Savannian27 Posted June 5, 2019 Share Posted June 5, 2019 Hi Everyone, So my husband and I have been married for 2 years now, together for 6. Still feel new to the marriage-life, but all in all we are good. I've been battling this issue inside my head now for awhile, and I'm in need of ADVICE! My husband (John) has had this buddy, (Bobby) dating way back to the elementary school days. I've heard stories and I know that Bobby was mainly there as a great friend and supporter to John especially when it came to bullies in school. They've always had this kind of risky / rebels without a cause type connection between them, it's as plain as day. He's just one of those boys John can kick back and say whatever he wants, with no judgment. So he's a great friend to John and I by no means want to be that wife that tells him to cut off the friends of which I think he shouldn't be friends with. Bobby was there for John in more ways than I can count, and I'm grateful for that. For starters on my issue here though, just from my own personal opinion, Bobby is not what I would call a good quality friend. What I mean by that is someone who reciprocates, someone who is mature and responsible, and makes good decisions in their life. I'm not trying to patronize or claim that John or myself are so much better or anything like that, however I can't say that Bobby has any ounce of those things. He's gotten fired from numerous jobs over the years because of mouthing off & disagreeing with his bosses, or just flat out quitting and deciding not to show up one day. The wife takes on the financial burden. They have 3 boys, live in a trailer, the list goes on. There's always something that John can do for him, but no return is given. I know guys don't typically set things up unless it's poker night or something, but not once have I seen Bobby make that effort with John. Even just grabbing a beer at a bar every once in awhile would be fine in my book, but that's asking too much of Bobby. I know also we can all be hit with hard times financially speaking, but there's a difference between learning from your mistakes & moving on, versus deciding to stay the course and blame everything else for your problems. Quality means something to me. I have been diplomatic and smart in the way that I word things to John when it comes to anything related with Bobby, but John very much wants to keep that friendship. What really was the last straw for me was being compared to John's ex-wife. We don't talk about her, nor do we want to, wasn't even really a marriage just a manipulation scheme made by her. I am the forgiving type, but I certainly don't forget something like that. What I would really love is for John to learn how to shed old friends. The people who don't stick around or don't reciprocate or not even a phone call every once in awhile, they aren't the people you hold on to in my opinion. Please help. Thanks! Link to comment
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