Everyone i know has at least once said how great of a person i am. That i have a wonderful personality, and that i'm funny, careing, thoughtful, and trustworthy. But this just isnt good enough for me to find anyone special. I know i'm ALOT different then other girls. And i don't know if its high standards or not, to want a guy who is respectful, responsible, and loving enough to treat me the way i need to be treated. I get walked all over all of the time and i don't understand why. It's like people have no respect for me from the get-go and they figure i have no feelings. People are quick to forget about me first. They are quick to give me the shaft over other people. And i'm pretty damn sure i don't deserve any of it, but i get it anyways. And it doesn't help any matters of mine. I care about everyone. But i'm never even on anyones priority list. I'm alwys the last of their concerns.
I know i'm depressed. And i tried treatment but i couldn't stay with it. And i don't receive help from anyone to try and improve myself. I should be helping my father with something right now but instead i'm sitting here crying and thinking about suicide because i feel hopeless. He'll get made and think i'm worthless. I certainly feel that way. Whatever i do won't be appreciated anyways. I know one day my time will come where things will turn around. Or at least i'll have a chance, but i'll be dead by then. I'd be dead inside like i almost feel. I don't wanna care for anyone anymore. I don't to give it my all and not it being good enough, i just want to do nothing. I'd rather be dead.
