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Found 23 results

  1. Ok so let me start from the beginning. I hate online dating but decided to give it a shot and met this guy. We hit it off and went on multiple dates after and eventually became “official” We continued to go out on a few more dates and I eventually sent the weekend at his house. Everything seemed normal and he seemed really into me as I am him. During the weekend I was over there he would talk about next time we went to x city we could go to xyz place and do whatever. he had previously told me his job would pick up. He’s an engineer and is working on a solar panel project. Everything was good until a couple days after I left his place he only started texting around 1-2 times a day and showed little interest in going to do anything with me. Thought the whole thing he is telling me about everything that is having to be done at work and apologised once for not texting as much but it still feels weird. When he does text he’ll ask me questions about stuff that’s going on in my life or simply how my day was. i understand his job can get to be a lot but it was just such a sharp contrast from the way he was damn near begging to go out with me several times a week after he got off work and on the weekends. that contrast is why I need to know if I’m just in my head and overreacting or not
  2. Hello all, I am new here so sorry if this is too long or if I mess up on something. I’m hoping I can get what I’m saying across lol. So I have been in a casual relationship with a man for just over a year, about 13 months. I met him initially 6 years ago when I was 19 and I was instantly attracted to him but he was my boss so I didn’t say or do anything the entire time I worked for him. The day he quit that company, he confessed that he liked me and he took me out for dinner that night and we slept together. On his end, it seemed like I was just a one, maybe two time thing, and I honestly didn’t care because I liked him so much, it was worth it… but we ended up continuing our causal relationship for the next year and half. Although it was causal, and mostly sexual, he eventually referred to me as his girlfriend and he always made me feel special and important, which is why I stayed with him for so long. But since it wasn’t going anywhere, I eventually got a real serious boyfriend and he completely respected that and we went out separate ways, but ended on good terms. This was in 2016-2018. So fast forward to Summer of 2020 and we’ve reconnected (my bf and I split). Initially it’s friendly on my end but he quickly regains attraction to me and eventually I do as well. We hit some road bumps at first because he wanted to jump into sex and I felt I needed to get to know him again (he’s the only casual relationship I’ve ever had). Because of this we ended up not talking for 2 months but in February 2021 we finally had sex again for the first time since we split years ago. And again, this seems mostly sexual for him which I wasn’t necessarily into but I was ok with us being casual again, but he’s the ONLY casual relationship I’ve ever had and despite it being casual, I’ve always had feelings for him. I’ve always known that but I never expressed it too much to him and I always kept in my mind that it would only go so far, so I accepted that and handled it well.. but since I had gone though this with him before, I figured although it’s casual, it would hopefully be like it was before. Like he would make me feel special and important and cared for like he did before. But since we’ve gotten back together, it just doesn’t have the same feeling anymore. Our relationship has evolved since we first had sex again.. like we talk more, we express more to each other than before, I feel like we both can trust each other but I just don’t feel special. Before, he would call me his girlfriend. He never calls me his girlfriend now. Before, he would kiss me hello or goodbye or both. But we haven’t kissed ONCE since getting back together. We lay together, we cuddle/snuggle, we have the most wild sex… We do all these other intimate things yet it’s lacking intimacy. Because of the lack of intimacy, I feel like I can’t be completely comfortable with him physically because I’m not comfortable with him emotionally. A lot of times I feel like just a friend or just an employee.. We’ve talked about this a bit before. I told him once that I don’t believe in “friends with benefits” relationships because To me if your having sex with a friend, they most likely aren’t just a “friend”. And There was a time where he would always refer to me as “friend” and it really bothered me. I didn’t tell him how I was feeling but one day he was a bit worried about my “friends with benefits” comment and he asked me how I saw him and I told him I saw him as more than a friend but that I had limited expectations of him (meaning, I’m not expecting him to marry me, have a baby with me, etc). He was relieved to know I was getting all crazy obsessed on him… and When I asked him the same question, “How do you see me?” he agreed he saw me as more than a friend as well. This made me feel better and I took this as a good sign but that was back in October or November. It’s now March and I still haven’t gotten that feeling from him that I got before.. and he STILL hasn’t kissed me. I don’t know why I’m so intimidated to talk to him about this.. I guess im worried about behind vulnerable and making him aware I have some deeper feelings towards him. I think im worried he doesn’t feel the same way, or that I’ll scared him off. If he doesn’t feel the same way as me, I couldn’t continue this with him. As much as I like him, I just can’t have sex with someone that doesn’t feel for me what I feel towards them. It’s a deal breaker… part of why I’ve been scared and hoping he’ll just do all this on his own like he did before. And it’s unattractive to me that he doesnt kiss me at all. I don’t want to come off desperate but not sure if I should say something or just let it go.
  3. My bf(18) says he’s tired of being told that he has to change for me. He feels he shouldn’t change to make me happy. Is he right? When I voice my opinions about him not paying attention, or not listening to my needs, he voices that “I do not want to be told what to do. I am who I am.” EDIT: example of change: when im not feeling loved, i want him to give me a little more affection, which feels kind of forceful or when i ask him to stop being so silly during a conversation, i want him to change his demeanour. I feel like there should be some sort of comprise. Of course I don’t what him to change for me, but again, I feel like i’m not getting what I want out of the relationship. What should I do? what should i say to him?
  4. I'm worried I might be rebounding... My ex and I broke up and I started seeing this guy at work shortly after who I was never really attracted to but had always really liked me and is super kind and sweet but not the typical guy I date and wanted to see. He likes me a lot. I think about my ex everyday still and we had a very connected albeit rocky relationship... I was talking to my ex alot still and sleeping with him when I was starting to date this new guy. I had also hooked up with my exes best friend right after we broke up and he forgave and tried to move forward, but he works a long way away and I was still hanging out with this new guy alot. I had told me ex to come and visit and we hooked up... but things got messy because I hooked up with the new guy when my ex was in town... I told my ex I hooked up with him and he finally had enough I guess, told me to tell this new guy what had been going on between the two of us... or he was going to do it himself. I had rejected this new guy once when I was starting to hook up with my exes best friend.... and then I had to tell him that I had been hooking up with my ex when we were first starting to date. I'm also the first girlfriend he has ever had. The new guy has forgiven me and we are now dating.... but I still think about my ex everyday. Mostly I am just curious... Do you guys think I'm in a rebound relationship? Has anyone ever had any good experiences with rebounds?
  5. Hello! Here is my story: I had my first time with my boyfriend a long time ago, but it wasn't the way I wanted it to be. I felt pressured to do it because he wouldn't stop asking every night I stayed over or just other nights when we were texting he would bring it up and even if I explain to him he was still trying to convince me with his explanations. Sometimes he asked a few times a night and often he touched me down there and even if I removed his hand he would put it back there. I really wasn't ready for a step like that yet and as a girl I wanted it to be special and romantic if it happens. One night he asked again and I said yes because I thought that maybe I will never get ready if I wait and I just should do it. Plus the romantic things happen only in movies so I shouldn't expect something like that in real life and also I won't feel guilty for saying "no" every time and be scared that he will eventually leave. So it happened. It has been a lot of time since then and I had really burried these moments of our first time and the previous times I got touched but recently they are starting to resurface and I don't know why. I get that all that happened already happened and I can't change any of it, it's my own fault and I should move on but I seem to not be able to do it. I don't know if I'm disappointed that he never made sure I was sure because if he asked I was definitely going to say no. Or maybe that he never made sure I was feeling okey since I told him I was hurting a lot and him just saying it's normal. Even when we had a problem and I said that we should try another time my words were never heard and that hurts. And all the times I had to go through the touching when I just wanted to cuddle. Everytime I went over I felt like he was inviting me just for these things and not because of just spending some time with me. All that keeps me up some nights and I don't even have the desire to do anything intimate with him now. I don't want to talk to him about it because I have told him once some months ago that I wish he understood me when I told him I wasn't ready and he said sorry so I don't want to bring it up again. Since our first time our relationship became a lot stronger and even thought our sex life isn't that great he doesn't touch me if I say that I don't feel it right now and he even says he isn't inviting me over just because he expects us to do something but because he wants to spend time with me and that's why I'm so confused about my feelings right now. I just don't know what to do and I would appreciate any advice.
  6. hey, I hope you’re all doing well because I’m clearly not. my boyfriend of 9 months just broke up with me last Sunday. he told me that he is not in a position where he would be able to split his focus between his career and relationships. we’re coming from an Asian family. most of Asians elders are very conservative. both of my ex’s parents have established a good career whilst my ex (a 23yo) male hasn’t found a permanent job yet. he told me that he was insecure of me and his friends and he felt bad for me because he’s been so busy lately, we argued a lot too these days and he told me that I deserve something better than what we had together. he told me he’s still in love with me but he didn’t want us to force our relationship. he once told me that he still wished that we would end up together again one day, somehow. is it bad that I’m still hoping for that? i told him I would wait for him but he told me not to. he wanted to put some distance because he couldn’t promise me anything at the moment. I don’t understand. why did he have to give up when I told him I was fine with everything? he said he loves me but why gave up?
  7. In the past 4-5 years I have been on and off in a relationship with a man , when we first met I was 19 he was 27. I was in this relationship with this man but there was manipulation, lying but I was too naive to see it. Recently we broke up for good and I moved to a completely different state. I started talking to another guy and he started out really strong from the beginning. It kind of freaked me out , he asked me to be his girlfriend the second week we met but I said no because I hadn’t known him that well yet. We went out on a couple dates, he cooked dinner from time to time. It was all going well , he was willing to move mountains to do what I request . It was all going too fast for me so I asked him to slow down , as he was calling me babe already , he bought tickets to a couples event even before we had gone on an actual date. It was all too fast. I asked him to slow down. I was new to the city so it felt good to be around someone who already knew the city . He was at my place almost everyday , recently as he was leaving I just asked if he could go out with the trash bag by the door as he was heading downstairs to his car. He started to complain and I asked why he was complaining and he raised his voice stating that it’s my apartment and I need to learn to take out my own trash( not that I have never taken out my trash before) I was taken back and just surprised by the raising of his voice . I then just said it was fine I would take the trash out myself. I later messaged him stating how him raising his voice made me feel , he switched the whole thing and said I was overreacting and that all he said was no , but I could have sworn he raised his voice at me over a simple request . He made it seem like he never raised his voice at all He replied to my message being a complete *** and stating that he wants nothing else to do with me . He removed me off of social media and even blocked my number . Im just confused how someone can go from being obsessed with you to removing you from all social media and blocking your number . How do I stop attracting men like this
  8. Hello! I'm new here and I made this account just for this! I want someone's insight on this situation I'm in right now if it isn't too much of a bother. 🙂 ⚠️Wall of text coming through ⚠️ Around the end of October, my LDR boyfriend told me that he might be busy during November since he got a job, his friends want to hangout and I know he'd be studying for his upcoming university entrance exams this December. He told me this means that he'd have less time for me and I said I understand that, but he should at least keep me updated if he's still doing well. Well, yeah, before November even came, he started talking to me less, way less than how we usually would talk. It was fine with me though, I figured it was nice that he still manages to respond despite his hectic schedule. The issue started when he'd stop responding altogether. I'd see him online and his Discord status would state that he's playing a game for hours. I thought that maybe he's just taking a break to shake away the stress for a bit and didn't want to socialize with anyone. He's an antisocial guy. I waited for days, still no response. I decided to ask him if he's doing alright and assured him that I am not pressuring him to respond if he's still busy and that he can respond whenever he can. Almost immediately, he responded and said he didn't respond to my message because he has nothing to say. We voice called. Throughout the duration of that voice call, he barely said anything. Sometimes no response at all as if he didn't hear me say a thing even if I were to ask him a question, but he'd randomly laugh and tell me he's laughing over a funny video. I decided to shift the topic to whatever it is he's watching, but he'd tell me it's nothing interesting and we should talk about something else, so I'd find a new topic to mention and again, little to no response. I thought it was nice that he's having fun though, I wasn't upset about it and still am not. What I am upset about is the weeks following this event. After that call, we had another one, but in this call, it was silent. I'd talk and he won't respond at all, not even laugh over a video, nothing. It felt like I was talking to a brick wall so I got upset and asked him if he can hear me, he said he wasn't saying anything because he has nothing to say. He did kind of make up for it by being sweet before the voice call ended, he said "I love you" then we both went to sleep. And that was the last he ever said that. After that last voice call, he almost never responds to my messages anymore. I also noticed that every time I'd go online, he goes offline. Thought it was a coincidence until it kept happening every time for almost a week (I still think might be a coincidence, but my gut says otherwise so I'm confused on what to believe). I confronted him about it, asked him if we're doing okay and if something is wrong between the two of us, he said everything is fine and I left it at that. And then for almost a week, he didn't respond to my messages at all or went online. I got really worried so I discreetly checked up on him by telling him about my day in hopes he'd tell me about his. He hates it when people show him they care, he's not used to it, so I thought that checking up on him discreetly would be the better option. He responded almost immediately and we had a short conversation. After that, he stopped responding again and I just decided to give him time, he did say that he'd be busy that month. We didn't talk for days until I striked up a conversation with him and we talked normally like how we used to before he got busy. We didn't talk for days again after that since he won't reply or go online, apparently he was asleep. I messaged him during out monthsary and he just replied to tell me he's going to sleep. I told him I feel like he's avoiding me and stated pretty much everything I'm saying in this forum right now. He told me that he's not avoiding me and that he's just busy and got nothing to say. I was also upset about him ignoring my monthsary message and about how he won't talk to me so I told him I'm sad about it, he kind of got irritated that I was keeping him up from sleeping when confronted about it, so I apologised since I figured he might be tired from a busy day. I tried to talk to him again during his birthday because I made a present for him and wanted to greet him, but he never responded. He never returns the I love you I tell him or the goodnight messages or the good morning messages anymore. He told me he wants me to tell him good morning after I wake up and goodnight before I sleep, so I stayed consistent even when he doesn't respond. I want to ask him if he's still happy being in a relationship with me, but I want to ask through a voice call at least so I kept asking him when he'd be free, his responses are very vague. Just a couple days ago, I saw him online and messaged him if we can talk since it's important. He said he's going to sleep and immediately went offline. I messaged him goodnight with an "I love you" to see if he'd return it. None, he went online and read my message, but then immediately went back off. I suppose that it wouldn't really be fruitful if I were to ask what I should do with out relationship. Whether I should break up with him or not. I just want someone else's insight regarding this pickle I am in, that's all. I suppose I want a different perspective regarding this, I could be wrong and he could really just be busy while I'm over here overthinking after all. Thank you for your time! 🙂 I unfortunately can't really give a tl;dr since I don't know I can possibly summarize this mess lol, sorry.
  9. Me (f/25) & my partner (m/34)have been together 3 years, for those 3 years I've used the contraceptive implant, which I've also been on since 15 (started to ease heavy aunt flow), so 10 years now. Early on in our relationship, I told him exactly what I'm looking for & want, which is to eventually settle down and have children. He knew this, has always been aware & has said he wants the same, eventually. We said we'd see how things go between us and perhaps in 3 years (when implant runs out) we can see where we are & if we should start trying for a baby. All along since then, I've stated I respect his wishes he only wants to try when he's ready and we're ready. But I also asked him to respect my wishes in that when it does run out, I'd like to be off contraception & kinda return to normal/natural. Not to trap him or accidentally fall pregnant, because there are other forms of protection?... So now it's running out (next month) & we've been talking about it for a few months now. I've told him I don't want to be on anything anymore & my reasons why. When he brings it up, I stand by what I've said because I firmly believe my body, my choice. I get he is involved and should have a choice, which he does..in the form of protection, but won't wear one.. He makes the point we're not ready for a baby right now or soon and I totally agree and understand that. We've recently moved into separate places, I'm in a flat & he's sharing with a friend, we've signed 2 year leases. He still wants to be able to do fun things together without the commitment of a baby & so do I, I'm willing to wait & be careful but now he's saying we won't be able to get intimate because of the risk which sucks. Maybe selfishly I feel like if I was to fall pregnant, I know I'd be ok and be able to do it but I'm still happy to wait til we're ready just not on contraception?! AITA?
  10. I started seeing this guy and it’s been pretty good from the start! We were consistently texting and seeing each other about 2x a week for the last month. During that time, we had established that we both liked for this to continue and we stopped talking to other people. Ive met his friends and he’s even told his mom about me, which I thought was a bit fast but we both felt similar so I went with it. Before he left on vacation, he asked if we were exclusive (mentioned bf/gf but I can’t remember exactly how the convo went) and said he wanted to know if “we were really doing this” before we both left for vacation. I said yes and left the date feeling happy but confused—are we exclusive like bf/gf or are we just dating? My problem is that I come a very complicated background and have major trust issues due to toxic relationships and emotionally unavailable parents. I’m working on these issues but I still get caught up in my feelings and whiles he’s been on vacation I feel like maybe things are starting to drift a part. Our texts have been few and far in between and it feels like I’m bugging him. We FaceTimed a few days ago for maybe 15mins (he’s not a big FT person) and though it was awkward I let him know it was really nice to see him and I appreciated the effort to which he responded that we needed to do more of those in the next few weeks while we’re away. But the texting now seems a little forced—I feel like I’m bugging him and I kinda feel like he’s losing interest in me (maybe bc of texting or just bc now we’re not near each other there’s no appeal? Idk). We’ll go 4-6hrs without a response and my attempts to flirt seem to fall flat and when I back track I’m afraid it comes off as passive aggressive and he gets annoyed. One night a texted me late saying he fell asleep on the couch, but I could tell he saw my Instagram stories I posted that night—I don’t care that he was on SM and not texting but the lie (it feels like a lie) sort of threw me off guard. Since things happened a little fast for us, I’m wondering if maybe now that we’re apart, he’s losing interest and slowly backing off. Some days it feels like I should just send him a text and say “hey it’s cool, we can call this off” and just be done with it but I’m afraid I’m making all these worried up in my head and that he’s fine with everything. I know there’s nothing I can do to make someone stay interest but I also don’t want to ruin a good thing if there’s nothing wrong. Am I being paranoid?
  11. I'm 34 (M) and she 27 (F). Thank you for taking the time to read this. I've found myself in this strange predicament. I met Alex (fake name) at work 2 years ago. Over time we developed a close friendship. My previous GF of 6 years had just dumped me, so I wasn't in a great state of mind. Early on, I had no intentions of anything more than friendship with Alex. We would go on daily walks during lunch time at work, and would occasionally hang out at a local bar after hours. A month or so into our friendship (late 2019) we decided to catch a movie then head to a bar afterwards. After a few drinks, we started making out. It got pretty hot and heavy, but didn't go past making out that night. Over the course of the next couple months, this happened a couple more times (never escalating beyond kissing), until one night when I mentioned that I think I'm interested in something more. She told me that she obviously liked me but feared a relationship with a co-worker could get complicated and she didn't want to go down that route. I respected it. A couple of weeks later, the pandemic happens and she leaves her apartment to quarantine with her parents (about 150mi away). We both lose our jobs because of the pandemic. We still kept in touch, texting nearly everyday. Fast forward to August 2020. She tells me she's coming back for a week to pack up her stuff and move out of her apartment. She is planning on returning early next year but since her lease was up, she felt it was wasteful keeping the apartment. Anyways, we plan on meeting up. Once she comes back, we hang out every night she is here. Nothing physical happens until night 3 when we finally slept together. I spent the next 2 nights there with her. It was enjoyable, and I felt we might be building something. She returns home to her parents place, and we continue to text daily. She invited me down to spend a week there at the end of September. It was a good time. We didn't sleep together as she was apprehensive about her parents being there. The relationship was still physical though, even if somewhat undefined. Months go by, still texting quite often. I spend the winter months in Florida, so we didn't see eachother again until 2 weeks ago when she returns. She invites me over once she moves back. I'm not sure what to expect since it had been 7 months since we'd seen eachother and we really didn't discuss what had happened the previous summer/fall. It wasn't quite taboo but it just wasn't something we talked about. Anyways, I visit her and we spend a fun night having drinks and catching up, but nothing physical happens. I got the sense there was still something there. Even tho there were no romantic moves made, there was still a lot of consensual touching, hand on the back, touching of the shoulders, going both ways. Also, before I visited she, somewhat strangely, asks me not to tell her mother I'd be visiting. Now I occasionally texted with her mother, and by occasionally, I mean once every few months. It's usually just a check-in to see how she's doing as she was quite nervous about Covid. I asked Alex why it was important that I not mention my visit to her mom (not that I had any intention of doing so). She responds by saying "I dunno, it's just something I don't want to have to talk to my mom about. It's not something you talk to your mother about." I took that to mean that something would happen that night. It didn't. After leaving I was upset with myself for not making a move. On to the inflection point. I visit her yesterday. We plan to spend the day together, explore her new neighborhood, get some dinner, etc. As the day progresses, nothing has happened. Towards the end of the night, she tells me she's getting quite tired and is ready to call it a night. It's at this point (perhaps buoyed by some liquid courage) that I decide to broach the elephant in the room. I use that precise language. I tell her that I wanted to address what had happened last summer, and wonder if that's something that was just a one off thing. She says back to me, with a frustrated tone, that it was and that she told me that (she didn't). Then she proceeds to insinuate that the only reason I wanted to hang out with her was to have sex. It definitely wasn't, and I tell her that it's because I genuinely like her. She gets more impatient and says "well, I don't like you." She then tells me to leave. I leave. I've texted her a couple times and called a couple times since. I told her, via text, that it wasn't my intention to make her uncomfortable in her own home. I just wanted to get it out there how I felt. I reiterated that I have actual feelings for and it wasn't just about sex for me. She has not reached out to me, and I'm not sure if she plans to. I'd really appreciate your feedback/advice. I'm just genuinely perplexed by the whole situation. She absolutely knew I had feelings for her. I never hid that from her and yet I was met with such a hostile reaction. I can handle rejection, but I don't think I've ever misread a situation to this extent. Or did I? Thanks
  12. I posted a previous question on here a few months ago. Shortly after, my boyfriend (28) and I (34F) had an argument because the level of his respect and commitment to our relationship deteriorated significantly even just in the past few weeks. we took a break but it just seemed like he was using his space to drink more -So I ended up breakup up with him and I told him he needed to try and work on himself because the things that were happening were hurting us both. He agreed and said he would finally get help (he's been depressed and has had PTSD for over a year), and that he wanted to remain friends because he didnt want to lose me and he cares about me so much. I agreed. I have an immense amount of compassion for him because I KNOW this is not who he is. The feelings he has about this past situation that happened to him are controlling his life and he even admittedly will tell me that if those things didnt happen to him, that EVERYTHING would be different with us. And that he knows its why his life is the way it is. Well, he continued to call me everyday - I never reached out to him first - he asked to hangout, which we did. It seemed like he had been making some positive changes - like not drinking as much. But he still wasn't ready to go to therapy or a doctor. Well, this last time that we hung out we were out with some friends and a guy came and started chatting with me - to which my ex came up and said " dude that's my girlfriend". We ended up staying the night together because he didnt want to be at my place alone that night (it was storming). But in the morning it felt like things changed again. I asked him what he was feeling about the space and about us (it had been over a month so I thought it was ok for a check in). And he said, well it feels like its dragging on. And I said do you want to start working on things, to which he said "I don't know what we'd be working on". He said that he had fallen out of love with me and that I was smothering him, because I would get upset if he didnt call me one night or if he commented on another girls looks, or wondered where he was going. But then why does he keep calling, why does he keep pursing me? Why does he still want to be friends? Can depression make you feel like you've fallen out of love? I KNOW that he loved me, and even just a few weeks ago he was saying that he wanted to try and get better so we could be together. He also says that he just feels cold and numb. He can't find joy in anything and he has so much anger about previous events (not with me but back in his hometown). Im having a hard time understanding WHY. Has anybody had previous experiences that might be similar with a depressed partner?
  13. Let me preface by saying if you’re going to insult me or be condescending, pls save it. I’m only looking for a response that is respectful. I’ve lived with my bf for a year. We dated about 6-7 months before moving in. He is almost 40 years old and since we started seeing eachother, he’s had a string of promiscuous and flat out nasty 20-somethings on his Facebook. Mind you, I don’t just say that because of the age. I mean half naked, overly sexually charged nonsense all up and down his news feed. The type of stuff you would see on back page. I know because one of them added me as soon as she knew about me. Never introduced herself, just to be nosey. But I got a glimpse of this person and how she carried herself. Others had public pages that I looked at. He also has regular female friends on it, I never have had a problem with that. I’m not crazy, but I demand respect from a partner and I feel that keeping females like that in close proximity is really only for one reason. I’ve been through the ringer with social media cheaters and just cheaters period and I’ve made it known that to me, that’s inappropriate and I’m not okay with it. Long story short, there is one female that he just can’t seem to let go of. His story of how the two are aquatinted has changed a couple of times, and he also told me the pair went out to lunch before we started dating. One minute she’s just a friend of a friend, the next, she’s his friend and I just don’t want him to have any female friends and he takes jabs at me for being insecure. I get the feeling he has been romantically interested in this girl and doesn’t tell me the truth. One time he thought I went into his computer and was reading their conversations and almost blew the roof off the apartment. I didn’t, of course. On top of that, I’m concerned because I feel like we are co-existing. He spends all of his time on social media. (I’m talking rolls over in the morning and gets the phone, to is up to all hours of the night on it) I’m at the point where I feel not only like I’m competing with whatever he has going on on the apps, but that neither of us is happy. And if that’s the case why even be in a relationship. Of course when I try to have a real discussion about any of this with him he gets on edge and starts screaming at me. Is there anyone who can see where I’m coming from with my concerns? I’ve posted on other forums and I’m always made out to be in the wrong.
  14. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years. Recently I was sleep and my phone rang (his words) when i woke up he said it wasn't a regular ringtone for a iPhone. My mother and him are the only people that have a song when they call other than that its the standard ringtone. So he asked did I have a app on my phone. I said no. Mind you I asked why didn't he answer it, or wake me up, etc... Didn't get a answer from him. He also knows my code to my phone and I gave my phone to him to look at what he wanted. But he didn't even bother to look. But I also looked at my phone and had no missed call at the time he said he heard it. I was told I was cheating, I was ignored, told me he had nothing to say to me, etc.... I broke down and told him I cant do this. (Not the first time he has treated me like this when he feels I'm doing something he doesn't like, agree with, or when I leave the house to run errands and it takes longer than what he feels it should take etc). Mind you I answer his calls no matter what I'm doing (we only face-time each other) . While that was happening I was already feeling sick and for days I would tell him how I was feeling and while he was upset he told me that he doesn't think I feel sick because he doesn't see it. I had sore eyes, hot then cold, sweating at night, I wasn't really eating, body aches, and I couldn't smell or taste (still cant taste or smell). He called me a hypochondriac and said clearly I don't believe you. My thoughts then and now was ***!!, but all I could do was stare at him. Minutes later I told him that was f***** up and he said well I don't know what you want me to say. Come to find out I had Covid-19. He didn't say sorry and still hasn't, its been 2 weeks. But now he has caught Covid from me. He is in bathroom everyday, at least 3-4 times a day, headaches, temperature that goes down then comes back, cold/hot, sweating and body aches. I said to him maybe its old age (call me petty lol but his age 35, yes I know that's not old age). He gave me the finger but that was days ago. But these are his words today. (I wont ever get over this, I'm tired of being sick, when will this go away) and in the same breathe he told me to leave him alone. Also I went in the room to let him know that I found a place to get retested being that he been saying he wanted to me for 4 days now. I didn't say anything I just walked away and left the room. Later this afternoon he text me from the bedroom and asked if i can bring his food and some tea. (He is closed up in the bedroom because my kids are home). I love him to death but I can feel myself giving up, I'm tired of the roller coaster. I get he may be scared/ freaking out but at the same time I'm confused on why take it out on me? Sorry if this is all over the place.
  15. Sorry first time adding a question. My bf and I have been together for around 10 years. He pays for his phone bill, rent, the insurance ect, (our shared car we have 2). I pay for my half so that's even. He works in landscaping, (we used to work together before I got a different job) I work from home. He pays for groceries, which is roughly 300 a month sometimes less. Never more. Because I work from home I do the cooking and cleaning, organizing, well everything. He has two chores. Cat litter and clean the shower ( I end up cleaning shower) and have bad allergies when I end up doing the litter. He always throws in my face that he pays for groceries. So I offer to pay half which I'd have no problem. But he refuses because if I'm paying half he has to pull his share around the house. It then turns into a huge fight how I'm always home and that I shouldn't be complaining. I feel like a maid, a cook, a mother, banker. When I say something it's always you ask to much/I'm trying to relax, SOMETHING. I'm tired of always asking him to pull his share. Our storage unit, and insurance comes off my card. He owes me about 3000. Then says its because I don't help that's why he owes me so much. I've done everything but pay myself what he owes me. Like I'm tired. And to anyone who asks if I talked to him about this it's either he says I'll try better or its i dont do things cause you “nag” or you want to much and ALWAYS fights, then brings up things, when I say stay on topic because deal with one issue at a time, he just keeps going making me out to be a bad guy. So I feel like it's me. And finally after all these years I need someone opinion. :/
  16. So the story goes like this, talked for 9 months and then dated for 3 weeks he breaks up with me and said that he cant be with someone like me and called me a *** and etc. and then about 4 weeks later he messages me and says he misses me but doesn't want to get back together, I'm in love with this guy like deeply in love with this guy so i told him that he can take his time and ill be here waiting for him. about 9 months later i asked him again about us having one more shot and he said is there supposed to be one? and so i gave myself a chance to be loved and appreciated and then 2 months later he goes nd tell me he wants to try again. so i agreed and now he keeps bringing up the past that i made promise and broke it and went out with someone else. Like he never once told me he wanted to be with me or anything stating he felt the same way never and when he reassured me there was never a second chance i was broken so i gave my self a chance to be loved and appreciated. i gave him a chance after breaking my heart the first time and im afraid to et broken by him again but i just crazy love him. Were now dating for 6 months. Any advice or comment or opinion?
  17. Hi 🙂, my boyfriend and I were in a relationship for almost a year. The past 2 months we have been arguing about little things, our relationship started going downhill. He wanted to take a break because he wants to focus on himself and college. He said "once I finish with college (3 months left) I'll come back". The thing is he's on social media 24/7, in a group chat (where i am as well) he's sending messages all the time. I thought he wanted to focus on college? He has time for others but not for me? I mean yes we did take a break but come on, focus on college like you said. I am now struggling with a UTI that I got because of him 2 weeks ago, it was better and now it came back, doctors told me that I have a kidney infection now, because the bladder infection spread to my kidney , and I want to tell him but i will probably come off as being annoying and not sticking to the break plan. I'm honestly so frustrated with this situation, i don't know what to do anymore. For every advice i am very thankful.
  18. Me and my fiancé have been together for almost 4yrs. We have a child together and both of us have a child/children from a previous marriage. I have full custody of my oldest, she doesn’t see her dad. My fiancé has joint custody of his two kids, which I find to be very disruptive to every day life. At this point, his custody situation is really causing a lot of problems. His children refuse to come to our house - say they are uncomfortable here. They stay at his parents during his visitation. Typical grandparents. No responsibilities, waited in hand and foot, no consequences, no rules really. Might I add, I have never been mean, never disciplined, never even raised my voice towards them. To give you an idea, the 11yr old girl and 13yr old boy baby talk. Yes!! Baby talk!! They whine and manipulate, cry and pout to get their way, no matter the situation. My oldest daughter, has pretty much been given no choice but to embrace the blended family life and I feel she has adjusted well. She went from being an only child to having a sibling and step siblings. his on the other hand are catered to and coddled. We even take separate family vacations at this point which I think is absolutely ridiculous. I think if his kids aren’t “comfortable”going on a family vacation, then they shouldn't be getting one of their own. I think them saying they are not comfortable is yet another manipulation tactic, but I could be wrong. Anyways. My biggest issue, I feel that his joint custody arrangement is really interfering with every day living. I work night shift, he works days. We barely have time for each other, hardly see each other during the week. Every other weekend consists of him being at his parents, on top of 2-3 days out of the week. I have tried to tell him that I don’t think it’s fair they are causing such a divide, I also don’t think it’s fair he is constantly gone and I am stuck taking care of the house by myself. It is very difficult to keep up with yard work, house work, a toddler and a 14yr old. I feel I have a part time relationship because of all of this. I feel like if he is going to see them at his parents, he should limit his evening time to 1hr max, so he can spend time with our daughter - how fair is it she only gets part time visitation too, but also to help me with yard work, house work and everything in between. He thinks I am trying to keep him away from his kids - but that’s what his ex wife says. Might I add, she doesn’t have them often. Usually every other weekend, they are pretty much dumped at his parents or hers during the week. I am getting to the point, I’m ready to make him move in with his parents. Life would be so much easier if I would suck it up and ignore it. Just continue to handle everything on my own, but it’s exhausting! I feel so overwhelmed.
  19. My brother has been dating this girl that I went on two dates with...the farthest things got physically between us were getting very handsy, her straddling me on my bed and making out intensely but nothing more than that. I met her on a dating app and so did my brother (unaware of my history with her). WHAT ARE THE ODDS!! The moment I found out he was seeing her I told him what happened between her and I because I would want my brother/friend to tell me immediately if the situation was reversed. He really appreciated me letting him know and being upfront about things and I thought this would bother him enough to stop seeing her BUT IT DIDN'T and he doesn't seem to mind...nor does she and she knows he's my brother!! weird right? I understand they really get along and he has been trying to find a girlfriend for years but why did it have to be her of all people? I told him I didn't care but I only said that because I feel it's not my place to decide who my brother dates (at the end of the day it's his life) and I thought he would cut things off with her because it was too weird but he did the exact opposite. The only people that know about what happened is my girlfriend, my sister, and my parents. Anyway, I'm extremely uncomfortable about the whole thing and don't know what to do. When he brings her to a family get together it's going to be super awkward and my family is going to wonder why I'm weird around her and I'm going to tell them why (same with my brother's friends if they ask). The situation is some twisted bad luck and I just need advice on how to best navigate this.
  20. Hey, lately I've (22F) been dreaming about a guy (23M) I had a ONS with like two years ago almost every night. Back in 2019 we've met over an dating app. I was in a pretty ***ty relationship from 2017 to 2019 and had only been single for 2 months then. So I wasn't looking for a new relationship, I just looked for a date for the night. So the both of us met and suprisingly spent like 2 days together. He only was on vacation in my hometown and actually lived pretty far away on the other side of the country. Although the both of us were just looking for a one time thing, we ended up really liking each other. I remember it feeling like "love on first sight" and I guess he felt pretty similar about me. In those two days we only had sex once on the very last day and it just was the best sex I've ever had with a stranger. We promised we'd stay in contact not letting this end as a ONS (haha). Well long story short we actually planned on meeting again, but never did. At first we texted each other regulary, but after like one and a half months he eventually started answering my messages very slowly and I got the hint and stopped texting him after some time. I also started seeing other guys and tried forgetting about him although I compared him to every new guy I met. After a few months I met my now boyfriend (M22) and I was completely over him. Although I felt like I wasn't ready for a new relationship (and he said neither was he), we got together quite quickly. I love him like crazy! I've never liked anyone as much as him. We've been togehter for almost two years now and it's still magical. We've moved together during covid and he even made that horrible time feel great. Of course, we sometimes fight, but I feel like the both of us are putting so much effort and love into our relationship that it could last many many years. We're just very similar in our personalities. So actually everything's pretty perfect except for the fact that I'm dreaming about this ONS guy almost every night. In the beginning of my new relationship, I never thought about this old ONS, but after a few months he occured into my mind quite often. I'd describe it as "phases". Sometimes I'd think about him all day searching for him online and stuff - and sometimes I wouldnt for weeks. So a few months ago, I even started dreaming about him. Nowadays I dream about him like every second night. The dreams usually are somehow "realisitic" like that he texts me or he visits me or he got a new girlfriend or something. Usually I think it's true for a few seconds after I wake up. Honestly it's quite exhausting because it makes it so hard for me to forget him. It's been two years, I'm with the perfect guy and I'm still dreaming and thinking about this dude from two years ago. You might be wondering if I ever texted him or something, but I didn't. He texted me once (in 2020) asking if we ever wanted to meet again. I replied something like "Acutally I'm a relationship now so no" and he said "Congratulations that's great".Now here comes something I'm not too proud of. At the end of 2020 my best friend and I got very drunk together and called some people anonymously... yeah, um, so she called him and they talked for a few minutes (he also was drunk). I don't think he knows it was me and it's extremly childish, but in that moment it just felt great to hear his voice. I never told my boyfriend. I know it's not that bad, but I don't think it would help the situation. I literally don't know what to do. It's not like I'm stalking this guy online (not anymore), I'm in no contact with him whatsoever and still I'm dreaming about him. I just don't know what to do. And honestly I don't know what would happen if I ever saw him again? I even thought about asking my boyfriend to take a break in our realtionship just so I could see this ONS again, but that would just be so rude and stupid. That kind of idea only feels great for a few seconds. It's just like sometimes I wish for it so bad. And it's very hard for me to admit, but like 3 times in the past I even thought about this ONS when I was having sex with my bf. I feel extremly bad about that. I don't even think I would like to be together with this ONS guy. From an objective point of view this ONS is not a great guy. I just don't understand myself. Maybe some of you know what to do. I really do not want to break up with my boyfriend and I'm not sure if it has gotten clear, but our relationship is amazing. I really do love him and most of the times I do not think about this ONS.
  21. First of all its a long story and English is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes and please help me I am really confused and any advice would be appreciated. We were in a 2 year relationship and everything was going well before the covid lockdown. We used to fight and get into arguments but we never went to sleep without sorting it out. But we loved each other so much. We both had some bad habits like I was short-tempered and sometimes said hurtful things to her and she never shared her feelings or the things which were bothering her with me much, I had to ask her several times to know what has happened. Fast forward we had a fight in January 2021 because we were feeling some sort of distance between us, which turned into a fight lasted for about a week. We sort it out and after that fight we started having many little arguments in a month, like 2-3 arguments/ small fights in a month because she used to watch Netflix all day and never had time to talk (we talked for about 1 hour in a day roughly). Now on 19 May 2021 we had a small fight and she told me that my words hurt her sometimes and that she feels like I don't value her. I told her that if she wants then she can take a break to which she said NO, then the next day (20 May) she said that she wants to breakup. I tried to convince her and after 3 days (23 May) I finally somehow managed to convince her and then we talked for a week like normal friends and then after a week on May 30 she finally broke-up, she told me that she has lost feelings for me since April end. She wants us to remain friends as she says that I was one of her best friends and she don't want to be in a relationship with me. But I can't remain her friend as I still have strong feelings for her. I want her to give our relationship another chance and I know that if we both put efforts together then we can make this work but she is not willing to do so. Reasons I think she broke-up: First two are the main reason the others are just what I think might be the reasons. I am short tempered and sometimes I say things which hurt her but I don't do it on purpose or intentionally. There was a communication gap between us and mainly it was because of her habit of not sharing anything with anyone. I was getting a little bit jealous and insecure after our fight in January. Due to covid lockdown we were not able to spend time together, our only way of communication was texting. I think this can be a reason she lost interest in the relationship as it might be getting boring for her. I have fixed my attitude and my anger but how can I show her that I really have changed? Few points that are bugging me, First she was not ready to breakup, but then the next day she told me that she wants to breakup. When we talked about it she was furious with me and was telling me my mistakes but the next day when she broke-up, she took all the blame on herself that it's her who is at fault not me. While breaking up she told me that she lost feelings in April but after some days when I tried to talk to her she said that she didn't loved me and that she had lost feelings since January. I feel like she is hiding the real reasons and just trying to make up reasons to breakup. She has changed drastically in the last few days. I really love her and want us to be together and I know that if we both put a little more efforts then we can make this work. But I am confused whether I should talk to her after a few days [approx a month after our breakup](I will be meeting her with her sisters and friends) or after some months of no-contact. I am thinking that I should talk to her and first know the real reason of the breakup and what was bothering her for the last 5 months in which she lost feelings, maybe after that we can somehow make some changes and be back together. I just have a few questions: What should I do?? Should I move on or hope that by talking to her about all this we can get back together?? Or should I go no-contact for some months and then try again? Or should I give her some space and time to figure things on her own and until then I go no-contact?? Once the feelings are gone then can we do something about it... Like if feelings once lost can they come back too??
  22. She says, she loves me as a partner, she loves being with me, she feels I am a perfect person and partner for her but she doesn't have intimate feelings for me. This is something she feels since couple years. We stopped goofing around in last march and kind of broke up but lived together since August. She feels, she should be able to love herself first to love someone else, so she needs time to do that. She is looking for an expert to know herself better and start working out on her body. In this week, she has asked me to not try to start a conversation. She would like not to be obliged to reply/call me when I want but talk to me when she wants. We have been talking a lot less now and I'm obsessing over her like crazy. I know the right thing to do is give her space, but it is so hard right now to distract myself to do something else. All I do the whole day is think about her, create fake scenarios which I know are stupid and be upset. She has helped me through tough times and I want to be there for her and move this relationship to safe zone however I can. So, I can't even imagine leaving her on the pretext of "it is not right for me". Please help. P.S - In March, my father was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and I have been tending to him. She is very supportive but expected her to be with me in this time (maybe I expect more). She did help me through very rough patches of life during last year and in general is a very lovely and caring person.
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