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catfeeder

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catfeeder last won the day on November 30 2020

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About catfeeder

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  1. Well, you might be too preemptive. By pulling back and allowing GF to show you her preferred pace, you'll learn whether that will be enough for you--and whether you've been leading too much and depriving yourself of this information. Make yourself busy doing your own thing, and let GF do the inviting. That's how you'll answer your own questions. Head high, and read my sig.
  2. This. ^^^ I'd seek legal advice to learn your options and the best steps to take for each option. From there, you can make choices and operate on real information rather than emotion alone. Not every couple who separates ends up divorcing, so you don't need to head straight to the D-word. You can tell wife that you're offering her the opportunity to go find an apartment and live whatever she feels she's missing out on. Covid is no reason to stay in the same household. Rents have been lowered to attract needed tenants, and there's no reason why she can't work to pay her own rent.
  3. Speaking only for myself, I won't involve myself with anyone who is still involved with an ex lover, in any way, shape or form, beyond shared children. It's not that I'll tell him he can't or shouldn't do it--he just doesn't get to have me in his life. You're learning WHY.
  4. When is the last time you can recall that you were satisfied with your sex life? What changes in your life, his life, or both of your lives occurred near that time?
  5. You describe most of this as 'we,' as though your own private decisions are somehow at the mercy of hers. Decide what you want. If you want to keep up this pace, then here you are. If you want to schedule more 'me' time into your life, you're an adult, so do that and simply tell her that you will be doing it. No grown person needs to 'always' be in accord with anyone else's choices. So make your own.
  6. The closest I can say is that I'll sometimes awaken thinking I was supposed to be in a meeting. I think this 'time' stuff can happen when we spend too much of our days in a lowered brainwave state. To get your share of beta waves going, consider taking walks outside, even if you need to bundle in long underwear. Expose yourself to sun to prompt vitamin-D production. Are you having any other problems, such as with eating or sleep?
  7. Either we can offer someone true simpatico, or we can't. When we can't, the kindest thing we can do is to be honest about that. It sucks when that hurts someone, but it's preferable to stringing them along and wasting their time and investment.
  8. This could be why. Minimizing something that another feels sensitive about is the perfect way to shut them down to you. Maybe rethink your position on that, and take the issue seriously enough to show empathy and concern for GF's feelings as you apologize sincerely and without deflecting or excusing.
  9. When a server notices that customers don't look happy, they likely want to know whether there's anything wrong with the food or service. So that question opens the door to any complaints a customer might want to raise.
  10. Why can't you write about his problems, and what kind of answers do you hope for from us given that lack of information?
  11. If you're tolerating this, I'd say you don't expect enough. He's just not the right guy to give it to you.
  12. Not true. That's a helluva question to ask someone. I'd ask her why she asked that, and what she wants the answer to be. Put that thing back on her shoulders and quit catering to manipulation.
  13. You can 'right fight' all you want, and you can even 'win' the argument. That doesn't mean you can repair someone who has a broken part that won't trust another adult. Even if you influence this woman to give it another shot, she's too trigger-happy with the mistrust to last with you--or anyone--for very long. You can obsess if you want, it's not against the law. It just won't gain this woman the trust that she likely needs some years of therapy to gain. That's not your fault--and you can't fix it.
  14. Well, when you're ready, here's your 'in' to discuss this with him. It's not as though you snooped--he gave you direct access to those messages. So either ask the guy who can answer your questions or settle for a bunch of strangers' speculations. My heart goes out to you. I can appreciate your shock. You'll need to decide whether a two-faced guy is good enough for you. PS: I agree with the good folks above who advise NOT to take this to HER. She's not your problem, HE is. You'll get nothing from her but an insult added to your injury.
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