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About Me

  1. Me (f/25) & my partner (m/34)have been together 3 years, for those 3 years I've used the contraceptive implant, which I've also been on since 15 (started to ease heavy aunt flow), so 10 years now. Early on in our relationship, I told him exactly what I'm looking for & want, which is to eventually settle down and have children. He knew this, has always been aware & has said he wants the same, eventually. We said we'd see how things go between us and perhaps in 3 years (when implant runs out) we can see where we are & if we should start trying for a baby. All along since then, I've stated I respect his wishes he only wants to try when he's ready and we're ready. But I also asked him to respect my wishes in that when it does run out, I'd like to be off contraception & kinda return to normal/natural. Not to trap him or accidentally fall pregnant, because there are other forms of protection?... So now it's running out (next month) & we've been talking about it for a few months now. I've told him I don't want to be on anything anymore & my reasons why. When he brings it up, I stand by what I've said because I firmly believe my body, my choice. I get he is involved and should have a choice, which he does..in the form of protection, but won't wear one.. He makes the point we're not ready for a baby right now or soon and I totally agree and understand that. We've recently moved into separate places, I'm in a flat & he's sharing with a friend, we've signed 2 year leases. He still wants to be able to do fun things together without the commitment of a baby & so do I, I'm willing to wait & be careful but now he's saying we won't be able to get intimate because of the risk which sucks. Maybe selfishly I feel like if I was to fall pregnant, I know I'd be ok and be able to do it but I'm still happy to wait til we're ready just not on contraception?! AITA?
  2. I started seeing this guy and it’s been pretty good from the start! We were consistently texting and seeing each other about 2x a week for the last month. During that time, we had established that we both liked for this to continue and we stopped talking to other people. Ive met his friends and he’s even told his mom about me, which I thought was a bit fast but we both felt similar so I went with it. Before he left on vacation, he asked if we were exclusive (mentioned bf/gf but I can’t remember exactly how the convo went) and said he wanted to know if “we were really doing this” before we both left for vacation. I said yes and left the date feeling happy but confused—are we exclusive like bf/gf or are we just dating? My problem is that I come a very complicated background and have major trust issues due to toxic relationships and emotionally unavailable parents. I’m working on these issues but I still get caught up in my feelings and whiles he’s been on vacation I feel like maybe things are starting to drift a part. Our texts have been few and far in between and it feels like I’m bugging him. We FaceTimed a few days ago for maybe 15mins (he’s not a big FT person) and though it was awkward I let him know it was really nice to see him and I appreciated the effort to which he responded that we needed to do more of those in the next few weeks while we’re away. But the texting now seems a little forced—I feel like I’m bugging him and I kinda feel like he’s losing interest in me (maybe bc of texting or just bc now we’re not near each other there’s no appeal? Idk). We’ll go 4-6hrs without a response and my attempts to flirt seem to fall flat and when I back track I’m afraid it comes off as passive aggressive and he gets annoyed. One night a texted me late saying he fell asleep on the couch, but I could tell he saw my Instagram stories I posted that night—I don’t care that he was on SM and not texting but the lie (it feels like a lie) sort of threw me off guard. Since things happened a little fast for us, I’m wondering if maybe now that we’re apart, he’s losing interest and slowly backing off. Some days it feels like I should just send him a text and say “hey it’s cool, we can call this off” and just be done with it but I’m afraid I’m making all these worried up in my head and that he’s fine with everything. I know there’s nothing I can do to make someone stay interest but I also don’t want to ruin a good thing if there’s nothing wrong. Am I being paranoid?
  3. Hey, lately I've (22F) been dreaming about a guy (23M) I had a ONS with like two years ago almost every night. Back in 2019 we've met over an dating app. I was in a pretty ***ty relationship from 2017 to 2019 and had only been single for 2 months then. So I wasn't looking for a new relationship, I just looked for a date for the night. So the both of us met and suprisingly spent like 2 days together. He only was on vacation in my hometown and actually lived pretty far away on the other side of the country. Although the both of us were just looking for a one time thing, we ended up really liking each other. I remember it feeling like "love on first sight" and I guess he felt pretty similar about me. In those two days we only had sex once on the very last day and it just was the best sex I've ever had with a stranger. We promised we'd stay in contact not letting this end as a ONS (haha). Well long story short we actually planned on meeting again, but never did. At first we texted each other regulary, but after like one and a half months he eventually started answering my messages very slowly and I got the hint and stopped texting him after some time. I also started seeing other guys and tried forgetting about him although I compared him to every new guy I met. After a few months I met my now boyfriend (M22) and I was completely over him. Although I felt like I wasn't ready for a new relationship (and he said neither was he), we got together quite quickly. I love him like crazy! I've never liked anyone as much as him. We've been togehter for almost two years now and it's still magical. We've moved together during covid and he even made that horrible time feel great. Of course, we sometimes fight, but I feel like the both of us are putting so much effort and love into our relationship that it could last many many years. We're just very similar in our personalities. So actually everything's pretty perfect except for the fact that I'm dreaming about this ONS guy almost every night. In the beginning of my new relationship, I never thought about this old ONS, but after a few months he occured into my mind quite often. I'd describe it as "phases". Sometimes I'd think about him all day searching for him online and stuff - and sometimes I wouldnt for weeks. So a few months ago, I even started dreaming about him. Nowadays I dream about him like every second night. The dreams usually are somehow "realisitic" like that he texts me or he visits me or he got a new girlfriend or something. Usually I think it's true for a few seconds after I wake up. Honestly it's quite exhausting because it makes it so hard for me to forget him. It's been two years, I'm with the perfect guy and I'm still dreaming and thinking about this dude from two years ago. You might be wondering if I ever texted him or something, but I didn't. He texted me once (in 2020) asking if we ever wanted to meet again. I replied something like "Acutally I'm a relationship now so no" and he said "Congratulations that's great".Now here comes something I'm not too proud of. At the end of 2020 my best friend and I got very drunk together and called some people anonymously... yeah, um, so she called him and they talked for a few minutes (he also was drunk). I don't think he knows it was me and it's extremly childish, but in that moment it just felt great to hear his voice. I never told my boyfriend. I know it's not that bad, but I don't think it would help the situation. I literally don't know what to do. It's not like I'm stalking this guy online (not anymore), I'm in no contact with him whatsoever and still I'm dreaming about him. I just don't know what to do. And honestly I don't know what would happen if I ever saw him again? I even thought about asking my boyfriend to take a break in our realtionship just so I could see this ONS again, but that would just be so rude and stupid. That kind of idea only feels great for a few seconds. It's just like sometimes I wish for it so bad. And it's very hard for me to admit, but like 3 times in the past I even thought about this ONS when I was having sex with my bf. I feel extremly bad about that. I don't even think I would like to be together with this ONS guy. From an objective point of view this ONS is not a great guy. I just don't understand myself. Maybe some of you know what to do. I really do not want to break up with my boyfriend and I'm not sure if it has gotten clear, but our relationship is amazing. I really do love him and most of the times I do not think about this ONS.
  4. Sorry first time adding a question. My bf and I have been together for around 10 years. He pays for his phone bill, rent, the insurance ect, (our shared car we have 2). I pay for my half so that's even. He works in landscaping, (we used to work together before I got a different job) I work from home. He pays for groceries, which is roughly 300 a month sometimes less. Never more. Because I work from home I do the cooking and cleaning, organizing, well everything. He has two chores. Cat litter and clean the shower ( I end up cleaning shower) and have bad allergies when I end up doing the litter. He always throws in my face that he pays for groceries. So I offer to pay half which I'd have no problem. But he refuses because if I'm paying half he has to pull his share around the house. It then turns into a huge fight how I'm always home and that I shouldn't be complaining. I feel like a maid, a cook, a mother, banker. When I say something it's always you ask to much/I'm trying to relax, SOMETHING. I'm tired of always asking him to pull his share. Our storage unit, and insurance comes off my card. He owes me about 3000. Then says its because I don't help that's why he owes me so much. I've done everything but pay myself what he owes me. Like I'm tired. And to anyone who asks if I talked to him about this it's either he says I'll try better or its i dont do things cause you “nag” or you want to much and ALWAYS fights, then brings up things, when I say stay on topic because deal with one issue at a time, he just keeps going making me out to be a bad guy. So I feel like it's me. And finally after all these years I need someone opinion. :/
  5. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years. Recently I was sleep and my phone rang (his words) when i woke up he said it wasn't a regular ringtone for a iPhone. My mother and him are the only people that have a song when they call other than that its the standard ringtone. So he asked did I have a app on my phone. I said no. Mind you I asked why didn't he answer it, or wake me up, etc... Didn't get a answer from him. He also knows my code to my phone and I gave my phone to him to look at what he wanted. But he didn't even bother to look. But I also looked at my phone and had no missed call at the time he said he heard it. I was told I was cheating, I was ignored, told me he had nothing to say to me, etc.... I broke down and told him I cant do this. (Not the first time he has treated me like this when he feels I'm doing something he doesn't like, agree with, or when I leave the house to run errands and it takes longer than what he feels it should take etc). Mind you I answer his calls no matter what I'm doing (we only face-time each other) . While that was happening I was already feeling sick and for days I would tell him how I was feeling and while he was upset he told me that he doesn't think I feel sick because he doesn't see it. I had sore eyes, hot then cold, sweating at night, I wasn't really eating, body aches, and I couldn't smell or taste (still cant taste or smell). He called me a hypochondriac and said clearly I don't believe you. My thoughts then and now was ***!!, but all I could do was stare at him. Minutes later I told him that was f***** up and he said well I don't know what you want me to say. Come to find out I had Covid-19. He didn't say sorry and still hasn't, its been 2 weeks. But now he has caught Covid from me. He is in bathroom everyday, at least 3-4 times a day, headaches, temperature that goes down then comes back, cold/hot, sweating and body aches. I said to him maybe its old age (call me petty lol but his age 35, yes I know that's not old age). He gave me the finger but that was days ago. But these are his words today. (I wont ever get over this, I'm tired of being sick, when will this go away) and in the same breathe he told me to leave him alone. Also I went in the room to let him know that I found a place to get retested being that he been saying he wanted to me for 4 days now. I didn't say anything I just walked away and left the room. Later this afternoon he text me from the bedroom and asked if i can bring his food and some tea. (He is closed up in the bedroom because my kids are home). I love him to death but I can feel myself giving up, I'm tired of the roller coaster. I get he may be scared/ freaking out but at the same time I'm confused on why take it out on me? Sorry if this is all over the place.
  6. My brother has been dating this girl that I went on two dates with...the farthest things got physically between us were getting very handsy, her straddling me on my bed and making out intensely but nothing more than that. I met her on a dating app and so did my brother (unaware of my history with her). WHAT ARE THE ODDS!! The moment I found out he was seeing her I told him what happened between her and I because I would want my brother/friend to tell me immediately if the situation was reversed. He really appreciated me letting him know and being upfront about things and I thought this would bother him enough to stop seeing her BUT IT DIDN'T and he doesn't seem to mind...nor does she and she knows he's my brother!! weird right? I understand they really get along and he has been trying to find a girlfriend for years but why did it have to be her of all people? I told him I didn't care but I only said that because I feel it's not my place to decide who my brother dates (at the end of the day it's his life) and I thought he would cut things off with her because it was too weird but he did the exact opposite. The only people that know about what happened is my girlfriend, my sister, and my parents. Anyway, I'm extremely uncomfortable about the whole thing and don't know what to do. When he brings her to a family get together it's going to be super awkward and my family is going to wonder why I'm weird around her and I'm going to tell them why (same with my brother's friends if they ask). The situation is some twisted bad luck and I just need advice on how to best navigate this.
  7. First of all its a long story and English is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes and please help me I am really confused and any advice would be appreciated. We were in a 2 year relationship and everything was going well before the covid lockdown. We used to fight and get into arguments but we never went to sleep without sorting it out. But we loved each other so much. We both had some bad habits like I was short-tempered and sometimes said hurtful things to her and she never shared her feelings or the things which were bothering her with me much, I had to ask her several times to know what has happened. Fast forward we had a fight in January 2021 because we were feeling some sort of distance between us, which turned into a fight lasted for about a week. We sort it out and after that fight we started having many little arguments in a month, like 2-3 arguments/ small fights in a month because she used to watch Netflix all day and never had time to talk (we talked for about 1 hour in a day roughly). Now on 19 May 2021 we had a small fight and she told me that my words hurt her sometimes and that she feels like I don't value her. I told her that if she wants then she can take a break to which she said NO, then the next day (20 May) she said that she wants to breakup. I tried to convince her and after 3 days (23 May) I finally somehow managed to convince her and then we talked for a week like normal friends and then after a week on May 30 she finally broke-up, she told me that she has lost feelings for me since April end. She wants us to remain friends as she says that I was one of her best friends and she don't want to be in a relationship with me. But I can't remain her friend as I still have strong feelings for her. I want her to give our relationship another chance and I know that if we both put efforts together then we can make this work but she is not willing to do so. Reasons I think she broke-up: First two are the main reason the others are just what I think might be the reasons. I am short tempered and sometimes I say things which hurt her but I don't do it on purpose or intentionally. There was a communication gap between us and mainly it was because of her habit of not sharing anything with anyone. I was getting a little bit jealous and insecure after our fight in January. Due to covid lockdown we were not able to spend time together, our only way of communication was texting. I think this can be a reason she lost interest in the relationship as it might be getting boring for her. I have fixed my attitude and my anger but how can I show her that I really have changed? Few points that are bugging me, First she was not ready to breakup, but then the next day she told me that she wants to breakup. When we talked about it she was furious with me and was telling me my mistakes but the next day when she broke-up, she took all the blame on herself that it's her who is at fault not me. While breaking up she told me that she lost feelings in April but after some days when I tried to talk to her she said that she didn't loved me and that she had lost feelings since January. I feel like she is hiding the real reasons and just trying to make up reasons to breakup. She has changed drastically in the last few days. I really love her and want us to be together and I know that if we both put a little more efforts then we can make this work. But I am confused whether I should talk to her after a few days [approx a month after our breakup](I will be meeting her with her sisters and friends) or after some months of no-contact. I am thinking that I should talk to her and first know the real reason of the breakup and what was bothering her for the last 5 months in which she lost feelings, maybe after that we can somehow make some changes and be back together. I just have a few questions: What should I do?? Should I move on or hope that by talking to her about all this we can get back together?? Or should I go no-contact for some months and then try again? Or should I give her some space and time to figure things on her own and until then I go no-contact?? Once the feelings are gone then can we do something about it... Like if feelings once lost can they come back too??
  8. Hello! Here is my story: I had my first time with my boyfriend a long time ago, but it wasn't the way I wanted it to be. I felt pressured to do it because he wouldn't stop asking every night I stayed over or just other nights when we were texting he would bring it up and even if I explain to him he was still trying to convince me with his explanations. Sometimes he asked a few times a night and often he touched me down there and even if I removed his hand he would put it back there. I really wasn't ready for a step like that yet and as a girl I wanted it to be special and romantic if it happens. One night he asked again and I said yes because I thought that maybe I will never get ready if I wait and I just should do it. Plus the romantic things happen only in movies so I shouldn't expect something like that in real life and also I won't feel guilty for saying "no" every time and be scared that he will eventually leave. So it happened. It has been a lot of time since then and I had really burried these moments of our first time and the previous times I got touched but recently they are starting to resurface and I don't know why. I get that all that happened already happened and I can't change any of it, it's my own fault and I should move on but I seem to not be able to do it. I don't know if I'm disappointed that he never made sure I was sure because if he asked I was definitely going to say no. Or maybe that he never made sure I was feeling okey since I told him I was hurting a lot and him just saying it's normal. Even when we had a problem and I said that we should try another time my words were never heard and that hurts. And all the times I had to go through the touching when I just wanted to cuddle. Everytime I went over I felt like he was inviting me just for these things and not because of just spending some time with me. All that keeps me up some nights and I don't even have the desire to do anything intimate with him now. I don't want to talk to him about it because I have told him once some months ago that I wish he understood me when I told him I wasn't ready and he said sorry so I don't want to bring it up again. Since our first time our relationship became a lot stronger and even thought our sex life isn't that great he doesn't touch me if I say that I don't feel it right now and he even says he isn't inviting me over just because he expects us to do something but because he wants to spend time with me and that's why I'm so confused about my feelings right now. I just don't know what to do and I would appreciate any advice.
  9. I posted a previous question on here a few months ago. Shortly after, my boyfriend (28) and I (34F) had an argument because the level of his respect and commitment to our relationship deteriorated significantly even just in the past few weeks. we took a break but it just seemed like he was using his space to drink more -So I ended up breakup up with him and I told him he needed to try and work on himself because the things that were happening were hurting us both. He agreed and said he would finally get help (he's been depressed and has had PTSD for over a year), and that he wanted to remain friends because he didnt want to lose me and he cares about me so much. I agreed. I have an immense amount of compassion for him because I KNOW this is not who he is. The feelings he has about this past situation that happened to him are controlling his life and he even admittedly will tell me that if those things didnt happen to him, that EVERYTHING would be different with us. And that he knows its why his life is the way it is. Well, he continued to call me everyday - I never reached out to him first - he asked to hangout, which we did. It seemed like he had been making some positive changes - like not drinking as much. But he still wasn't ready to go to therapy or a doctor. Well, this last time that we hung out we were out with some friends and a guy came and started chatting with me - to which my ex came up and said " dude that's my girlfriend". We ended up staying the night together because he didnt want to be at my place alone that night (it was storming). But in the morning it felt like things changed again. I asked him what he was feeling about the space and about us (it had been over a month so I thought it was ok for a check in). And he said, well it feels like its dragging on. And I said do you want to start working on things, to which he said "I don't know what we'd be working on". He said that he had fallen out of love with me and that I was smothering him, because I would get upset if he didnt call me one night or if he commented on another girls looks, or wondered where he was going. But then why does he keep calling, why does he keep pursing me? Why does he still want to be friends? Can depression make you feel like you've fallen out of love? I KNOW that he loved me, and even just a few weeks ago he was saying that he wanted to try and get better so we could be together. He also says that he just feels cold and numb. He can't find joy in anything and he has so much anger about previous events (not with me but back in his hometown). Im having a hard time understanding WHY. Has anybody had previous experiences that might be similar with a depressed partner?
  10. Me and my fiancé have been together for almost 4yrs. We have a child together and both of us have a child/children from a previous marriage. I have full custody of my oldest, she doesn’t see her dad. My fiancé has joint custody of his two kids, which I find to be very disruptive to every day life. At this point, his custody situation is really causing a lot of problems. His children refuse to come to our house - say they are uncomfortable here. They stay at his parents during his visitation. Typical grandparents. No responsibilities, waited in hand and foot, no consequences, no rules really. Might I add, I have never been mean, never disciplined, never even raised my voice towards them. To give you an idea, the 11yr old girl and 13yr old boy baby talk. Yes!! Baby talk!! They whine and manipulate, cry and pout to get their way, no matter the situation. My oldest daughter, has pretty much been given no choice but to embrace the blended family life and I feel she has adjusted well. She went from being an only child to having a sibling and step siblings. his on the other hand are catered to and coddled. We even take separate family vacations at this point which I think is absolutely ridiculous. I think if his kids aren’t “comfortable”going on a family vacation, then they shouldn't be getting one of their own. I think them saying they are not comfortable is yet another manipulation tactic, but I could be wrong. Anyways. My biggest issue, I feel that his joint custody arrangement is really interfering with every day living. I work night shift, he works days. We barely have time for each other, hardly see each other during the week. Every other weekend consists of him being at his parents, on top of 2-3 days out of the week. I have tried to tell him that I don’t think it’s fair they are causing such a divide, I also don’t think it’s fair he is constantly gone and I am stuck taking care of the house by myself. It is very difficult to keep up with yard work, house work, a toddler and a 14yr old. I feel I have a part time relationship because of all of this. I feel like if he is going to see them at his parents, he should limit his evening time to 1hr max, so he can spend time with our daughter - how fair is it she only gets part time visitation too, but also to help me with yard work, house work and everything in between. He thinks I am trying to keep him away from his kids - but that’s what his ex wife says. Might I add, she doesn’t have them often. Usually every other weekend, they are pretty much dumped at his parents or hers during the week. I am getting to the point, I’m ready to make him move in with his parents. Life would be so much easier if I would suck it up and ignore it. Just continue to handle everything on my own, but it’s exhausting! I feel so overwhelmed.
  11. Hi 🙂, my boyfriend and I were in a relationship for almost a year. The past 2 months we have been arguing about little things, our relationship started going downhill. He wanted to take a break because he wants to focus on himself and college. He said "once I finish with college (3 months left) I'll come back". The thing is he's on social media 24/7, in a group chat (where i am as well) he's sending messages all the time. I thought he wanted to focus on college? He has time for others but not for me? I mean yes we did take a break but come on, focus on college like you said. I am now struggling with a UTI that I got because of him 2 weeks ago, it was better and now it came back, doctors told me that I have a kidney infection now, because the bladder infection spread to my kidney , and I want to tell him but i will probably come off as being annoying and not sticking to the break plan. I'm honestly so frustrated with this situation, i don't know what to do anymore. For every advice i am very thankful.
  12. So the story goes like this, talked for 9 months and then dated for 3 weeks he breaks up with me and said that he cant be with someone like me and called me a *** and etc. and then about 4 weeks later he messages me and says he misses me but doesn't want to get back together, I'm in love with this guy like deeply in love with this guy so i told him that he can take his time and ill be here waiting for him. about 9 months later i asked him again about us having one more shot and he said is there supposed to be one? and so i gave myself a chance to be loved and appreciated and then 2 months later he goes nd tell me he wants to try again. so i agreed and now he keeps bringing up the past that i made promise and broke it and went out with someone else. Like he never once told me he wanted to be with me or anything stating he felt the same way never and when he reassured me there was never a second chance i was broken so i gave my self a chance to be loved and appreciated. i gave him a chance after breaking my heart the first time and im afraid to et broken by him again but i just crazy love him. Were now dating for 6 months. Any advice or comment or opinion?
  13. Let me preface by saying if you’re going to insult me or be condescending, pls save it. I’m only looking for a response that is respectful. I’ve lived with my bf for a year. We dated about 6-7 months before moving in. He is almost 40 years old and since we started seeing eachother, he’s had a string of promiscuous and flat out nasty 20-somethings on his Facebook. Mind you, I don’t just say that because of the age. I mean half naked, overly sexually charged nonsense all up and down his news feed. The type of stuff you would see on back page. I know because one of them added me as soon as she knew about me. Never introduced herself, just to be nosey. But I got a glimpse of this person and how she carried herself. Others had public pages that I looked at. He also has regular female friends on it, I never have had a problem with that. I’m not crazy, but I demand respect from a partner and I feel that keeping females like that in close proximity is really only for one reason. I’ve been through the ringer with social media cheaters and just cheaters period and I’ve made it known that to me, that’s inappropriate and I’m not okay with it. Long story short, there is one female that he just can’t seem to let go of. His story of how the two are aquatinted has changed a couple of times, and he also told me the pair went out to lunch before we started dating. One minute she’s just a friend of a friend, the next, she’s his friend and I just don’t want him to have any female friends and he takes jabs at me for being insecure. I get the feeling he has been romantically interested in this girl and doesn’t tell me the truth. One time he thought I went into his computer and was reading their conversations and almost blew the roof off the apartment. I didn’t, of course. On top of that, I’m concerned because I feel like we are co-existing. He spends all of his time on social media. (I’m talking rolls over in the morning and gets the phone, to is up to all hours of the night on it) I’m at the point where I feel not only like I’m competing with whatever he has going on on the apps, but that neither of us is happy. And if that’s the case why even be in a relationship. Of course when I try to have a real discussion about any of this with him he gets on edge and starts screaming at me. Is there anyone who can see where I’m coming from with my concerns? I’ve posted on other forums and I’m always made out to be in the wrong.
  14. I'm 34 (M) and she 27 (F). Thank you for taking the time to read this. I've found myself in this strange predicament. I met Alex (fake name) at work 2 years ago. Over time we developed a close friendship. My previous GF of 6 years had just dumped me, so I wasn't in a great state of mind. Early on, I had no intentions of anything more than friendship with Alex. We would go on daily walks during lunch time at work, and would occasionally hang out at a local bar after hours. A month or so into our friendship (late 2019) we decided to catch a movie then head to a bar afterwards. After a few drinks, we started making out. It got pretty hot and heavy, but didn't go past making out that night. Over the course of the next couple months, this happened a couple more times (never escalating beyond kissing), until one night when I mentioned that I think I'm interested in something more. She told me that she obviously liked me but feared a relationship with a co-worker could get complicated and she didn't want to go down that route. I respected it. A couple of weeks later, the pandemic happens and she leaves her apartment to quarantine with her parents (about 150mi away). We both lose our jobs because of the pandemic. We still kept in touch, texting nearly everyday. Fast forward to August 2020. She tells me she's coming back for a week to pack up her stuff and move out of her apartment. She is planning on returning early next year but since her lease was up, she felt it was wasteful keeping the apartment. Anyways, we plan on meeting up. Once she comes back, we hang out every night she is here. Nothing physical happens until night 3 when we finally slept together. I spent the next 2 nights there with her. It was enjoyable, and I felt we might be building something. She returns home to her parents place, and we continue to text daily. She invited me down to spend a week there at the end of September. It was a good time. We didn't sleep together as she was apprehensive about her parents being there. The relationship was still physical though, even if somewhat undefined. Months go by, still texting quite often. I spend the winter months in Florida, so we didn't see eachother again until 2 weeks ago when she returns. She invites me over once she moves back. I'm not sure what to expect since it had been 7 months since we'd seen eachother and we really didn't discuss what had happened the previous summer/fall. It wasn't quite taboo but it just wasn't something we talked about. Anyways, I visit her and we spend a fun night having drinks and catching up, but nothing physical happens. I got the sense there was still something there. Even tho there were no romantic moves made, there was still a lot of consensual touching, hand on the back, touching of the shoulders, going both ways. Also, before I visited she, somewhat strangely, asks me not to tell her mother I'd be visiting. Now I occasionally texted with her mother, and by occasionally, I mean once every few months. It's usually just a check-in to see how she's doing as she was quite nervous about Covid. I asked Alex why it was important that I not mention my visit to her mom (not that I had any intention of doing so). She responds by saying "I dunno, it's just something I don't want to have to talk to my mom about. It's not something you talk to your mother about." I took that to mean that something would happen that night. It didn't. After leaving I was upset with myself for not making a move. On to the inflection point. I visit her yesterday. We plan to spend the day together, explore her new neighborhood, get some dinner, etc. As the day progresses, nothing has happened. Towards the end of the night, she tells me she's getting quite tired and is ready to call it a night. It's at this point (perhaps buoyed by some liquid courage) that I decide to broach the elephant in the room. I use that precise language. I tell her that I wanted to address what had happened last summer, and wonder if that's something that was just a one off thing. She says back to me, with a frustrated tone, that it was and that she told me that (she didn't). Then she proceeds to insinuate that the only reason I wanted to hang out with her was to have sex. It definitely wasn't, and I tell her that it's because I genuinely like her. She gets more impatient and says "well, I don't like you." She then tells me to leave. I leave. I've texted her a couple times and called a couple times since. I told her, via text, that it wasn't my intention to make her uncomfortable in her own home. I just wanted to get it out there how I felt. I reiterated that I have actual feelings for and it wasn't just about sex for me. She has not reached out to me, and I'm not sure if she plans to. I'd really appreciate your feedback/advice. I'm just genuinely perplexed by the whole situation. She absolutely knew I had feelings for her. I never hid that from her and yet I was met with such a hostile reaction. I can handle rejection, but I don't think I've ever misread a situation to this extent. Or did I? Thanks
  15. She says, she loves me as a partner, she loves being with me, she feels I am a perfect person and partner for her but she doesn't have intimate feelings for me. This is something she feels since couple years. We stopped goofing around in last march and kind of broke up but lived together since August. She feels, she should be able to love herself first to love someone else, so she needs time to do that. She is looking for an expert to know herself better and start working out on her body. In this week, she has asked me to not try to start a conversation. She would like not to be obliged to reply/call me when I want but talk to me when she wants. We have been talking a lot less now and I'm obsessing over her like crazy. I know the right thing to do is give her space, but it is so hard right now to distract myself to do something else. All I do the whole day is think about her, create fake scenarios which I know are stupid and be upset. She has helped me through tough times and I want to be there for her and move this relationship to safe zone however I can. So, I can't even imagine leaving her on the pretext of "it is not right for me". Please help. P.S - In March, my father was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and I have been tending to him. She is very supportive but expected her to be with me in this time (maybe I expect more). She did help me through very rough patches of life during last year and in general is a very lovely and caring person.
  16. So, I (19F) started dating my boyfriend (19M) in January of this year. This is my first relationship and this is his third. He broke up with his most recent high school girlfriend due to distance and going in different directions for college, etc. (college stuff) in September 2020. Him and his girlfriend dated for a little over a year. I can’t stop thinking about his ex and I’m trying to stop. He’s even reassured me and I trust him, but it doesn’t help that they still kinda stay in contact and have the same friends lol :/. However, whenever I was stalking his Instagram (which I know we all have done before!), I noticed a picture where she was wearing his chain when they were dating. This made me uncomfortable because it made me feel like it was a hand-me-down and kind of not as special. I expressed this to him and told him I appreciated it, but it made me feel weird. Am I overreacting or is that completely rational and normal? I feel naked without it now and I liked having something to help me remind of him since we are now long distance for summer. Also, since i’m planning on giving it back to him when I go visit in a couple weeks (unless someone on here tells me i should keep it), I want to put a charm or something on it with my name on it to remind him of me, but again, the ex have him something to put on his chain when they were together... is that me just being silly? Please help!!!
  17. So, in one of my previous posts, I expressed how my boyfriend (19M) gave me (19F) his chain to wear to keep him with me and stuff while we do long distance, and then I found out his ex wore his chain, too, which made me uncomfortable. So, I am going to give it back to him, but I kind of want something else to remember him by now since I'm no longer wearing his chain- I literally feel naked now without it... I never took it off and I legit fell asleep holding the cross in my hand... I'm trying to find a way to tell to him that I want him to get me something FOR ME, more personal you know? ... NOTHING BIG!!! I literally went on ebay and saw these $15 customizable necklaces *wink* *wink* Is it bad to ask for something straight up or is hinting the way to go? Especially since I want it to be sincere... should I just wait and see if he gets me something? :) thank ya!
  18. So me (34) and my girlfriend (26) are 11 months into our relationship and things were amazing up until January when the 3rd lockdown began. To add some context to the situation I was happy with how everything was panning out and we both were extremely happy, but I had my guard up from day one, and was very careful not to let myself get carried away with her because I really didn't want to mess it up. I live with my parents (currently waiting for the keys to a house I have bought)and she lives with hers. We've talked about her moving in with me when I get the new house up and running and all was fine, we'd talked about how she would still save up for her own house to buy, to either do up and rent or sell, but essentially I wanted her to have that independence and feeling of achievement I'm having with buying your own house... obviously if things went well, we would merge our assets at some point and go from there... anyways, her parents are very strict and have been quite hard on her over lockdown, especially when it came to us seeing one another, they basically said, no, we have to stick to the rules. She's been threatened with being kicked out for minor things in the past so we carried on the relationship but only by seeing each other once or twice a week for a walk. Before lockdown she was the perfect girlfriend, caring, attentive, always putting me first, kind and most of all my family absolutely adore her! But I put up walls and said if her parents won't let her come round to mine (which I know was wrong at the time, but my parents knew how important it was to us that we carried on seeing each other privately and they were fine with it) then we should honour that to stop them giving her a hard time and making things even worse for her. We both have a history of anxiety, she reacts to it alot worse than I do but we have always helped each other, been completely honest and really just had an amazing connection together. Fast forward 5 months and we are now in a situation where we've become distant, like we've drifted apart. We still see each other for walks but she's really hesitant to spend any quiet time together where it is just me and her. I.e. not outside in public. We've discussed breaking up (which is a really hard thing to do in life, and I'm proud we can communicate that way) and told each other how we feel, and the conclusion is we still love each other and we want to work on things to see if we can get that deeper connection back, or the spark, back in our lives... My only worry is, how can we do that? With everything that is happening in the world, we are very restricted on what we can do together. We've got a date planned this weekend, and we're spending the day together on Sunday, but it's going to be no different to what it's been like for the past 5 months and I'm worried it's not going to remind her of what she wants to feel for me (I've had a sudden realisation of how important she is to me and how much I do love her, ive come clean about the walls I put up and told her I want a future together) I'm just looking for advice, from women especially, on coming back together after you've drifted apart... I apologise if this doesn't have much context but it's basically the backbone of my situation and its got to a point where I'd do anything to give us the best chance of maybe actually experiencing a relationship together where we aren't bound by lockdown rules or living with our parents. Also, I know once I get this house, things will be alot easier because we will have our own space and be able to experience day to day life together......And im aware this also could be the answer to the question I'm asking 😅 Any experiences to give me a little light in this very confusing maze we seem to be in now would be amazing. Thank you
  19. Hello, I'm a student and I came here for advice about a sensible situation, thank you in advance for the answers, sorry for the lenght, this is quite complex but I just want to have an external opinion on the feelings I go through, the whole story is just to set the context. Trigger warning : abortion/ abandonment. 8 months ago (October) I met a man on a dating app, at first he seems to be open to discover each other around a coffee, and I was more into having fun. Our conversations were the simple/quite boring kind, but I give it a try as he seemed cute and I felt good and confident in my life. So we spent a first night together not planned but on an impulsive need to see each other late. Then wow I discovered a funny, smart and cuddly man. I’ve been hurt in the past due to relationships where I forgot myself in unrequited love so I decided to act “cool” and “casual” for once, thinking I could keep an hand on this He asked me two days after to see each other again but again I try to make myself mysterious, we saw each other a few days after, on a night too. Then I started to get attached and I felt he started to be distant. As I tried to get some news a few days after the last encounter, he never answered so things didn’t go on and I erased him from Instagram, only media we had to chat. I know this was immature but at that time I didn’t know him enough to trust him as we met twice in a month, at night, I thought it was just another ghosting from a dating app hook-up. Life went on, I rarely thought of him but some nights after a glass of wine when I felt lonely and I regretted my impulsive act. In January I saw him on another dating app, I matched, he had matched me so we talked again, and I asked him to see each other again, he seemed unsure which I understood. However due to serious personal issues I had to erase my account on this site and as I had erased him from Instagram we had no way to talk, but I was too mentally/emotionally busy to care. He finally found my Instagram account a few days later, dm me and insisted on us seeing each other again, seemed really implicated. I felt surprised in a happy way, it was the sunshine in a dark week and we saw each other on the following weekend. It was a great moment, he spent the whole weekend with me and we found back this complicity we had a few months before, talked his about silence and my reaction, it was a qui pro quo as he was living hard stuff he said. Then a week passed and no news, I started to feel angry… then he texted me on the weekend on a funny thing, I took time to answer but we chatted a bit and then no news. I tried to speak to him but he wasn’t really implicated in talking to me. I started to feel frustrated that’s when I realized I might want more than casual meetings and a few texts. I told him these feelings on a Friday night by text, he told me he didn’t want more than fun and it was never the case, telling me he thought it was obvious, I got hurt but accepted it. I told him that I could go above this and still fit into the casual stuff. after two times asking him for a night where he “couldn’t” then a month of no messages had passed. I tried to forget him, blaming myself for acting this needy and trying to identify my feelings. Then he texted me again to see each other, which made me happy but I was busy and it took a few days til I could even if I was thinking of him the whole time. It was great seeing him again, just to tell, he’s until now the best sexual partner I had and the fact that he’s cuddly and funny was so comfortable. He left, two texts about food on the same week-end and silence again. I tried to see him before quarantine hit the country, he couldn’t so I took time for me. Then the problem arrived, as I was thinking about not seeing him again because of this disastrous feeling of loneliness each time he left my house, I discovered I was pregnant. we made sure to be checked for STD, but due to hormonal reason I had to stop my pill while waiting to get an IUD, and this last time we saw each other, I checked my menstrual cycle. I thought of the morning-after pill but I trusted my cycle and dumbly thought that for the one time in my life w/o protection, I was safe. As you guessed, I found out I was pregnant, after a week of nausea and breast aching. I told him by text, Instagram was still the only way to chat, directly told him about my intention not to keep the child and he told me he was sorry, he wished me the best and that’s all. I got mad and after days of no news and thinking, hurting, I told him I wanted to talk face to face. He was okay and came and we had a long chat about my opinion, my feelings about this pregnancy, my anger, and he told me about his feelings toward this, for the first time I finally heard of what he could felt. It was moving, really sad, but he seemed concerned, encouraging and supportive, told me he’d be there. I felt better but when he left I felt even more alone, nothing was left to say, he even told me he’d be more careful with his next relationship which oddly hurt me. His choice was not to have a baby now, and with me, mine was that I couldn’t financially raise a baby, but I didn’t tell him that I was scared to abort due to the fact that it was the last thing that bonded me to him and that I was so mad that things ended up without my control, without my dignity, without my choice. Seeing him was so hurtful, I wanted to hug him so badly, we couldn’t help but smile to each other through the pain cause we still had this bond, I’m aware it was mostly pity in his case tho. However I felt in his eyes that he cared for me, in a way I couldn’t see when it was all that I was waiting. So I felt rubbish. Now you know, 8 months after what the situation is(April) and I feel so selfish to feel this way but I don’t know what I suffer most from the idea of losing him forever, as a I don’t really know him, than this idea of having to go through this traumatic event which abortion could be. I must mention that I have been abandoned as a child, because I think that it left me patterns, but I want to understand how could I be in such an emotional situation? I don’t think it’s love but it’s hurting me so much just to imagine him with another girl, while I know I while never open myself again, not after this experience. My only thought is that I wish I had took this morning-after pill just to have a chance to see him again, does that make me cruel and insane? What do you see in this experience? Sorry for the long long post...Feel free to tell me, try to not judge me and thanks for reading me, if you want further information feel free to ask. I I really need your help. (maybe this is in the wrong tag?)
  20. Background: me and my ex broke up about 7 months ago and I recently(March 2021)had to reach out to have her name removed from the lease. I tried to see if we could be friends and she declined(mid April 2021). now: maybe about a week or going on a week, she’s unblocked me on everything but didn’t reach out. I deactivated my socials because I couldn’t take the confusion and she’s mirroring me(she deactivated her socials too). Is she trying to get me to reach out for a reaction or is she breadcrumbing me?
  21. I’ve always been worried about people cheating on me and doing things that will hurt me. I’ve been with my partner for 5 years and we have 2 children. I’ve always had bad relationships and always picked the wrong person where I get hurt in the end. When I met him I finally felt like I had met the right person and everything felt right. In my head I do think about is he doing things or talking to people just because I have trouble trusting people from experience. The relationship hasn’t been perfect we have had our issues but nothing major to give off any red flags until recently I had a feeling something was wrong because he’s weird on his phone and stops using his phone when I’m in the room he knows my phone password and can use it to do stuff on there whenever he likes but he’s never told me his. He isn’t really a social media person he doesn’t have Facebook or anything just an Instagram which I don’t know the name of because he says it’s just for posting pictures of his art. I decided I was probably just thinking too much into things and I went on to his email account which I had found the password to. I saw a Snapchat email and he doesn’t have Snapchat... but this Snapchat wasn’t his name it was a fake name. I decided to email a reset the password so I could get into the account. I never thought I would find anything but it was just full of males and I think he added gay snap chat user names off another page. After thinking about it and getting upset about it I just thought it’s best to ask him about it.. he did say he doesn’t have an account what am I on about until I said the name of the account and he admitted it. I asked him does he have an interest in men and he said he was confused because of an incident that happened when he was younger and I told him I want him to be happy and I would support him and he had admitted he’s watched gay things online but he says he made the account and then added some names and then thought what am I doing and deleted the app. I think it is true because there was nothing on there no messages with people and no snap score. This could of happened before he makes accounts and deletes them but it’s all for the same website called Reddit I have a feeling he’s just saying he hasn’t ever gone through with talking to men because why all these accounts with different user names that have now been deleted. I’m worried he’s lying about his actual feelings and I’m worried he’s not really that interested I don’t want to be a cover up relationship because he’s too scared to admit who he likes. I’m supporting him I said we would get though it together. I’m trying to carry on like normal and I’m trying my best to make him feel like I’m okay but I’m not okay. I feel exhausted and I’m making myself sick with just thinking about this 24/7 I don’t know what to think anymore I’m just really hurt I would be just as hurt if it was with females but now I feel like I have to worry about everyone. We spoke the next day about it and he said he wants to be with me and he loves me and he isn’t gay or interested in men he just said he doesn’t know why he did it. I’m really struggling to trust him and I’m struggling even more to understand the situation as I’ve never been confused about my sexuality so I can’t understand his actions. I just want to cry all the time but I don’t want him to feel bad even though he should because he’s hurt me a lot. I just don’t know what to do anymore as I’m losing my mind thinking about it all. I love him so much it hurts.
  22. This question is based on a previous post I made about my boyfriend getting moody when I don’t want to have sex. After reading the replies to that, me and him had a conversation, and it led me to want to know how others view sex in a relationship. I’m mostly looking for a male perspective, but of course I would like to hear from anyone who has answers (whether in a relationship or not). feel free to simply answer the title with your opinion “how Important is sex in a relationship”? But below I have some related/unrelated questions that I would like to hear about as well. Main Questions: how often do you feel you should be having sex with your partner? What does it mean to you? If you’re someone who is ok with hookups, what’s the difference between a hookup and having sex with a committed partner? If your partner started to lose their sex drive, and the activities were less frequent, how long would you wait to say something? (Like how long would you guys have to go with little to no sex) If you lost sexual attraction to your partner (no desire or ability to do sexual activities) how would this affect the relationship? If your partner lost the ability (maybe became paralyzed or something) to have sex with you, would you be able to stay with them? Do you think it’s possible to maintain a healthy relationship if there is little sex? (Twice a month or longer perhaps) When your partner does not feel like having sex after you ask, how does it make you feel? How do you react? Do you think it’s healthy to have sex everyday? Or do you feel there needs to be breaks? (!Trigger Warning!) this question is a bit unrelated but still relevant to what I’m trying to understand; If your partner was r*ped, would that ruin your sexual attraction towards them? Would you be able to continue to be with them? Some people view sex as a “reward” do you agree or disagree with this? If your partner needed a prolonged break from sexual activities, how long do you feel you would be ok with? Or is this something you would not be ok with? Do you feel that the more dominant partner, should be the one initiating sex every time? Related to the previous question, if you’re in a relationship where you are the one to usually initiate sex, do you feel like your partner would try to initiate it if you stopped? If not, how long do you think you guys would go without doing anything before they say anything? Again related to previous questions, How would you feel/react if your partner explained that your initiation felt more like you were pressuring them into sex? I think that’s it for now, thank you to anyone who provides insight and answers.
  23. My husband (32M) and I (29F) dated long distance for 2 years, and finally got married this past September during COVID. He is an Alberta native, and I a Virginia native. I know I love my husband, because there are things I do and sacrifices I’ve made that I wouldn’t do for anyone else! He makes me feel loved, sexy, and very comfortable. But... I have some reservations. Within the past 8 months, I’ve moved from America to western Canada to be with my husband. He works in the oil sands, where his work schedule requires him to be away from me every other week for a whole week. So I technically see him every other week. The week that I’m home, I’m miserable and super depressed. As a natural extrovert, trying to assimilate into a new country during COVID has been hell. I know no one here and we’ve pretty much been on lockdown since I’ve been here. But despite this hardship, I try my best to keep busy & use that time to do things to make my husband’s life easier for when he returns. While he’s away, we speak on the phone maybe about 20 min a day, often in silence. I try to initiate conversation and talk about things, but he’s often times too tired to engage. When he returns for a week, he often times spends about ~two days to recover from work. Knowing this, I try not to nag or bother and just let him relax. The remaining five days are weird. We spend a lotttt of time with his parents, maybe 3 of the 7 days he’s in town. We also spend a good amount of time with his friends, where he claims it’s for me & to try to give me a sense of normalcy. We rarelyyyy have intellectual and stimulating conversations. He’s a slightly obese and has expressed a serious interest in losing weight, but doesn’t seem to want to eat healthy or workout. He doesn’t seem to know much about anything, so I don’t feel challenged or feel like he’s “teaching” me anything. I tend to usually remind him of things regarding his own stuff, or his parents’ stuff— and sometimes even do both parties’ stuff for them (i.e. filling out paperwork, making accounts on various platforms, etc.)When I try to talk to him about just random things, like you do with your friends, he tends to not seem interested and often times has an ADD moment & interrupts me to change the subject. Sometimes I almost feel like a part-time mother, and not a full-time lover/friend/wife. I know most of you are probably wondering if I’ve ever brought up any of this to him, and for the most part, I feel like I’ve expressed most of the concerns mentioned. But when telling him how I feel, I can see his face changing and he instantly becomes devastated. He gets sad that “he can never do right by me”, and then I am full of regret and want to take back the moment I even opened my mouth. I don’t know, I feel like my thoughts are all over the place. It hurts cause I love him so much, but I almost don’t feel satisfied with my marriage and I’m a newlywed! How is it that someone SO NICE, SO CARING, SO LOVING can make me feel unhappy? Has anyone experienced anything similar, or feel like they have a piece of advice they can share with me? I cannot imagine my life without him, but I can see myself slowly deteriorating. I cry about this regularly and in secret, but I just don’t know what to do anymore.
  24. Last night, my girlfriend was on a dating app (on an account we both run. we don't do anything there, it was made just for fun because my girlfriend wanted to see "where she stands") and was talking to a guy. Now, for context, my gf and i had been fighting the entire day yesterday over a lot of topics, and it had gotten overwhelming for her and she was not responding to my texts, but was there on that app telling the guy about our fight, which was okay. Now, I don't mind her talking to people, i have no right to, im not like that. Now, the main fight between us started because my girl wanted to send a very sexual picture to her friend for an "ego boost", her friend regularly sexualizes her and her body. As for the picture: she was totally clothed, no face just her body. It had an ample lot of cleavage, and nothing else. just her body in a black top and pjs with 60% of her boobs visible. She asked me if she could send it for an ego boost and I had said that she can send but only if she covers the cleavage, which she barely did and said "if i do more the picture won't be aesthetic.", so i asked to make it smaller, the picture, so it isnt really that visible, but she refused and started fighting with me about it, saying how im "not kinky" and a "basic bf" and stop her from doing what she wants. While I had said no just because I wanted to be the only one to see her body and her pictures in its full glory, and because I didnt understand why she wanted someone else's validation anyway. So, back to the dating app guy. Now, she uses the app on her laptop while i had it on my phone, she had forgotten i could see the texts. It was a dating app, right? So the guy started getting sexual with her, sexualizing her and her body while my gf didnt respond to his tries but they eventually started talking about favourite sex positions, and then kinks. and then my gf started telling the guy about the fight and started telling him about the photo for contextual purposes. she said, verbatim, "now, my cleavage isn't like any other cleavage. my cup size is _, so it has more volume." She told the guy her cup size. So, I am accusing her of cheating because she allowed a person to sexualize her, participated in sexual conversations with him and told him her cup size. She does not think it was cheating. She things it was wrong, but not cheating. While I think it was wrong because it was cheating. (things wouldn't have been the same if i had told a girl about my *** size tho)
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