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Everything posted by MissCanuck

  1. I have to agree with the above, OP. You realize that in couple's counselling you two are going to need to honest with the therapist about the screwy dynamic between you and your boyfriend. Seeing him having sex with an ex is not the main problem here, and the therapist will spot that right away. They cannot treat issues like the sex videos in a vacuum. Are you prepared to be honest with yourself about the underlying problems with your relationship?
  2. Well, yeah, of course. That's bascially how relationships work - the desire to prioritize and share our time with someone special. There's a difference between actually having a fulfilling a life and pretending you're busy in an attempt to make the other person more interested in you.. The latter has no place in a healthy relationship.
  3. Just to clarify, have you met any of his friends before? You speak about knowing some names, but I'm not sure if you've actually met any of them or not. The problem here (reading between the lines) is that you don't seem to be very integrated into his life and you two don't spend the time together that you would like (for example, going on a day trip together) It sounds as though you're worried about him doing the sorts of things you two don't really do, in fear of upsetting your parents. Is that where your anxiety is stemming from?
  4. You are getting way ahead of yourself, OP. You haven't even asked her out and you're already talking about settling for her? Dude, you don't even know if she is interested in you.
  5. She's very young. She's legal, yes, but very few 18-year-olds are going to be ready for any sort of serious relationship. They're still figuring out life and finding themselves. You've already seen this with her quick change-of-heart after you met her. 18-year-olds are fickle. That is going to become even more of a challenge due to the distance. Speaking realistically, I would not hold out too much hope here. There's just too much working against you.
  6. How old is she? You're 25 - but her? I would be cautious here. She's a plane-ride away and seems really on-the-fence. You two talk a lot now but what is the logistic feasibility of this sort of relationship? Personally, I would not make plans to see her this summer without first clarifying where her feelings are at. If she gives you a wishy-washy answer or tells you she just wants to be friend, I would not waste any time or money planning a visit.
  7. I don't think anyone suggested this will be simple. But if someone threatened me with a weapon? I would do the hard work of forever closing the door on these dysfunctional and dangerous people, 30 years of history and all.
  8. Your marriage is over. There is no coming back from this anymore. Seek out a divorce lawyer to initiate the process, and also a therapist to address your inappropriate behaviour and unhealthy mindset.
  9. No, there is nothing to reply to. Dusty, have you considered counselling? In all kindness, you're turning around in obssessive loops over this guy. All your threads are variations in the same thing, though nothing seems to have changed (in terms of him not wanting to reconcile) He doesn't miss you the way you miss him. He has been clear that he does not want to get back together. You're really struggling to accept that and it's been going on for a while, so perhaps it's time to seek out a qualified 3rd party to offer you guidance in coping and healing.
  10. I would not speak to these people again. He is violent and dangerous, and his sister makes excuses for him and tries to emotionally blackmail you into accepting it. Not worth the friendship at all.
  11. A personal anecdote to add here: my cousin has CP and has always been confined to a wheelchair, unable to walk or do much for himself as all (he needs assistance eating, bathing, and so on) His speech is also quite impaired, and always has been. His mom worried about this throughout his life, and she passed a couple years ago after an illness, concerned about what would happen to him after she was gone (he is 42 now and she looked after him most of his life) Just so happens that a few months later, he reconnected with an old classmate online. Got to chatting a lot and it grew from there.
  12. This makes no sense, and I can absolutely understand why your boyfriend is not happy anout it. You're prioritizing an ex's feelings above your boyfriend's. This man is an ex. If he is not "ready" to hear you're dating someone else, you two should not be in contact. That is not a friend but someone who is still holding out hope and has feelings for you. Sorry, shishi, but I don't think you are ready for a relationship yet.
  13. It doesn't sound as though you're that close to her either, thoughm if you don't know how long they've actually been together. I think you're making a big deal out of nothing.
  14. I see zero reason to try to make ammends with someone like this. If you bump into her while you're at work, just be polite but keep moving.
  15. Ha, yes, I realize. Just never heard of a bikini coffee shop. Those apparently don't exist where I hail from!
  16. I don't think you two need to have some big talk about this, no. You broke up months ago and there is no point rehashing all of this with him. You're not clear in your own mind what you want, and it's not really fair to vent to him about it and try to seek clarity there. I would friendly and polite when you bump into him, but don't open a conversation about it if your goal isn't to reconcile.
  17. This sounds like a bad idea. Let's say he warms back up, you go, have a great weekend - and then he drifts away again. If you are uncomfortable that he's doing so now before you've even gone, you can be sure it's going to hurt when he does it again afterwards. I would not proceed with this plan. It's not wise.
  18. I think this is your cue that they've been in contact a lot longer than you know.
  19. There isn't a "thing" to end. It's been a day of chatting online. Just stop talking and delete this account. You're completely over-thinking this, but it's likely because you have a crush and are assigning a lot more meaning than necessary to a few messages exchanged. However, you do need to reflect on your own behaviour here. Catfishing people online suggests you have some inner work to do.
  20. And how and when did they get back in touch? There seem to be some missing pieces here. You were under the impression they hadn't spoken for a long time, and now it turns out he's giving his company benefits to her. There has clearly been a reconnection somewhere along the way. How did you find out she was enjoying these benefits?
  21. You need to leave all of them alone, OP. The problem with your letter, apart from being unwanted contact, is that you are essentially telling your ex how to feel. The message you are sending is that you know better than her and know what's best for her. That will not be well-received, and it's incredibly presumptuous of you. You are telling her about her attachment style, that she needs to take a personality test - dude. Stop. That is arrogant and dismissive of her own thoughts and opinions. I stopped reading after that, to be honest, because it's also way too long and rambling.
  22. I have to say, this is the first time I have ever heard of a bikini espresso stand. Never seen those before. I learn something new every day. This relationship needs to be over for good. There is no trust. You resorted to tracking and following him; when it gets to that point, the relationship is basically toast. You two also have completely incompatible boundaries and ideas of what constitutes cheating and inappropriate behaviour. He enjoys looking at hot women; you feel threatened and hurt by it. Some might not care, but you do, and that is what matters - you need to find a man whose v
  23. Neither of you sounds ready to meet someone else yet. You reached out to your ex just a week ago. It's good you are trying to connect with others now, but it's fairly clear you are not over her yet. This girl you met online isn't over her ex either, and my guess is that they're not even totally finished yet and she's talking to him again and thus wants to cut you off. It's best to leave this one be. Kudos to you for trying to get back out there, but be patient with yourself. You're still in that place where a rebound is more likely than a solid relationship. Yes, you now know that
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