Cian_Symbol

When people make false claims about me, I will correct it. You should practice having the grace and humility to be curious. Also, very theatrical. Yes, I know my partner's parents ages. I looked at 2 4 digit numbers in the open. And I already apologized for doing what I actually did and said it was problematic but it mostly hurts me. You're upset because I won't cop to these ludicrous accusations and self flagellate for you. I did what I could. You don't know me. If he is so unfortunate, he will leave.

Lol not allowing people you barely know into your life until you trust them is not the same as treating them as criminals.

I have done nothing you are saying. I have not done any communication about what I've experienced with him except the escort card and saying I struggle with trust in general. I have never approached him or challenged him on anything. I have never asked him where he was, who someone is. It is a mostly *internal* thing. The receipts are the only physical actions I have taken. I already agree with everything you're saying not to do and that is why I have not done it. If a stranger you are trying to "read" tells you your assumptions about them are incorrect, it's polite to listen to them. Clarifying for you so we can have a mutual understanding isn't being angry or disagreeable in itself. Why would I just agree with your assessment of my life that's not a reasonable ask. Edit: dude I overreact *internally*. His accommodation is just not bringing up prostitution to avoid triggering my ptsd. He hasnt been asked to do anything regarding cheating. Just please don't bring up prostitution. He has never been asked to say "don't worry, blah blah blah". That's just not happening. We have never talked about "love bombing" but yes if I had said that to him that would be ***ty. But I didn't. I said he was wonderful and expressed gratitude. I am very aware that dating me is difficult. I was single and not looking. He was informed of everything and he had full consent. What you don't understand between what I said, and what you said, is that I'm talking about my emotions but you're talking about behaviours, saying that he has to be telling me where he's going etc. When it's a thing I mostly suffer with alone and do not express to him.

You are confusing *feelings* with behaviors. I have good reasons for feelings but not for behaviors. I already said the very concept of "good reasons" is suspect and that was also me apparently being wrong. Maybe you should define the parameters of what you want me to say here.

I did above but I'm sorry, I think at this point it's doing more harm than good to participate. I think I've gathered all I can and I thank you.

Where have I treated someone as a criminal? I have expressed understanding all thst already. Psycho is pretty pejorative. I've not justified anything. I think you're sensing I'm a people pleaser and trying to provoke shame within me for some reason. I literally responded to your last message with "fair enough" but somehow that wasn't satisfactory. I've also asked you if "what I have done" is grounds to end it in itself and you are still harping on it.

Oh sorry confused, you said a bunch of other stuff like that I was accusing him and I probably tried to correct that. You kept stating stuff as if I didnt know it even though I expressed to already thinking that way. I've never been angry here I'm sorry, I can't go back to what you said or do an analysis at this time can we just move past it.

Huh? I'm not even a little angry, I'm answering the questions and agreeing with you.

Fair enough

Thank you so much. I think there are legitimate misgivings that warrant caution but not detective work, arguments, abandoning the relationship or panic and that my body is having an inappropriate response to it based on my past. I think I have extreme internal reactions to innocent individual things because the legitimate misgivings trigger hypervigilance I needed in the past to survive. I think there has been some effort to listen to and accommodate me and other expressions of affection that hold merit. I think my body doesn't want to allow me to relax into this "I understand your past, let's see if we can work together on this" stage.

Yeah that's why I said screw it. I mean it's simple. I had an intent to be careful, I thought more info was desired/would be helpful, then changed my mind but forgot about the how long have you been dating question. At this point I just don't want to drag it on for you guys. It's been under 8 months for the relationship. Should I have stuck to my original intent and not shared that? Crap. I kinda regret talking about this at all here thee details about who I am are pretty specific. 😕

I don't think that's accurate based on my other responses. I've conceded and agreed to do things based on other comments. I overexplain as an anxiety thing but again I understand why you have that perception. I see us as having all been circling around but I'm fine with me doing it more. If that's how you feel and it's bothering you, let's bring it to a close 🙂 I've made a couple comments many pages back trying to bring it to a conclusion so that's fine.

I did tell him a bit ago that I saw signs we had incompatible values and potential conflict seemed in our future and he agreed we should end things. But I caved and said I'd still like to get to know him better but we need to slow down, which he also agreed with. We quickly fell back into the same dynamic though and I feel like he was largely the one initiating that. 🙂 yes my eagerness about the receipt may be caused by my desire for relief/to escape a vulnerable position. Because, based on what my partner has expressed he values, I feel my value to him is primarily that I am an object of enjoyment and entertainment and there's a threshold where I go from "fun object" to "nuisance" and that my neediness about things like sensitivity and what not clash with his value that "political correctness" as he defines it is fundamentally bad and spoiling the fun. How you wrote it here was how it was written to him. I asked what he remembered us talking about, and he confirmed he did. I then said I don't know what more I could have done because I thought I effectively communicated. I even said I don't know if it's even reasonable for me to expect him to navigate my sensitivities. He has said he would avoid triggers and he seems to be doing so...but again he was already asked to not do that before this event. I am uneasy because I do not know how long it will last. And the episode it triggered is not over and has significantly impacted my life. So maybe I need to decide if I want to just give him an opportunity to "mess up" like that again and how likely it is to happen...I already know the answer to that 😕 I kinda wish he and I could just be more casual again. I can take a little tension every week but not every day. But I know he wants a serious thing where we move in together. The thought of not being able to be alone when he triggers me too is so stressful. Yeah, I can't even give him what *he* wants.

🙂 it makes my heart sing to hear stories like that. I guess sometimes you gotta make an executive decision to trick your future self into not doing something coocoo lol that's a pretty big decision to make. I don't think I'll ever forget how eventually with my abuser I found happiness and comfort alone. So I still know if things don't work out, I'll be ok. The pain won't last forever. Maybe that's why I have such a strong urge to leave.

Yeah I think it was having a few betrayals in a row. I developed a chronic physical disability in my 20s so I lost a lot of connections then. I dont have a work place with coworkers. The ways I have access to make friends leads to more toxic choices and I'd rather be alone than have a lot of these people around me, I just dont have patience. I was doing well before this relationship and was going out a lot to groups and meeting people but now I have constant anxiety and struggle to enjoy most things. I am profoundly unhappy. Socializing is extremely difficult physically and mentally. When I get triggered like the vegas thing I'm not capable of holding a conversation.