Jump to content

Tinydance

Platinum Member
  • Posts

    3,243
  • Joined

  • Days Won

    10

Tinydance last won the day on June 7

Tinydance had the most liked content!

3 Followers

Recent Profile Visitors

1,926 profile views

Tinydance's Achievements

Veteran

Veteran (13/14)

  • Reacting Well Rare
  • Dedicated Rare
  • First Post
  • Collaborator
  • Posting Machine Rare

Recent Badges

845

Reputation

  1. I think that's absolutely fine that you don't want to get married and there is nothing wrong with that. BUT I think you also need to understand and respect that for some people it is actually important to get married and it's what they want. I really don't think it's fair to "persuade" your girlfriend not to get married if she actually really wants to. It may be that you and her are actually incompatible and it's not fair for either of you to force the other person into what they want. What are both your opinions on kids? That's really important too. I'm not speaking for everyone but for me wanting to get married always just felt like this strong gut feeling deep inside. I always wanted to get married and have kids, even when I was only a teenager. To me marriage symbolises really choosing that person for the rest of your life and having something special to show for it. Like wearing your engagement ring and your wedding ring. Personally I feel that a wedding is really special and it's a celebration of mine and my partner's love for each other that we want to share with our friends and family too. I love going to weddings, I think it's very beautiful and I always shed a tear. I was engaged before and I loved wearing my engagement ring and planning my wedding. We had already booked a venue and I was looking for my wedding dress and it was so fun and special. I know I'm a girly woman but to me wearing the wedding dress, doing my hair and make-up and walking down the aisle would have been really special. I've always wanted that my whole life. I think it would be cruel for you to take this chance away from your girlfriend if it's what are wants. Personally I would break up with anyone who didn't want marriage and in fact I have done that in the past. It's what I really want and I won't give up on it.
  2. I agree with everyone else that you should probably just get to know her in person first. I think it would be too much if you told her you like her straight away. Do you think after the convention there might be an opportunity to invite her to hang out longer and have a coffee or dinner together? Keep in mind also that maybe she just wants to be friends and she may not be interested romantically. So it's probably best to act more casual about it and just have some normal conventions and see what the connection is like in person.
  3. How often do the mood swings happen? Some women do get bad PMS once a month before getting their period. I become sad and teary and a bit moody (and very hungry lol) about a week before getting my period. But the low mood only lasts about a couple of weeks or so. It's not really normal to have mood swings all the time. That might be more indicative of a mental health issue.
  4. Can I just point out though that she didn't go to the ex's house sober or anything. She was at a party having fun and presumably people were drinking there and she was also drinking. It wasn't like she went on Tinder trying to hook up with random guys or anything. She thought this guy was actually her friend and someone she could trust. I think it was rape because she did tell him twice that she didn't want to have sex but he started having sex. He knew she was really drunk and that she had also told him she didn't want sex and yet he proceeded to have sex. I think he's more to blame in this situation because she didn't come to his place and drink there not thinking of consequences. She was at a party drinking with friends and he asked her to come over. Most likely thinking he'll get sex because she's really drunk and she'd go along with it. Quite possibly this was his plan right from the start, to take advantage. I think the fact that he began to act really defensive and point out all the nice things he's done for her and so on means he very well knew what he did was wrong. And he decided to stop talking to her because she was calling him out on it. Technically this can be reported to the police because she did say no to sex twice but he began having sex, so it was rape. OP I think you should take the morning after pill and do STD tests. If that guy had sex with prostitutes before you, you never know what he might have. You should probably get tested just to make sure.
  5. I think the fact he likes your butt isn't really a problem but to me the issue would be he's acting extremely sexual from the word go. If he actually wanted a relationship and to get to know you as a person then he wouldn't have put his hand down your pants and touched your butt on the second date. Usually people would wait a few dates before doing anything sexual and they wouldn't be constantly doing it in public. I would be more concerned that this guy just wants sex. Liking butts isn't that strange in and of itself.
  6. I have to agree with Miss Canuck unfortunately. It doesn't really sound like this guy ever had real feelings for you or ever wanted to date you. I know you like him so much and obviously you really wish he felt the same. I think you need to try as hard as you can to think logically about this and to try to really see the situation for what it is. Your "thing" with this guy straight away started off with sex because he came to your place as soon as you met each other. There is nothing wrong with that but it started off as FWB and it seems that's all he wanted from you. Most people want a relationship so saying "I'm not looking for a relationship" actually means "I don't want a relationship with YOU". It's code for "He's just not that into you". If a guy was into you, you actually would not need to pressure him to give you compliments or to date you. He would want to do all that on his own. You wouldn't be anxious because you wouldn't need to be. When a guy likes you, he shows it. The reason why he said you should just stay friends isn't necessarily because you were acting anxious and pressuring him. It's because he only wants FWB and it's a bummer for him to be pushed into an actual relationship. So he used it as an excuse to reject you. He probably does like you as a person but that doesn't mean he has feelings for you and wants to date you. I think unfortunately the best thing you can do is for your own self preservation is just to cut him off. What is the point in talking to him or sleeping with him if you want more? You're only going to get hurt if you continue. Also I would recommend the book and movie "He's Just Not Into You". I'm not trying to patronise you but back in the day it actually helped me.
  7. Well you seem to be telling yourself that she's somehow interested in you but to be honest I don't think it seems like she is. She knows you're into her because you already told her before. She's single now and she knows where you live, besides she could always message you on Instagram. Yet she's doing nothing. That seems like not interested to me.
  8. I think you also need to keep in mind that when you're attracted to someone or like someone, you tend to read things into their behaviour. You think this girl is looking at you but normally when you see her she's just getting out of the car or she's in the front yard. I wouldn't think she's necessarily trying to look at you but she's just looking in front of her in general. I mean, where is she supposed to look? You already requested her and messaged her on Instagram so if she was interested in you she could message you there. Or she could actually try to talk to you if she liked you. My guess is she's not interested because she doesn't actually show any signs of being interested in you.
  9. Well you are right that you don't have to do anything you don't want to do just to please your Uncle. Just work where you want, you are an adult and that is your choice. You are right that even if you need to please someone in your family, it would be more your parents, not your Uncle. Though I'm not sure what country and culture you are from. Do you come from a culture where young people are supposed to respect and listen to older family members? For example, their parents, Uncle, grandparents? I live in Australia so here it's not like that but I know in some Asian, Middle Eastern and African countries for example it's like that. The problem is unfortunately I don't think you can actually control your father's behaviour. Your father controls his own behaviour and if he wants to act like this towards your Uncle and his family then unfortunately you can't really stop him. I think for your own mental health and to get along with everyone in your family, you might be better off to stay out of it. Just don't do everything just for your Uncle and do what you want. What are your plans for the future? Are you planning to move out into your own place and share with room-mates? You said you nearly finished your studies so could you get a full-time job and move out? You might feel happier if you didn't live at home and weren't constantly seeing this behaviour that really upsets you.
  10. You are actually being emotionally abused and he cheated on you. He treats you absolutely horrible. Showering once a day is perfectly fine and I'm sure you don't smell. "Should I give him another chance?" NOOOOOOO
  11. Well I'm not sure if he's seeing anyone else or not, I think you don't really have enough proof of that. However I think the whole situation kind of seems off to be honest. He acts strange and hot and cold. When you went on your trip he bombarded you with calls and messages which isn't really appropriate. It's OK to text maybe once a day or once every couple of days but it's not necessarily to message constantly when he knows you're away on a holiday. Also he's already said he wants to marry you and you haven't been dating long. I think that's not really normal unless you're religious or come from a country where marrying quickly is customary. Other times he doesn't message you much and seems distant. If he loves you and even wants to marry you then why does he hardly message sometimes? Something doesn't really seem to add up. Personally I would feel suspicious of these kinds of behaviours.
  12. To be honest it doesn't sound like he actually wants to be in a serious relationship with you. Maybe he's staying with you for the kids but it sounds like deep down he wants to be a single and free guy. He spent all his teenage years and early 20's with just you and sounds like he missed out on a carefree life that young people usually have. So he's partying and hitting on women because he wants to live like a single guy. You obviously love him and want the relationship to work but he clearly doesn't. Personally I think you should end this relationship. He can still see the kids but you don't need this. He's extremely disrespectful to you and probably cheating on you. He's hurting you and you don't deserve that.
  13. Well I think you would feel like you got more closure if you completely stop talking to your ex and delete and block her on everything. Obviously she's gone and you moved far away so I don't really see the need to keep communicating with her. In regards to the new woman you're seeing. I don't really think you have to defend yourself to us or to anyone as to why you're having casual style sex with her. You can do whatever you want and so can she. You are quite right that times have changed and casual sex is pretty acceptable these days. The only thing I've noticed from your post is that it sort of sounds like maybe you're trying to prove to yourself that you truly like her and it's not just sex for you. To me it didn't really sound as if you like her THAT much because when you met up with her you only had sex in the hotel for three days and that's it. You didn't go out anywhere at all on a date or anything at all. Although I'm not sure if you may have done that deliberately to set the precedent that you don't want a relationship and it's just casual. If this woman is really into you I could see this ending badly for her if she'll want a relationship and you won't. She's an adult though and it was actually her suggestion to get the hotel for sex so she knows what she's getting herself into. If she wants more than just sex then it's her responsibility to end it. You've been honest that you're not ready for a relationship so it's up to her what she wants to do.
  14. Well I think the best way to move on from a crush is to stop talking to your crush. To be honest because of your crush on this guy and because he has a girlfriend, being his friend is actually not really appropriate anyway. You didn't want to be just friends and you being "friends" actually had an agenda. So that's not really a real friendship if you would always be wanting more from it. I think in the end you were very likely to get hurt. He has a girlfriend so you don't have a chance with him. Even if he didn't have a girlfriend buy he rejected you, you would still get hurt. I think he had been pushing the point that he has a girlfriend to show you that he only wants to be friends and nothing more. Now he actually seems to have pretty much lost interest in talking to you because he's not replying. The best thing you can do is stop pursuing him in any way. If you don't get replies then it's actually a bit desperate to keep messaging more. You say you really care about this guy's friendship but I think you need to be honest with yourself that it's not just a friendship to you. It's not really fair on you or on his girlfriend if you keep talking to him because you actually have romantic feelings for him. Do you have other friends? I would recommend keeping yourself busy with your friends and family to take your mind off this boy. Hang out with friends and do fun things you like. Pursue your hobbies and interests and don't contact this guy at all.
  15. Haven't read all the replies but I connect with your post so much. As someone who's struggled with alcohol since my late teens (I'm 36), I totally relate. When you're addicted to something the cravings are often just there in the back of your mind and they just don't go away. Even after a while they might still come back. It's like some kind of dormant thing that sometimes wakes up even if it's been sleeping. What people sometimes don't realise is that even getting through one day and not giving in to those cravings takes A LOT of effort. I've basically always had them except when I took this medication Baclofen which is used off label for alcohol cravings. It really worked but it had some other bad side effects and I had to stop it. I also totally understand how you feel about AA because I feel the same. I was in rehab for a month 11 years ago and one of the conditions of being there was that you had to go to four Narcotics Anonymous meetings a week. They also strongly encouraged you to go to them in your own time. Each NA meeting was 1.5 - 2 hours. I seriously thought I was going to go mad sitting in those meetings eight hours a week! The whole higher power and religious thing really didn't suit me because I'm an agnostic/atheist. People also kind of acted like a cult and in my opinion some acted just plain weird. One time I went to an AA meeting and I never "shared" or spoke to anyone at all in this meeting. At the end of the meeting a few women came straight up to me and a couple immediately said: "Can I have your phone number?" I panicked and gave my number to one or two of them. A couple of hours later this woman called me and left a voicemail asking me to call her. I understand supporting each other but I'd never spoken to her before at all and she straight up just asked for my number. I must say though that the aversion from going to those NA meetings actually got me off drinking for a good while lol I came out of rehab and after that didn't drink a drop for at least six weeks. Then I may have lapsed but I basically stopped drinking every day like I had. I was terrified of going back into rehab and tried my hardest not to drink because I knew they'd send me to all those meetings looll I really like SMART Recovery meetings and personally would highly recommend them. There are no 12 steps or any kind of religious affiliation. All participants take turns to speak on topic and the facilitator us usually very good at guiding discussion. The facilitator and participants also give actual advice and strategies on how to manage your addictions. You set short term goals and try to work on them. I attend one meeting a week on Zoom due to COVID. The facilitator is really nice and the participants seem nice and have been supportive. In that particular meeting a lot of people also struggle with alcohol. It helps to know other people are going through the same things and we relate to each other. You could also try anti craving medications but for me they had bad side effects. For some people they work well though. It's always worth it to at least discuss your medication options with your doctor. I'd like to add also that I don't mean to offend anyone who likes AA or NA. I know they really helped some people. Some people in the meetings were clean and sober for like 20+ years. They continued to go to the meetings and I'm sure the meetings helped them to stay that way. It's just that their format is not for me. Not just the religious undertones but the structure of people just sharing and nobody commenting anything or giving any advice actually bored me.
×
×
  • Create New...