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Everything posted by Cherylyn

  1. Take a break from men. Work on yourself.
  2. Stop cheating on your boyfriend. Two wrongs don't make a right. Break up with your boyfriend so you can be with the other guy. If you want to be your own person, then don't be with either guy. Make a wise, final decision.
  3. Try a sleep study appointment and quiet CPAP machine for your husband. Medical staff is masked, suited and very careful. Your husband should be fine.
  4. Don't lump yourself with other college age kids because they're not you and hopefully, you're not them either. Not every woman is ready to jump in the sack just because you're in a hurry to do so. Good, I'm glad you'd rather play it safe by getting to know her personality and character above all else. Set your priorities straight. Treat her with dignity and always remain respectful. Don't confide in your friends regarding your dating life. That's personal and none of their business. They make the joke on you because you make yourself vulnerable to their mocking you. If you don't say anything, don't talk nor write about your private life, then no one can ridicule and humiliate you. Don't give your friends an opportunity to make fun of you. It's ok to just have dinner without a chilly, dark walk. Your date does not need to be long and drawn out. You'll make her feel safer and trust you more if you keep your date short, nice and proper. Ice cream sounds good if both of you aren't too cold for it. Don't invite her to your apartment. Be a gentleman first and foremost. Stand out from the crowd. Separate yourself from other men who don't treat women right.
  5. I agree with others. Your partner is a package deal. Same with my husband because even though I'm not thrilled to be with my in-laws, I'm a good sport and attend various family gatherings especially during the holiday season. Two major holidays for us are Thanksgiving in November and Christmas. I'm relieved once January 2nd finally arrives! Take the high road and be the bigger person. You can do it. Even though it's awkward and uncomfortable for you, remain calm, pleasant, kind, polite, well mannered, peaceful yet maintain a safe distance. If I can do it, so can you. Keep the peace for everyone. You don't have to go out of your way to be merry and jolly. Just act natural, be quiet if you prefer and try to be nice without getting chummy. It's called being a mature person. However, I don't attend every gathering. I don't think you're selfish for declining. There should be a compromise and you should be able to spend time with your relatives. Your partner said you were selfish for not supporting him. Isn't he "selfish" for not accompanying you to see your relatives?
  6. Leave him alone. No, don't message him again. I'm sorry. His heart's not into you. He's already moving on as should you with all due respect. Some people such as your ex are evasive and vague. He prefers to give you a "safe" albeit confusing answer than give you a clear answer. Beware of complex, complicated types. Your ex is the type who isn't articulate which is a red flag and alarming. These types of men are high maintenance so it's best for you to keep him as your ex.
  7. Other than gratitude and counting my daily blessings, happiness came from drawing my own conclusions due to life's experiences both good and bad. Due to experience, I've since learned universal human nature, what makes people tick and observed all sorts of despicable characters along the way. I've learned how to navigate myself shrewdly due to negative experiences and always trying "to do the right thing" the wrong way. I'm very cautious nowadays and it has paid off more than thousandfold. I've become very picky and choosy regarding who deserves to be in my life, enforcing boundaries with subpar people whom I can't avoid all the time and having more control for my own safety and protection. I'm not as impulsive as I used to be. I think long and hard before I act, write or speak. Control in a positive sense makes me happy. My outcomes are peaceful and copacetic which I equate with happiness. Books and websites teach you how to behave. However, the true teacher of happiness and peace of mind stems from experiences which have worked for you or failed terribly. Those are harsh lessons you'll never forget. As for me, happiness came from where I was in life. I felt lost and miserable when I was a teenager and growing up in a poor, heavily indebted, domestically violent and turbulent home life. My late father punched my mother's teeth out. He mercifully died leaving a young widow and three children. I went to work early as a teenager and later worked full time night shift while enrolled in college full time by day. I was terribly unhappy back in the day. I had financial responsibilities at a very young age. Several years later, I finally ascended in my career and this was the time when the real fun began. My station in life had suddenly improved, I elevated myself socially and interacted with classier, upwardly mobile people as years went by. I married the love of my life and have two great sons with roses and the white picket fence in an affluent suburb. Life feels finally settled after years of toil, struggle and hardship long ago. I regret not having a youth and thrust into an adult world with adult responsibilities at such a tender young age. However, I prefer to have earlier turmoil and a happily ever after instead of idyllic beginnings and a rotten adulthood as I had observed at a former classmates' reunion in my childhood hometown. My happiness comes from an established, settled, economically sound life in a household filled with respect and love. It's very basic. My happiness comes from a stable, nurturing, secure, calm and normal home life. Happiness came from hard work and wise choices in order to arrive at this point in my life. No pain, no gain.
  8. You're moving way too fast! Slow down. Establish getting to know each other's personality and character first. Continue with walks, perhaps lunches, picnics and the like. Build trust.
  9. He's confused and doesn't know what he wants. Give him permanent time and space. He sounds very unstable which will make you insecure and not enjoy a relationship with him. Enforce healthy boundaries with him. Your time and patience or lack thereof will determine whether or not you want to continue a relationship with him.
  10. Only you know when it's time to say your final good-byes to your cat. My 14 year old Golden Retriever collapsed in the garage after our evening walk. She had been limping badly and slowing down for the last 4 years. We knew she was in pain. The decision to euthanize her came when she couldn't take another step one dark, chilly January night. She was groaning in distress. My husband had to carry all 70 pounds of her into the house. We placed her on a blanket, loaded her into the car and made the miserable drive to the local 24 hour veterinary hospital. The veterinarian diagnosed her with a tumor which had burst on her liver. She died of cancer which is common in dogs. With our two sons, we've owned the following pets: Goldfish, next an aquarium filled with lots of fish, rabbits, lizards (which I had to feed meal works and crickets every week), cats, dogs and hamsters. We're done with pets. Note my sister just adopted her second puppy. I'll admire other people's pets from afar from now on. ๐Ÿ™‚
  11. If he "needs time to process his thoughts," this means, he's leaning towards "no," he does not see a future with you and as he had stated previously, being friendly with you electronically and inquiring about the dog is all he is willing to give of himself. If this isn't good enough for you, it's time to go your separate ways permanently. You can end it diplomatically by texting that you wish him all the best and it's time to part ways permanently. He should get your message and if he can't figure this out by using his common sense, ignore, ghost, block and delete him permanently. Make a clean break. Don't wait. Move on for real.
  12. My extended relatives, some friends and acquaintances chose not to have children and they've found common partners or spouses who share their same views. They're satisfied with their decision. Times have changed. It's more expensive to raise children than ever before. Inflation hasn't kept up with wages; similar to real estate. It's not unusual to find people who have no desire for children. I don't think differences in wanting children vs. not wanting children is a deal breaker especially if it's just dating and there isn't any long term, serious commitment in the horizon. The topic of children is more important if the relationship will tend to endure beyond the dating phase.
  13. My mother taught me long ago and that the secret to happiness and peace of mind is gratitude so I count my blessings everyday.
  14. Don't confront him because you already know he's a liar, deceives you and betrays your trust in him. There is nothing to confront and if you do, he'll become defensive, gaslight you (deflect) and you're simply wasting your time and energy. He's immoral and dishonorable. He lacks integrity. He will never respect you. It's time to dissolve and exit the relationship permanently.
  15. I hear you, boltnrun. My golden retriever was euthanized at age 14 and it was one of the hardest days of my life. She was extremely well behaved, intelligent, quiet, calm and beautiful. She was truly man's or woman's best friend to the truest sense of the word. I miss her sorely everyday. I'm sorry, boltnrun. Know that you gave your cat a GREAT life and no other person could give her a better life than you did. May she RIP.
  16. Thank you for your kind words, Buzz86. Stop fantasizing because fantasy is the opposite of reality. If you continue to fantasize who is perfect for you, you'll be forever disappointed because your ideal fantasy will not match real life. I've observed people both successful and prosperous males and females. They share common traits. Keep in mind that if you want a catch whether in a lady or a male friend, you have to have that draw. Usually, that draw stems from financial independence, achievements and thriving in your life. Most people are attracted to winners. I've noticed that a lot of people who attract high quality people don't have to try so hard to search. It is they who can suddenly afford to become very picky and choosy. If you stick with your original plan with concentrating on your education and career, everything else falls into place. You'll have more to offer compared to now. Often times, people don't see your struggle or the long painstaking road it took to arrive at your successful destination. They flock to you as you enjoy the fruits of your labor. This is human nature. Focus on making the grade instead of wallowing in your misery with all due respect. Time goes by so fast if you have a vision for your career and meet those goals. Then suddenly, you'll be so popular that you will be the one who will decline due to lack of time to squeeze everyone into your schedule or life. Remember, haste makes waste. Prioritize your life and good times come later. Work hard today and enjoy coasting later. I speak from experience. Regarding friendships or relationships, successful people are doing what you're doing. They're concentrating on education, career and getting ahead in life. Then when it's time to enjoy socializing at their leisure, they have a grand time because eventually there will be more time to do so. You'll elevate yourself in social class, demographics and socioeconomic class. Until then, make wise use of your time and prioritize your education and career first. If you're impatient, you can join organizations as others had suggested. However, keep in mind, your time is limited and with limited time, you'll end up sacrificing relationships or friendships. Regarding other people of the same age tending to engage in trivial stuff, don't pay attention to them because whatever makes them happy is their shallow business and shouldn't matter to you. Don't be preoccupied with other people. Remain focused on your responsibilities and priorities right now. Your hard work will pay off. Everything else will fall into place AFTER you set your priorities straight. You will have more to offer later which is a good life for a long term commitment, marriage and perhaps a family. You will rise up the ranks socially with friends whom you have more in common with regarding your profession, values, character and class. Remain patient!
  17. Stop at the wallet level meaning don't buy the food she likes, clothing, cell phone bill and any expenses every month, don't wash her laundry, etc. Perhaps tightening the reigns will grab her attention. Then have the discussion regarding her share of responsibilities and pulling her weight in the household.
  18. Your boyfriend is very abusive. I wouldn't introduce him to my family. Consider him short term material. Your relationship will not endure with him which is obvious. He is a shameful embarrassment.
  19. Yes, ask him to be your date for the wedding. Enjoy the reception, too. Have a great time!
  20. Trust is everything in relationships, friendships, all of it. Without trust, there is nothing. I don't trust people with bad reputations. However, my real trust issues are from how a person treats me and others due to my experience with them. My observation and experience with that person are more important than someone's reputation. I agree with him. Both of you should split up. Let him get over his ex and move on with your life. He shouldn't tell you to work on yourself. He doesn't get to dictate what you choose to do with your life. Once there's a split, he needs to mind his business. He doesn't have the right to tell you not to go with another guy. It's not his decision to make. Working on yourself is a choice you make whether you want it or not. You are the one who deals with the consequences. Your life's experiences will teach you how to navigate your life. I agree that you shouldn't waste your time on a man who isn't serious about you nor has sincere intentions regarding any long term commitment. I don't believe cheaters, liars, deceivers and betrayers. I don't trust them. (I don't trust gaslighters either.) They're all a tricky, sneaky lot. They're slick. He calls you at 4AM, asks if you're awake and jokes about a girl who just left his home. You need to ditch this loser. If you're having these issues after only 4 months, it's time to go your separate ways permanently.
  21. I've been married for a long time. I'm not particularly fond of my local in-laws and relatives and their insistence upon family gatherings in homes or restaurants several times a year. My husband and sons enjoy these gatherings. I don't always make an appearance but I do most of the time out of family obligations and being a good sport. Relationships or marriages require compromises within reason. Both of you need to cooperate somewhere regarding both sides of your family trees otherwise this argument will never go away. As for gifts for her or gifts for yourself, again, both of you need to resolve this otherwise heated arguments, resentment and bitterness will ensue. If you have doubts in your mind, perhaps she's not the one for you long term. You will know when your patience runs out.
  22. Coordinating schedules and cooperation are required to make dating work with jobs and school. Also, remain mature and realistic regarding limited time. Relationships can endure as long as no one is selfish nor demanding. There needs to be a lot of flexibility and empathy in order for busy relationships to thrive and survive. My story is different. When my husband was enrolled in grad school, our sons and I had to back off in order for him to succeed. His time was very limited so I picked up a lot of slack while taking care of everything at the home front and raised our sons so he could excel which eventually benefited our household later. I knew he was extremely busy with work and school so I made sure the rest of us didn't burden him with demands on his time, labor and energy. It was stressful to support him with home cooked meals at his convenience (packed and eating on the go), making sure the kids were tended and not bothering him and making his life convenient. However, we've reaped what we've sown years later. No pain, no gain. Being organized is key.
  23. There is a generation gap to consider. She's still so young and you're a full fledged adult already. Both of you are at different stages in life. The maturity level isn't there yet for the 19 year old vs. your being soon to be age 26. She's barely out of high school and you've been in the adult world for several years now. Never confuse wishful thinking with reality. It's better to date girls closer to your age because you'll have more in common and can relate better.
  24. If you have to question whether or not to breakup with your girlfriend, obviously you have doubts so breakup. According to your list, you have more cons than pros so there is your answer.
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