get in the way of a future relationship. If theres nothing wrong with having sex because it feels good, and two people want to, your going to be more likely to give into temptation should the situation ever arise. It's more likely you'll take the attitude, "its just sex, there's nothing wrong with it." I'm not saying you will, I'm saying its a danger you have to watch out for. Thanks for picking at an old saying instead of paying attention to its meaning. If you recognize that this girl isn't right for you, then is it fair to her or you to be having such an intimate act when the intimacy isn't really there? Is it fair to being this with someone you aren't attached to? And how are you more committed than me? I'm saving myself for one person who completes me. When I have sex, I want it to be with someone who I love and who I am pledging myself to for the rest of my life. I'm doing this in a society where sex sells and waiting until marriage is practically nonexistant. If that's not being committed to love and to the right person, I don't know what is. Ah, I knew you would say that you were waiting long periods of time. Again, your missing the point. If waiting a few months can make a hamburger or ice cream taste good, imagine the sheer bliss waiting until love will have on sex. Your right, none of us knows when we'll find love. It could be five years from know and that's a long time to wait. But it could be tomarrow. Then your whole arrangement could just end up causing problems. Your saying whenever you have the opportunity, pig out. That's called gluttony. There's a reason its one of the seven deadly sins. And the speed dating thing is a better idea, but still not that good. I'm not saying you are going to have problems. There's a slim chance everything will work out. But the odds of that happening are very very very small. I can't prove it because I can't see into the future and the women you'll meer. But I can tell you the most likely outcome and how most women will react. And pulling up slavery is a move I would make, so you can't catch me on that. Just because alot of people say one thing doesn't make it right but it should at least make you pause and think. Slavery came down to the value of people and how we should treat them. This topic comes down to the value of sex and how we should treat it. Is it something to do because it feels good or is it something to do because of the love and bond between two people? If you find your soulmate, she'll be happy in bed because of the connection you have, because you are soulmates. It won't be because of all the women you've slept with.

If your only blowing her off 40% of the time, try to focus on the other 60%. What are you doing there tht seems to be working? Just make an effort to do that all the time. Pay close attention to what she says. Ask questions about it that keeps her talking. Share information about yourself so it doesn't feel like she's making all the effort. Answer any questions she may ask you about yourself. Remember things she talks about from one day to another. If she says she's really nervous about a test next period, the next day ask her how her test went. If she say's she's going out with friends for the weekend tell her to have fun and on Monday asked how things went. Essentially, just be nice, friendly, and polite. And its a good thing that you want to be nicer around her. That kind of attitude will make you more appealing and is the right thing to do.

But what if there is no type of girl that instantly catches your attention? What if you don't notice breasts, legs or any other body part? What if you don't find yourself instantly attracted to anyone, that the attraction always develops over time as you get to know the person? I know most people don't think like that and I'm probably one in a billion, but that's how I am.

Amen corvidae, couldn't have explained it better myself. I will say that not revealing your hand right away is smart. But dating is like poker. If you play it close to the vest you won't get far. If you truly want to win then eventually you'll need to go "all in."