Jump to content

catfeeder

Platinum Member
  • Posts

    28,081
  • Joined

  • Days Won

    150

Everything posted by catfeeder

  1. Hi SC, are you close (or have the potential to become close) with anyone in your family?
  2. Henry served you well to expose the GF as disloyal and a bad match for you. So put her aside, and consider that there are far more than 2 schools in the world--so start applying to them. Going away to school would remove you from under your mother's thumb, and that's probably the best possible education your could master.
  3. Yes, people can pick up on disapproval pretty easily, and she likely doesn't want to hear what you want to say. So, that lets you off whatever hook you've imagined yourself to be on. Giving someone negative feedback about their life choices is not an obligation, and it's usually not even welcome--so don't do it. It's not as though there's anything you can say that will prompt her to respond, "Eureka! I never thought of that, and I'm so grateful that you think so little of me..." Skip it, handle your own lease obligations with your landlord, and inform any roommates who will be impacted. Beyond that, I'd keep my nose out of this woman's business and part on the best possible terms. No drama!
  4. This is exactly the thing. The 'why' doesn't matter. People get stuck in denial and bargaining by using unanswered 'whys' as their barrier to walking away. Identifying 'why' is not some magic key that would give them an automatic fix to the problem. it's irrelevant. I like to suggest making this less about the partner and more about your Self. Is this how YOU want to live? If so, then here you are. If not, then the only 'why' that matters is why you're sticking around to put up with this when there isn't an answer in the world to justify being treated this way.
  5. Nobody can answer for this man but himself. He's being straightforward with you, and there's nothing you can do to persuade him into wanting what he may not want. However, the good news is, if he does end up with you, it will be because he's thought it through, and you can credit his decision as being completely voluntary.
  6. Well, maybe he chose you based on visual attraction and the quality of the person? You don't think there was any manual stimulation involved when he watched the porn? If your partner starts to feel like he's offending you whenever he wants to relax around your home instead of being quizzed every time he doesn't pop a boner on cue, you're creating a discomfort and disharmony in your relationship that can work against you. I'd quit doing that. You keep repeating yourself. We get WHY you've asked, but other than trolling to keep this thread going, I don't understand why you're pretending to be too dense to understand the responses.
  7. Yes, and if you move on to start dating others, you won’t waste your time hovering in stagnation. If he ever comes back to ask for a date, you can cross that bridge from a more confident position. There is no need to speculate with others about his intentions when he’s the only one with that answer, and he will show you where he stands, one way or the other, if you’ll just stop contacting him.
  8. I would move on. If the guy is ever interested enough, he’ll have no trouble catching up to you no matter how far forward you have gone.
  9. Sure. I was referring to the guy who sent the sext. Continuing to see him would make me feel rushed, as though the only reason he wants to spend time with me would be to pacify me so we can get to the sex.
  10. The guy is a bully, and I don’t understand why you stay with him. I would have given him the heave-ho a long time ago. Respect yourself by clearing your life of anyone who doesn’t respect you. Your confidence will return, and you will thank yourself.
  11. I don’t think I could take anyone so sexually forward seriously. He’s flat out shown me that his agenda is not about getting to know me. No villains here, our priorities are just not aligned, and I wouldn’t be able to pretend my way past that. I’d view every non-sexual experience with him going forward as him containing a silent scream to get on with the sex already—haven’t I pacified you enough!?
  12. The problem with offering our views to you is that you are not interested in anything that deviates from what you want to hear. You misuse these posts to defend yourself, and then you believe your own defense and remain embedded in it. Good luck with that.
  13. This is common in teens and early twenties, because there are lots of shifts into different stages of life. You’re invested in a business, which is rightly where your focus should be in order for it to thrive. But you’ll need to make the kind of sacrifices that one who’s working for an established company without ownership doesn’t have to make. Meanwhile, she’s all about play time. That’s not your fault, but it won’t serve you to neglect your business and have it go under because you’re too enamored with catering to her. You can’t rush her maturity into responsibility, and she can’t curb yours without destructive consequences. My heart goes out to you, and I hope you will delay instant gratification in order to enjoy long range success.
  14. Two things. First, his comments reducing men to animals and women to prostitutes showed you exactly who he is--the opposite of healthy. I would've walked away at that point, but you went in with your eyes open. Then there's this thing with unhealthy people that deals with separation through rage rather than sorrow. I've seen it in lots of work sites where people are losing their jobs. They may have gotten along well for a decade or more, but the forced separation caused them to act out toward one another so they could part angry instead of sad. Same happens a lot between parents and adult children leaving the nest. The friction allows them to avoid the mixed, bittersweet emotions that they don't know how to handle. They can just get angry and view the other as a villain. It's what unhealthy people DO.
  15. But why would this concern all this time later? What caused the sudden focus on this?
  16. The problem isn’t just the sex, it’s her attitude toward you and your concerns, as though her position is the only one that matters—take it or leave it. There’s nothing ‘sweet’ about that.
  17. I don't have the words to tell you how sorry I am that you went through this for all of those years--and afterward.
  18. We each set our own standards for what we want from a relationship. Mutual respect is usually high on most people's list. This means, if they are healthy, they would walk away from any relationship where disrespect is demonstrated and can't be addressed and resolved. If staying with this guy is more important to you than feeling respected by a partner, then here you are.
  19. I don't think it makes sense in an open relationship to discuss the people outside the primary one. It sounds like the perfect way to unravel and sabotage the relationship. Not that I'm an expert, I think most relationships are complex enough without adding additional exploits, and then trying to pretend that it's honest to rub those in a partner's face. As though the only emotions allowed are unconditional support of another testing how well one can pretend to not be jealous. I don't see anything 'loving' about that.
  20. Even if not, the fact that you don't feel able to trust him is what would pull the rug out from under me. Decide whether living with the constant fear of yet another lie being revealed is worth sticking around for a consequential one to give yourself permission to exit. Is that how you want to live? If these are your fertility years, do you want to invest them in someone you can't trust?
  21. I think anyone who could document honestly if such a book has open pages without a 'diary lock,' then this already speaks of a marriage where a partner could be trusted not to snoop at the writing, given such a provocative title. If it's an online journal with a password, that would probably be more conducive to honest reflection. So what is your stake in this, are you trying to sell the book here?
  22. It's probably common for people to reflect after they've fully immersed themselves in an experience. People who play sports do this all the time to take a more critical look at their performance. Same with entertainers or people who request 360° performance reviews on their job. Sounds like these women are running their self assessment by you. Another consideration is whether or not you are an 'active' listener. You can look up this term and incorporate more of it into your listening. Sometimes people believe that they are being polite by offering a silent floor to one who is speaking, but if the speaker can't read enough feedback from you, they might grow uncomfortable. Some people ramble in response to the discomfort, while others just wonder what you think about what they've just said. This might cause another to wonder whether they've spoken inappropriately.
  23. One problem with idealizing crushes from the past is that those are fantasy-based, so no real, living, breathing person can complete with what you've created in your head. People who crush on celebrities have the same problem. One way to liberate yourself from locking your focus on this guy might be to trust that if he's some kind of 'meant-to-be deal, he'll be perfectly capable of tracking you down to catch up with you no matter how far forward you move. So just put that idea on your back burner so it can move out of your way. This allows for hope to remain accessible but occasional, rather than consuming your focus. From there, start challenging yourself every day to make as many baby steps as you can toward your own growth, development, and finding new interests and talents. Meet new friends based on these interests, and grow some passion about something beyond dating that makes you feel fabulous and proud. This will bring you to a new perspective from which you can date without the urgency of trying to recreate the fantasies that motivate you today. You will thank yourself.
×
×
  • Create New...