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  1. I think I already talked about this here, but few years ago, there was a time where I wasnt so happy with my life too much. I had nothing going on. I was just out of big relationship, job was so-so and inconsistent. as I was in early 30s even health started detoriating(minor issues but still issues) and friend circle was becoming smaller due to people going their own way as they should so there was less time for hanging out. I was not in the right state for anything, so much so that I passed and didnt pursue a great girl because I felt "inadequate" and that I had nothing to offer there. She got knocked up and married some bogus guy 6 months later so I still kinda regret that decision. Anyway, I decided I want change. So I started to work more about everything. Took every job opportunity I could take and invest myself more so that in time become more stable and started to earn more money, started taking care of myself more(better food, more walks or training for health, even bought myself more clothes to look nice) and even surround myself with more quality friends(before my friend circle was more big but also more inconsistent as in more aquintances then close friends) who all did care about my company. So in time I did come to the right state of the mind so I can be happy with myself and trully feel that I have a lot to offer to anyone. There is still some days were I feel "down" about some stuff, but that happens. At the end of the day, that is all it matters, that you be happy with yourself. Or even as one of my more egotistical friends would said "To feel like you ae the most important thing in the world". If you arent, yes, you will need to do the work on that.
  2. I dunno how her nationality plays into it as she does seem more "european", but yes, if you are aluding to that, Turkish girl are a bit more on conservative side. As seen by her uncomfortness to kiss in public. So your proposition about the hotel probably didnt bode too well with her. Add to that that she seems really bothered by you not paying for dates(as she probably got used to the guys doing that) and you see the issue where she thinks that you dont want to treat her well unless sex is on the table. I am not saying that is true, just that she sees it in that way. So, her interest is fading. Good news is that she still wants to date. So, try to spark it. Cool it with physical stuff and focus more on her. Be more attentive during dates and see how she behaves. If you see that she is still cold, just break it off. There is no point in maintaining the relationship if you will just be there to take her out on stuff just because there is nobody else there to do it at the moment.
  3. I thought Tumblr banned adult content few years ago. Its the reason that site is dead now and they all transfered to other sites like Reddit. Anyway, he did lied to you when you asked. Its not a big stuff to lie about but he still chose to lie. If you are that uncomfortable with his internet activities and that he likes pictures of some random girls and that he lies about it, then yes, you should just leave. Ignoring the problem or even straight up confessing that you spied on him would get you nothing because he wont change(and would even be mad that you spied on him) and you will still be uncomfortable there.
  4. He does know, he just didnt want to say it. Some people are just cowards or dont want to hurt the other side feelings. Also, "No Contact" rule is not there so that your ex would miss you more. Its there so you could heal and move on from the relationship. Because "Hi, I wanted to see how you and our dog are doing." doesnt really help you to heal and is maybe sending a wrong signal. Like to you who from one email jumped to "Hey, wanna get back together?". Work on yourself and move on. Because its clear that you didnt do that.
  5. I am sorry, but he is probably not coming back. You dont break up the relationship like that and on top of all, selling mutual home, if you are not very certain about not coming back ever. He also probably has a hard time now(that is why all the mixed signals he sends) but trust me, it is his final decision that you should work on accepting. Others told you that maybe he wants to "live a life" a bit more and maybe they are right. He is fairly young so maybe he misses his old playboy life. However, I dont think he would ever do what he did if he was certain about you being the right one. He is just not, sorry, he himself said that to you. That doesnt mean there is anything wrong with you. Just that he doesnt see the future there. In the situations like that I wouldnt hope to reconciliation after a year and stuff like that. You need to heal now, try to do that and move on. There are far better men out there then some guy that would after 4 years together suddenly remembered how you are not for each other and just leave. You deserve better then that.
  6. I am sorry to hear that. If she would just be in pain and torture herself, its better this way. I would also implore you that, no matter how hard it is, stay with her in the room until the very end. Read somewhere that pets in their dying moments are frantically looking in the room for the owners but that large number of people are just not there because of the sadness of the moment. Take care.
  7. If you feel lukewarm about the guy, there is nothing you can do. You either feel it or dont, after 3 months you should at least know that. You apparently dont, so there is that. However I would also like to point out that you havent properly got over your ex. Worrying about not ever loving anyone like that again, hour long phone calls, that screams "still not letting it go". You should be at the point where you can say "Sc rew that guy, there is somebody out there way better for me". And yet you still clinge on him, comparing somebody new and how it was better with ex. Its stopping you to trully move on in dating. So I would suggest to work on that before you jump on something new.
  8. If you e-dated and never seen what the person who doesnt have any interest in you looks like, have you even e-dated at all? Empty messages, replying just because they have too, not carrying? All signs of lost interest. If after a while all we have out of the relationship is a longevity, that is never a good sign. Both you and her have lost interest and want out but stay "just because". And you even have thoughts about the other girl. So yes, have a conversation and go separate ways. It will be better for both of you.
  9. For wanting it to work? No, you are together for 9 years after all. For believing him? Yes, you are naive, the guy is full of it. I dunno, maybe I am an overthinker when it comes to stuff like that. But he only disclosed it to you after the messages and after he was caught. And somehow always had convenient excuse. "Oh, its not me honey, its just some crazy chick that is getting back at me after being rejected" isnt really a good excuse. There are some crazy people out there. But those are the actions of former lover or mistress. Not just some random girl that he didnt want anything with. Also "I wanted to cheer my friend so some random girl send me nudes" along with "No, no, girl in lace underwear just wanted the tatoo". He is creative I would give him that. But yes, you are naive if you believe excuses like that. I dont blame you, you are together for 9 years and no matter what, you want to believe him. But wake up, he probably did something there. Its up to you if you want to overlook or forgive stuff like that because you didnt mentioned any other problems and it seems that happened years ago. Just that, at the very least, you should be careful there.
  10. Foreign girl who broke up because you didnt get her pumpkin spice latte when she haid period cramps? She tells you that her entitled ass feels uncared for? And you think she has improved her behavior? Wow thats rich. You dont need a therapy, you need a break up. And finding somebody who will care for you enough.
  11. You only need to check out "physical and sexual violence" in order to get the complete specter of abusive relationship with him. So get out before it escalates to even that level On the other hand, yes, introducing somebody to your family is a big step and shows that you are serious about someone. But you dont need a year of relationship to do that. I dont mean about this guy, this guy deserves only foot in his a s s on his way through the door. Talking about some future more normal relationships.
  12. Why not just move together then? It would be way easier because logistics. And prefferably out of parents home. Anyway, I will say to you something that you will maybe not like. In your relationship you wear "slippers". That is what we call men such as you around here. "Yes Dear" men who let their other half dictate what to do. Suddenly your friends are of no importance, only hers are, you cant even spend time with your cousins because she orders you to come back quick but you need to spend time with her family, its OK when you buy her something but if you buy it for you then its a problem etc. Its not a bad thing "per se", some couples have that kind of dynamic where one side is more dominant one. But you are starting to be bothered with it. So, change that. Go see your cousins and friends if you want. Feel free to buy stuff fo you, its your money. Be your own man. Dont lose your own identity for hers.
  13. I would also like to point out that E probably doesnt really likes you because she senses(or even knows if they talked about it) that T does like you. Or even senses that you like him. And that you maybe like him because of the lack of the better options at the moment. Meaning that situation in the world is like it is, you are spending a lot of time with somebody who gives you affection, and that you developed feelings from that. So if you dont want to move, maybe it would be a good idea to focus your attention elsewhere(meaning actively finding your own partner) and do forget about it. Because this situation wont go in your favor if it develops further and you live for at least one more year with those people.
  14. Usually when we feel attracted to the person its not just physical look. Its the number of things you said like things in common, same lyfestyle etc. You dont have any of that aside that she is being nice and loyal. So is the puppy. If you want that, buy a puppy. But for a relationship you need somebody compatible. You see now that you arent that. Which makes me wonder why you even entered that relationship in the first place when you seem to have nothing in common.
  15. When I was in college I had one girlfriend like that. Her dad was an alcoholic and she didnt drink. I was(and still is) a social drinker and I was very careful around her. Meaning didnt get drunk when she was around, no "drunken stories" told to her etc. I still got flack with "Why are you drinking? Do you have any problems in life?" and stuff like that. Anyway, what I am trying to say to you is that it will probably never go away. She cant control her drinks and thinks alcohol creates a problem. Unless you become anti-alcoholic, she will always nag to you no matter what your alcohol consuption is. She has a problem with that. You dont. So that will probably always be there between you. So if you want to stay in that relationship you would have to accept that.
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