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Everything posted by Tinydance

  1. Well I think that yeah unfortunately you and your friend are probably too different. I'm guessing that this topic she was ranting about is actually really important to her. But it's not important to you and in fact it makes you feel uncomfortable. It's true that you should be able to express how you feel but on the other hand it doesn't feel good to be censored by a friend either. I imagine if I was talking about something really interesting and important to me and my friend told me to stop and said I can't talk about it, yes it does sting. People should be able to be themselves with their friends (within reason). I think that's why it's important to be friends with like minded people with the same beliefs and values to begin with. If you have similar ways of thinking, political persuasions, beliefs, etc. you can just "gel" naturally. That way nobody needs to censor anyone because you are already on the same page with your views and what you want to talk about. I agree it's immature that M said to S not to post in the group chat. But on the other hand if M didn't want to speak to you then why have the group chat going? If she's talking only to S and you're talking only to S, it does make sense why M would want to end the group chat. So M could have stopped posting in the group chat herself, but I think she took it too far by being controlling towards S and telling her what to do. I think that if you don't want to be friends with M anymore then you should probably just tell her this and then delete her from Facebook. You have to try to see it from her perspective too that she really cares about that topic and you basically "shut her up". You haven't mentioned in any of your posts what the topic actually is so obviously it's difficult for me to say whether that topic was offensive or warranted to make you feel uncomfortable. I think this is the thing, if you don't like what someone talks about or is interested in, you don't have to be friends. But I think you also can't really say to them: "Don't talk about XYZ". Friends should be free to talk about what they want, within reason of course. Unless it's something very extreme like they support Hitler and are pro holocaust and the Nazis or something. But e.g. if your friend talks about a political topic a lot, let's say they follow XYZ political party but you don't, it's just a matter of difference. For example, if I had a vegan friend who is an animal rights activist and talks about how eating meat is bad, etc. I'm actually not vegetarian or vegan, I eat meat. So it would make me feel uncomfortable but my friend has the right to be vegan and to feel passionately about it. If I don't like then I don't have to be friends. Basically all my close friends are not vegan and also eat meat, and we never run into any of these issues. What I just said is purely only an example but I'm trying to make a point that if your views are too different, no you probably can't actually be friends. Which is why you've had this big falling out.
  2. Well it's completely understandable that you're disappointed and anyone else would be too. Dating is really hard. I'm 36 and also never married and no kids but I'm a woman so I don't have forever to have kids. To be honest though, the dates with this woman and her saying she didn't feel the "connection" sounds like exactly what happens with like 90% of online dating for 90% of people. I've been doing online dating for 19 years and I've never actually had any real relationship with anyone I met online. I'd only had a few hookups and dating a couple of people for a couple or a few months but nothing too serious. All my longer term relationships were with people I met in real life. I'm actually not sure exactly what this woman meant that she didn't feel the connection, really it could be anything. When I say to someone that I don't feel a "connection", what I usually feel is no spark/chemistry, not attracted to the person, no click, not much in common. Things like that. When I say not attracted to them, it doesn't mean they're ugly by any means. It just means I'm personally not attracted to them. It may have been the Hindi thing but really it could be anything. I think if she liked you, she may not have cared that you speak Hindi. I think it's good that you are putting yourself out there and you went and met this woman and gave it a go. You never know unless you try, right? I know it sucks that you spent money on the trip, but just because you did doesn't mean it was going to work out or that this woman would be interested in you. Even if she appreciated you coming to see her, she can't just force herself to have romantic feelings for you if she just doesn't. I was actually using a paid dating website and you have to either pay per "stamp" to start a conversation with someone, or a $50 or $60 per month membership. So I was spending money on that website for many months but I didn't find anyone. Well in fact I'd been on that website for 19 years on and off. But my best friend went on that website 14 years ago and she had only been on dates with five guys from there and after that she found her husband! She's been with his all that time and they have kids together. So it seems to be some kind of just dumb luck. Anyone can pay money for that website but obviously the website can't control whether you actually will find someone there or not. My advice would be to keep looking and don't give up. That's the advice I gave myself and I'm sticking to it lol
  3. Tinydance


    No, DON'T trust him. Who cares if he wants to divorce his wife! Besides, that's what all cheaters say. He lied to you and he cheated on his wife and lied to his family. He doesn't sound like a good person at all and you can find a much better guy who is single and a nice honest person. I'm very sorry to hear that your Mum is sick 😞 I hope she will feel better soon!
  4. Well I don't have kids but my best friend has two small kids and I know from her that it's really hard. So I totally sympathise with you in that regard of course. But I also think that even if your mother-in-law doesn't work, that still doesn't necessarily mean that she has to wait for a long time for you and your husband to pick her up from her place and go somewhere. E.g. If you said to her you'd pick her up at 11:00 a.m. let's say but you only arrive at 11:30 a.m. or 11:45 a.m. because you were getting the baby ready. Maybe she wants to actually leave at the time or at least as close as possible to the time you said you would. People usually like for other people not to be late and to stick to a promised schedule. That expectation is of most people, whether they have kids or don't. Maybe your MIL comes over and rushes you because she thinks that you should be leaving the time you said to her you'd leave. Don't forget also it was you who invited her to come on the trip with you so it's not like she just randomly turned up. I agree with the other posters that your husband should be helping you with chores, etc. and to get the baby ready. Especially if his own mother is coming over and it's the two of them that want you to hurry. Why is your husband doing nothing to help but just sitting there telling you to hurry up?
  5. Well believe it or not, I totally know how you feel because when I was a teenager, my parents kept moving around a lot and I kept going to four different high schools and was very hard to make friends. The good news is it gets better! I finished school like 18/19 years ago now so I'm speaking from experience! I think maybe some of what you're saying is actually your low self-esteem talking and you being harsh on yourself. I'm sure you are good at some things! I know this because everyone is good at something. Buy to really get out of your shell and make new friends, unfortunately you will actually need to leave the house and not just stay home all the time in front of the TV and Playstation. Some good ways to make new friends is to join extra curricular activities at school, such as a social club or some kind of activities club. Do you have these at school? You could also join some groups like these outside of school too. I went to some youth groups during school and after school too in my early to mid 20's. I made a lot of friends there and some of them I still speak to now. Also you could so some volunteer work. Do you have any hobbies and interests apart from TV and video games? I think you should try to pursue those because sitting at home won't do you too much good if you're feeling low already. Also don't put too much pressure on yourself to be "good" at things. You are only 15 years old, you're so young. Just focus on school, doing well so you can go to university or do whatever you want after school. Try different things out and don't worry if you're not good at some things because that's normal.
  6. Also just as a side note, if she was completely ignoring you at the party, it doesn't really seem like she's interested. I think you also acted immaturely by deliberately trying to make her jealous by kissing another woman. You're an adult so if you liked her, you should have just asked her out. This is playing games and it's childish.
  7. Well, sure, give him some more time but I think don't chase him. If he wants you, he can come to you on his own. I'm sure you are a great woman and there are other guys out there who would be honoured to call you their girlfriend.
  8. Well I agree with you, of course if someone can actually marry or be in a de facto relationship for the child's benefit, no doubt that is better. I'm talking about if the person hasn't really got many options left. Not everyone gets the opportunity to find someone by a certain age and unfortunately that's just how it is. No offence but I think it's easy to say these things if you're married and have kids yourself because you haven't actually experienced what it's like not to find someone and have no kids. I went on a few dates with a man who was 48, nearly 49 and he had no kids and wanted them really badly. To be perfectly honest he was actually acting quite desperate. I only went on three dates with him and right from the first date he began advertising himself and boasting about himself, how financially successful he is and that he would be a really good Dad. Even to the point that I think some things he said about how rich he supposedly was, sounded like lies and some things just didn't add up. He said he wanted kids so bad and he wanted to adopt or use a surrogate mother. In Australia we basically don't have surrogacy because it's illegal to get paid for being a surrogate. So why would a woman want to do this for nothing and carry that baby and then just give it away? He also said he tried adoption but he just got rejected because he's a single man on his own and he was nearly 50 years old. So as you can see some people have very little options and I'm sorry to say such negative things but it's just a reality. One of my friends also has a friend who didn't find anyone by 39 years old and she just used a random sperm donor from IVF to have a baby alone. I actually think that using a sperm donor and being a single parent in some sense could be worse for the child than having a baby with a friend. For example, if I used a donor, he doesn't need to keep in touch with the child at all if he doesn't want to. If I tried to contact him, legally he's completely within his right not to respond. And even if he did respond, he may have very little contact with the child. Whereas having the baby with my good male friend, he said he would see the child all the time and also his mother really wants to be involved as a grandmother. My friend also has a brother who has small children so my child would have a second family and cousins.
  9. I don't think that seven months is actually short at all. I know you probably don't want to hear this, but I think this guy was honest that you are just a companion to him. He really doesn't seem sure about you. When you asked him, after seven months he should have said something like: "OK maybe it's time we make this relationship official and say we're boyfriend and girlfriend now". Instead he just said you're a companion and now he's taking time away from you and "thinking" about it. If he feels strongly about you and wants to be with you, what is there to think about? I think if you want a serious relationship, you need to value yourself more and don't settle for anything less than what you deserve. You deserve a guy who actually wants to be with you and wouldn't hesitate in his answer that you are his girlfriend. I think you're wasting time on someone who doesn't feel that way about you.
  10. No, sorry, I won't recommend anything because what you're doing is wrong and unfair. I understand it really hurts to be cheated on but you're bringing so much past baggage into this new relationship. This guy is a new person, he is not your ex. Unless someone actually shows you that you can't trust them, e.g. they do something wrong, you just have to trust them. How would you feel if you found out your partner was doing this to you in secret? You wouldn't like it, right? It's a complete violation of trust and personal privacy.
  11. No, not arranged marriage but if you got to say your 40's and you didn't find anyone (hopefully you won't), you could just have a child with a female friend who didn't find anyone either. But I'm not sure if it's allowed in your religion, etc.
  12. That sucks that your manager did this to you but I also agree that you should be fairly careful in how you deal with this. It may be possible that the manager didn't mean to actually humiliate you on purpose but they were just making an example of your work to show what to do and what not to do to the other staff. If you do want to speak to her about this incident then I think you just need to be careful in how you word what you're saying and you need to say it politely.
  13. Look dude, if you already know what you want to do then why come here for advice in the first place? I think you're actually being very presumptuous. You're plotting all these ways you could date this woman but you actually don't even know if she would date you! Why would you leave the job, become a team leader or anything else for this woman if she's not even interested in you? Can you actually try to think logically here? I think first of all you need to let this woman know that you're interested in her and see how she responds. If she doesn't show interest in dating you then there's your problem solved, you don't need to do anything! If she does want to date you too then maybe you can just transfer to another store.
  14. I actually think you are completely right that liking him is not good for you and you need to move on. It actually doesn't really sound like he's that interested in even being your friend because he didn't want to give you his number and he just ignored some of your messages. Besides, you don't just want friendship with him, you want more. I think it would be too hard to be friends anyway if you have feelings for him. I don't really think that he's that interested in you or your friendship and besides he does already have a girlfriend. My advice would be to stop talking to him or cut down on talking to him. Concentrate on school, your hobbies and interests and your other friends.
  15. I actually also don't think that his family or hometown is exactly the issue here. I think the problem is your husband. He actually allows his family to meddle and intrude in your life like this. If he stood up to them more then maybe they wouldn't be doing this. He also chooses to work this much. Unfortunately if he's completely refusing to move to your hometown then the only thing you could really do if you're unhappy is end your marriage.
  16. Well my advice would be give it a go and just see how you like it. I'm in Australia and here you have one month or something like that to withdraw from the course without paying for any of the subjects you did. So you can try it and see if you like it but you need to withdraw by a certain date to not have to pay for that semester. But here in Australia we can actually put the course fees on HECS. I forgot what it stands for lol What it means is the government pays for your course but once you earn over $55, 000 per year, they take out 10% of your earnings each month to repay the loan. But you get the course a lot cheaper because you pay it back later and by then it's gone up in price. But you can't get any HECS loan or discount if you already have the same qualification. E.g. You already have a Masters and you want to do another Master's. You get a very large discount if you're an Australian citizen or resident but international students have to pay a very expensive amount. Anyway my advice is to make sure you have the option to withdraw from the course without too many penalties if it's not working out for you. But I know in the USA you have to get student loans or something and then you have to pay them back straight away?
  17. I'm actually thinking that now I won't suggest anything to watch anymore, I've had enough of it. I actually did suggest this show also because I knew that S loves Korean shows, but it totally backfired.
  18. No we don't share any costs of streaming services, we just pay for our own streaming services. I don't know what the beef was but I thought it was pretty stupid. We very easily could have just continued watching the show together. She said she wasn't enjoying it because of me but why? It was still exactly the same show. The whole thing was really weird.
  19. Well I won't cut her loose because I've been friends with her like 20 years or close to that and we're a group of four. I've actually realised that there seems to be some very sore point about shows she likes. I wrote in one of my comments above how she'd reacted about when her housemate forgot to watch her favourite show Hannibal with her. She seems to get quite obsessed with shows. She would talk about Hannibal all the time and she's like totally crazy over the actor Mads Mikelsen who plays Hannibal. She would send us photos of him and she had posters of him in her room. We always talked to her about it even though we've never even seen this show. And I'd say stuff like: "Yeah he's handsome blah blah blah" even though I'm not even into him lol I think she has to realise that other people don't actually have to feel obsessed with shows she likes and respect that everyone likes different things.
  20. Yeah I wasn't going to chase her because I'd already apologised many times and I explained myself very clearly as to why I'd already seen it. Also her reaction was harsh and she could have had a bit more sympathy towards me because of my car accident. She could have continued watching the show but it was her own decision to stop because she hated that I'd already seen it. How she felt about it and what she did was her own choice. I was happy to continue watching together and I wasn't stopping anybody from watching.
  21. Thank you! Police pressured him to give his details that my insurance company needs so finally he gave them.
  22. I only told them because I actually thought it wasn't a big deal and they wouldn't really care. If it was me I wouldn't actually care but I guess I'm just a more chill person.
  23. Well now I can see I was clearly wrong to say I'd seen it. But I actually only told them because I didn't even think they would care much! One of my friends didn't even say anything and the other one said: "OK that's fair enough." The other two didn't actually seem to care but thus friend S tool it so badly probably because she's obsessed with Korean shows or something.
  24. Well you are actually completely right and that's exactly what she said, that she held off from watching it and I think that's what made her angry. I said to her she had a right to be angry and to say that, that part I had no problem with. What I thought was actually really over the top though is saying she wasn't enjoying it because of me and she didn't want to watch it with us anymore and told us to just make a separate Facebook chat and watch without her. I actually said to her, why don't I just leave the chat for a while then or them three can make a separate chat and it's me that won't watch if she's not enjoying it because of me? But she actually said "no" to that and then she just completely stopped responding in the chat all together. I just thought her actual behaviour was very over the top and dramatic. And also could she cut me some slack because I'd literally just been in a car accident and I actually sent them photos of the damage on my car, which was very significant (the whole back of the car came off). And I told them all about how the man who hit my car was refusing to give his full name and address so my insurance said they wouldn't do the claim without them and I had to go to the police. I went to the police and they called the guy and he just denied everything and hung up. So it was all quite stressful for me and I'd told them all that. And here she was having a huge go at me just over some show. Which she actually could easily have continued to watch but she herself chose not to.
  25. Well to be perfectly honest, your story sounds very common and even similar to my own dating history in some way. I think unfortunately many people really struggle with this now and I wonder if part of it is that people are always "chasing the dragon" and always looking for the next best thing. There are so many dating apps and so many people to swipe on and it seems like some people are just too picky and of the mindset that they can so easily always find someone else. I could be wrong but I get the impression that when our parents were young, things were way easier because there were no dating apps or even internet at all. My parents met when my Mum was 19 and Dad 21. They got engaged after four months of dating and after one year they got married at 20 and 22 years old. Now they've been married for 39 years. People seemed to have that mentality that you just stick with whoever you found first and you like and didn't need to keep chasing the next best thing. You're definitely not alone in not really having luck with dating. I know it's not exactly the same but I'm a 36-year-old woman, 37 in January. I'm single, never been married and no kids. I always wanted marriage and kids and always kept trying to find someone too but it just didn't happen. Granted I've never been single for 6 years and I've had a few long term relationships, but they were all only 1.5 - 2 years long. I did live with a partner that I was with for two years and we were engaged and even booked the wedding, but he got into drugs heavily, so I had to end it. I think in terms of advice I can give you is to not give up on looking. Because if you stop looking, you will have no chance of finding anyone. At least if you keep putting the effort in, you do have a chance. My advice would be to only use Christian dating websites because why waste time talking to women who don't share your religion? Also are you sure you're not being too picky or too shallow? I'm actually not accusing you but I'm just asking. For example, I don't really care about people's looks that much, e.g. if they're overweight or had a limp or acne or something, it wouldn't bother me. My main attraction has always been to who the person is inside and I've actually always found it very easy to like and love people. Try to focus on who the person is on the inside and on your connection with them first and foremost. That might make it easier to find women you actually like. Maybe try to give as many women as you can a chance. I'm not saying force yourself to be attracted to them if you're just not but just keep as much of an open mind as possible. I'd say maybe you and I could date but I'm an atheist and I don't want to follow any religion unfortunately lol Also I think regarding what happened with the last woman, it was pretty normal. What I mean by that is she tried dating you and she realised she wasn't interested. I don't think it was your comments alone that were the problem because as you said, the comments weren't really that bad. I think that she probably just wasn't really feeling it and she needed some kind of reason to latch onto to give as an excuse for ending it. I was dating someone for 2.5 months recently too and during that time I actually realised that we were unsuitable for each other in many ways, so I ended it. Now I'm single again and quite lonely because I live alone and we've been in a three month COVID lockdown. But that guy just wasn't right for me and I couldn't just settle, though of course it was nice having someone, especially during the pandemic. Another option you might want to consider is maybe having a child with a female friend who also can't find anyone? I have a male friend who really wants to do this with me. I'm actually thinking that after COVID I'm going to do it.
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