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Everything posted by Kwothe28

  1. Look, you are still young, but you will have to learn something about people. Lots of people will "sell" you BS that you will have to learn to see through. She is a good person and isnt unloyal, yet she wants to cheat her boyfriend with you. Her boyfriend is a bum, and yet she is still with him and continues to do so. What does that tell you about her? What she sold you is a classic "I am in an unhappy relationship and will just about to leave him" story. Where she is the victim and you will be the one to offer her love and protect her from big bad boyfriend and her troubles. In reality none of that may be true. In reality she maybe just wanted to cheat her boyfriend without ever leaving him. And her relationship may not even be that bad. Your initial instics, no matter how much you hate them, were 100% right in this case. You shouldnt trust that girl at all. So just move away from her.
  2. Same guy that you found cheating messages on his phone? Yes, prime marriage candidate lol Well he would have the basis to break up because if his ultimate goal is to marry you and you dont want that, what is the point? However storming is just bad character. As I said, prime marriage candidate lol
  3. I know it doesnt look like it right now, but you did the right choice. Those kind of girls (in a bad relationships or even fresh out of ones) have a tendency to go back to those kind of relationships. Or even to seek equivalent to those. So unless you wanted just something physical, dont think you had a very bright future there. She would be back to that guy or just wouldnt leave him at all. You are maybe wondering if she would leave if she had you as a backup. I dont really think it would of make much difference. And that you did the right choice by not pursuing that kind of girl. You are infatuated by her so its hard, but trust me, your choice is good. I would be more worried about this And that you going to parties and getting drunk because of some girl wont help you with it. Would still go and found some other girl to occupy your attention. Its a party so its bound to be some nice single girls there. But if you think you cant do it and it would lead to what you said, just dont go.
  4. I am gonna assume that you are in the relationship otherwise it would be indeed weird if he "flex" you that much. Depending on the relationship, but after near a year its not really weird to introduce you to at least his friends, its normal. Parents kinda are because you never really do that unless you are really sure about someone and that it would stick. But OK, its not really your thing. So you shouldnt have done it in a first place. But you played along because you were fine with his attention. And he wouldnt give that to you unless you reciprocitated. Even though you only feel pity. For a guy that you were suppose to be in a relationship. With that and if you think it takes you away from your studies, yeah, just break up. There is really no need to stay and to pretend to have a relationship just because you kinda like that pretend.
  5. That you do. Otherwise you would run from alcoholic racist like him in a second. Nevertheless, when you entangle with something like that for years, its not an easy task to leave. But you will need to gather the courage and say to yourself that you deserve more and that there are certanly better men out there for you.
  6. I am sorry, but she looks at your marriage as a convinience. I think its very telling she asked about appartment lease and if you wanted to stay for that. She is an opportunist. That took advantage how you took care of kids while she could go to company trips over weekend and do whatever she wants. Hence why there is no shame about what she did, because in her head she see you as a roomate/nanny that she doesnt have to pay. And not as a husband. In a situations like that, its good that you moved on to divorce. It sucks right now, and its not good for kids, but you will be happier away from that person.
  7. What if he actually showed up at your door? That is why you need to tell something otherwise he will.
  8. Why? I know its a phrase lots of people use when they break up("Lets stay friends") but it hinders both of you from moving on. I always found its best to move away for at least some time, before you can hang out again. Because if you dont, stuff like this happens. Yes, you should absolutely bring it up. If you dont want him in that way he cant "drunk dial" you for sex. If you are still determined to stay friends with him, set some boundaries. Also just curious why didnt you already told him something when you talked that night or over message last night? Did you maybe wanted him to come?
  9. Aw, poor thing, he was deceived by her lol OP, I dont have a problem that he cheated or not, you were not together, you rejected him. I have a problem that its not something that happened before when you were "just friends", and that he tried for sex, you rejected him, and somehow his first instict was to go to the most sure thing ever, the girl that he knew has a crush on him. That is not something that the good guy or the guy who really likes you would do. The fact that he didnt care about hurting you(because he did knew how you would react if he gets into relationship with you after, that is why he lied later) or her(who he used for sex because he knew she likes him) tells a lot about him. And then get into relationship with you and lie to you about it because "Oh, if you would found out you would break up with him". If you havent found out yourself, he would never tell you or feel guilty about it. Which should make you wonder if he really does feel guilty. Or even what else he is hiding from you that he thinks you shouldnt know because you wouldnt approve. Or even if you cant give it to him from some reason tomorrow(lets say you have a fight) if his first instict would be to go to her or somebody like her again. And yet, you just defend him. Even though it clearly bothers you too because if it doesnt you wouldnt write here. From who are you defending him? We are bunch of internet strangers, we have no stake in your relationship. Marry a guy as far as I am concern. But sometimes people are very blinded by the stuff that is going on. So bunch of internet strangers can at least give them a fresh perspective on stuff because, again, we are mostly impartial. You are bothered by it because you know what he did isnt really OK. To you, and to that other girl. But yet, because "oh its like time stops when I am with him" you choose to just find excuses for him. Then OK, as Bolt said, good luck. Just dont say afterward that nobody told you how he isnt really that great loving guy you think he is.
  10. One girl told me that when you tell a guy that he is "nice" that means that he is stupid and that girls can do whatever they want and he wont get mad. And when a guy tells the same for the girl that means she is "innocent" as in didnt had any or not too many guys. Admittedly she wasnt such a nice girl but it did stick to me as that is indeed how some people are looking at the word "nice". So maybe you are giving off that "vibe". Also, did you resolved the look issue? Meaning are you feeling comfortable in your own body now? And are you looking to date because you want somebody or because everybody around you are already settled? What are your "strong suits"? Do you have good schools or a good job? Do you work out? Have hobbies? Are you an open or closed person? At the very end, what are you doing to actually meet guys? What kind of guys you want to meet? Dating is more then just meeting anybody. You need to know your "worth" and to able to "sell" it to the other side. And to know what you are looking in the other side. OK, for all of that you will need some experience that you didnt get through years. But for your own sake, you need to at least cover some basis and know the answers to these questions. And even to work on some of them. For example if you are a closed person you can maybe work to be more opened as in getting out of your "safezone" more and letting people getting to know you.
  11. Why? No, seriously, I wonder why in this particular situation? You are mad thah he followed some girls account because(by his words) she followed his and he returned it back. You dont have any additional proof that something is going on and if they even talk anymore. You have a right to be mad about anything but why should he had to acknowledge your feelings when you are being that irrational? What was he suppose to do? Tell you "Here I unfollowed her, wont happen again"? Get on his knees and beg you for love? You are being irrational and jealous here. Partners are there to support us but are also there to tell us when we are not in the right and make mistakes. And here it is on you, not on him. I do agree that he maybe could have handled it better. Just "transfering" it onto you is not the best way to defuse the argument. And that maybe you not feeling loved by him is a part of a bigger problem. But this one is really on you. "Watchers"? I mean people who just watch stuff and barely post. I had a friend who was like that, didnt even had a real profile pic. But spend time there looking at other peoples and groups pics. She lost a pass from first account and opened second. Not saying its the case here, from all we know she maybe has double accounts for double life, just that there are some people who mostly watch other people stuff.
  12. True, but she likes the guy. And he is still giving her at least "breadcrumbs" in the sense that he does keeps contact and at least on words wants her there. Still think its weird that he wont make an effort to actually see her and that its a sign that there is not that big interest from his side to actually date her. And that yes, she should move based on that alone. But that, as she likes him and probably wants to wait no matter what we say, that at least she shouldnt make herself that available. For a guy that in 4 weeks couldnt make himself available for her.
  13. I enjoyed the story. You are a good kid with many talents and in time you should have no problem meeting someone. She inspired you to change your life and dont stray off that no matter what happens with the girl. That is positive and you should strive to be like that. Now onto a bit of bad news. You dont actually know that girl. You dont know what she likes, her romantic history, not even if she has someone right now. She could have a boyfriend. Or even a girlfriend. Or like "bad boys". You do a lot of assuming based on some stuff you saw or talked about. But dont know any of that. That is OK, that is what talking and dates are for. Still, you need to work on getting to know her better, not just do stuff with her. You also imagined your whole life together, where you would be and what would you do etc. Its a begginers mistake, but please dont do that. Baby steps. If you ever have a chance work on something smaller. For example trying to open up to her, to maybe tell her how beautiful she is. Or even to try to touch her hand to see how she reacts. You designed your whole life together without even knowing if she likes you or not. Although understandable for the first crush, its bad. I am sorry, but it will only lead you to dissapointment. Also, you need to understand a few things about relationships. To you date went great, you share interests and you like her. To her it could be a boring date where you share nothing in common and she woldnt be with you in a million years. Sometimes, its just like that. You tried to be the very best version of yourself, presented yourself in that way and took a great effort to charm her and make her like you. That is great and always remember that is what matters in the end. But at the end of the day you will discover that maybe that wasnt enough. She just maybe doesnt like you. I am sorry but she doesnt own you anything. A lot of times people wont even appreciate your efforts, let alone anything else. That is life and you need to know that. I would at least try for another date. Tell her that you thought about her, how beautiful she is and send her a drawing. That should maybe get better reaction and a jumpstart for another date. If she is lukewarm about that, just bow out. You will need to know and learn when to do that.
  14. I think that you shouldnt do anything "verbally". You are paying alimony but you also have the right to see your kid. Excercise that right and get it in court ordered manner. Meaning that you should have court ordered custody where you at least share it with her. And where you have in writing when you can see your kid. If she wont give it to you at given time, get police. You allowed her way too much. To the point she moved him away from you based on a verbal agreement. Parents here cant even get kid on vacation without other side fully agreeing. Because it would interfere with other side time with the kid. And you even allowed her to move away without having those things in order. So, get that in order. As for the other relationship, I am sorry, but its a huge red flag. I know that even your example isnt most shiniest, but having 2 kids from 2 dads, where one is removed and the other is also somehow not there, that is not a mistake. People make mistakes and are allowed to do so, that is why they are people. To have 2 of the same huge mistakes like that, its no longer a mistake, its a pattern. And unfortunately pattern of her. So I think you are right to at least be cautious there.
  15. What? Why would you even allow something like that? Look, that guy is a psycho. If he indeed found somebody else and that is why he wont see you, be glad as it could be blessing in disguise. Because guys like that are always one move away from literally killing you. One "wrong" move by you and he will not hesitate to do so. So, get away as far as possible from him. I would move away just to be sure. I am more worried about you. And why you allowed complete and total psycho all that to the point you live in prison. You dont go out, you dont hang out with friends, he tells you what to wear like its 1950s and he even needs to monitor your every move around the house. Do you even realise how insane that sounds? Get control over your life.
  16. That would be what, 4 weeks from first date? Yeah, nobody is that busy, dont wait. Also, for the love of God, even if you plan on waiting, dont tell him that. People in general hate when someone is "too available" because it makes them think you have nothing going on. Say that you are not sure if you will be and that he should check.
  17. You underestimate men ability to do stuff for sex lol I tend to overanalyze stuff so if I would have to guess: Private Instagram profile where he chases women with it, getting 3 hours from home to get women? Married and doesnt want people at home to know that he cheated. Just a wild guess but would make sense.
  18. I am sorry, I think that one was interested in just one thing. After he got it, he was no longer interested. Eh, what are you gona do, some are just one and done... Dont think it makes such a big difference between him not contacting you probably ever again and you blocking so dont sweat over it. Youve been out of dating world for a while so its natural that first guy you liked gets you a bit like that. But just write it off as random hook up and continue.
  19. I dunno, I think its pretty telling that he didnt even want to check out how you are. Admittedly he was mad and maybe thought you are faking it to get a reaction, but still he should at least check. 4 months is not a lot but at least he should care enough to call. Dont chase something that would never reciprocitate even at basic level of human decency, let alone at something else.
  20. I dont think you should be with any of those two. Your husband offers you a "safe harbor". He has a future and will take care of you but emotions just arent there and you dont even wish to be physical with him. Other then a "provider" part he has nothing to offer. Other guy is a bum. He offers that "intense emotions" you seek but, as many cases like that, he is abusive Ahole with inability to take care of you and even himself. I think its very telling about you that you gravitate between those two choices. Where one is loveless marriage and other is abusive Ahole. And that you are even considering one or the other. And that you indeed should take a time off. And reflect about what you want. For example do you care more about financial stability or do you want that "butterflies in the belly" thing more. Some women care more about one or the other and try to find a partner accordingly but you dont seem to figure that out yet. So you bounce between 2 extremes. I watched some stupid Netflix show. Where they justify cheating with "OMG gurl, you only have 85% of your needs taken care, you need 100% to be happy". I dont really think anyone has that 100%. But think everyone should at least figure out what they want and strive to that. And be happy with it. Your 2 extremes, I dont think any of them gets to 50%. So figure it out and find a guy that would at least get you to that 85%.
  21. I think your sexuality is something worth exploring. For example would Rose be an issue if she wasnt in a relationship? Or if she was more assertive and tried something with you? Would you cave in and explore with her? Nothing happened so aside of stigma that people would react badly if you say that you are attracted to people of same sex, you have nothing to fear about. But, you need to know stuff like that. Primarely for you but also for your now and future relationships. If you want to explore that, your partner deserves to know. Because you cant stay there if you are confused and if you are not certain that along the way you will not get tempted again and maybe cave in. You need to make sure that he is the right person for you and not just somebody who is there out of convenience. And that he will accept you if you are bisexual. Or not stay there if you are lesbian. As for Emily, a person who has no boundaries about sharing the details of her personal life like that(she literally tells you everything about her, even details who should for all purposes remain very private and are reflecting very bad for her) would have no problem "spilling the beans" about others. I had a college friend who had "no filter" regarding that stuff. She would regularly told me and others every little detail about her life, about her relationships and all of that. So when I decided to confine her about me and one other girl from our college group that I had a brief thing going on, "lo and behold", after some time I found out some other friends from my friend group found out about it. And that she told them. So, be very careful who you tell about yourself and something like that. Especially if you work together and you know she will not keep it a secret.
  22. I would offer a different explanation. Who pays for that vacations of hers every year? She works remotely and all, but 3 months is still a lot to take. Always beware "travel type" girls. Because in a lot of cases, there is somebody behind paying for that travels. I think its very telling that even after not so good first date she still wanted you to maintain there. Almost like she saw you as an opportunity for something else. And how she wouldnt commit but insisted that you stay there for her. And even how, even after she was caught lying and all, she deflected that, was only hurt because you spying on her(not cool btw) and not about her being there with another man. And she still wanted to visit you even after that. I think you caught a classic case of opportunistic person. She lures couple of you with sex, one pays for her vacation, other she visits in a foreign country where she has a place to stay and somebody to pay for her etc. I dont think you were used for attention, she has a lot of that from everybody as it seems. But I think you maybe were used in other ways. And that she will stay there as long as there is an opportunity for her no matter what you or her did. Get away from persons like that in general. They are not a good fit for a partner and not really a settling type. If you are trying to settle and not just sex, avoid that type.
  23. I dont necceserely think its toxic(hate that word btw). It doesnt seem its that bad for both of you. Just that, as he is 19, he probably lacks maturity for what you ask him. You mentioned making other plans, boys his age would would sometimes rather go out with guys for a drinks then hang out with girlfriend. Hence why he probably puts you in the back as his other plans take more important spot now. You want him to commit but he is not mature enough yet to do it in that way. As he didnt do it in 6 months its probably not gona happen soon. People are slaves to patterns. Once the pattern is established, that rarely changes.
  24. Yes, but you see, that what you did and what they did to you, is literally called "ghosting" today. At older times it was simply not showing on the date or even moving away without leaving your contact information. But today the term is broader and does indeed include something as simple as going on a date and losing contact after that. People use that term for that now. OP is not ghosted as he had contact, she just lost interest, that is different then just completely cutting him off. I mean, we can discuss is it fair or not. You think there is no established connection and that makes it OK to just cut contact. It was easier to you, you hated BS excuses and found it easier that way then to "sugarcoat" it over message or call. Other side may be little hurt but as there is no established connection you think there is no big harm. I get it and understand the position. I was always upfront kind of guy which has served me in positive and negative way through my dating life. I also hate BS, when they say how amazing you are and how date was great but hey, they wont be with you that means that you are not that amazing. Or that something else is going on. However, I think offering at least some explanation is better then to let other side hope or hanging that something would happen. Established connection or not, its better to cut your loses directly as they would know what to expect and act accordingly. If we take OPs case as an example, girl can just say to him anything from "I dont feel the connection" to even "There is something else going on" and it would be perfectly fine. Instead she chose to just fizzle over time. Which makes OP confused as they talked for a month and had 3 dates. I just think its much cleaner to just have that talk no matter how inconvinient it was, then to just leave the other person in the state of confusion.
  25. When I was younger I did it with Slivovitz. One small glass before the date and you are set to not have date jitters. And did those Orbit gums after for breath, everybody had those then. However, your case, that is quite severe. To have tranquilizers just for a date is not something you should do. OK, you really like the guy but its really not natural to have that reaction. Also I am sorry but yes you can. You may like the person but still see huge red flags like age gap or even distance. You just choose not to do it. Also, I will second to manage your expectations accordingly and slow down. Somebody who drives fast has more chances to crash. In your case you are doing 250kmh at highway fast.
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