Did I mess up at this work event?

[ghost72]

There is a girl who works here. Her and I are friendly with each other. She has said some things that makes me think she might feel something for me. There are other times where she seems disinterested in a romantic sense. Not sure how to describe it. In fact, she actually told someone here that she wanted to set me up with her friend. But she never told me this. 
 

Anyway, there is someone here who talks to her often and he thinks she likes me. In fact, he messes with me over it and calls me names such as lover boy. But until she makes it obvious I don’t know. 
 

So I attended this after work happy hour type of thing. I was chatting with my coworkers in this crowded cramped place. This girl comes up to me with her friend during the happy hour and then the guy who messes with me starts teasing us there. Says it’s only a matter of time till we end up together or something. 

nothing really happened, we talk and then the owner starts talking to her and she’s behind me. So the place is crowded and cramped, I move my arm back and our hands touch for a second. Barely anything. 
 

She looks at me and asks me if I’m trying to hold her hand. I barely touched her hand and it was insignificant accident. She asked in her normal tone of voice. 
 

I said no, my coworkers start laughing at the situation cause a few people heard. Even her friend starts laughing. Should I have held hands with her? My coworkers think that’s what she wanted me to do. 
 

But the fact that she told someone here she wants to set me up with her friend is in the back of my mind. But this hand holding comment, I don’t understand why she made it unless she wanted me to escalate there. 

[boltnrun]

6 minutes ago, ghost72 said:

Should I have held hands with her?

No, absolutely not.  This is a coworker.

7 minutes ago, ghost72 said:

My coworkers think that’s what she wanted me to do. 

Please stop gossiping about her to your coworkers.  That's a very unprofessional thing to do. Plus they will tell her everything you say (with embellishments). 

If you like this young woman (I doubt she's a "girl" unless your company hires minors), ask her to meet you at break and share a snack or buy her a coffee.

[ghost72]

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

No, absolutely not.  This is a coworker.

Please stop gossiping about her to your coworkers.  That's a very unprofessional thing to do. Plus they will tell her everything you say (with embellishments). 

If you like this young woman (I doubt she's a "girl" unless your company hires minors), ask her to meet you at break and share a snack or buy her a coffee.

It’s not gossiping. They witnessed all this happened. I keep it professional. She is the one who has asked me personal questions about myself that is not relevant to work. But I like her as a person still. 

[Wiseman2]

13 minutes ago, ghost72 said:

.she looks at me and asks me if I’m trying to hold her hand. I barely touched her hand and it was insignificant accident. 

How long have you both worked there?  Are either of you in a supervisory position? 

It seems like she goes there to work and get her paycheck. She also seems to be trying to distance herself and be professional.

Please beware that the handholding debacle could easily get you into a sexual harassment situation. Keep your hands off her.

Please understand that the workplace is not a singles club or dating app. Please avoid airing out your dating life so much that people are gossiping or trying to fix you up with people or laughing at your escapades.

[ghost72]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How long have you both worked there?  Are either of you in a supervisory position? 

It seems like she goes there to work and get her paycheck. She also seems to be trying to distance herself and be professional.

Please beware that the handholding debacle could easily get you into a sexual harassment situation. Keep your hands off her.

Please understand that the workplace is not a singles club or dating app. Please avoid airing out your dating life so much that people are gossiping or trying to fix you up with people or laughing at your escapades.

She asked me if I’m dating anyone and I said no. All I said. I even said I didn’t want a partner right now. She’s the one who seemed into my personal life. I did not ask her any questions like this. I don’t ask anyone about their personal life at my job for the most part. 

 

[ghost72]

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How long have you both worked there?  Are either of you in a supervisory position? 

It seems like she goes there to work and get her paycheck. She also seems to be trying to distance herself and be professional.

Please beware that the handholding debacle could easily get you into a sexual harassment situation. Keep your hands off her.

Please understand that the workplace is not a singles club or dating app. Please avoid airing out your dating life so much that people are gossiping or trying to fix you up with people or laughing at your escapades.

What do you mean “airing out” this thread is kind of getting off topic already. People witnessed this as she said it in front of people. Who then started gossiping about it without me even saying anything. Trust me I’m not one to share things about my personal life as I’m introverted and quiet. 
 

Can the next replies please be about this specific situation. 

[ghost72]

The first few replies to this thread starting assuming things and therefore I am adding clarity if I wasn’t clear before:  

1. I didn’t tell people at work the hand holding thing, they witnessed it themselves and they were gossiping among themselves. 
2. I keep my personal life at work private and I’m introverted. 
3. I’ve been asked about my dating life and all I say is I’m single and I’m not looking to date anyone right now. 
 
People at work talk and I can’t do anything about it except don’t engage. I actually dislike sharing details about even my dating life and if I’m dating someone. 

[Bene20]

35 minutes ago, ghost72 said:

There is a girl who works here. Her and I are friendly with each other. She has said some things that makes me think she might feel something for me. There are other times where she seems disinterested in a romantic sense. Not sure how to describe it. In fact, she actually told someone here that she wanted to set me up with her friend. But she never told me this. 
 

Anyway, there is someone here who talks to her often and he thinks she likes me. In fact, he messes with me over it and calls me names such as lover boy. But until she makes it obvious I don’t know. 
 

So I attended this after work happy hour type of thing. I was chatting with my coworkers in this crowded cramped place. This girl comes up to me with her friend during the happy hour and then the guy who messes with me starts teasing us there. Says it’s only a matter of time till we end up together or something. 

nothing really happened, we talk and then the owner starts talking to her and she’s behind me. So the place is crowded and cramped, I move my arm back and our hands touch for a second. Barely anything. 
 

She looks at me and asks me if I’m trying to hold her hand. I barely touched her hand and it was insignificant accident. She asked in her normal tone of voice. 
 

I said no, my coworkers start laughing at the situation cause a few people heard. Even her friend starts laughing. Should I have held hands with her? My coworkers think that’s what she wanted me to do. 
 

But the fact that she told someone here she wants to set me up with her friend is in the back of my mind. But this hand holding comment, I don’t understand why she made it unless she wanted me to escalate there. 

Is it possible that she's just trying to mess with you?

[ghost72]

1 minute ago, Bene20 said:

Is it possible that she's just trying to mess with you?

That is possible. I mean but she is a nice person. We have a friendly relationship and she has done favors for me and vice versa. She suggested once that I hang out with her and her friends outside of work. 

[Bene20]

4 minutes ago, ghost72 said:

That is possible. I mean but she is a nice person. We have a friendly relationship and she has done favors for me and vice versa. She suggested once that I hang out with her and her friends outside of work. 

Yeah, well, she sounds like a really nice person alright... Nice enough to lead you and toy around with your emotions, maybe.

[yogacat]

I think you are putting too much effort into reading into her actions. The comment was probably just a joke on her part and not a hint for you to hold her hand. I mean, you barely touched her hand for a second and then she asked you if you were trying to hold her hand in a joking manner. It seems like she was just being friendly and humorous. 

Try not to read too much into small actions and comments, as it can lead to misunderstandings and confusion. 

Ask her out one on one outside of work and see how she responds. 

[ghost72]

8 minutes ago, yogacat said:

I think you are putting too much effort into reading into her actions. The comment was probably just a joke on her part and not a hint for you to hold her hand. I mean, you barely touched her hand for a second and then she asked you if you were trying to hold her hand in a joking manner. It seems like she was just being friendly and humorous. 

Try not to read too much into small actions and comments, as it can lead to misunderstandings and confusion. 

Ask her out one on one outside of work and see how she responds. 

I guess it’s just because others who witnessed it think she was flirting. To the point where one of my coworkers tried to get me to make a move after but I didn’t want too. 
 

im also trying to look at it from my own point of view. Personally I wouldn’t make a joke like that to a woman about an insignificant touch like that unless I was interested In her 

[yogacat]

4 minutes ago, ghost72 said:

I guess it’s just because others who witnessed it think she was flirting. To the point where one of my coworkers tried to get me to make a move after but I didn’t want too. 

Maybe she was flirting, but since she did also mention setting you up with her friend, it could just be her natural outgoing personality. Next time you see her, try initiating a conversation and see if she engages back or is just polite in her responses.

[jul-els]

My advice is not to entertain the idea of dating a co-worker. It could too easily get messy and affect your working conditions or your livelihood. There are a far greater number of eligible women outside of your workplace. Look for someone there. 

[Wiseman2]

31 minutes ago, ghost72 said:

I guess it’s just because others who witnessed it think she was flirting. To the point where one of my coworkers tried to get me to make a move after but I didn’t want too. Personally I wouldn’t make a joke like that to a woman about an insignificant touch like that unless I was interested In her 

It seems like you've coworkers are teasing you because they sense you have a crush on her. And because you do you're assuming she's interested and the hand remark was a come-on. Please try not to get your workplace get this involved with your dating life. You claim you're introverted and don't discuss it but you're discussing it quie a bit with them. Please stop letting them tease you into doing something stupid like hitting on her. 

[smackie9]

It's just coworkers goofing around/ doing a little ribbing. You are taking this way too seriously.

[ghost72]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

It seems like you've coworkers are teasing you because they sense you have a crush on her. And because you do you're assuming she's interested and the hand remark was a come-on. Please try not to get your workplace get this involved with your dating life. You claim you're introverted and don't discuss it but you're discussing it quie a bit with them. Please stop letting them tease you into doing something stupid like hitting on her. 

When she came up to me at the happy hour someone noticed and teased her and me both. It was one guy in particular who talks to her a lot. 
 

i didn’t discuss, they witnessed it themselves as I stated. 
 

people think there’s something going on between me and her cause some guy in particular drives it cause of her behavior towards me 

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, ghost72 said:

She looks at me and asks me if I’m trying to hold her hand.

The correct answer is "No, but would you like me to?". It usually confuses them.

Also they are teasing/making fun of you. 

[Batya33]

I met my husband at work originally.  In the mid 1990s.  It worked because we worked in different departments, different floors, large company, same level -no supervisory differences.  We met at three separate work events over a 9 month period. I approached him at the first one -his first day of work - and we approached each other at the happy hour/cocktail hours preceding the next two.  I think it can work. I'd avoid interacting with that coworker who is "teasing" as he seems  to be a potential troublemaker. If you like this coworker ask her out but discreetly and not where troublemaker coworker can find out.

[ghost72]

12 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

It's just coworkers goofing around/ doing a little ribbing. You are taking this way too seriously.

Why was it so awkward then? Like multiple people looking at us and someone making a comment that are we going to end up together or something. Then she says the hand holding thing. 

[catfeeder]

No, you didn't mess up by not holding her hand. I can only speak for myself, and if my interest in someone at work became so obvious that my coworkers felt entitled to behave the way yours are treating you? I'd shut that down. I'd remain friendly and professional even while I quit all contact with this person beyond business. Same with anyone who's part of this peanut gallery.

This may not be true for you, but I view my workplace as my livelihood, and my reputation as something I'm responsible for cultivating. If the people around me are juvenile enough to make a crush the center of their attention, I'm not going to play. I can form friendships outside of work, and I'd keep my dating life outside of there as well.

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, ghost72 said:

Should I have held hands with her?

No. It would have been very weird if you had actually done so. 

1 hour ago, ghost72 said:

I even said I didn’t want a partner right now.

Why did you say this? You shot yourself right in the foot if you were actually interested in her. If a guy I had any spark of interest in told me this, I'd assume he was being honest and rule him out as a prospect. 

[ghost72]

5 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

No. It would have been very weird if you had actually done so. 

Why did you say this? You shot yourself right in the foot if you were actually interested in her. If a guy I had any spark of interest in told me this, I'd assume he was being honest and rule him out as a prospect. 

I told her this months ago when she asked me because I didn’t want to be judged for not having a partner. 

[Batya33]

4 minutes ago, ghost72 said:

I told her this months ago when she asked me because I didn’t want to be judged for not having a partner. 

Why would you be judged at work for not having a person you date or were in a relationship with? What kind of workplace is this? I am in my late 50s (married/one child) and I've been working with a guy in his early 60s.  I don't think he has children -I haven't asked.  He doesn't seem to be married and I've never asked if he was ever married.  A few times he's referenced a " friend" who happens to live in the same city I moved to my city from - and this friend has a female name -and he refers to her as she.  I have never asked if she is more than a friend and I think it would be really rude of me to do so.  The only personal stuff we talk about is sometimes what my high school kid is learning, where he should go sightsee and dine at when he visits my former city next month, and anecdotes about people we met in our former jobs since we used to do similar jobs in a similar industry and met really cool people.  That's it. 

He knows I am married in part because my husband is in a related field so I've referenced work related stuff and I tell him where we are going on vacation or where my husband is traveling for business and we are going. 

I am a firm believer in avoiding all personal relationship topics unless the person shares their "status" with you and then I won't follow up with anything personal. Why risk it?  Different if you're good friends outside of work or if you were good friends before you worked together.

[TeeDee]

She made the handholding comment to use humor to defuse an otherwise awkward situation.  She has no interest in escalating. 

If she is talking about setting you up with her friend that is a neon sign telling you that she does not see you as a potential romance partner.