Tinydance

Are you also dating other women or talking to other women? If you're enjoying talking to her and you plan to visit her soon, by all means keep going. But if I was you I would be dating others too. I was actually talking online and video calling with a guy in my state, but he lived in a rural area four hours drive away. After about three months we met in person and the date did not go well and he wasn't interested. He liked me enough on video calls but in real life he just didn't feel it. I don't think you should get too attached to this woman until you actually meet her. Keep in mind too that when someone is attractive, our mind automatically assumes they are nice and good. I think you need to try to separate appearances from who someone truly is as a person.

I guess online relationships can work in some cases but they need to transition to in person ASAP. Just talking online and on video doesn't really translate to real life

Well I would recommend going to her country as soon as possible. Just talking online and video can be a waste of time. You need to meet in real life.

I think maybe what happened was that because you met at a bar, you didn't know each other at all. He wanted to have a date to get to know you more. But on the date he realised he wasn't really feeling a spark. I think that's pretty normal. Especially when you meet at a bar and you actually know nothing about each other yet.

I hate to be a kill joy but I'm thinking that because you can't really visit her due to COVID, it might fizzle out...I don't know how things are going with COVID on your end but in my city in Australia we are in our 4th "house arrest" lockdown lol I don't think we'll be able to travel overseas until next year. I'm not sure that a purely online relationship can survive this long...But if you're lonely in lockdown it probably won't hurt to talk to a beautiful lady.

To be honest I just get suspicious of people who are really attractive but they're looking for someone from another (more well off) country. Surely they can easily meet someone in their own country. So there seems to be some kind of ulterior motive...

Well in answer to your original question...It doesn't seem like she's scamming you because she hasn't asked for anything from you. YET. I mean, most scammers won't ask for something straight away. Straight away nobody would give them anything. They need to work the person first lol Having said that, she might not be a scammer. The only problem is, when can you actually visit her? With COVID it might take months. Even a year. It would be fine to just fly to her country if we didn't have COVID but I don't see how you can travel to her in COVID?

I'm sorry but do you honestly have real feelings for this woman after talking virtually only for one month? Finding her attractive is not the same as actual deep feelings. I think you're kind of living in fantasy land. How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

I think African guys are hot and I'm an unmarried 36-year-old woman with no kids. But I don't want a mail order husband lol

I'm in Australia so we don't have that many Latino people here. But are you sure you're not just stereotyping? Researching about a particular partner you want just seems a bit odd to me.... I guess in the past I've read articles online about "how to find your soulmate" and things along those lines, but I've never read articles like "How to date a British guy" lol I understand some countries have a distinct culture but still not everyone just fits the same mould. It sounds to me a bit like you just have this Latina woman "fetish". I don't mean sexual sorry but you have the thing for Latina women so you researched them and are going to travel to this woman's country basically based on the fact she's Latina. To me it just seems like a successful relationship is one that happens naturally and not just based on having a thing for a certain nationality. Like, just getting out and about and meeting women and starting to get a connection as you get to know them.

Why does she want a guy in another country?

Well if she's not asking for money or any gifts then possibly she's not scamming you. Are you in the US? If she's from a poor country she may want US citizenship. But if she hadn't said anything about anything apart from asking you to visit her then obviously you don't have any information about her actual motives. I will be honest though, it seems suspicious that a beautiful woman can't find a man in her own country. That part does sound dodgy.

I think if you want to date a woman in South America you need to have an actual plan though. Does she want to move to your small town? Or do you want to move to her? You said yourself that you don't actually speak Spanish. I understand you're enjoying online attention from a beautiful woman but can this relationship actually happen in reality? She has kids and all their family and friends are in her country. So is she willing to move? Otherwise you have to move to her country. If neither of you wants to move then it won't actually work.

So how far away do you live from her country? What is the purpose of speaking to a woman in another country? I'm just genuinely wondering...

Well my parents also got engaged after only dating for four months. But they actually married after dating for one year. My Mum was 20 and Dad 22. I'm not sure if my Mum was pregnant because I do know she had a still born baby before me. She had me at 23. In her wedding photo she doesn't look pregnant at all or has a flabby belly or anything though. Sorry if I'm out of line but I think if you want kids of your own then you should have them. I understand you're 52 and the risks are higher but the good thing about being a man is you can still father children. If you want to have kids with a 36-year-old woman who is also of Eastern European background then you could come and meet Tinydance 😜

Why is it laughable? You are in the US. I'm in Australia. Here we have only 21 million people in the whole actual country. Australia population wise is a very small country. Actually I am very much in the dating scene and I will agree with you that it's not going well. However I won't comment fully yet because I've only really been single for 1.5 years and I haven't been dating constantly which was due to the COVID pandemic lockdown that lasted nearly a year. I have been going on quite a few dates pre lockdown and since as well, which has been since last November. During lockdown I actually was still doing virtual dates, like video calling and watching movies virtually. I'm an attractive woman but I'm overweight and have some acne. I'm not massive, but quite chubby I guess you might say. I'm 14 kg overweight (about 28 pounds). Anyway, despite that I have had people interested in me and some did want kids. There was one 48-49- year-old man who was actually really desperate to have kids and thought he'd missed the boat and every single date (only had 3 dates) kept going on about having kids. He seemed extremely infatuated with me and pushing for a serious relationship. I wasn't sure if a lot of that was desperation, but regardless I didn't really feel much for him, so had to end it. I totally agree with you that dating is very hard. I have realised that it does get much harder as you get older because most people are already married or are divorced and have kids of their own. I understand also that as a woman I have an option of using a sperm donor to still have a child on my own. I understand that men don't have that choice and can see themselves in that position, like you and that man I briefly dated. He even said he wanted to adopt or use a surrogate mother, but he wasn't being approved for anything due to just being a single man, not part of a couple. We don't reallu have surrogacy in Australia anyway because it's illegal to get paid for it, so nobody wants to do it. Anyway yeah I know it's hard, but still I have to disagree that it's impossible. I'm not sure how hard you actually tried to find women in your own country before looking overseas. I think if you want to go ahead with this relationship, by all means you should because it's your life and your decision. My only comments against it is not that this woman is from the Ukraine specifically, but that you haven't really been in a real relationship with her. Seeing her in person for only three weeks is a very short time. I was just thinking that as you mentioned your age and that you really wanted a family really soon, doing all this may end up being a waste of time. You've already spent 1.5 years communicating with this woman, but you haven't even been in an in person relationship. I'm surprised to hear that you say you love her when you've mostly only seen her on a computer screen. I think as much as you like to think you both love each other and so on, at least in the beginning it is a transactional relationship. You found a woman overseas because you can't find one in your own country. And she wanted to find a man in the West who will also accept that she has a son. That's not to say that there is no chance for the two of you to actually grow to love each other. All I'm saying is it is an arranged marriage of sorts. You didn't just meet in everyday life and happened to fall for each other. You both deliberately looked for someone based on your circumstances and you found someone you think matches, but in reality you don't 100% know yet. You've spent only a short time actually together in person. So there is a lot of reasons to be very careful. I was only saying everything I said because you mentioned you got hurt and screwed over in your previous marriage. Then you didn't find anyone serious for 12 years and now you're 52. Time is getting away so I think you need to think about whether you're spending the time on the right person. Me personally, I already made the decision that if very soon I don't find a genuine loving relationship, I'm going to have a baby with a male friend of mine who also wants a baby. The back up plan was to use an IVF donor. I really want to get married but I won't marry anybody just out of desperation. I totally understand we are in a different position though because I'm a woman. If I had a child ony own I could still have a family, that child would be my family.

I think the main problem here just in general is not even that she's from the Ukraine, so different culture and language. But it's the fact that you're considering marriage with someone that you'd spent only three weeks with in person. I know you've been video calling and all that for a year and a half but you've barely had a relationship in person. I don't think you can really know someone well on video calls because you don't actually see all of that person's life at all. You don't see how they are at work, with family and friends, even how she is with her son all the time. You don't see how she behaves in all kinds of life situations. Of course she's on her best behaviour on video and phone calls and when you briefly met her in person. She really wants to marry a man from the west and she's trying to make a good impression. Also you don't know if you connect well with her son long term. He is her number one thing in life so getting along with her son would be very important. I understand what you're saying, you want her to come to the US and just see how the relationship goes in person. I think yes you can try that but don't marry her unless you're absolutely sure that it's going to work. You've already been divorced and "screwed over", as you put it. So would you really want that to happen again by marrying a woman you don't really know? To be honest I don't totally buy that you really can't meet anyone in Oklahoma or that you can't move to another state. I'm in Australia myself and never been to the US but from what I know of it, it's a massive country. You have 50 + states there, right? Are you really saying that nowhere in the 50 states you could meet a woman? That seems a bit far fetched. I'm not sure what kind of criteria you have but maybe you're too picky. Are you maybe too looks oriented? I mean, I obviously don't know you at all, I'm just asking. Russian and Ukrainian women are usually beautiful so are you pursuing this woman because she's really attractive?

I basically agree with everyone else...Also you mentioned you want a family. You are happy to be a stepfather and not have children of your own? I'm not sure how plausible this plan is for you, but I think you should move to a very big city and look for friends and a girlfriend/wife there. Why have you been living somewhere that you don't fit in and you have no opportunity to meet women either? I mean, I am actually genuinely curious why you've been living there. I'm not just having a dig at you. I understand you divorced 12 years ago but why did that mean your chance at finding a real relationship was over? I'm not speaking for anyone else, but I'm 36 and I have no kids and never married. I really want kids. I know you are older but personally I would have kids with a 52-year-old man I'd I loved him and I knew we could have a good life together. I don't really understand why you just gave up meeting women in your own country and are looking for "mail order brides", so to speak. I'm from an Eastern European country originally but came to Australia as a child. I know a lot about the whole mail order bride thing. Unfortunately I think many women who meet men from the west are not really in love with them and it's more a transactional relationship for them. And to be honest, how can you be in love with each other for real if you've only spent twenty days together in person? You've spent less than three weeks with this woman and you want to marry? Unless you're disfigured or disabled in some way and you really have no other options at all, this seems like a mistake.

I understand it's your first relationship but this guy actually doesn't sound good at all. For one thing, I don't actually think he feels about you that strongly. You're crazy about him but he's always been "unsure" about you. His behaviour basically tells you how he feels about you. When your father was sick and there was even the possibility of cancer, he didn't care at all. He didn't want to support you and he just wanted to have fun and cheat on you. The minute you were gone he started sleeping with anything that moved lol Why are you OK with him cheating on you while you were worried about your father? His behaviour was horrific, it's not fine in any shape or form. Also it sounds like he just wants you to be someone else. He's 35 years old and he's still a huge party boy and f boy. He hasn't grown up at all and doesn't sound like he even wants a relationship. He obviously just wants to live the party lifestyle and just hook up with people. You shouldn't have to change though and force yourself to be more outgoing. You don't have to be someone else and do things you don't want to do. Especially because your ex doesn't seem to care about you much. So why bother going out of your way trying to do everything and be everything he wants.

Well honestly I think the only thing you can get out of this is sex. And that's probably all he's trying to get out of it. I'm 36 and I've had all this on online dating. Teenagers and 20-year-olds who want an "experienced" woman. I could even guess he might be a virgin and wants to be shown the ropes in bed. Maybe literally 😂 When I was a teenager I thought 30-year-olds were old. Also even if the 18-year-ols does want to date, he would be not anywhere near your maturity level. He's probably just out of school. Unless you're intellectually delayed there would be a mental maturity level miles apart. Is that really intellectually and emotionally stimulating?

I totally just thought of this song too!!

Well I'm a bisexual woman and think pin-up, vintage and burlesque is incredibly hot. I've been in an amateur burlesque show before and have watched many. So I personally would think that's pretty damn sexy and want to look at those books of yours. But that's just me ;p Maybe the next girl you date could even model some of those outfits for you!