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Everything posted by catfeeder

  1. I'd just ask her whether BF paid for her commutes while she made them. If not, why the double standard? I would not suggest what she 'should' do. She's an adult, and she has her own property. She can make up her own mind, without holding you accountable for her decision.
  2. You're doing some good surface scratching, and that can be uncomfortable even while it's productive. Given your past relationship, it's understandable that allowing a man to absorb you into his home on his terms might feel disconcerting. I'd question why I've never equalized, at least to some degree, suggestions that he come to stay at your place, also? Your independence and ownership of your own home was hard-won. I'd take steps to uncover why you're both gravitating toward his home rather than also sharing yours. This isn't necessarily 'wrong,' but you might feel more comfort
  3. This may not fly in your household, but in my own case, while visiting with Dad, I'd say to Sister in front of Dad, "Hon, I have something I want to ask Dad's advice about. Would you give me a private moment with him?" This would put her on the spot to not come off as an infant. Once she exits, I'd lean in close to Dad, kiss his hand and whisper, "There's nothing wrong. I just wanted a bit of cuddle time with you. Can this be our secret?" I'd repeat as necessary, substituting, "I just need to report some progress on my issue to Dad..." only from that first time forward Dad would be i
  4. If she's not saying this stuff directly to you, then address whoever the pot-stirrers are who are informing you of her comments and ask them not to tell you this stuff anymore. The comments don't sound malicious or hateful, and I'd be proud of giving someone the inspiration to meet their personal best. From there, I'd just focus on my own performance and leave everyone else in charge of conducting themselves as they see fit.
  5. I think we could be more helpful if you didn't write as though we already know what the problem was. I mean, you said a lot without really saying anything specific. What, exactly, were the things you wouldn't compromise on, and what about this relationship was 'reckless'?
  6. I wouldn't overthink this. Either you want to get to know the guy, or you don't. Backing off to slow things down doesn't automatically hit me as an insult. I'd lean into learning more about the guy with his clothes on, but that's just me.
  7. Did they say these things in front of you, or did BF tell you what they said?
  8. I'd take some distance from her negativity. When she starts complaining at a time that I can't exit the room, I'd flip the tables and ask her a favor. "I'm feeling really down right now myself. Would you mind saying some nice things to me?" You cannot position yourself to be her captive caretaker. Nobody is cut out for that. I'd ask her if she would please help me out by speaking with a therapist, and if she won't do it for herself, maybe she'll consider doing it for me?
  9. Congrats on your climb beyond such a challenging period into such a wonderful present and future. I think it's natural to reflect on hard times. Whenever I do this, it inspires pride in my resilience, and it builds appreciation and gratitude for the contrast in what I have now. If same holds true for you, it could be why you do it a lot, especially if you might even enjoy it to a degree. You suffered, you had no idea how things could or would get better, but you mustered your way through it, and it stretched you--you grew from it. It could be helpful to take an inventory of
  10. Who would you be fighting, exactly? When someone doesn't own enough interest to make time for you, it's a good idea to leave him to all of 'that' and go find someone who is interested enough. Most people are NOT our match. Allow wrong matches to pass early.
  11. Your kids deserve for their mother to use good judgment in dating, and this guy is not that. Wait to get to know someone beyond 6 months before introducing them to your kids, much less moving someone into THEIR home, which is supposed to be their safe place. The guy is off his rocker and I'd stay far away from him. This is the best ending you could hope for with him, because if you keep messing with him, he could bring harm to you. Put your kids first, and you will thank yourself later.
  12. No, don't chase. If showing change was an option, she's have raised it as one. So if you try to chase now, it will only push her further away. Do you.
  13. What was the reason behind blaming you for her skin condition?
  14. How do you know she slept with these guys?
  15. I'd have no trouble walking away from a guy who started fondling me right after volunteering that he wanted to get to know me before getting sexual. That would make me about as curious about him as he seems to be about you. Zip.
  16. Follow through with that thought. If he says no, and you break up, what would be your game plan?
  17. Since you share property and mortgage, I'd consult with an attorney to learn your options and best steps for each option. From there you can operate on real information instead of emotions alone.
  18. He's a grown man. You'd be surprised how well people can step up for themselves when their enablers stop doing it FOR them.
  19. She wouldn't even be a problem if you would clearly look at BF and how he's using her to manipulate you. Everything you hear comes from him. And nobody in his right mind would tell you these things. He sounds sick. I'd dump him. Fast.
  20. Unfortunately, during this time of covid, most things with most people ARE stagnating. Especially given that his ex is a nurse--her schedule isn't likely to stabilize any time soon. He's either worth keeping in your life for an occasional date, or not, but you're aware that his daughter is his priority, and most parents are NOT having a very easy time of finding balance in their lives right now.
  21. Is partner a published writer? If so, he already knows that it's not a jackpot. Banking on a book for financial security isn't exactly reliable. Had the two of you discussed marriage, and if so, what kind of timeline? If marriage with this man isn't or won't be part of the equation, then you could consider insemination as an option for becoming a single mom. This would liberate you from relying on his timeline for having a child.
  22. I always look if I pass a home of someone I've dated. Even if they don't still live there. It's a memory, not a longing. If you're this insecure about your BF, decide whether it's because he raises suspicions, or whether this comes from you. I can say this: if a partner ever told me we should break it off because he didn't trust me, he'd be history. There's no way that I would put up with either of those things.
  23. I can't speak for what you should do. I can only speak for myself. There's no way that I'd stick around someone who just told me that. I know myself well enough to know that I'm relationship material, and I also bond when I'm sexual. Knowing these things about myself means that the first thing I want to know when I meet someone is whether he regards himself as relationship material, too. If not, I won't continue seeing him. At all. From there, I need to get to know a person really well, and before being sexual, I need to learn where I stand with him, and I need to figure out whe
  24. This would tell me all that I'd need to know about him. Whatever 'chemistry' I'd imagined would have been proven imagined--or at least manufactured. If your chemistry with BF doesn't compare, then exit your relationship and date new people until you strike this kind of simpatico with someone who is worthy of your time. That guy who dumped you? He's not HIM.
  25. I might consider him a contender, but I wouldn't pledge a commitment. I'd date other people and see what shakes out. I certainly wouldn't put my life on hold. CongrAts! on meeting someone you like.
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