ShySoul

I know the feeling. You want to say something but the words just won't come out and you are completely frozen. "Just do it" is good in theory but doesn't usually pan out in practice. That's why I think the plan needs to be revised. Don't worry about approaching girls. If that's your goal you'll end up falling back on your usual tendencies. Instead work on being more talkative in the situations you are placed in. If you have to work in a group for school or work, speak up more and voice your opinions and ideas. Around people you know speak out and open up. That way you don't have the awkwardness of talking to a stranger. But also learn to recognize and take advantage of opportunites presented to you. If you are talking to a girl and its going good, don't be afraid to compliment her or ask her for coffee. Approaching strangers at bars or clubs is nervewracking. But when it's someone you know and are comfortable with, that can make things easier.

Balthamos, I have a possible explanation for why the men who believe most strongly in chivalry seem to have less luck with women, I have a possible explanation for why the men who believe most strongly in chivalry seem to have less luck with women. It's because such a strong belief in chivalry is rare these days. Most people don't understand or appreciate as much as these guys do. So when faced with it, women are surprised and don't know how to react. They are much more used to guys who are rude. In fact, I think society in general doesn't mind there manners very well nowadays. Plus, there is alot more push now for "girl power" so a guy who is really chivalrous may be misuderstood. They will either be seen as whimpy or someone who fews women as weak, delicate flowers who can't take care of themselves. It's a double edged sword and a hard trap for nice guys to get out of.

Hey, I know how you are feeling. I also think differently than most and don't have much in common with most people. I'm not that good at making conversations and can be hard on myself. But that doesn't mean we need to completely change. It's a matter of realizing the traits that are bad and holding us back that we should try to change and coming to terms with the traits that make us unique and special and appreciating them as part of who we are. I think you need to take a long look at yourself and what you want to be doing. Forget about your parents, friends, or anyone else. Looking back on your life, what are the things you enjoy most? What is something you are not only good at, but that you look forward to doing. If you hate what you are studying, then change to something else. If you keep doing something that you hate because you are good at it then you'll just continue to feel horrible. You'll go through your life wondering where the days are going and feeling like you are a failure. You don't want that to happen and can change things right now. Above all else, you need to be happy in what you do. I know how it feels to be unsure of what you want to do. I say, follow your heart. There has to be something that drives you, something that you are passionate about. Talk to your parents about this. Try to get them to understand that you are not happy with what you are studying. If they don't want to listen, ignore them. They can't tell you what to study, only you can decide that. Sometimes parents get caught up in planning out and dictating their kids future, thinking they now what is best. But deep down, you know what is best for you. You need to follow your own heart and do what is right for you. I also find parties to be dull. So many people seem so fake, like they are trying to fit it and don't have the courage to be different, an individual. People go through the motions and do what is expected of them. There's nothing wrong with feeling like that. You've just got a smarter mind than most and its harder to find people who "get" you. Don't feel discouraged with yourself. You are smart and a good guy. There are other people like you who appreciates your thoughts and ideas. Don't be down on yourself. Instead, be proud of who you are. I used to feel bad about myself, wondering why I didn't fit in. Then I realized that it fitting in isn't whats important, as long as I stay true to myself and like the person that I am. Your a good guy, you just need some more confidence in yourself. "Different" people aren't so different. They go through the same feelings and doubts you are. I've been there, actually I'm still there. If you want to talk feel free to PM me. I'm no psycologist and I think that's a good thing. Those who think differently tend to see what others can't and its frustrating when they can't relate to you. So maybe someone who can relate would be helpful.

Yeah, don't worry about it. I often feel like people ignore me and that my opinion and thoughts aren't important to people. People tend to get busy and wrapped up in there own issues. They don't often take the time to give others the recognition they deserve. Think positively. Give yourself some credit and some self-appreciation, you deserve it. Focus on the people who do pay you attention and ignore the rest. And if it still bothers you, politely ask about it. It's probably just that they are busy and if it's not then it's a good thing to let them know they are being rude so they can change. But don't let it get you down.

Like everyone has said, move on and don't be upset by this girl. Obviously she is blind if she can't see what a good guy you are and what a could catch you'd be. You'll find someone alot better who will truly appreciate you. And nerds are cool. We're the ones who are going to end up running this world you know. 8)

Shy guys tend not to speak up. So you should take the initiative and talk to him. Usually a shy guy will respond very favorably if someone approaches them, especially if its a girl they like. Look for staring and lots of smiling. Talk to him and be nice to him and he should slowly open up to you. Once you feel comfortable around each other, tell him you like him. That is every shy guy's dream, having a girl tell him that she likes him. Good luck and hope everything works out.

Talk about anything. What would you say if you were talking in person? Ask her about hobbies and interests, how her day went, what she's learning about in school, what movie or show she's watched lately... anything that gets a conversation going. When she asks you what's up, actually give an answer instead of saying nothing. Tell her about something that's interesting in your life. Unless she is rude or really shy she should ask you about it. Also, don't ask yes or no questions or settle for one line answers like "cool" or "nothing much." Try to draw her into talking.

Nice writing skills and interesting topic. There's alot there so if I've misinterpreted something feel free to correct me. But I think you should look at chivalry from another angle. I'm a firm believer in being chivalrious. To me that means just being nice, respectful and a gentleman. The reason I'm doing this is because it's the right thing to do and is treating a woman with respect. From what you wrote it seems like you are saying that men act this way in an attempt to have better luck with women. While I admit that some people do this, that's not the real reason many people practice chivlary. Those who only do it because they are trying to get women don't really understand what chivalry is and will fail because of that misunderstanding. Those who get that chivalry is all about being nice and respectful will have better luck, even when that wasn't there aim. Not to be rude, but I think that's a bit harsh and mean. I believe the non-sexual side is what people are seeking and that that aspect is what really makes the sexual aspect special and desireable. Still, I don't need a relationship to feel complete, I'm fine on my own. You seem to be making an unfair judgment regarding people who think this way.

You'll know when you are in a loving committed relationship and you know you truly love the person. There won't be any doubt in your mind. As simple and boring as it sounds, you'll know when you know.

Comfortably Numb, You are not ugly. You just have had a hard time finding the right person. It doesn't matter that women have had relationships and more experience than you. What matters is that you and her get along, have things in common and are comfortable being around each other. It's fine to be a little nervous but you shouldn't let it make you that uncomfortable or insecure. You will find someone, it's just a matter of time. Believe in yourself and don't let this get you down. Instead of looking at it like you are behind, think of yourself as pure, waiting to share yourself with that special person you have been waiting and saving yourself for. For anyone who feel this way, don't get discouraged. Love will find you when the time is right. And it will be better and more magical than you've imagined.

Don't be rude or mean. Be polite. Pay attention to her and listen to her. Just be yourself and things should work out.

But what is attractive is so subjective. Just because alot of people find someone attractive doesn't mean everyone does. Hallie Berry, Britney Spears, Shania Twain... alot of people find them attractive and sexy but I don't see what's so appealing. It doesn't matter if 9 out of ten go for that, that still leaves one for you. Being attractive and sexy isn't so much about looks as its about attitude.

Don't worry about. I'm almost 22, nearing the end of college and I've never dated. I know it can feel lonely and you can begin to feel bad about yourself because you haven't dated. But don't let it get you down. Alot of people date in high school just to have the experience and say they have dated. Most of the time these relationships aren't all that serious. When you do find someone and go out with her, it'll be great and you won't care how long it took you. I'm also shy and don't really go up to people and talk to them, so I know how it feels. I think you should do what you feel is best for you. If you want to approach someone, go ahead. If you think that will be helpful to you then do it. But if you don't want to then its no big deal. I'm sure you have friends who like and appreciate you. As long as those friendships are fine, I wouldn't be worried.

You need to decide who it is you want to be with this girl or your girlfriend. Stick with that person and don't pursue the other in any way. It's not right that you have been flirting with this other girl when you already have a girlfriend. Plus she has a boyfriend. The two of you are playing with fire and will end up burned. If your partners find out you are cheating on them it will likely end the relationships and even if they don't you will have to lie to cover it up which isn't healthy for the relationship. Plus, things may not work out between you and the girl. My advice is to stop fooling around and pick one girl. You should probably stick with your girlfriend since she is suppose to be the one you are with and care about. But your actions will only end up hurting people.

You are not a horrible person. The fact that you are so concerned about hurting your boyfriend goes to show that you care about him and are a good person. But sometimes you have to think about yourself and do what makes you feel happy, what you know is right for you. If the relationship isn't working then it is better to end it now then let things drag on when your hearts not really into it. Being smart and convenient isn't reasons for staying with someone. You should stay with someone because you love them and they make you happy. If your not feeling that connection, it isn't wise to stay. Sure, your boyfriend may feel hurt. But if you have a serious talk with him and tell him how you are feeling then I'm sure you can come to a peaceful split. You feel like you are cheating on him. But you haven't done anything with the other guy and admit that you don't love him. That's not cheating. You are doing the right thing by taking things slow with him and just getting to know him. If you like talking to this guy, talk to him. But make it clear that you don't have any of those feelings for him right now. Say you want to be friends right now and you'll see what happens. And if your feeling stressed out about this, I'd suggest doing something fun for awhile and just taking your mind off of the situation. Clear your head a bit. Then come back to it refreashed. Really, you are not a bad person you are just in a confusing and rough spot. Follow your heart, you'll do the right thing.

You're right Ceema-k, I wouldn't trade in my experiences for anything else. I believe that everthing that I've gone through, even all the pain and loneliness, has made me a better person. It's made me who I am today, someone I'm proud to be. All this time waiting has helped me realize that I don't want to just give myself to any old person, I want everything to be perfect. I want someone who truly understands me. I know how love should be and will appreciate and savor every moment of my relationship. I know that I will treat her right and not take the love for granted. In the end, I'm going to have been better off for waiting and I think anybody whose in the same position should look at things like that. Just because you haven't found someone doesn't mean you've failed. It just means that the game isn't over and you have yet to win.

By unattraction do you mean that you are not attracted and just indifferent or do you mean there is something about the person that really turns you off? In the first case it is entirely possible to fall in love with the person later while in the second case its a lot more difficult. As long as you take the time to get to know the person you can begin to like them. But is someone was being really mean or sleezy, I wouldn't be likely to take that time and thus there is no chance of something developing. There doesn't have to be an initial captivation, there just can't be instant repulsion.

Attractiveness is a matter of perception and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. There are probably a number of girls who think you are cute, they've just never had the guts to tell you. There's a first time for everthing, right? I say talk to the friend. You have nothing to lose. Be yourself, be confident, and see what happens.

If a girl is going to judge you based upon wearing glasses, she's not worth it. Don't worry about what girls like, focus on what you want. If you are fine with glasses, wear them. If you'd prefer contacts, fine. It shouldn't matter. In my opinion, glasses can help draw attention to a persons eyes, not detract from them. They also can symbolize intelligence which I find very attractive.

GreatGuy! stole my answer. Ok, what is really sexy is someone who is completely comfortable with you they are, someone who doesn't buy into others people conceptions of who they should be or what sexiness is. In fact, I'd say that the sexiest people are those who would never think about themselves or someone else being "sexy."

Amethyst is pretty much dead on here. The more time you spend with her and the more you get to know her will give you a good inclination as to the truth of the rumors. People's actions will almost certainly give away the type of person they are, you just have to be able to pick up on the signs. I think you are right to be hesitant. You need to really get to know her and if things look to be getting serious than have a talk about it. About the health concern, realistically that should be a concern with any relationship you are in. Amethyst is correct in saying that it only takes one time for something to happen. If two people are going to sleep together, although I think that would be a long ways off, its something that needs to be discussed. As for the moral issue, I think that the past is the past. As long as she is willing to change then I'm not going to hold her mistakes against her or look down on her because of it. That's assuming the rumors are even true.

If she's not listening to you then you need to go to an adult who can take care of the matter. She probably thinks she doesn't have to listen to you because you are her age and did the same things she's doing. But if her parents are on her case, she's more likely to listen. You've got the power here to really help her. Don't waste it.

If you are having doubts and feeling bad about it, maybe thats a sign that you shouldn't do it. Ask yourself why you are really doing this. Is it just because other people are? Is it just to find out what the big deal is? In my opinion those are not very good reasons. If you don't feel it is right, then you should listen to your heart and not go along with it. Like you, I've seen what drugs can do to people. I'm sure its not something you want to go through. For people who say its just one time, one can easily become two, three, etc. The best way to avoid a problem is to never put yourself in a position to have that problem. And there are plenty of better ways to have fun and feel good.

The rude people you mentioned tend to be loud and in your face, you can't help but notice them and pay at least some attention to them. But its the quiter ways that usually have the most interesting things too say. People like that aren't noticed as much which makes it more special when they are noticed. It can be annoying and get lonely, I've been there. You want people to notice you but you never feel you get the attention you deserve. Don't worry about it. The way I look at it, its not the number of friends you have it's the quality of friends. I would rather have one true friend who truly appreciates me than a hundred friends who don't really know me that well. I have the feeling you are prettier and more interesting than you think. Don't worry about getting everyone to talk to you, concentrate on a few people who you think you have something in common with and try to get to know them. And if you want someone to chat to, I'll show some interest. I also feel like I go unnoticed and that I'm not good at making friends.

If you are not happy then maybe that's your hearts way of telling you that the relationship just isn't working. Sometimes there isn't any major problem that ends a relationship. Instead the spark that you had sort of goes away. If you were meant to be together you wouldn't be feeling unhappy. If there is no problem that you can think of then maybe it's just that you don't feel that spark anymore. Maybe you two need to find away to reignite that spark. Or maybe the two of you are better off as just friends?