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arjumand last won the day on February 11 2020

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About arjumand

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  1. You are wrong to not want support from him -- not for you, but for the baby. That is his responsibility and that is for your child, not for you. Don't let him off so easily. He is a bully and he is manipulative and he thinks he can just dump you in Australia and never have to deal with anything again. Should you dump him? Yes. But you need to talk to a lawyer, immediately. And don't even consider paying him back unless a lawyer tells you that you have to -- I doubt any court is going to hold you to that when you were married AND pregnant and then raising the baby. PLEASE talk to a lawyer
  2. 100 percent agree with Smackie. Don't buy a ticket or leave until you have talked to a lawyer. And don't be foolish enough to think oh, he wouldn't do anything like that. Yup, he would.
  3. So not going to happen. And keep behaving this way, you are showing her more and more that she made the right decision.
  4. And what will this accomplish? Will she be so shamed she calls regretting all her decisions or, more likely, she will hold a completely negative view of you for the rest of her life? Being angry and petty is not a good look. Write a letter getting out all of your thoughts and feelings. Then burn it and cut all contact. That is closure. You give it to yourself.
  5. I can’t imagine not wanting a baby blanket, especially a hand-made one. My mother made white ones for all my friends when they had babies (for Shabbat) and they have all kept them to hand on to grandchildren.
  6. Please kick him out, there is no reason for him to be living there. You have had a difficult life, you need to move any relationship very slowly because of your past trauma and because your kids do not need more issues to deal with. You don’t need more agita in your day-to-day living. Neither do they.
  7. You know, love is not a be all and end all. It is one element of a relationship. I know people who have had long, healthy marriages that did not start out with love and eventual grew into it. I know people who were madly in love and their relationships failed because they did not have the other elements needed for a successful relationship. You do not have to stay and wait for him simply because you think you love him -- you are not powerless and you do not have to be self abusing. You can recognize that this relationship will never, ever work, that he is making you miserable and that you are
  8. First of all, if he is divorced, he is still putting her feelings above yours, which is not okay. Second, and more importantly, he is so obviously still with her and his family and you are willing to believe anything just to be his side piece. If being divorced was a dealbreaker, have you seen papers? Do you know for certain with whom he lives? You are wasting your life on a loser who will never put you first. Never. Please leave and get some help to figure out why you are willing to expect so little in life so you can have a healthy future.
  9. Here’s what you have to realize — guilt tripping is not ACTUAL guilt. It is others controlling you and you deciding that their thoughts and feelings are more important than your own. Granted, this has been the main factor in your upbringing and relationship, but you have to make the decision that you are only responsible for yourself and your actions. Consequently, if you go out and steal something, that is something that saddles you with actual guilt — you did something you and all of society knows is wrong and you chose to do it. With your family, they make up rules — which change c
  10. Also, please do not delete any emails or texts or other evidence you have how controlling and abusive he is. You may need that at some point. PLEASE talk to an attorney. ASAP. And get this guy out of your and your child's lives.
  11. Wow, I would have dumped you immediately if I had found out that you had raised a child for three years and then abandoned him because he wasn’t yours biologically. At that point, biology was irrelevant and he was already yours. I cannot imagine dating someone who is so limited and unkind that she would want you to screw up such an important and loving relationship.
  12. You are deluding yourself completely about his wife. Especially as you categorized her as “older” than he is. Three years means they are essentially the same age. I can tell you my mother was very much raring’ to go at that age. And she had been married for fifty years at that point.
  13. I am very sorry about your father. I really think you need a new therapist. You need someone who can really help you work through your self esteem issues and figure out who you really are and what is right for you in life. This one seems kind of useless.
  14. Talk to a women's shelter and get advice on attorney who specialize in abusive marriages. They can also help you with an exit plan. He is not the first abusive man to get divorced with kids. You understand that by staying you are participating in allowing them to be abused and to them witnessing his abuse of you? You are setting them up for a dangerous and unpleasant future, not just as children, but as the adults they will become. You need help -- reach out to a shelter and domestic violence groups. If you don't know where to start, start with The National Domestic Violence hotline: htt
  15. Why does anyone need to believe you? You seem to think you must win in the court of public opinion in order to get a divorce. You are an adult. If you decide to end your marriage it is No one’s business why. People get divorced for many reasons and no one knows what goes on in anyone else’s marriage. You leave, you take care of yourself and your children. Any evidence you have of abuse you put in a safe place — like a lawyer’s hands — and you file. You put yourself and your children first, the rest will eventually fall into place.
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