MissCanuck

Eh, understand that if she just got out of a marriage and told you she doesn't really want to have a full-on relationship, this probably wasn't going anywhere anyway. You can see how she responds to your latest communication, but it doesn't come across that either of you is very interested in the other anymore.

Overly sweet? You have spoken on multiple occasions how difficult your mother has been on you, and how damaging it has been to your self-esteem. Unless you've been exaggerating in your threads, your upbringing was not that sweet. Again, the common denominator is you. You need to reflect on why people have distanced themselves from you. You are clearly missing some pieces of the puzzle if people don't want to be around you as much.

You're going to have to get past this hang-up. That's what therapists are there for, and they have heard it all. You can't really manage this by yourself so your only real option is to open up to a professional. Given your trust issues, though, I am suprised you've chosen a long-distance relationship. Those inherently require an even greater level of trust since you aren't around each other as much, and yet trust is your number one difficulty. How did you meet, and how often do you see each other in person?

Why are you still with a man who is checking out other options?

Another vote here to avoid friendship. If she winds up back with her ex, are you still going to want to be friends? I rather doubt that. She also may not want to maintain the friendship in that case either, out of respect for him.

Why not? When she said she would like to meet, that should have been your cue to name a date/time.

Have you asked to see her recently? Whatever you do, I would not go blurting out this confessional via text message. Too many things can get misinterpreted and then you'll be left wondering if she's read it, what she's thinking, when she's going to respond, and so on.

Just focus on moving forward now, OP.

She isn't serious about working on the marriage. She is still in touch with her lover and her promises to you are empty. I'm sorry. I think it's time you see a lawyer (and yes, a good therapist to help support you through what has happened and what is coming)

I don't think anything is up. She sounds like a normal co-worker. It wasn't, no. It was just a little friendly ribbing.

There's someone she's hoping will view her stories and posts. She gets a little adrenaline hit every time he checks them out. Lather, rinse, repeart.

If that were true, this thread wouldn't exist. She would have told her ex to take a hike. Um, no. Had she not reciprocated his interest when he got in touch, you would not be in this situation. This is on her. She was perfectly in control and able to say "no thank" to ex, but she didn't. She is a bit angry at him for messaging? Please. She could have put a stop to everything very easily. Women with super strong feelings don't consider taking an ex back. They just don't. I know you don't want to hear it, but you need to be real here.

I think that's where you need to start. It's a serious enough matter that a professional should help you.

This is your now your sign that it's not working: She's more than tempted. She broke up with you to explore reuniting with him. This is already over but you haven't quite accepted it yet, which is understandable. This is why meeting up to talk is not going to go well. You will be devastated to talk and still see her turn around and wave goodbye.

What sort of family conversations are you having where sexual fetishes are discussed, especially when you were just 17 years old when you found out about this?

Dude. Re-read what you just wrote here. This is your desperation speaking. This is you grasping at any straws to make this okay with yourself. But my guy, you need to get real here. What you describe above would be terribly damaging and not strengthen anything. She is into you, but not enough. Not the way someone needs to be to really have a strong relationship. Her heart and mind aren't with you enough for another man not to intrude. She has space for someone else in there, which is why you very likely wouldn't have had the future you dream of. Exactly. You were her rebound.

No, but you need to work more on yourself than figuring her out. A person with a healthy sense of self-worth would have gotten rid of her by now. You need to get to the bottom of why you haven't. She didn't mold you this way.

You haven't done anything. This "friend" of yours has. He made what he probably thought was a joke but it was rude and insensitive. I can't fathom why people in your class are angry about this - do you live in a very conservative culture or something? In any case, you need to rethink this friendship. He sounds like an immature jerk. What's common, a foot fetish? How do you know this about family members?

Why are you with someone like this? Forget about diagnosing her. Focus on figuring out your own issues. You've got something inside you that needs addressing if you are still dating a person displaying such significant red flags. Are you lonely? Do you suffer from poor self-esteem?

Don't put yourself through this. This is a dead end. The fact that she is even considering going back to her ex tells you she is not your future. Her feelings for you just aren't strong enough, and that is the fundamental problem. Whether or not she and ex reunite, you would always know she isn't as into you as she needs to be to sustain a relationship long-term with you. If she were, another man would not be able to turn her head like this. I'm sorry, man. You need to let her go. It's not going to work.

Sorry, I am a little confused about how this happened. He had his phone open the whole time and close enough that you could hear, but she didn't notice?

You have tried, though. She is not willing to meet you half-way and your efforts have been refused. It is unclear what you are still doing there. It's time to end it and have a bit more self-respect, man.

To clarify, have you never been to therapy?

Let things unfold naturally. A conversation about it beforehand would likely feel very awkward for both of you. And keep in mind many women are just as insecure about themselves once their clothes come off and their lovers see it all: we might be wondering what he thinks of the extra lumps and bumps, the stretch marks, the size and colouring of various body parts, and so on. My point is, most of us have our body issues. Think of how you feel about her, despite the extra weight she is currently carrying - she will probably feel the same way about you, despite your own concern over your size.

You weren't in a relationship with her, Absy. And there is no telling if she will be honest with you or even reply to you. The reason I asked what you want to say to her was to encourage you to write it out here rather than messaging her about it. It won't help you move on. It will serve to keep you stuck when A) she replies with someone that upsets you, B) she doesn't reply at all, or C) you later kick yourself for seeking closure from someone you have never even met. You really need to let go of this idea.