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Atlguy

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  1. Good advice. Even a female coach can help. I've hired a few, and some are better than others. A female perspective as well as books on communication are good ideas. I've read the best book on the topic ever by GS Youngblood called "The Masculine in Relationship". It is AMAZING.
  2. Thank you Rose. The only issue I have with your advice is its "it comes from within", meaning it's hard to access or there is no formula to access it. I've heard this my whole life. I do notice religious people (I'm not one) tend to have more confidence or maybe some pretend to. They do because they're "perfect" in God's eyes. I personally don't buy it, but maybe thats the "within" part, or a piece of it. So what is your actionable advice? I'm not disagreeing with you, its just always been elusive to me.
  3. I've never believed in faking confidence either, but I don't have the answers. In fact, I detest the "fake it til you make it" saying. Maybe you have better advice than I do since you disagree with me. I do think men's groups (religious and non-religious) can help somewhat, but there's no magic bullet, that is for sure!
  4. As true as this is, it can be hard. Sometimes you just have to fake confidence. Its been my biggest issue my entire life, and has resulted in numerous missed opportunities. You're lucky, you have time to work on this. I'm twice your age and its basically too late for me, though I have slightly more confidence than I did at 25. Had I had the confidence then, my life would have turned out amazing personally and professionally. Work on it! I can't stress it enough! Therapy, support groups, mean's groups, etc. Work hard! Surround yourself with people who build you up vs. tear you down (par
  5. Not being able to keep your eyes to yourself is highly disrespectful and even worse IMO. I agree with you. Porn isn't a simple flick of a switch and may require support group. At the very least he should find a men's group. They exist, though hard to find. The Mankind Project comes to mind, which I'm a member of.
  6. Speaking as someone with mother issues (different from yours), I cut my mother out for a couple of years. She would go around telling her friends her sons were horrible and send hateful emails when she drank. She was critical, narcissistic, zero self awareness (everything was someone else's fault), short tempered, and on and on and on. I finally said enough! We sort of reconciled and I had a very nice conversation 2 days before her unexpected death. I went to her funeral (1000 mile drive) and her friends saw I was not the man she claimed I was. I comforted her husband (he was terminally i
  7. Actually, porn can (if watched too much) can rewire your brain and make you less interested in sex. He needs to find a porn addiction group. They do exist. Of course he can only do this if HE thinks its a problem. Otherwise he won't do it. But if your affection needs aren't getting met, you should leave regardless.
  8. Agree with what others have said. He really needs to find a support group for his addiction, but the problem is deeper. If he shows you no affection, you're like roommates. Do you have sex? Even if you do, do you think he's thinking about other women instead of focusing on you? You need to become independent and get out. You've expressed your feelings repeatedly and he does the same things. The only possible (weak) defense he has is he's gone days on end and men think about sex a lot. In that respect, I get it. Still, he's in his 50's and sex drive declines beginning in our 40's, unfort
  9. You know, I've watched that show as I am also doing this. I'm not going to derail the thread with my own details, but that show is a train wreck. Those people don't plan anything to make their future spouses comfortable here. They also go for people who are obviously scammers (mostly older women with MUCH younger men). I have no idea how they do it financially either. This is an enormous strain for me financially and I'm in a good career. It stresses me out. That said, I'm not going into debt to do it as I can afford it, it's just a LOT. Your sister is likely accumulating debt to
  10. Got it. I must have missed that. In that case, I agree with you. I was off base.
  11. So you think she should leave him? I don't know. I'm not convinced he's an actual cheater. To quote the show Friends, "We were on a break!"
  12. I don't think I read this, but have you been cheated on in the past? Did one of your parents cheat? I don't know, could be some trauma there whether you remember it or not. Worth exploring.
  13. Twice a month isn't enough on therapy. If you can afford it, you need once a week. Also, look into SYMBIS as I suggested.
  14. I am far from the authority on relationships, but I would strongly suggest pre-marital counseling. There's a great compatibility test you can take called "Saving your marriage before it starts", or SYMBIS. There are people trained in this. I know because I did it. It clarifies some things, but not everything. You have to keep talking about some things, as I am doing in my situation. I only mention my situation to drive home the point that I'm not a relationship expert based on all my failed relationships (including the possibility of my current one failing), but its an idea at least. I
  15. Thanks for this. Thats exactly what I'm doing and its extremely nerve wracking and also sad that I question myself so much.
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