ShySoul

First, I wasn't trying to counter attack you. I just disagree with how you are thinking and wanted to present the opposite point of view so that you and others can see which side makes more sense to them. Trust me, I know how lonely and painful being a nice guy can be. I've dated zero girls, no girlfriends, no kiss. It can get me down at times. But in the end, I know that I have to stay true to myself. If I wasn't myself then I wouldn't be happy with my life. I am a nice guy through and through, it's part of me and i can't deny that. Yes, not having a relationship hurts. But it isn't because I'm a nice guy or because I'm shy. I simply haven't found that right person yet where we have that connection, that spark and something develops. I know it will happen someday and when it does then it won't matter how long I waited, or what my past has been like. What will matter is that bond we share. Also consider that when you say anyone can be nice, remember that some people ACT nice when they really aren't. They put on a fake act to try to impress the girls that are looking for a nice guy. They know how to manipulate things to appear better than they are. But in the end there real face will show and they will be alone. Yes, probably all girls will say they want a nice guy, and in the end they do. But we are young and people make mistakes. Some are getting fooled by the people I just mentioned. Some know the nice guys are better but think they should be acting wild while they are young and so they end up with the jerks who will act wild. Others may think they can change the jerk, bring out the nice guy inside as a challenge. There are all kinds of reasons why things don't work out, it's not as simple as people make it out do be. You can't just say "girls go for jerks" or "nice guys finish last." Nice guys didn't invent the word jerk. A jerk is someone who treats others poorly, takes advantage of them, puts them down, etc. I would think it would be just as likely, if not moreso, that girls started using the term to describe the guys who were rude and mean to them. In my experience, the people I would consider jerks aren't the ones who have dates. Jerks are the ones who would leave there dates in tears crying, would blow the girl off to be with someone else, would say rude things to her, would take advantage of her, would ignore her, etc. They are jerks. The nice guys ae the ones who wouldn't dream of doing such things and who would be there to comfort a girl after she wen through something like that. I think you are falling into the same trap that alot of people do when it comes to defining what a nice guy is. Yes, a guy shouldn't want a girl to like him because he likes her. He shouldn't try to act nice to get her to like him. Those people aren't true nice guys. A true nice guy would be themselves and hope that she likes him for who he is. If it doesn't work out, it may hurt, but it isn't the end of the world. They know there will be other opportunities and girls that they will connect with. All of the lasting relationships I have seen started off with the two people simply being friends first and letting what happens happens. If a person is rejected, it isn't because he is nice. It is because the other person just doen't have the same feelings. I'll even admit that some girls are shallow and would turn down someone who is really nice, but those girls are very rare. There are any number of explanations for why things don't work out. To just blame it on being nice is way oversimplifing things and is just a quick, easy answer. So, why has things turned around for you? Again, could be any number of reasons. Maybe you've developed more confidence in yourself and that is showing through. Maybe once you had a couple of dates you got more comfortable with the idea and with yourself and just decided to go for it. Maybe you've just now gotten around girls who see you in that way. Maybe the girls in your highschool didn't know what they wanted and couldn't see what you had to offer. Maybe the girls you are seeing now just want to go out since they figure it's college and that's what they are suppose to be doing. It could be any reason and without knowing the exact details I can't say for sure. But being nice or a jerk doesn't necessarily have anything to do with it.

Disturbing... Really makes you wonder how people can live with themselves for doing something so disgusting and immoral. To take someone who is 13 and use them in such a manner, and to threaten and abuse them like that is too dispicable to put into words. I agree, more should be done about this and its a shame that things like this aren't brought to the publics attention. If you find a way to do something about this, let me know. I want to help people are suffering like that too.

First, how old are you? If you are young then I would definitely wait until you are more sure of yourself and have your life a little more settled. I also think that if you are having these doubts then you aren't ready. You will be ready when you don't have any doubts in your mind and you are certain it is the right thing to do. You need to think of all the benefits and consequences involved. Talk over it with your boyfriend and do what you know in your heart is right for you.

Sorry man, but people shouldn't throw out there ideas of what a nice guy is. Yes, you should have confidence, but if you truly do then it will be picked up by the other person. You sound as if you are trying to completely reverse the situation. But that's not going to work either. Instead you need to meet in the middle. No one is a "prize" who the other person should be glad to be talking to. Look at it as simply two people who are talking and getting to know each other better. Being a nice guy isn't about a lack of confidence or being too modest, it is about being nice and polite. There is nothing wrong with that and no reason to change. As long as you don't allow yourself to be taken advantage of, being a nice guy the right way to be.

Search around the site for a bit, everyone asks this question. Honestly, it all depends on the girl. You won't get a clear cut answer. This is especially true with regards to physical characteristics. But in the end, what really attracts and keeps a girl isn't muscles, clothes, hair style, glasses, etc. - its who you are. Does your personality match hers? Do you possess qualities that show you are an honest, caring person? If you want to know what really attracts a girl look towards caracteristics such as: honesty, sincerity, trustworthy, respectful, considerate, thoughtful, tenderness, passionate, etc. And don't change yourself to try and attract someone. Always stay true to who you are. You want the girl to like you for the real you, not some made up image you put on to impress people.

Hey, don't feel too bad. I'm in the same place you are. I'll be 22 in a week and I've never come close to have a relationship. It's not because of how we look, its just that we have bad luck. We haven't found the right person yet. It's hard and frustrating to deal with, but it will happen eventually. When it does we'll enjoy it and won't care how long it took. The waiting may even make it better cause we will cherish the experience more, knowing how much we've longed for it. I'm sure you are very pretty. And remember, true beauty comes from within. Those so called pretty girls who need to have their attitudes checked, they aren't beautiful. Someone who is nice and caring, like you sound, is beautiful. Believe you are beautiful on the inside and it will shine through on the outside.

It's a question none of us can answer until we die. Which is why I say, does it matter? Or is it our life here and now on earth that is what we should be thinking about? From what I hear from others, there seem to be three basic trains of thought. The first is some sort of heaven/hell idea, although there are variations and differing views on what these places are. In general, heaven is for the good people who have lived good lives and done what is right. Hell is for those who do evil, sinful things. Obviously, we would want to go to heaven since its suppose to be perfection and paradise. So we should do good with our lives. Then their is the idea of reincarnation. From my understanding, the better life you live then you will be reincarnated into a higher lifeform. So you want to be good and do the right things. Or, there is nothing after death. So, wouldn't you want to make this life as close to heaven as you can? There are probably ideas out there that don't fit these three, but I think you'll find that the answer is irrelevant. In the end, it is how we live in this world that matters. Why wait for heaven, when you can have it now?

Don't try to flirt, let it happen naturally. What the friendship is like and your natural personalities will determine the form the flirting takes place in. If you are silly, you'll probably end up joking around and doing some light teasing. If you are shy, it will probably be more shy smiles and subtle glances. Just be friendly, carry on like normal, and if somethings there you will both pick up on it.

Geez, I feel really sorry for you QTpie87. Your family really doesn't seem like they understand what being supportive and loving can do for a person. Don't worry about there opinions. In the end, we have to make ourselves happy. Do what you want to do, its your decision not there's. They are the ones who need help. You sound like a very mature, responsible person. I admire how calm you stayed and how you have a well thought out plan to get out of there. You are a great person and will overcome these obstacles. Good luck.

Honestly, judging from your age, your posts, and the fact that you are selling porn at school, I think that you are thinking to much about sex. You don't need to be exposing yourself to those kinds of situations and ideas. I understand that you are curious, have hormones, and like it. But don't be in such a hurry to grow up. Plenty of people have posted on here about how they wish they had waited longer before getting sexually involved. There are plenty of negative consequences that could result, the least of which is you getting in trouble for bringing porn to school. And, at the very least, if you still want to go ahead with this stuff, don't be selling porn to others and profitting off of it. You may have a future in business, but you have a lot to learn about what sex is really all about.

At 13, do you really need to be getting so much done sex wise? Enjoy being young and don't worry about growing up like that or having these adult experiences. link removed

Here's another saying: Do as I say, not as I do. I know how you feel. Sometimes I wish I could just follow my own advice more, but it's not as easy as it seems. People are their own worst critics and can easily fall into a cycle of doing things they wish they hadn't, or not doing things they wished they did. It's hard to break out of that cycle. Keep telling yourself you can do it, even if it means thinking in your head, "I think I can. I think I can" over and over. Even better, "I KNOW I can." Take baby steps to build up your confidence. View it as a personal battle between yourself and your fears. Get your competitive side going and don't let that fear anywhere near the endzone.

You said you used to be extremely shy. That's not something you can just just get over and act like its gone. It's part of who you are. You may learn to be more outgoing and talkative, but the shyness is still there to some degree. You aren't comfortable revealing really personal things about yorself. That is perfectly fine and no one should be angry or disrespect you for it. The closer you get to someone, the more you will feel you can trust him or her, and then you can talk about yourself more. Have patience, get to know the person, and don't be afraid to trust someone if you seem to really like them.

You are never alone. There are plenty of people who feel the same way as you do. Take time to focus on the good things in life and do something fun. Your sadness will pass and good things await you.

Boxers or briefs? Does it really matter? Come on, how many people are going to be seeing your underwear anyways? And if you are close enough to somebody to let them see you in it, I don't think they would really care. As for shaving, at your age how much do you really have to shave?

There are some guys who will do and say anything to get a person in bed. Luckily these kind of guys are few, although there are still far to many. If you have feelings for this guy then you need to talk with him and make clear where this relationship is heading. If he doesn't have feelings for you then I would suggest getting out of the relationship. If you stay with him then your feelings will only grow and you'll be longing for a relationship that you know isn't going to happen. There is no reason to put yourself through that kind of suffering.

To all the nice guys: I know your frustrations and venting them can help. But remember, in the end it is the nice guys who win. Girls eventually see all we have to offer and realize that we are the ones they want. The jerks are the losers who will end up alone and miserable. Don't feel bad about being a nice guy, be proud of it. We'll all find that person who is right for us and when we do it will be worth all the waiting.

shortygurl34762, If he's not talking to you in public then it doesn't seem like he is interested in a real relationship. If he was then he would be willing to talk to you like that and take you out on proper dates. He wouldn't be hiding the relationship from people. He sounds like he's happy to be having a physical relationship with someone and is just using you for that. You are probably starting to develop feelings for him because you have given so much in having that kind of relationship with him. It's natural to feel that way. I would say you need to end things with him completely. You are only going to get more attached if this continues and he doesn't seem willing to return your feelings. No need to hurt yourself like that.

It's crazy, it's stupid but alot of girls fall for the bad boy thing, especially at your age. At that age most people think they have to be wild and party alot. The bad boy gives off that wild, "i don't give a darn" image so girls will go for it. But eventually they learn that the nice guys are the ones they want and who will treat them right. Not that all girls are like that, just a number of them. It's a phase they grow out of. Plus, the bad boy seems to give off more confidence and be more outgoing, more likely to grab someones attention and go for a girl they see. The shy ones can be too laid back and not as willing to put themselves out there. In the end, the nice guys are the ones who win while the jerks are lonely. It isn't about the quantity of girls you get, it's about the quality. Do you really want dates with all sort of girls who just want to have a good time or would you rather have one girl who is interested in a real relationship? Would you rather, as you said, put on an act or stay true to who you are? I am the shy, modest, nice guy who has zero luck with females. But I'd rather stay true to myself and wait for that one special person who I can have a meaningful relationship with then pretend to be someone I'm not and go out with girls who don't know or respect the real me.

Sorry to bash on the male gender, but most guys are immature at any age. This is especially true for people our age. Most of them think wild partying and drinking is the only real way to have fun. Poor them. But there are those rare nice and mature guys, don't overlook them.

At your age, he'll like it no matter how you are. If he's a nice guy, he shouldn't tell. But most guys probably would. And really, do you need to be doing this stuff? Why not enjoy a meaningful relationship without any sexual stuff happening. You are to young for it and it will only lead to trouble.

Yeah, kids are becoming sexual way to early. They don't fully understand the consequences of their actions. The feel like nothing will happen to them and they can do anything they want. Kids shouldn't be in such a rush to grow up. Go to the mall, to movies, play basketball. Enjoy the little, meaningful parts of relationships - the holding hands, innocent and gentle kisses, just being together. There's no need to be in a hurry. In a few years they'll just end up looking back and regretting their actions, wishing they could have their childhood back and not have had to deal with so many adult situations.

Having confidence and believing in yourself is one of the most attractive qualities you can have. It will help you in relationships and more importantly with life in general. You will begin to feel better about yourself and that will help in all aspects of your life. As long as you don't overdo it (smiling all the time and be too enthusasitic) you'll be better off for it. To work on your confidence, focus on things that you are good at. Keep reminding yourself that you are a good person with lots of talents.

Just be yourself and don't worry about attracting guys. Focus on your own life and do things you enjoy. Talk to people and have fun. The most attractive thing a girl can do is to be themselves and not try to do attract attention. The more you try, the less real it is and the less attractive you seem. Smile, have fun, and be yourself.

If you need some encouragement I've seen it happen before. My older brother likes Star Wars and science fiction. He spends most of his free time playing RPG's online. He found someone that has the same interests as him and they have been together for over three years. It can happen.