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About a_lifters_life

  • Birthday 11/26/1988

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  1. Hi everyone - thanks for the responses. I invited her on a date today - spent some time together - panera bread, walk around - go to barnes/noble, and a shoe store. I learned a bit more about her. I addressed the sex thing at the end of the date - talked in her car for a few mins, she said mostly the same thing as before - she wanted to get to know me more, which is fine. I reiterated Im not the type of person to sleep around at all and i understood her position noting waiting longer would make it that much more enjoyable. For now I'll just focus on dates out of our houses for now, and see where it takes me. Thanks, as always!
  2. my goal is really a true relationship, and def not to sleep around - have never been this way.
  3. Yes this is correct. i drank with this woman, her roommate, and her roommates bf
  4. It was fun - not a huge drinker myself, but this girl had a lot of shots thursday night
  5. Hi all, Im 32 M shes 31 F. I run a meetup group, and she attended one, and then told me before i even got home from that meetup that she thought i was very cute and provided her number. Fast forward about 5 weeks - we've been talking most days via text, and have had 6-8 dates (dinner, bowling, drinking with her roommate/bf, etc). We went through a period on text late at night essentially sexting/talking about sex positions we like, etc with the intention of doing it on Thursday. I slept over Thurs night, Fri Night this week. I said I'd come over last night (sat) but she said she was just planning to have a relaxing night, so im like okay... needless to say, doing it didnt happen. There was a lot of foreplay/second base (feeling her up), etc. She gave me hickies, all of that. She told me Thursday night when we first layed down that she didnt want to have sex that night and wanted to get to know me more before we did. I responded with I was OK with this. I guess Im just now at a loss of where things are with her.
  6. Providing an update on this situation as of today. The ex wont agree to 50/50 custody, despite it being 50/50 since birth. He's now 2 years old. She initially requested 90 or 95% custody, and tried 2 separate restraining orders on me over the pandemic. She tried to make up frivolous dyfus complaints against me within the past few months. Everything shes tried is baseless. Anywho because she wont agree to 50/50 custody - im forced to pay a TON of money to get a custody evaluator, essentially a licensed psychologist to evaluate me and her. This will now take 3+ months to happen. That begins next week. This has been going on since Feb 20' and ongoing. I am hoping that this ends soon. Stay well everyone.
  7. Just an update to this thread - divorce is still going on, its like a set of waves going up and down. Im hoping this divorce is over soon. I want to get back to focusing solely on my son and myself, without the constant distractions from her pitbull lawyer, whos failed her so far. For those going through a nasty divorce like me, I've found on the past year that following as close to gray rock method as possible when encountering your ex. Only speak, if you need to, and if possible via email. Cheers to a better year in 2021 for me, and for all!
  8. Great points everyone - appreciate the replies. Yes, my 8 month old is obviously my first priority. Second priority is working on myself and introspection of all that has happened. Only then will it be to meet someone new (perhaps)
  9. We were together 12y, married 3, and have a 8 month old. Anywho its been a heck of a saga, but she showed her hand and it was the last straw. Last tuesday I officially had filed for divorce, and im now going through the process. I wont waste time talking about her more, but am trying to figure out my path forward after this 12y saga. What sort of steps should I guy like myself do to re-invent, and re-think who i am going forward and maybe at some point get lucky and meet someone new. Im looking for thoughts and ideas. Thanks
  10. (not divorced yet) but thinking that way for 2020...taken some preliminary steps We've been together on and off for 13 years... married almost 3, im so done with you. im sick of being 10th, 100th wheel in your life, when all I wanted was to have a happy, health marriage for our now 6 month old - who i love with my life personally, but you've sidelined me to the point of no return where I'm thought about always last in priority. For our marriage, and more recently for our son's sake you're too worried about your own agenda, and disjointed familial relationship. Unfortunately you've chosen that over having a long, loving life together especially for our son. At this point I've emotionally removed myself from our relationship and plan to take action in the new year . For both myself, and our son's sake I'd rather him grow up in a single parent household than a negative, and `broken` house that you keep trying to create by arguing with me in front of him. I will have no regrets in the new year doing this, so maybe you'll look back at realize just how much you gave up to put everyone before me at all costs despite me providing endless financial, and support throughout this recent pregnancy, and the past 13 years, but now you have a son and ill allow the courts to decide my GUARANTEED TIME with him, not you and your endless agenda and de-prioritization of me and my family over your family, extended family, and friends. you make me sick to my stomach. -lifter
  11. Many of your already know my story, but for those unfamiliar here is a quick run down: my wife of (~3 years) and together for ~13 years. We now have a 6 month old child we'll refer to as T going forward. I have many posts from around when we got married ~3 years ago - with me in a very conflicted state : sort of like how I am now (just now in much more worse). Anywho, my wife and I were finally able to conceive T ~6 months ago. It was a really tough situation for us - we tried naturally for 2 years without any success, so we went the iui route. We now have a 6 month old - who is the joy of our worlds. Anywho ever since my wife gave birth to T - she has completely sidelined me, ran away a lot of the summer (shes a teacher - with 3 months off), and has completely disregarded us or our marriage. I mean T is an awesome addition to our lives, he really is awesome!!!! My wife has constantly put me down over the past 6 months - innocuous, very knit picky things: oh T's diaper is low (early on in his life) , etc. Not just that, but she has constantly sided with her family on everything. Prior to T - we had a lot of fun together - going to places, going out to eat, and just enjoying each other. Nowadays (the past 6 months) : she wont let my parents watch T ever - they've seen him for 1-3 hours literally a half dozen times over the past 6 months - so we dont get a chance to ever redevelop that chemistry with each other. She is downright NEUROTIC about anything and everything with T and puts me, and my family down constantly - but sees no problem with herself or her family: they do everything perfect and know everything about babies (supposedly ? lol) - the truth: this isnt true. I personally feel like I've hit my limit with her, and having T be around us under the same roof is only detrimental to his development - when she snarks about innocuous things going on or so she perceives that. What types of things should a guy in a situation like I'm in do? I've began to pull away from her - all communication with her is brief. We currently cook separate dinners, but eat at the same kitchen table, and for the past 4 weeks especially sit there and eat, but not a single word is mentioned (this is all after T is sleeping) Occasionally have spats at night about things dealing with T, or her family, or my family. We probably havent had sex in...... 2 years? We dont kiss ever We rarely hug She never appreciates what I do for her, or T. She treats me like a constant doormat - ESPECIALLY the past 6 months. I cant do anything right, no matter how hard I try. Her family completely disrespected me 10 days into being a father with totally outright and ridiculous comments. This resulted in me kicking them out of my house. This appears to be a kindling to fueling A LOT of current problems we're having. I apologized for maybe going a bit overboard with my anger towards them, to which they never responded to it (sent a text). What makes matters worse is - my wife backs them to no end, and YOU guessed it sees no fault with what they tried to pull on me, in my house house, 10 days into being a father. In fact she sees them as 'justified' in what they did. We've gone to some couples counseling for like a month now, and seperate individual counseling for ~2 months. So far we havent fixed anything in my opinion, despite bringing up these concerns (and many others) - nothing ever changes . Bottom line: I think I stayed SO long with her because we had a great relationship, until T, and she went off the deep end with being neurotic to me, overly obsessive over _every_ single thing dealing with T, and backing her parents even if they try to put down me, my character, while being only 10 days into being a brand new father. I feel like there hasnt been anything between us for ~2 years: especially physical. The past 6 months there has been nothing physical, or mental between us. There's nothing left. Sorry for the long, and less organized post. I just had to get a bunch off my chest, and wanted to hear your opinions of this all, and your own experiences in divorce. Thanks
  12. For me its not a power struggle at all. I want the best for T, but i cannot have relationship with T because of my wife. I literally see him for 30 mins when I get done work, and on weekends the past 3 months shes primarily been away with him.
  13. I try to help, I constantly am saying on Friday afternoons (when less busy at work) or the weekends - I've offered to take him all weekend long, and have "daddy daycare" and she go up and spend time with her family or She refuses and then claims she thinks im incapable of doing that on my own (total bs). She just wants control. She just got back from a night at her brothers house - 2.5h away, and wont even let me hold T so that she can pee or relax a bit. Again, she wants all the control, but at the same time wants to put me down incessantly (and my family).
  14. Many of you know my rather (lengthy) history on here. Anyway my wife and I have been together (married) for 2.5y, together for 11 years overall. Recently we had our first child, T, about 3.5 months ago now. Ever since delivery, and home from the hospital - our relationship has changed very drastically. Some points regarding that: There is zero intimacy There is zero lovey/dovey anymore. We dont even kiss good bye or she ask how my day is (at work). Although I ask her how the day went with T Our relationship has turned into one of a business relationship (e.g. has x been done for T today) Everything is about T. I now sit as 3rd, 5th, 10th wheel depending on who is around. I'm put down constantly (e.g. you dont do x for T) - even though I do a tremendous amount for him (giving in a bottle at midnight - she breastfeeds), getting up at all hours to be there for support (help getting adjusted to breastfeed, or transfer him from crib to her), playing with him, baths, diapers, watching him during the working day for 15-30min (I work from home some days)...along with holding down a full-time job. Everything I do to provide for T currently is taken for granted, and anything I do is not appreciated even the slightest bit. She hasnt once said "thank you" for anything I've done in the past 3 months despite me thanking her especially after a rough day of T babysitting. My wife, in my opinion, is un-pleasable - despite my best efforts to support her, and most importantly my son. My wife feels the need over the past 3 months to constantly be going on road trips with him on weekends, and during the week. My current ability, if hes home, is 30 mins to support him and her after i get off work for the day, and he goes down to sleep. On weekends shes been going 1.5h away almost every weekend for the past 3 months. This negatively affects my ability to spend days, such as weekends, with my son developing that bond. I've spoken countless times with her about this, and how its affecting my ability to develop a strong bond with my son, and her too. To expound further on that last point - the reason I ask that she doesnt go every weekend to see her family is - priority #1 is for us to begin developing memories, and experiences as a family. Instead she'd rather allow our only 3 month old son to develop a 'bond' with his cousins who are much older - 5+ , instead of with his biological father. With all that said, I recently went to do my first psychologist appt yesterday to discuss this all further. Keep in mind this is my first appt with this particular doctor, and the doctor suggested I either divorce her or separate at the least. The doctor further mentioned that there were way too many problems to solve in something like marriage counseling (and this doctor is a marriage counselor) when I asked her if marriage counseling might help us. What are your thoughts anyone? (Please be frank, but kind ... in a really rough state of mind right now) . Thanks
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