Cherylyn

Yes, ask her out. You won't know until you ask.

Have an in depth, in person conversation with her. Discuss what is expected in this friendship or if both of you agree or disagree to go further into relationship mode. Make sure there are clear boundaries from both sides without any misunderstandings whatsoever. The true measure of all friendships or relationships is to have those heavy duty, hard and uncomfortable conversations with each other as opposed to playing guessing games or merely sustaining shallow and superficial small talk. Whenever people are uncomfortable, dismissive or have a total disregard for serious conversations, this is a sign and red flag informing you that clear communication is a big problem. I've known people who are nice as long as you're extremely careful with what not to say and what to say. Guarded dynamics feel very controlling to the point of unnatural. Sooner or later, these types of friendships or relationships are doomed for failure. It's only a matter of time. Have a talk with her and let that be your guide meaning whether or not the friendship was meant to endure. It's a good test so both sides won't waste each others time and energy.

Sincerely apologize, continue changing for the better and it's all you can do. She should accept your apology and you can prove to her that you will try your best to improve from this day forward. I've always felt that if a person humbly apologizes in order to make amends and heal the relationship, this is a good sign towards recovery. Both sides can breathe a sigh of relief. Unfortunately, most people will never apologize because they either don't care, in denial, become enraged if they're shamed or confronted and it's all downhill from there. ☹️ Those types of relationships are doomed to disintegrate. 😒 I commend you for having a conscience. This world would be a better place if more people thought of what they had done and took responsibility for it.

Happy Belated Birthday! I'm sorry for your hurts. I've found that whenever I feel down and depressed, I'll put myself aside and do something for someone else such as those who are less fortunate than I am or the disadvantaged. I'll do some type of community service and my spirits are lifted. There are so many people who need you. When you help them in your own way, you'll feel grateful no matter what. If that's not possible, do something special for yourself such as pampering yourself or do something indulgent. Or, gather your friends and tell them that you'd like to go out with them such as dinner or something like that because you want to celebrate your belated birthday. Tell them not to bring a gift and everyone can pay their own way. Be bold and just do it. Sometimes friends need a nudge to get them moving and to get them to do something enjoyable together.

Tell the truth. You will determine if he's for you long term dependent on his reactions.

Both of you are incompatible. His ways are not your ways and that's ok. He's better suited to be with a woman who doesn't mind how he is and you're better suited to be with a man who has excellent social interaction skills, possesses emotional maturity and emotional intelligence. I know someone who is nice as long as conversations are shallow and superficial. It's the extent of what this man is willing to offer and his limited social experience is sad and obvious. His emotional intelligence is non-existent. Is this good enough? If you don't mind limiting your interactions to the weather, yes, it suffices. However, if I want more, no, this type of relationship grows boring by the second and often times I simply bow out. 😒 Some people don't know how to read the room nor adapt. These are red flags because these types of people can't survive very well when socializing with most people. I've known people who are book smart, excel at work and very intelligent in that way. However, they're hopeless disasters when it comes to interpersonal skills and empathy. Or, it can go in the other extreme where they're smart in the classroom and at work but selfish, mean and cruel when you get to know them better. 👿 What are you supposed to do? Dump the boyfriend. 🙄

Withholding and concealing information from you is the same as lying. Trust is permanently dead. Yes, it's a deal breaker. Dump the boyfriend. He doesn't deserve you nor your heart. He's a waste of your time and energy.

I'm sorry for your hurts. 😪 Even though my story is not the same as yours, the feelings are similar. The natural response in one's heart are feelings of resentment, bitterness, thinking that you had wasted your precious time, energy and resources on another person and your feelings of anger. Those are all very typical feelings post break up or following estrangement from anyone. In order to cope, heal and recover, I like to look at the situation from a different angle which helps give you a positive spin on this. Think of this bad outcome as wisdom gained for you. In the future, you will know that you've learned not to fall for one's charms so easily again because you know how deceitful charm and over zealous behavior can be. Bad experiences make you smarter today and in the future. You're more in tuned with character and not so easily fooled by pretentious behavior. Any time a person is too good to be true and over the top nice to the point of being too exciting, is phony and fake. Eventually the person wearing this type of mask, grows fatigued and their true unsavory self emerges. ☹️ Whenever I've had bad experiences with people, at first, I'm angry and then after thinking long and hard, I'm actually RELIEVED to know what I know now about many types of shady human nature. I'm grateful for no longer being naive. Knowledge is power. Power enables you to navigate your life more shrewdly from this day forward. This is how you strengthen your resolve. Feeling sad and depressed are normal feelings. Block and delete him everywhere so he'll eventually become merely a blur. Get busy, be productive and industrious in your own way. Take care of your health. Surround yourself with moral people. Enjoy your alone time. Then there will be days, weeks and months where he'll never be in your thoughts anymore. You have two choices. Either wallow in your misery or become smart, strong and tough. Choose the latter and not the former. Be glad that you've discovered his defects now instead of later. Keep marching forward and be positive. Be kind to yourself.

There are different types of love. Soppy, idiot type of love can get goofy especially if you over do it. A lady can feel safe, loved and protected without soppy, idiot type attention. I agree with others regarding sincere compliments and other forms of love such as being considerate, helpful without her having to ask each time, favors without conditions, being selfless, perhaps cooking dinner just because, taking care of errands or chores because you know it takes the load off her, doing anything in your own way. I can't speak for all women but I appreciate a man who automatically does anything kind because he puts his lady before himself. He gives of himself more than any other. 💗 And, he does it without fanfare.

Josh is ill mannered, obnoxious and rude. Usually friends are careful. They don't say or write anything intrusive, critical and unkind. Real friends are gracious and exercise discretion.

If you have to ask here if you're incompatible with her, you most likely are. When you're compatible with a person, you know or that's been my experience anyway. 😉

I've never lived with a man but hopefully being married to a man will qualify. 🤗 Yes, there should be an expectation that the partner or spouse should know your start and stop work schedule. If they overslept, yes, I would wake up my husband and he would do the same for me. I would even go so far as to say in order to prevent oversleeping, either one of us would awaken each other so we're not left scrambling to rush out the door. Normally, it doesn't happen though. That's what alarm clocks are for. ⏰ 😉 Neither one of us are a priority when it comes to work. Work is the first priority unless there's an emergency or urgent matter which needs prompt attention. It's common sense. 🫢

After you tell your boyfriend, your boyfriend may very well become estranged from his friend which is no surprise there. I agree, your boyfriend's friend is deceitful and betrayed his friend by talking behind his back to you. He's shady and sneaky. His friend was making his move on you. What a creep. 😤 He needs to be ousted.

Yes, your feelings are very common. I can't speak for everyone. Whenever I think of a person after a major falling out which resulted in permanent estrangement, I often think of their good traits, good times, past camaraderie, joyous occasions, what they've done, said or didn't say, what they've given me and I have wistful feelings of nostalgia. Then reality sets in. 😒 Their bad behaviors overshadow and cancel out any and all good memories. That part is very unforgivable. There are certain seismic offenses which a person can't recover from and the only path to healing is estrangement and freedom in order to gain control and power back in one's life. I've found the key to moving on in a healthy way is not giving yourself time and energy to look back. Becoming frenetically busy in a positive way whether work, being productive, industrious, getting something accomplished away from home or in your home, goes a long way towards past people become merely a blur or eventually not revisiting your brain space anymore. 4 years is a long time to be in a relationship and then parting ways. You won't simply snap out of it. However, when you start focusing and concentrating on your own life and what you need to do, your mind will drift away from the past.

It is fine to judge because you discern who is acceptable in your life and who doesn't qualify. Judging receives criticism but I view judging to be to your benefit. Judging determines how you wish to govern your life so that you're treated with the respect and dignity you deserve. He's a leech and freeloader. He sponges off others as long as he gets to enjoy his free ride at someone else's expense. He takes advantage which is disdainful. He acts like a Mama's Boy. He's a 2 year old wrapped in a man's body. ☹️ He never grew up to become a real man. You certainly can do better. He's an automatic reject. He will not give you the future you envision and wish for.

Pump the brakes and stop being so chummy with her. Be kind, gracious, polite yet maintain a professional, cordial interaction with your colleague. She has a boyfriend and no matter how faraway he is, respect him and her. She is off limits even if she is very friendly with you. You're the one who has to cool it and keep a safe distance. She'll eventually get the message. 🙄 Don't ask her out for coffee or any of that. Do the right thing, act like a gentleman and know your place. Splash cold water on your face and wake up. Remain realistic and calm Be mature and wise.

I agree just because a man is good looking, they shouldn't be enamored. I've observed this in my midst. Money is great, the big house is wonderful, there's lots of money in the bank and on the surface, life is sparkly until you scrutinize and then it gets ugly because sooner or later narcissism rears its ugly head in one form or another. ☹️ It's bound to happen at some point. There's nothing wrong with wanting a good looking guy and I don't believe anyone is out of anyone's league. However, what should be emphasized is character and what type of life you envision with a man who will give you an enduring marriage or life filled with pure joy and happiness. Nothing else matters. 🫢

Showing different faces has various levels. Sure, being amiable in public is a nice trait to have but being talkative and very pleasant socially while treating his wife rudely behind closed doors is a whole different type of unacceptable behavior. Being too comfortable with you to the point of showing his true colors in the most unsavory way is problematic. Hopefully you can address this because what it boils down to is his fake behavior, pretense, charm and then being his true self towards you which is alarming and disdainful. You can't respect and admire a man like that. I hope he can change for you but sometimes it's either very difficult or impossible for him to be the type of man you want him to be. ☹️

I actually admire you because you want to change for the better. This world would be a better place if more people were humble enough to admit faults, admit their shortcomings, put forth sincere effort to change by treating others with utmost respect and consistent kindness. Most people whom I know continue behaving badly towards others and consequences be darned. They don't care how other people feel whatsoever. If anyone is offended, hurt, pained, disappointed or disrespected, it never matters which is most infuriating. 😡 I avoid those types of people like the plague. You are growing up and maturing. Intelligent people such as yourself become silent and wise. Unintelligent people do what they do and they really don't wonder why they alienate others because again, they simply do not care. They're not empathetic types. Develop emotional intelligence which is feeling for others and your life will turn around to the point where you'll like yourself better, feel more secure and it will all come back to you because you'll be received well. ☺️

Being jealous and possessiveness does not fall into the category of being merely imperfect. He has serious character defects. He's unemployed. Note that regarding human nature, whenever life is wonderful especially with stable, predictable, comfortable economics and sound health, people in general tend to behave nicer. That's a fact. Whenever life is off kilter, people are irritable until their own life is smooth. No, you're not awful for ruining his birthday. In his mind, he feels always ruined all by itself until he can be happily employed. Until then, the world is rotten to him including you in it. This is despite your efforts to celebrate his birthday. He's gaslighting you. He doesn't take ownership for how he mistreats you. He deflects and causes you to think you're the crazy one and not he. ☹️ Never grovel and apologize. I did that years ago much to my regret! You did nothing wrong and have nothing to be sorry for. Dump him back and YOU be done with him. Consider him yesterday's trash. 🗑️He's very disrespectful and rude. Move on so you can heal and either enjoy being by yourself or afford to be pickier and choosier in your future with a man who will treat you with honor and class. 🙏 Take your control and power back. Keep moving forward.

Correction: Your husband's social face is ON with others but off with you. No one wants to be with a guy who is the life of the party and Mr. Wonderful while he's unkind towards his wife behind closed doors. This is a core marriage problem which needs to be addressed. He has two faces. One for them and one for you. He needs to put forth the effort to speak with you as if you matter instead of impressing upon others during social settings.

Practice self control. Think before you speak and write. Learn how to be empathetic. Place yourself in other people's shoes. Ask your self how you would want to be treated, how you would want to be spoken to and written to. Is it kind? Is it respectful? Are there good manners? Is there politeness? These are very basic rules of human decency and treating others honorably. Treat others with dignity. Have integrity. Be slow to anger. Take a pause and think before you act upon it. If you're unsure, then obviously it's not wise to blurt out an emotional outburst with negative consequences. ☹️ Reword everything. Instead of being cynical and sarcastic, tone it down so your sentences are calm, mature, intelligent and nice. Then discuss whatever is bothering you so it doesn't sound acidic. Don't lash out. Don't explode impulsively otherwise you'll face severe repercussions. ☹️ Never play with people because most people don't play and they won't take your ________ either. They simply dissolve and exit the relationship PERMANENTLY because it's easier, more convenient, saves time, energy and resources in the long run. People feel safer and secure when conditions are comfortable. Any other way is too much unnecessary, wasteful work. Threats backfire. I know for myself whenever anyone plays games with me, I don't fight back anymore. Why bother? I simply leave the relationship because my life is too precious to waste it on a person who doesn't treat me right. I deserve to be treated with kindness and if it doesn't happen consistently, I prefer to either be alone or surround myself with people who know how to behave like decent human beings. There is no gray. Either behave with class and grace or it won't work. Often times people make it more complicated than it needs to be.

Yes, I had planned to leave my stressful job which required a lot of traveling. The money was great but I spent more time at airports and hotels than I did at home. I was gone anywhere from several weeks to a month at a time, traveled across the country and back 18 times within 2 years. ☹️ I burned out. Since I didn't have the luxury to simply inform my company of my resignation, I made sure I secured my new job before I left my current job. The transition was great, closer to home, it was a promotion and better paying job than my previous job. If I must travel, it is quite rare. Change is good as long as it's advanced, calculated, shrewd, organized planning. ☺️ Preparation is key.

Depends. If resuming the relationship means dismissing past transgressions as if it never occurred, there will always be an undercurrent of resentment brewing which is unhealthy. Getting back together doesn't absolve previous offenses. To share my story, yes, I've tried to continue a relationship as if life was wonderful following deceit, betrayal, nastiness, dirtiness, trickery and all of those shady mind games. I knew if I had broached past transgressions, gaslighting would be the typical response. I'm always right regarding my experience with many malignant narcissistic types. You'll never win with the likes of them so my answer? I rejected them which was easy, declined everything which became even easier and it was the greatest gift I ever gave myself. It feels so liberating and the sense of freedom is absolutely priceless. I can finally breathe now. I feel safe, much happier, protected from harm and secure. I've taken back my power and I'm in control of my life. Perpetrators are at a loss because I shut them down. Establishing boundaries was a godsend. 🙏 🤗 Are there mature, calm discussions to express remorse and apologies? Is there any admittance regarding mistakes made? Are there any humble and sincere actions taking place? No one can move forward towards healing the relationship unless uncomfortable, hard conversations take place with zero distractions. In my experience, no matter who it is, simply carrying on with said person and marching forward doesn't work because it will always feel awkward without addressing the elephant in the room. Relationships tend to wither away and fail whenever there's no accountability nor responsibility for one's actions whatever it may be. All the wishful, hopeful thinking in the world cannot fix the cancer in the relationship. The only way a broken relationship can be repaired is if there's concerted effort to make amends. There are no ands, ifs or buts about this.

Some friends were not meant to have heavy, deep conversations with you. Or, it's one sided. It's fine for them to say or write whatever is on their mind yet when it's your turn, they don't care about how you feel or your problems. It's a one sided friendship; not two way friendship. This scenario applies to anyone, not just friends. You have to read people and learn to adapt if you want to retain them in your life. Unfortunately, often times, you need to learn what type of conversation suits them and what type of conversation whether verbal or written, tends to bother them. Often times, caring for each other isn't mutual and there are limits. Some friends only want shallow or superficial dialogues and others sincerely care to be considerate of you especially if you're the same towards them. It sounds to me your friendship had run its course which isn't anything out of the ordinary. Either keep your friend on the chain by pumping the brakes and altering your behavior or cut your losses and let your friend go. I tend to surround myself with people who treat me the same way I treat them which is respect and kindness. Anyone else including relatives and in-laws are selective and if they don't fit the criteria regarding human decency, out they go. I'm done as you should be, too. Never waste your life on people who don't treat you as if your feelings matter. Remember this. 🫢