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Atlguy

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  1. I for one am not judging you for having sex. Clearly you don't make a habit of sleeping with strange men based on what I've read from you. As for where the good men are, I can't tell you that. I couldn't find a good woman where I live, and have asked the same question as to where the good women are. I now realize there are none where I live. People like to suggest things like meetups, but I never had any luck with that. Classes at the gym? That can work for a woman I think. That's all I've got!
  2. You need to internalize this advice. This is exactly how I used to be and still can be at times. I was raised by a negative mother and it has taken a LOT of unlearning and at least trying to be optimistic. Don't end up like me is all I can say. You're young and can turn it around. Once you get older and have been through many unfortunate experiences in life, you can become bitter and negative and people won't want to be around you. Take it from a guy who knows and who is also his own worst enemy.
  3. Agree with above post. It will take you several months to get over him, depending on how deep your feelings were. I'm one of those people who take a long time to recover after a breakup, so I get it. It is easy to reflect on what we did wrong and beat ourselves up. I wrote the book on that. Please try not to do that. Maybe even talk to a therapist to help you through this time. Thats the only thing I can add to the stellar advice you've received here.
  4. Not to sound like a broken record but as others have said, you need actually talk, not just text back and forth. Nobody seems to know how to communicate these days. I used whatsapp when my fiancee lived overseas, but now that she's here, I prefer to call. Of course, our situation is different as we are living together, but I would do that even if we weren't. There had been an 8 hour time difference before she moved here. Anyway, this move to only communicate via text is a huge problem in modern relationships in my opinion. Expecting an instant response is another issue. He sounds busy from what you said. All that said, as others have said, you need to communicate differently. Sounds like he is worse at it than you, and as a man, I get it because that was me. I still struggle with it. He needs to learn how to state what he needs in a healthy way, rather than manipulate you. I think it could be a good idea to do couples counseling, at least for a little while.
  5. One of my best friends is 51 and planning to marry a 23 year old woman. I thought my age gap was big, as I'm 52 and with a 35 year old woman. It concerns me, but then I look at him and others like him and I'm a bit less concerned. My parents were 12 years apart and their crappy marriage had nothing to do with the age gap. They were together 38 years until my dad passed away.
  6. Nichole, it's easier for us to see the obvious signs from the outside looking in. You're young, you could even have more kids if you want, just not with this guy. My brother does the same type of things and his marriage is horrible. I hate the example they're setting for my 11 year old niece. She will need therapy. I'd consult with an attorney if I were in your shoes.
  7. Others have said it. Too many red flags. I wouldn't be interested in someone who was extremely messy, didn't exercise, smoked, and drank daily. No thank you. Not to mention you don't know how often he showers. Why would you have sex with this man???
  8. I can't say I've never thought of another woman during this act, but almost never. I like to be in the moment. And even if I did think of another woman how disrespectful to actually say something! Why not guide the woman as to what you like? I don't get this at all.
  9. Funny how that woks. In high school, all my crushes were Cuban girls. They never noticed me. As an adult, I've dated several and if you find the right one it can be absolutely amazing. As I got older, Latin women seemed to finally notice me, but sadly I never found the right one to marry and left South Florida for Atlanta in my late 20's.
  10. I told myself if I was still single in a few more years I was moving to Medellin, so yeah, I get it!!!
  11. As someone suggested, I'm chiming in. I've experienced this too with women from South America. Never sent any money and have had video chats. Latin had been my first choice when I decided to stop looking where I am, as there's nobody to date here and American woman in my experience aren't willing to do distance. I decided against a Latin woman mainly because I wanted someone more educated than what I was seeing on the websites and someone who could contribute more than just good looks. But I will say I love the culture and their passion, so this was a tradeoff for me. I just wasn't looking for a housewife. Now I've been with my fiancee from Ukraine since November 2019 and she gets here next week. My life is about to drastically change, thankfully, as I'm sick of being alone. I have confidence it will work as we actually did pre-marital counseling and covered all major topics. No guarantees, but I was with my first wife 7 years and that didn't work. I've learned a lot since then which also gives me confidence. I can see if someone is genuinely interested and separate that from BS after being single for 12 years. You need to develop that skill also. That said, there's not enough in your original post to tell me if she's scamming you or not, but it is common.
  12. Some people have to hit rock bottom to change. For me it was drinking excessively when my ex-wife left. Sex? Heck, I could barely leave my house I was so depressed, much less chase women. His rock bottom may be catching a disease like Herpes. I wonder how many years you've known him. I have friends I've known for many years so I know they would never sexually assault a woman because I know their character. Could just be a midlife crisis. Every man goes through that in different ways. Distance yourself, but don't block him or totally cut him off if he is a really good friend. If he's one of those friends you don't care much about, fine. It just depends how close you are, in my opinion. I wouldn't let a really good friend self destruct if I could help it, but sometimes we can't help, hence distancing yourself.
  13. Yeah yeah, saw that afterwards. She's probably married to someone else by now, maybe another virgin.
  14. Its not a committed relationship until you are having sex. Thats my opinion, and others will differ. So therefore, cut him some slack for now.
  15. Exactly true, because here's the thing. Generally men are visual and women aren't. So if a woman was looking at a man, it would likely be a specific one who she might be communicating with.
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