catfeeder

Things went well, because I didn't argue with her. I stayed cheerful, I planted a seed, but I left it with her to consider instead of sticking around to allow things to go badly.
The larger issue is to claim your adulthood by acting like an adult who can model kindness even as you walk away. This prevents you from staying stuck in your old role as her adolescent child and squabbling over smaller points. 
If your Mom can bait you into small power-struggles, she wins. That's her way of getting and keeping your attention. Just like a kid, but now the roles are reversed. 
Her shift in viewing you differently won't happen overnight. It requires behavior changes from you that are consistent. Protect your privacy, stop trying to 'win' her approval, and just withdraw your presence when she acts like a brat. 
Reward her when she's being nice by spending time with her or staying on the phone with her. Whenever she's nice the whole time, reward her by making plans to see her again quickly.
The opposite is also true. When she tries to bait you by being nasty, be kind and tell her you love her, but you like nice-Mom a whole lot better. Then exit while telling her that you'd love to see her again soon. But don't make new plans or have phone convos for a longer time. Let her think about what she's done.
Head high, you can do this. It's called 'raising our parents'.

Probably not, but if you think about it, most people aren't often spoken to by those who don't know them well and feel comfortable with them.
If these people don't feel comfortable with you, then going silent and waiting for them to speak with you will not help to welcome them.
So it's a cycle that can stay locked. 
We all need to help others feel comfortable with us. When in a group I've found it helpful to make little comments to one or two of the people next to me. Maybe we'll have a few giggles. Over time, each of the people have become more familiar with me as a welcoming person. 
I find this far better than trying to be one of the louder attention-seekers. Sure, every group needs one or two of those, but I like to reserve that space for those who already know most of the people well enough to feel confident pulling that off.
So, what is your age? Have you spoken to anyone about feeling lonely in a group?
 

Did son ask for something that wife can give to him without your permission or your signature?
My biggest concern would be less about son violating his own parole, but rather about him taking your wife down with him, or harming either one of you or both of you.
Instead of being angry with wife, I would show her compassion because it would be easier to reach her from that angle.
I would NOT make it a power struggle that puts her on the point choose sides. That's irrelevant right now, because wife may not comprehend the gravity of your son's abusive behavior. Instead, I would appeal to her with your own fears FOR HER and for the safety of both of you.
The point of reaching wife is to prevent her from going behind your back to do something dangerous. However, on my own, I would take several steps: 1) I'd immediately contact your local Domestic Violence Agency, or a Domestic Violence Hotline on the Internet (open 24/7) for a referral to protective resources, 2) I would immediately file for a restraining order against son, and 3) I would report son's behavior to his parole officer.
Son is not rational, he is likely to harm someone, and you and wife are not safe with him in his current state--which will not blow over. The problem is likely to escalate.
I hope you'll stay in touch here and let us know you're okay.

I don't view this as a big dealbreaker, at all. She wouldn't bother raising this with you if she wasn't invested in you.
You don't view it as a good thing to be comfortable enough with someone to tell them what you'd like from them?
Notice that she doesn't say you are dry in person--so there's something about your body language and your manner that translates into a warmth that she enjoys about you. 
I think I'd be less offended and more curious. I'd joke with her about it. I'd tell her that I've been thinking about what she said, and I'm feeling very warm about her right now. Am I getting any warmer or colder?
I'd share a laugh at my own expense.
If you really like this woman, this is a no-brainer. LIKE her! 🙂
 

What You Want is key. You haven't told us what you are looking for. Maybe you don't know what that is because you're too focused on this guy, and constantly taking inventory of what he doesn't give you?
That's a distraction. Consider why you waste your time with it.
It's natural to be afraid of the unknown, and plenty of us have gone through periods of zero clarity about what we want for our own future.
But if you can identify at least SOME things you want for yourself, maybe we can discuss creative ways to help you get there?