Cherylyn

Quit social media. You'll be amazed at how much clearer your brain will be not to mention you'll become far more industrious than you could every imagine. Screens are a huge time trap. ☹️

I gave up on dating. I never had a date in my life during high school and beyond so I simply lost hope. Therefore, I concentrated on myself. I ascended in my career, became financially strong and independent, focused on my health, had a life of my own and became very busy. Within a flash, I became a looker. Men were crawling out of the woodwork. During social settings, I had finally arrived and I didn't even have to try. Instead of chasing, I was pursued and had to decline a lot. Fast forward and I met my husband, the love of my life. 💗 I even helped him financially during our marriage while he was enrolled in his graduate programs. It can be done. It wasn't easy but it's not impossible either. My point is, never give up. Women see potential in your future and the future for both of you. Work hard now and your ship will come in later. Patience is key. You will garner attention with your success which is inevitable. Sure, high moral quality character is tantamount but so is the type of comfortable future you can provide and provide together. This is the reality of the majority of relationships when thinking about what type of life you can bring to the table in the long run. You may not see this now but a lot of women think about how life will unfold whether it's hardship or a fairly smooth sailing life. Most choose the latter and not the former.

Even though you're on the right path with your goals for your career, not every woman is keen on a man who travels a lot including for work and your time is limited for a relationship due to your doctoral program. I wouldn't give up though. There is a woman out there who foresees a lot of potential in you so she'll either remain patient or you'll attract women by the droves like bees to honey after you're finished with your education and on the fast track with your job.

It would be too creepy to be forward. Strike up a conversation and allow the conversation to possibly or eventually lead to any phone number exchanges. Build trust and allow the woman to use her intuition otherwise you're perceived as weird and scary. 🙄 🫢 🥺

Give yourself time. It will often take months and years for an ex (boyfriend, ex-friend, ex-relative, ex-in-law or whomever) to eventually fade out of your brain. You'll always remember your ex but it will become less as time marches on. I agree with others. Get busy. When you're super busy, you're concentrating on work, could be school, sports / fitness, hobbies, reading, surrounding yourself with moral people and being productive. There are many ways to be industrious, too. Preoccupy your mind with healthy activities and before you know it, your ex becomes merely a blur. Then you will have many days, weeks or months when the ex will never enter your consciousness.

I'm different. When my husband and I were dating, we went "dutch" aka split the bill or paid our own way. It was fair. Once we were dating through engagement and towards marriage, we took turns paying for restaurant meals, tickets, etc. It all evened out. 🤗

I've had several relatives having the nerve to hang up on me during my mid-sentence telephone conversation and that was it for me. 🤬 If estrangement is not possible, remaining civil with strong boundaries works. What do I make of this? Any time a person feels entitled to mistreat you in any way shape or form, they're not worth the dirt underneath your feet. 👣 That's what I make of it. 😒 If you can afford it, dump people who aren't worth wasting your life on. They obviously don't think much of you so return the favor and do likewise. What goes around, comes around. 😉

Congratulations! 🎉🧨🎇🎈

Sounds like you are zoned in friends land. 🙄

Your boyfriend is weird. 🙄 ☹️ He does not think nor speak honorably to you which is very alarming and a red flag. Don't gaslight yourself into thinking you're insecure or insensitive. You are thinking logically. Your boyfriend is odd and strange which should be a warning to you so beware. 🤔 His "friendship" with this mutual friend of yours is uncomfortable for you as it would for many people. I think it's great whenever a couple is in agreement with very close friends of the opposite gender. However, if it bothers you, then it is disrespectful to you and the relationship you have with him. Two's company, three's a crowd. This picture feels too crowded because it is. Not every couple will tolerate chumminess with the opposite gender or the same gender in addition to the relationship they're in. Some people are fine with it whereas other people say this arrangement will not endure.

If it were me, I'd have distrust issues with your boyfriend. Also, if you're envisioning a future with him, lack of sound economics is a big deal because it impacts your life. If you're in a committed relationship with him, economic burdens fall on you. Do you want to carry the load for both of you? This is how it will be. Love doesn't pay the rent. ☹️ It's better to remain practical and realistic. Let those thoughts be your guide and decision.

Yes, consider ending it. He's uncertain about the future. He doesn't have any concrete plans nor visions of a committed future with you. It's all up in the air. No sense remaining together without any plans beyond today. It sounds like a waste of time to me. You decide though.

I'll go against the grain here. Since your boyfriend broke up with you, this breakup should be final. It's weird that he sent you a Christmas gift after he decided to breakup with you. If I were you, I would go NC (no contact) and permanently remain there. It's unhealthy to resume contact after a breakup especially after he initiated it. Stick to the breakup and stay the course is what I say. It's better to truly move on.

You both agreed to go your separate ways so make it final. No more contact. Move on.

After you've exhausted all avenues, many times, the only peace there is comes from estrangement. Do what works best with your enforced healthy boundaries, self preservation and security.

Since she wants marriage and you don't, it's better to part ways otherwise you're both just wasting everyone's time.

People are set in their ways regardless of their reasons. As long as all of you have a peaceful relationship with each other and since you can't change them, you're the one who has to learn to adapt and be flexible. Lower your expectations and lower your standards in people meaning, they won't do the right thing when you want on your timeline or they'll do less to nil because it is human nature for many. If they ignore your texts, don't text them anymore or decrease your texts significantly. Wait for them to come around and contact you. However, don't wait around for them. In the meantime, get busy with your own life with whatever the endeavors. Exercise, hobbies, read, watch something interesting, educational or intellectual, surround yourself with very moral friends, work hard, organize your household, declutter, take a long hot bath, enjoy good food or whatever you enjoy. People are busy and preoccupied so do the same. It is what I do. I'm just as busy as the next person. As for holidays, try not to be sad due to lack of family support for these special occasions. In an idyllic Norman Rockwell fantasy, it would be wonderful but it's unrealistic for a lot of people. Whenever I'm in my pity pot, I help the less fortunate such as feeding the homeless. There are so many safe ways to do this. I've worked at food banks, brought boxes of donated non-perishable food and my church has a shoe box donation. Everyone fills a shoe box for children such as filling it with crayons, paper, small toiletries, toys, little stuffed animals, markers, games, etc. These donations are for children who would otherwise receive nothing. I've also knitted and quilted for the disadvantaged. Suddenly, I don't think of myself anymore because there are millions of people worse off than I am. You don't always have to be there for your family and be at their disposal. It's fine to decline and not rescue them every time they need your help. Learn to pump the brakes at being readily available ONLY when they need you. Make your relationship with them fair to yourself. Since they're more responsible during other times of the year, then take what you can get and go with it. Don't focus on birthdays and Christmas anymore. Go with the flow. I'm sorry about the Huntington's disease. Since it's a sore subject, then don't talk about it. Everyone is responsible for their own health and however way they choose to navigate it. What can you do to deal with your feelings of emptiness on holidays? Practice gratitude. You're not homeless and you don't go to bed hungry every night. When it's cold outside, you keep warm inside. You have access to a comfortable life. Start counting your blessings which is the secret to security and inner happiness. Don't tell them what's going on since you know you risk backlash and resentment. Keep the peace. Be quiet. Live your own life. Since you see them every 2 - 3 weeks, that is enough and more often than someone who lives faraway which requires extensive drive time or airline flights. Keep your visits brief. Don't overdo. Be grateful you get that and refrain from complaining because it's as good as it gets for you. It's understandable that your son is very stressed dealing with your ex-husband. I'm a daughter-in-law (DIL). Even though I'm on peaceful terms with my mother-in-law (MIL), I too only respond through my husband. I'm not particularly fond of my MIL due to our precarious past history but we're not at war either. It works. There are personality and character differences and unfortunately, many times, a DIL has zero interest in a chummy relationship with her MIL. It's just the way it is. Peace is the best you can get out of it. I'm sorry about your hurts. I realize holidays are sentimental and should be special but try not to take being ignored personally. Do your own thing and appreciate seeing them every 2 - 3 weeks because it's all they're willing to offer. Accept it. You won't like it but accept the situation and you'll feel numb to it. It takes practice to do a reset in your brain and change the way you think. Even though your grandchildren have learned from your son's example, often times, people have a mind of their own and prefer to go their own way daily or any time. They don't emphasize birthdays and holidays for you or others. Or, they prefer to shower their attentions elsewhere. Many people are this way regardless of their age. I agree two wrongs don't make a right but what goes around comes around, too. Treat people the way they treat you. If they're generous toward you, then do likewise, If they're nonchalant, then you be this way, too. Emulate their behavior. I always treat people with respect but I don't give them extra respect nor extra kindness if they don't deserve it. Pull back. Be clear on this. Yes, keep busy with your own life. Get a life and make it enriched for yourself. I agree, lower your expectations and lower your standards in people meaning they won't always possess the high standards you would like them to have. Yes, it's sad about what HD will do to families or any cause. I agree, it's hard when family doesn't nurture your spirit when you need it. Don't lean on them to deliver because they won't. Even though you try as family, I suggest that you slow your roll and learn to do less. Why do all the giving while they have no qualms doing all the taking without being reciprocal? It doesn't make sense. Be even and fair to the relationships and yourself. If you fear running out of time with them, concentrate on seeing them every 2 - 3 weeks or whenever their time, schedules or preferences permit. Don't hound them about it though. Be easy and easy going. No pressure. It isn't universal to say younger generations aren't interested in older generations. It's not always true. It's very individual. Some young people pay attention to their elders and want to spend time with them whereas some feel a generation gap. Most of us want closeness with family. Realistically, there are so many personalities and characters to contend with, tolerate or endure. Some stark differences are so severe that it leads to estrangement so be thankful you are not strained or estranged. You need your family more than they need you. Therefore, concentrate on being happy by yourself and other times, enjoy being with good, nurturing friends. Being too close to family is way overrated anyway. Too much familiarity breeds contempt. 🙄 ☹️ Yes, it's sad but you have a choice. Choose to be happy in your own right and with your own life. Don't rely on family to provide your happiness. Work with the cards you've been dealt with and make the best of it. It's what I do and it will build your strength, security, inner peace and contentment which you create.

If I were your friend, I would want at least a cordial parting as opposed to being ignored which is passive aggressive behavior. I wouldn't want excuses that you're busy. There is a way to practice good diplomacy while remaining unwavering and firm. Simply text her that both of you are incompatible and it's best to go your separate ways. Request no contact, end with 'thank you for respecting my wishes' and then sign off with your name. This is good manners while ensuring your clarity. If she is relentless, then block and delete. You gave her fair warning so it's ok to make it final and a serious 'no.' There is a way to part ways with class.👍 🙂

He broke up with you yet he sends you a Christmas gift and wishes you a 'Merry Christmas!' What a guy! 🙄 I'll go against the grain here. I'd ignore him including texts. He's the one who chose to breakup with you. He is sending confusing messages to you with gift giving and wishing you a happy holiday which is weird. I'm not you but I wouldn't leave that door open. Once he's out, he's out so he should stay out. I've had a falling out yet this individual continues to "hoover" me like a vacuum cleaner which is most irritating. A dissolved relationship of any type is just that: It's over. The other person should take a hint and scram. Either a relationship is smooth and wonderful on all fronts or it is not. If it's the latter, you're just wasting your precious life and time on an individual who doesn't matter.

I hope you continue to resume painting and writing. In my experience, whenever I've delved into my projects whether work or hobbies requiring a lot of skill and concentration, I had forgotten whatever ailed me. At least my troubles diminished due to lack of brain space for anything unjust. Industrious distractions are positive productivity. 👍 🤗

It sounds like you're both just wasting everyone's time. He's not "the one." ☹️

We had a modest wedding, saved our money for a down payment on our first house, waited a few years, enjoyed our childless years and then had the first of our two sons. We were better prepared financially. I was even able to afford being a SAHM for a few years. Think things through and be prudent. You'll be glad you did and thank yourself for making wise decisions.

When he told you that you were giving him ultimatums, he was gaslighting you which is the oldest trick in the book. He manipulated the conversation to force you to question if there was something wrong with you. Never fall for this twisted narrative. Don't be tricked into it. When he told you that he can't give more than he has meant that everything is "as is" with no future in mind especially if you're wondering about commitment and / or marriage, for example. He's shutting you down. Perhaps he's not for you long term because he's not a good communicator nor does he have intentions to share a bright or promising future with you. Both of you have personality and character differences. It's a mismatch.

Since it's obviously still bothering him, I'd broach the subject, tell him you've learned from your mistake(s) and give him a humble, sincere apology. Then after that, continue to be on your best behavior. Successful relationships have great communication because it's extremely important as opposed to letting old wounds continue to fester. Hopefully both sides can be mature and move on without rehashing the past.

Too much togetherness is smothered suffocation. Once or twice a week every few weeks is above and beyond. Being together twice a week with her family is too much. You have every right to decline since you already see them enough as it is. If they don't like you because you don't acquiesce, that's their problem, not yours. As mentioned previously, you need a serious talk with your girlfriend regarding her decision not to tell you about her move farther away until a week before move in AND her refusal to humbly admit fault and offer you a genuine apology when you're owed one. Do not ignore otherwise these problems will balloon in no time.