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Everything posted by MissCanuck

  1. The best option is for him to recognize that he can't force you to do anything, and end this respectfully. This is never going to work. The parametres of your relationship are not realistic, and no relationship can function like this. You can't date someone when your freedom is so limited, and expect them to stick around. Nobody wants to be a secret and have a girlfriend who lives in such fear of her family. Unless and until you get out from under your parents' thumb, dating is going to be nearly impossible.
  2. I can nearly gurantee it's the latter. It's great that she cared a lot about you, but you did not the feel the same way. One-sided relationships don't work in the long run. There needs to be mutual interest in each other and you didn't really have that here. Not enough to keep things going, anyway. Probably not, actually. You're only 22 and naturally won't have seen a lot of life yet, but what you're describing is not that rare. And again, I will emphasize the fact that it's not enough to keep a relaitonship alive when your interest level in her is not the same.
  3. No, don't do this. He's virtually a stranger. Asking if everything is okay will come across as too needy in these circumstances. He will be in touch if he wants to keep communiction going. I also wouldn't assume you said something that put him off. It's likely as simple as someone else occupying his time these past few days. I would get busy exploring other options too, especially since it doesn't appear as though you two live near each other. I would focus on keeping those options more local as well. It's disappointing when someone suddenly goes silent, but that's also why it's important to not to message too much and get too attached to that communication before even meeting.
  4. Oh, hale no. You have wasted way too much time on this chump. If it hasn't worked for 8 years, it's never going to.
  5. Bingo. You need tp delete and block his number, mochi.
  6. I think she has a boyfriend and you are the unwitting Someone Else. Why are you still with her? She doesn't treat you right.
  7. They can usually offer more targeted coping strategies, once they get to know you. They can tailor ideas and mechanisms specifically for you, in a way that a stranger (this forum) or untrained and unobjective observers (your friends and family) cannot. It might be worth a try, if you find that this is interfering in your day-to-day life to this degree. Also keep in mind that you are pretty fresh into No Contact are only now really genuinely learning to live without her. You are learning not to hope to hear from her, not to communicate with her at all. That will take time. The clock for that started when you blocked her everywhere, so it's very recent. I am sorry you're struggling so much. It's really hard when you just can't seem to focus on anything else and continue to feel so down. But keep talking, and keep the faith that this process will eventually move you forward.
  8. You will continue to feel this way as long as you continue having no-strings sex with him, OP. You are hindering your own progress. Ask yourself this: how are you going to feel when the day comes that he fades out altogether, or tells you that he can't see you anymore because he's dating someone?
  9. Hooking up with single, sober girls is fine as long as you are both consenting, OP. You did the right thing brushing off this Ann chick. That would have turned messy and caused more problems for you.
  10. No, it's not wrong. But that is the least of your problems with this relationship. Your multiple other threads indicate this but one of many issues, and it's not the one that is breaking the camel's back.
  11. I don't think this man was attempting to ask you out, honestly. He seems lonley and a bit mixed-up. That's all.
  12. Maybe he's started seeing someone, amihan. It might not anything personal beyond wanting to keep some distance if there's a new woman in his life.
  13. I don't know where you're reading this, but it's probably best to evaluate women based on our individual characters and not what someone online bros label us as.
  14. Well, yes. Notice that I said she handled it all very poorly. And yes, it was a double-standard. I never said it wasn't. She was feeling punitive, yes. Her behaviour sucked. Nobody is disagreeing with that, OP. My point is that, yes, in her opinion you were moving too slowly in committing. So that was her dramatic "crap-or-get-off-the-pot" moment. You weren't committed to her (and fair enough, given you circumstances) so she bailed. End scene. It's best that you two stay apart. There's too much water under this bridge and you will probably need plenty of time to feel rebalanced enough to pursue a healthy relationship. There's so rush.
  15. I don't think this is self-sabotage. Rather, it's a natural byproduct of never having met this person and not being able to actually have a relationship in real life. It's awfully hard to sustain a connection when you don't know how well you would actually get along in reality, if at all. A purely digital connection is eventually going to die out, because it's just not realistic to commit yourself to someone you haven never met. You can't and shouldn't assign yourself this responsibility, OP. I know you care about her but part of the problem here is that you two have come to rely on each other way too much, for things neither of you can actually help the other resolve. It's got to be up to her to start looking out for herself, and for you to stop trying to rescue her from herself. No, this would be a mistake. You don't know when you will meet, and what if you meet and still feel the same way? You are already unsure. Those doubts are likely to be amplified in person, not the other way around. I think all you can do is kindly but firmly tell her that you can't continue this, and it's better to take a lot space from each other. Perhaps you can be friends again in the future, but it's not a good idea right now when she wants more and you don't. Be gentle and respectful, but stick to your boundaries.
  16. She was backing out of this relationship anyway, OP. I don't think it was going to last, regardless of what you said or didn't say. She was not into it anymore and you gave her a "convenient" reason to end it completely and blame you. But really, the writing was on the wall here. Do not show up at her door. That will not go well. Send her belongings back and be done. I wouldn't stress about whether she might text you again in the future - there's no sense worrying about something that might never happen. Focus instead on letting go of her. She wasn't the right one for you.
  17. You misunderstood what she was really trying to get at here. This was her passive-aggressive attempt to remind you that you set the goalposts by not wanting to make her your girlfriend, so it was by your own doing (in her mind) that she was free to meet other men. I read this comment a lot more like, "Welp, you don't want me, so what did you expect?!" It was an immature way for her to handle things, of course. But it sounds to me like she was hoping you would sieze that opporunity to "claim" her. Having said all of that, it is also clear that you were indeed not ready for a relationship. As such, you were right not to go there. Her mistake was hanging on when you couldn't offer her more. Focus on getting yourself to a better place before you attempt dating again.
  18. How close were you as friends? Meaning, do you hang out sometimes? Had you previously been in frequent contact? You seem to have revealed a lot about your mental health to him so I am assuming that this was someone you spent a fair amount of time with. Is that accruate?
  19. And where do you suppose this lack of self-confidence stems from?
  20. She's the one with the boyfriend, yeah?
  21. What is your relationship to this man, OP? Friend? Coworker? Ex?
  22. Where's your self-esteem, OP? You seem terrified of making any slight misstep. Have you been dumped out of the blue before or something?
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