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Everything posted by MissCanuck

  1. This is very typical of the difficult cycle of abuse, and why many victims of domestic violence stay. You need to find a woman who does not mind porn. This one is not her.
  2. You need to get out of this relationship altogether.
  3. I would take this as my indication that this isn't the right guy for me.
  4. Yes. He knows he hurt you and blindsided you. I don't doubt he cares about you, but he's probably struggling to sleep at night knowing he pulled a fast one on you. Part of this is to make himself feel better about cutting and running.
  5. This is probably over for good, OP. I am really sorry he did this now, but my guess is that he has got someone else in mind he wants to explore and he knows he doesn't feel strongly enough about you anymore to exclude all other options. When someone appears to suddently wake up one day and wants out, well, it isn't usually a sudden decision on their part. I would focus on moving forward and healing, and one day finding a guy who is totally sure about you and your future together. This one isn't, and it will be better in the end that it stops here.
  6. This. It's already over, OP. It hurts but his stance has apparently not changed.
  7. This relationship is dead in the water. You are dishonest, and she is abusive. It's never going to work.
  8. We need some context before we can give much advice, OP. What was the reason she broke up with you 4 weeks ago? What behaviour does she expect you to change?
  9. This is strange. What sort of jokes is he making? No, it's more likely that he's just losing interest in the relationship, unfortunately. It's not, because if someone is making no effort, it suggests the love is largely one-sided. I'm sorry, OP. I think you and he need to have an honest conversation, because it appears as though you have grown apart and he doesn't have the courage to come out and properly end it. But you can't keep going on like this. After 2 years together, it is likely time to say goodbye and let each other go.
  10. Notice you say nothing about how you feel about her? That's how you know it's time to end it. She's really into you, but you're not that into her. And that's not a critique against you, but you have realized that the interest and desire just isn't mutual. It's time to respectfully go your separate ways.
  11. Absolutely do not go to his sister with this. It is her story to share,and you have no idea what sort of trauma it might trigger for her. It is their issue to deal with, not yours to insert yourself in. I agree with the others to start making an exit plan with your therapist and landlord. There won't be any way to come back from this. Stay strong.
  12. You need to find separate accommodations, OP. This arrangement isn't working anymore. Don't confess your feelings to this guy. Take the high road and bow out of their relationship gracefully and respectfully. You will be happier once you are not under their roof anymore and playing 3rd wheel in their relationship.
  13. Has he threatened to himself (or you) if you break up with him? Like what? Someone who attempts to control and isolate you? Someone who emotionally manipulates you? You are confusing all of this with "love", but this is not what love looks like. This is toxic and dysfunctional. Why do you want to commit yourself to this? Who is implying you would be "running away" from these problems if you break up with him? There is a signficant difference between running away and identifying serious red flags and removing yourself from a terribly unhealthy situation. I don't know if you don't have much dating experience, but this is a trainwreck, girl. It's not going to end well anyway, so you would be wise to stop wasting your time and end it now.
  14. It is quite obvious that you are not non-monogamous, OP. And he sees you as a his "primary" person right now, but does not have strong enough feelings for you to see a future together. It's time to read the writing on the wall and get out of this. In the future, don't agree to parameters that you are not actually comfortable with.
  15. Well, no. It's the opposite and anything but low-pressure to bring a new person to a family event celebrating a forever-relationship. It's too much for a very new situation. Too couple-y. If the tables were turned and a guy I had just barely started seeing invited me to a family wedding, I would politely decline for that very reason. I would take a hard pass on this. Plan something for the two of you where the entire family won't be present.
  16. She will absolutely meet up more reguarly with the guy she wants to date. I guarantee it. She is trying to be gentle with you, OP. I think she likes you okay but mostly as a friend. And she doesn't really have the courage to tell you that so she gives you vague answers about not seeing anyone reguarly. She's dropping hints that you're not quite getting. Or just lack of mutual romantic interest.
  17. Meeting up with him now is a bad idea, OP. He is interested in casual fun and hook-ups. You, however, caught feelings for him. He has been clear that he does not share those feelings. It's not that he didn't give it a chance - for him, there just isn't anything to explore there. If he respected you, he wouldn't have vanished for months in the first place. As someone else mentioned, he was likely hooking up with someone else then but that's fizzled so he's bouncing back to you now. It's time you realized that this is just never going to happen, and go your separate ways.
  18. That's the thing, though - you didn't know him. On the surface he appeared fine, and maybe he is, but unless and until you spend time with someone in person there is no way of knowing what sort of catch they are. And if it were really a match, well, this thread wouldn't exist because he'd be feeling it too.
  19. I would not be able to stay with this person. Reformed and remoresful or not, I would never see him the same again and I wouldn't try to convince myself otherwise.
  20. This is much more appropriate for a parent and child. Not two adult romantic partners. While it is normal that we want our partners to be safe from harm, it is unrealistic and unhealthy to try to shield them from the world. Do you feel he is too childish or immature to handle the reality of life? Why is he not capable of navigating the real world, and what makes you better-equipped to do so? I think you need to examine your own thoughts on that. So the real motivation here is to protect yourself rather than him. You wouldn't be able to handle it if something bad happened, but that doesn't mean that he couldn't. Again, he is an adult. I am sure he has learned to cope with life's ups and downs, but I would ask yourself if you have learned to do the same.
  21. Good grief man, why? This woman does not respect you. You are her back-up when she is between other guys. It was a mistake to agree to be friends. Just block her and be done. In the future, don't give the time of day to people who ghost you. There is never a good reason for not communicating one's interest, so don't fall for the "I was having a bad time" excuse. No. Adults are fully capable of saying it isn't working out. Takes a few seconds to communicate that messgae. Anything else is just noise to distract from their own crappy behaviour.
  22. Your therapist is right. So the question becomes, are you doing what she's been advising?
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