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Tinydance

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Everything posted by Tinydance

  1. I actually agree with this. I was thinking the same thing. That initially when you met from the dating site, she was interested in you romantically but you rejected her and said you just wanted to be friends. She did say to you that she doesn't need more friends and implied she doesn't appreciate being friend zoned. But because she likes you she would stay in touch. I think she was probably secretly hoping that you would actually date her and that's why she began making moves on you and sending you all the really sweet texts and memes. Although you weren't really committing to her and plus you came forward about your money problems. I'm not trying to make you feel bad but unfortunately the reality is that your debt is pretty significant. I think this would be a concern for most women. Not necessarily because they're some kind of gold diggers but because they want to do things together as a couple and you are broke and not able to do them. I'm very outgoing and would want to do nice dates like dinners, movies, trios away also. If my partner had no money for this I would feel either pressured to pay for everything or just turned off in general and thinking I may need to find someone else. I think though that this woman's behaviours are immature. I think she was trying to make you jealous deliberately and also threw the "we are not committed" in your face to possibly make you actually commit, which you didn't. If I was you though I would just leave her alone and stop pursuing her at all. If she wanted to date you she could have actually said that. Instead she was playing games and flirting with other guys and giving out her number or letting other guys take her home. Even if you aren't committed but it's just tactless and disrespectful. Even if people are also seeing other people, they don't want to be out with that person and that person to be hitting on others right in front of them. I don't know why she's doing this but her behaviour is immature and disrespectful. She didn't have to agree to be friends or keep in touch all that time, that was her own choice. She can't actually blame you for that. I would say she's either not really that interested in you or trying to punish you, or both. I don't think the issue is that you're a man and therefore you shouldn't be bombarding her with messages and begging. This would look unattractive from any gender. If women have already blocked you before for this drunken behaviour then you have plenty of evidence that you behave in a very off putting way, and you actually know this. So I think it would be in your best interests to stop acting like this. I think the ship with this woman has sailed and she doesn't respect you now because of your money problems and your grovelling and smothering. I think just block her on everything and move on. Then if you meet a new woman I think give it a really good chance and make an effort from the start. None of this "I just want to be friends". Start actually dating the woman and try to your best ability to contain your drinking so that you don't give a bad impression. Start off on the right foot from the beginning.
  2. Actually that doesn't exactly sound like PMS. More along the lines of mental health issues.
  3. Well you don't need to but we're also just total strangers. We have literally no idea who you or your girlfriend are. But that is your choice of course.
  4. Some people will really stick to their values though. My polyamorous friend was dating this woman who is monogamous for just over a year. She said to him that she doesn't want him to see anyone else so if he finds other women as well to let her know and it'll be over. Then he ended it himself two years ago but he's never found anyone else since. He said he ended it because he was really committed to his polyamory beliefs.
  5. I never really thought about it like this but I agree with you that every person in AA introducing themselves as like "Hi I'm Tiny and I'm an addict" is like putting that label on yourself forever. And they do believe it's forever because people go there who have been clean and sober for decades. AA did work for me only in the sense it was like an aversion therapy. I hated AA and I associated it with drinking so in a weird way it created an aversion lol I also didn't really like the format where all these people would just talk for ages about whatever they want but you weren't supposed to comment and nobody gave any advice or anything. You'd sit for two hours just listening to this wondering what you're actually getting out of that.
  6. SMART Recovery for the win lol Yeah actually it's interesting because when I was in AA meetings I didn't feel comfortable to "share" but in SMART I talk very comfortably and openly. I find the people in the meeting nice and supportive. The thing is yes maybe some people in AA tried to be supportive but to be honest some did it in a creepy way. They would immediately ask for my number or they would talk about how they became religious and God helped them get off x substance. There is nothing wrong with being religious in and of itself but sometimes I just felt a bit like some religious people preyed on vulnerable people. I remember I knew this guy a long time ago who was a drug addict and did live on the streets for some time. And he was approached by some people from this church and they were supportive and welcoming to him but they wanted him to follow their religion. He got off drugs but he became all this born again Christian and he was saying some ridiculous things like that sex before marriage is a sin. And the reason why that was ridiculous is because he'd already had sex and done everything else under the sun lol
  7. Yeah I'm thinking don't do anything you don't want to. Your values are there for a reason. They wouldn't be considered important if they could just be changed at the drop of a hat.
  8. OK but the slight issue I see here is you don't actually know if this is PMS or not? With me I know it is because I've always had it a few days before my period and since smart phones I actually track my menstrual cycle on a phone app. I just find it a bit odd that she doesn't tell you what she feels and you don't ask. I'm always quite open with my partner and close friends about my feelings. You seem to be in the dark about what's actually going on and you're actually in a relationship with this girl.
  9. Well if I'm going to pay for that stuff then I'll go to the hens event. I think after all that I deserve that much lol
  10. Well I think maybe I just misunderstood how it was going to turn out. I was already going as a guest to the hens event and to be honest I don't even know on what grounds I could have said I can't help with the hens night. The only thing I could have probably said would be something like: "I'm sorry but I feel shy to help because I don't know the other people." Which would actually be an obvious lie because everyone that knows me knows I'm confident and outgoing and I like putting on parties and events. Which might also be why R asked me to help. As I don't actually know the bridesmaids, I didn't envision Viv to be so rude. To be honest that's probably my main problem with this. And just frustration at the whole situation in general. Like for example being contacted by Viv acting like I offended the bride. So I apologised and removed my post. But then actually being asked by the bride and other bridesmaid to buy the penis straws. I was just really confused. And just confused why I was even part of all this. But prior to knowing how it was going to turn out I didn't have a problem with helping a bit like Googling things or making some calls. I asked them what I can do to help and Viv was just ignoring me and not responding to anything I was saying. But the other bridesmaid seemed nice and she asked if I could do the decorations. So I was like, OK. I mean as I said I was actually going to get R a small gift and card so I guess since she asked me personally to help I figured I wasn't going to get her anything and I would just help with hens night.
  11. Well I know R but not the others. I don't actually have any interest in being friends with Viv of course. If any of the women who come to the hens are actually nice then I'd be open to getting to know them. R knows some of my friends too and we have mutual friends and acquaintances on Facebook sort of thing. My feeling about R was that I'm happy to be acquaintances and chat on Facebook and comment on each other's posts occasionally. I didn't mind catching up maybe sometimes but also at the same time I wasn't super pumped about it and basically never really asked her to hang out and vice versa. But I wasn't going to cut her off and have nothing to do with her. I was fine with coming to her hens and ceremony up until Viv was a cow. Which I can't necessarily blame R for because they're not actually the same person. I had no interest in that drama and I actually didn't even say anything. I'm posting about it here but I didn't actually say anything to any of them and I'm acting perfectly nice and polite. I thought there was no harm in going to the hens or even helping with it. If for example Viv was nice and was friendly to me and instead messaged me saying let's come up with some ideas together and buy things together. The problem is I did say I'd get those headbands and balloons and I actually don't know how to get out of it now.
  12. Well people shouldn't have to do something they don't want though. I mean, I'm just guessing that for some people the feeling that they DON'T want kids and DON'T want marriage is as strong as my feelings that I do. In a sense, if they were to get married, it's being forced. It's not by their own choice.
  13. Well I obviously don't know this man but just reading your post I can see why you were hesitant. He deliberately had this baby through a surrogate but once he actually had her he just dumps his daughter on other people? Including on you from the start who is not even her biological family. He's the one who is her parent so it should actually be him taking care of her like 80-90% of the time. You were already stuck taking care of his daughter but he wasn't even investing that much in your relationship. Doesn't really sound worth it to be honest.
  14. What is really confusing is that the other bridesmaid Cat actually sounded nice. I said OK I will get the balloons and she replied: "Thanks you so much too you guys are amazing people it just kills me the situation here in that I can’t get down there also that unless there is a miracle I won’t be able to go to the wedding either". Viv hasn't even seen the messages and wasn't replying so it kind of sounded like she said that to me. The whole thing has just been really weird for me to be honest. I've never been in this kind of situation before. Like why did R even ask me to help. Surely she must have at least one friend coming to the hens who is closer than me to her. I just looked over some of my Facebook messages with R and we did have some small conversations here and there. Last year I think she messaged "Hey Happy New Year".
  15. Well the reception does cost a lot of money so that actually kind of made sense.
  16. Have you tried asking her what exactly she feels? Maybe she can explain it?
  17. Well she afterwards messaged me privately and she said this: Also I just re-read the Facebook message that bridesmaid Viv sent me. So as I explained, I had made a post like a few weeks before asking what is the dress code and will there be penis themed things. The bridesmaid Cat replied nicely and said penis straws are OK but nothing overboard. Then all of sudden a few weeks later Viv commented something really abrupt on that post like she was having a go. Then she private messaged me and said: "R just wants to relax with us girls and she doesn't want to think about men or sex. I kind of triggered an anxiety attack when I mentioned Magic Mike. So can we please not make this about sex. This is a GIRLS ONLY night." So I apologised and said I didn't know and she was like: "Well we are on the same page and we good now." So the whole conversation was like I'd been saying all this stuff about sex and I had to beg her apology when I HADN'T. I simply asked what is the dress code and will there be penis things. I did not say there SHOULD be penis things and I also said nothing else at all. SHE was the one who said about Magic Mike but she went off at me for some really weird reason? But what adds the cherry on top is the other bridesmaid Cat asked me to actually get penis straws. And R, the bride, confirmed she wants me to bring them. So what in the actual was Viv talking about??! What made me upset was the way she just projected onto me. And it's true that I can't necessarily read actual tone of voice or body language just from reading text. But we had literally never spoken before that or met and that was the only messages she sent me. It's OK to give me a heads up but I think not in that tone. She was left to organise everything by herself and I was actually trying to help which she should have appreciated. In the group chat Viv just said that she booked the restaurant and that seemed to be it. However I'm not sure if she'll be bringing things she hadn't mentioned or what. I would actually be more OK with buying those things if Viv seemed nice and actually even remotely approachable. How am I meant to be organising this with her when she just jumped down my throat. The thing is I simply asked a question and also the bride said she wants me to buy penis straws. So it doesn't seem like I had actually offended her. The Magic Mike thing triggered her for some reason but that had absolutely nothing to do with me. Viv was the one saying it. So to message me so abruptly and be like "Don't make this about sex" like I was the one that upset R. And writing "This is a GIRLS ONLY event". Putting things in capitals usually means you're yelling or trying to reiterate something to the person because they're dumb or you're annoyed at them.
  18. I'm personally very respectful of people who don't want to get married. I briefly dated my male friend I mentioned seven years ago and he told me he was polyamorous and against marriage. I said that's totally cool but probablem is I'm monogamous and I want marriage. So we ended up just being FWB and we didn't expect anything else from each other because we knew it wasn't going to work.
  19. I only said cow because I know I'm not allowed to say the b word on here 😂
  20. Well some people just are really not into marriage that's true. One of my male friends I've known for nearly seven years is very against marriage. He's also polyamorous but that may not necessarily be the only reason he's against marriage. He thinks marriage is unappealing. I've now realised I haven't asked him why he thinks this lol
  21. Well yeah to be honest I'm really not a fan of her now and I've never even met her. And everything she was saying was absolutely garbage as well. Because she said to me don't make it about sex but the bride herself actually wanted penis straws! It's like did she not even care what the actual bride wants. And I'm getting all those things she wants for her. I'm not sure if Viv has some kind of mental health problems or maybe she got jealous I'm helping or something. Mind you this is like a 38-year-old woman! She's an absolute moo cow lol
  22. Well, the penis straws I actually already have lol I got them when I was going to get married myself but I didn't get married, so she can have them. Yeah honestly my biggest problem with this was with Viv's behaviour. She was an absolute cow. I literally did nothing wrong and she just went off at me. And this is when she knew I was helping her organise the hens and I'm not even a bridesmaid or anything. If I wasn't helping she'd have to do it alone. I mean to be honest I was previously considering giving R a small gift and card for inviting me to the hens and wedding ceremony but I guess now I'll just buy that stuff and that's it.
  23. Well what I'm thinking is I'll try to buy only cheap headbands like $2 ones preferably. And I can get a bit of balloons but not too many. I was originally thinking of getting her a greeting card and a small present but I won't do that now. I would have thought R could have asked her other bridesmaid to buy some stuff too. I mean she didn't invite me to her wedding so why does she expect me to pay for all this stuff.
  24. Ha ha ha Well you can get penis straws in some sex shops in the bachelorette party accessory department. When I was going to get married I actually already got some and some were glow in the dark. Basically they're straws but at the top there's a penis and it has a hole in the tip and you sip there out of the straw 😂 That is the best part of a hens party if you ask me and if all else fails I'm going to in the very least enjoy sipping out of that penis hole!
  25. Also I just re-read the Facebook message that bridesmaid Viv sent me. So as I explained, I had made a post like a few weeks before asking what is the dress code and will there be penis themed things. The bridesmaid Cat replied nicely and said penis straws are OK but nothing overboard. Then all of sudden a few weeks later Viv commented something really abrupt on that post like she was having a go. Then she private messaged me and said: "R just wants to relax with us girls and she doesn't want to think about men or sex. I kind of triggered an anxiety attack when I mentioned Magic Mike. So can we please not make this about sex. This is a GIRLS ONLY night." So I apologised and said I didn't know and she was like: "Well we are on the same page and we good now." So the whole conversation was like I'd been saying all this stuff about sex and I had to beg her apology when I HADN'T. I simply asked what is the dress code and will there be penis things. I did not say there SHOULD be penis things and I also said nothing else at all. SHE was the one who said about Magic Mike but she went off at me for some really weird reason? But what adds the cherry on top is the other bridesmaid Cat asked me to actually get penis straws. And R, the bride, confirmed she wants me to bring them. So what in the actual was Viv talking about??!
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