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Cherylyn

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Cherylyn last won the day on November 6 2020

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  1. Wrong answer. She has every right to choose what to do with HER property. The gf has no say so in the matter. The property owner does what is best for economic survival. IT'S BUSINESS.
  2. Because he's bored, wants electronic entertainment with you, wants a pen pal on his terms and at his convenience. He needs to get a life! Ghost and block him.
  3. Healing a situation such as resolving issues with someone in a calm, emotionally intelligent, non-interrupting, considerate, respectful manner is always ideal. It's possible if you know whom you're dealing with. If this person is emotionally mature and empathetic instead of hellbent emotional and mentally ill, yes, healing situations are very possible, realistically hopeful and doable. By all means. Some people don't respond well to healing situations. Instead, they'll gaslight you until you regret opening that door in the first place. Unfortunately, trying to heal situations sorely backfires often time and time again. If I foresee that the healing situation is an effort in abysmal futility, I walk because dealing with certain people will become unnecessarily dramatic, argumentative and interacting with this person in the future will be filled with animosity and / or awkwardness. Neither which are good and unfortunately, your effort to heal situations ends with disastrous results. I don't deal anymore because some people are just a waste of my time and energy. For me, a lot of times, avoiding situations or certain people IS healing. The mere mention of certain people's names or being in their physical presence simply makes my skin crawl. No thanks. I feel safe and secure in the the protective bubble I've since created for myself. No one can harm me anymore because I won't allow it. I want to feel relaxed and at ease; not nervous and uncomfortable with people who have a dicey track record, senseless and hopeless. I don't risk being with distrustful people at my expense. Those days are gone forever. Live and learn. That's exactly what enforcing healthy boundaries is.
  4. If I were you, as others have mentioned, I would contact a financial advisor and real estate attorney. Your gf's emotional commands should be separated from possessing good business savvy. Weigh your pros and cons legally, financially and how your business dealings with your ex will benefit you. When it comes to money, be very shrewd. Also, put a price you have to pay to continue contact and ties to your ex. What is your mental health worth? Those are the type of questions you need to ask yourself. If money trumps all, then in a business sense, become more calculating if your financial survival depends on it. It's a lot to think about.
  5. Try contacting him one last time. If he continues to ghost you, then he's deliberately ignoring and rejecting you so get his message loud and clear by moving on. I'm sorry. Also, remain realistic. LDRs (long distance relationships) tend to fail due to obvious reasons: Infrequent get togethers, expensive, time consuming traveling back 'n forth, impractical, inconvenient hassle to see each other in person and drifting apart due to excessive absences. It's more practical and enduring to date someone local.
  6. Your boyfriend is very disrespectful to you and extremely disdainful. He lacks empathy. He doesn't care how you feel whatsoever. He gaslights you. Run for the hills! Make him your soon to be ex-boyfriend. He will never change for you. He is who he is. Either accept his "foibles" or get out. There is no excuse for his unacceptable and intolerable behavior. If he truly and sincerely loves you, he would respect himself, respect you unequivocally and be the type of honorable man worth admiring. He is neither. He's being a jerk. Let him be with all those girls and pose with them on social media. Hold yourself to a higher standard and quit allowing him to treat you as if you're cheap.
  7. I am suspicious of anyone who is "too nice" due to bad experiences with people who've been "too nice" to me in the past. In my experience, people who were "too nice" tended to be moody, temperamental, phony, fake, pretentious and "on" only when they felt like it. "Too nice" people are quite the charming lot and know how to play you psychologically. I don't buy into that mind game and head trip anymore. Then when they grew tired of being "too nice" towards me, they demonstrated their true colors to me. Suddenly, they became ungracious, unkind, obnoxiously rude, ill mannered, very inconsiderate, frosty and disdainful. Or, at best, all they could afford to give me was forced civility. I'm out. I don't accept nor tolerate that type of ________. Also, people who've been "too nice" to me in the past were only were very nice to me because they needed me whether it was my money, time, labor, care or if I could somehow benefit them. Then when they no longer needed me nor did I continue to benefit them, they simply transformed into a very cold, ghosted person whether in person or electronically. Those bad memories stung badly and harsh lessons I will never forget. Anyone who acts abnormally and unnaturally overzealous is a red flag to me. My gut instincts and intuition are always correct and right on the mark. Life taught me a lot of street smarts. I've since graduated from the 'University of Hard Knocks.' (School of Hard Knocks) "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
  8. I couldn't agree more. I've had major, major, heavy duty distrust issues with several people in my life. It's not lightweight stuff either. If all I had were a few flakes, it would've been trivial to me. Unfortunately, it was far more permanently damaging and extremely serious. Consequences were devastatingly traumatic. 😡 I agree, talk is very cheap. Actions speak louder than words and during a weak moment, I've observed so many ugly, ugly characters. I stay faraway from people who've demonstrated to me who they really are. They're nice superficially yet their real person is unsavory to put it mildly. I've known people who are masters at gaslighting, distort what you say, play semantics, word games, head trips, you name it, I've seen and heard it all! They're in a club all their own. I stay away. I too have grown more pragmatic from harsh life's experiences with so many people. Nowadays, I feel protected in my safe bubble which I've created. No one can harm me anymore. I'll see to that! Like you, I'm no longer surprised nor shocked by bad behavior. As my mother had taught me, society's bad behavior is normal. I don't deal anymore. I simply live my own life without them in it. I agree some more. Most people are not ideal. It's easy to avoid people who are not my type. They're in their world and I am in mine. It works.
  9. I know plenty of people who are too nice to a point yet very tough and ultimately would never end up as doormats by any stretch. I agree, doormats allow themselves to be doormats. Character, honor, morals, virtues, respect and integrity is stellar character and what real love is. I was never swept off my feet. They were firmly planted on the ground from day one. I think it's because I've seen and heard everything and by the time I chose my husband and after comparing him to my late father, my husband was "thee one." No doubt about it whatsoever. I have my FIL (father-in-law) to thank for that because he taught my husband how to be A MAN. My wedding was very budget friendly. It wasn't elaborate and not nearly as expensive as weddings and receptions are today. I lived at home at the time so I saved my money for the wedding and reception and my husband paid for our tropical honeymoon. I spent a total of $2K for my wedding including wedding gown (w/veil), bridal party attire, wedding (florist / wedding cake / pastor / pianist / harpist) and reception. I supplied first toast champagne and it was a cash 'n carry bar. (My husband and I are teetotalers.) I fed everyone prime rib & sides, we hired a DJ and the reception was at a refurbished old Victorian mansion across from my husband's small hometown church. No flash there. My wedding day was humble yet elegant.
  10. I agree, LaHermes. I've found "exciting" to become quite boring quickly and eventually problematic because "exciting" is temporary and often times insincere. Boisterous, pretentious, charming, very extroverted, "life of the party" social butterflies or hyperactive, odd behaviors grows old and boring very fast. I choose even keel any day over "exciting." My house is humble and my husband is a great man of noble, very honorable character. Then there's my BIL (brother-in-law), my sister's husband. He and my sister reside in a mansion in a very affluent community. He is a package deal. He's a jerk, treats my sister and their kids with utmost disrespect, disrespects others during social settings and at his workplace. He is not admired nor well liked yet my sister is stuck with him because he provides the affluent lifestyle she would otherwise not be able to afford. Then there is my other BIL, husband's sister's husband. He too has a "mouth problem." Outwardly, he's seemingly normal but once you get to know him better, his foibles are too much and intolerable. He is some piece of work. Both BILs are embarrassing, humiliating and shameful. They are bad apples. So even though my life is of more modest means, who is the richer lady now? High quality character is everything because it's the only thing that lasts. Nothing else matters.
  11. I can't speak for everyone but I married because I wanted the exact OPPOSITE of my parents' hellacious marriage. I wanted a permanent, enduring marriage just like my MIL (mother-in-law) and FIL (father-in-law) and provide a very loving, normal, nurturing home life for our sons just like the stable home life my husband grew up in. We were on the same page and in it for the long haul. I've been blessed to have in-laws as my positive role models. The only reason why my marriage succeeded and prospered is due to my in-laws setting the bar very high. They were strong influences and fine examples of what a marriage should be ~ filled with love and respect. Marriage isn't for everyone. However, if the right person of stellar character is found, then marriage can be very rewarding indeed.
  12. I'm sorry for the loss of his mother and your mother, too. Cancer is insidious. Often times whenever a person's life is turned upside down and filled with tumult, they don't have any ounce of brain space to spare for other people. Don't take it personally even though most people take affronts personally which is universal. You did the right thing by being a good, honorable person to him which I commend you for. People do not always reciprocate your kindness. Often times, kindness is one way only and then you're cut off. It happens. I've been kind to several people, extremely generous with my wallet, time, labor, care and energy only for me to receive ingratitude, apathy and indifference in return. I've been snubbed and rebuffed. Like you, I've been burned before. What you've experienced is not uncommon. In the future, don't expect others to treat you with grace and courtesy because it doesn't always happen. If you lower your expectations of others, you'll hurt less. As for me, my heart isn't as generous as in the past. Sure, I'm nice but I no longer go above and beyond for others anymore. I've since dialed it back. I've built my own protective mechanism but that's just me. I'm very much wary and jaded due to past experiences gone awry. I admire you for your kind heart.
  13. I agree, LaHermes. Elderly people are walking history books and possess a wealth of wisdom. When my church ministry group visited nursing homes, we washed their hands, feet and freely gave the elderly manicures and pedicures. The wheelchair bound were so lonely and craved human interaction. We chatted for hours every week and every month for years. We will all reach old age one day. I agree. I just don't like anyone suddenly appearing up on my doorstep without any warning and expecting hospitality from me when I didn't receive any ounce of common courtesy whatsoever. People are very busy with their own lives. I chat publicly and I invite others into my home if we have an agreed upon plan or schedule since most people have jobs, tasks, chores, errands, households to maintain, sometimes we're not home, parents aren't home or there are family commitments.
  14. When I was a child, an elderly couple habitually walked long distances to my front porch unannounced, rang the doorbell and expected a drink of water and visit with us on our living room sofa. This happened whether my single parent mother was at work or not. At the time, I was my younger siblings' babysitter. I invited them into my house, gave them a cold beverage and we chatted in the living room while they wiped their brow on a hot day. I requested their advanced notice to no avail. After their several consecutive visits, I decided to deliberately NOT answer the doorbell anymore. They continued to walk a long way and repeatedly rang my doorbell. They sat on my front porch to rest and left. Eventually, they stopped walking a long way and ringing my doorbell. At first, I felt "guilty" for ignoring them and then it made sense to me that in this society, rudeness is intolerable and unacceptable. You can't just simply drop in on people like that. Excuse me? Have you heard of a "brand new" invention called a phone? 📞 I never saw this couple again and if my family and I ever did, I'm sure we would've chatted with them politely and briefly in public. There is nothing wrong with being kind because I fully support being kind. However, people also have to practice common sense decent manners as well. I admire those who don't mind impositions or if they don't consider it to be impositions. Some of us want boundaries with others and common courtesy.
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