MissCanuck

I suspected this. No wonder you're struggling so much. You don't know him offline and it's not wise to put blind faith in someone you have never met. I know you want to think you know him, but unless and until you spend ample time in each other's physical presence, you don't genuinely know a person. It's not possible. I also suspect this is partly why you are embarrassed to bring this up in therapy, because you know your therapist will be concerned that you are trying to have a relationship when you have never met this man. Why did you decide to get involved with and commit to a person you have never laid eyes on in real life?

Eh, understand that if she just got out of a marriage and told you she doesn't really want to have a full-on relationship, this probably wasn't going anywhere anyway. You can see how she responds to your latest communication, but it doesn't come across that either of you is very interested in the other anymore.

Overly sweet? You have spoken on multiple occasions how difficult your mother has been on you, and how damaging it has been to your self-esteem. Unless you've been exaggerating in your threads, your upbringing was not that sweet. Again, the common denominator is you. You need to reflect on why people have distanced themselves from you. You are clearly missing some pieces of the puzzle if people don't want to be around you as much.

You're going to have to get past this hang-up. That's what therapists are there for, and they have heard it all. You can't really manage this by yourself so your only real option is to open up to a professional. Given your trust issues, though, I am suprised you've chosen a long-distance relationship. Those inherently require an even greater level of trust since you aren't around each other as much, and yet trust is your number one difficulty. How did you meet, and how often do you see each other in person?

Why are you still with a man who is checking out other options?

Another vote here to avoid friendship. If she winds up back with her ex, are you still going to want to be friends? I rather doubt that. She also may not want to maintain the friendship in that case either, out of respect for him.

Why not? When she said she would like to meet, that should have been your cue to name a date/time.

Have you asked to see her recently? Whatever you do, I would not go blurting out this confessional via text message. Too many things can get misinterpreted and then you'll be left wondering if she's read it, what she's thinking, when she's going to respond, and so on.

Just focus on moving forward now, OP.

She isn't serious about working on the marriage. She is still in touch with her lover and her promises to you are empty. I'm sorry. I think it's time you see a lawyer (and yes, a good therapist to help support you through what has happened and what is coming)

I don't think anything is up. She sounds like a normal co-worker. It wasn't, no. It was just a little friendly ribbing.

There's someone she's hoping will view her stories and posts. She gets a little adrenaline hit every time he checks them out. Lather, rinse, repeart.

If that were true, this thread wouldn't exist. She would have told her ex to take a hike. Um, no. Had she not reciprocated his interest when he got in touch, you would not be in this situation. This is on her. She was perfectly in control and able to say "no thank" to ex, but she didn't. She is a bit angry at him for messaging? Please. She could have put a stop to everything very easily. Women with super strong feelings don't consider taking an ex back. They just don't. I know you don't want to hear it, but you need to be real here.

I think that's where you need to start. It's a serious enough matter that a professional should help you.

This is your now your sign that it's not working: She's more than tempted. She broke up with you to explore reuniting with him. This is already over but you haven't quite accepted it yet, which is understandable. This is why meeting up to talk is not going to go well. You will be devastated to talk and still see her turn around and wave goodbye.