Jupana

Might have this opportunity next year for work related reasons. Might not be such a bad idea after all

It is an ambitious one, one above both our budgets but he insists he will manage on his own. There must be a limit to how much one should wait for a guy to get serious?

I've been viewing property with the intention of buying on my own as an investment and also potential residence since I intend to move out of my current home (currently living in a villa with just my mother - can't complain). But I don't wish to be held back because of somebody else. I always wonder how one doesn't feel the desire to start planning the future together esp since he himself is looking into/negotiating his own property.

Yes. To note I did not have any of the past issues ever since I put my foot down.

@Batya33 no we are not engaged. I understand your point of view and I agree that getting married is the most meaningful commitment. My concern is that there seems to be no effort for our future goals yet, even after 7 yrs.

My boyfriend (29) and I (28) have been together for 6 yrs, 7 in June. Over the last 2 yrs I felt my interest to settle down with him grow and so I have been hinting at finding a place together, starting conversations on living together and eventually getting married. When we have such discussions we both seem to want the same things. He emphasizes I am a big part of his life & cannot imagine his future without me. However, when it comes to actually getting serious about purchasing property together, he backs out. He has this particular interest in purchasing a specific property which he has always wanted since he was younger and is very adamant to work for it before committing to any other with me. I understand it has now become common practise for individuals to buy their own property (I myself have come across a few which id love to buy on my own) but feels unnatural considering how long we have been together. I understand one is free to do whatever makes them happy and to have support from partner but aren't we meant to be thinking of our future together at this stage? All our friends are getting married and living their life while we are stuck because of this issue. He has joined me with viewing of other property but only out of interest or support..he is not really keen to purchasing any other if not the one/location he has put his eyes on. Any thoughts / advice on this? How I can perhaps help him understand. I really don't wish to be held back.

Hi @boltnrun - He did apologise multiple times, we had spent some time apart to focus on our next steps and he had approached me himself to apologise and also with plan of action on how he intends to change things for the better from his end.

Gozo- and people I'm dealing with are over 60 yrs of age 🙄

As such we always attend events together. The issue arises when it comes to attending alone... and most of the fuss comes from his family not him. But he should back me up

Thanks. Thats in fact what I've been doing recently and everything's so much better. I guess these people don't like it when they're ignored !

He attends all my family events

Just wondering whether it is possible to maintain boundaries and relationship without these "toxic" people since they are part of family - or whether it is completely impossible to have such situation in a functioning relationship.. just some mind bogging thoughts

@Andrina The brief conversation I had with one of the relatives was over the phone. My bf has actually been stepping up for me and they are not liking this change in him towards them -but I am. I have to point out that not all of his family are like this - some are actually really nice and understanding, never having been disrespectful once with words or actions. I'm trying to just do what's good for me and saying no to what doesn't serve me. It's challenging not to overrhink but I've been feeling way better.

Hi everyone, just felt like I could share an update after receiving so much support on the matter last time. After having had a long serious discussion with my bf last time as per my last post, things have improved as effort is consistent from his end to make sure the focus remains on us and to leave family out of the picture whenever possible. I myself am feeling much calmer and less anxious too. My sisters wedding is fast approaching and i can't wait for the day. My bf is very supportive and happy about it as well. However I recently checked in with his relatives (who were part of the issue ) to confirm their attendance (out of respect my sister wanted to invite) and his aunt in particular told me that she feels out of place to attend knowing I've been purposely ignoring her and leaving her out of the picture. I have explained that it may be a result of the decision my bf and i took to focus more on us but she kept insisting on how things changed and that I'm not the same person anymore (which is a good thing- no ;)? ) I have tried to logically explain things but she kept going on how i no longer go over and call (I used to fact check and stayed chasing truths before...) but she kept inviting my bf and I are heading for disaster as acc to her we are not meeting up so often. I'm fine with her not attending as after all it's her choice but I'm just wondering- in the long run- is this a problem or is it normal to not get along with all family members.. is it something that could potentially break up my relationship and is it something I should seek as a red flag? Thanks always

I have laid my cards on the table with him this evening. I've explained how I felt and he has acknowledged his actions are wrong by involving his family and towards me. He also mentioned points on which he is willing to improve and change. Will give some time to see if it materialises..if not I intend to work on an exit plan out of this relationship.