iamwhatyoumademe1129

What makes you think that?

Unfortunate update: The first part of what she told me in person she told me via text. The thing is one day later I forgot and left my phone open for 45 seconds while I went to the bathrrom, and during that time my 15 year old brother checked my phone to search something online, but I am positive he did not check the message. She knows this and she knows it is very unlikely he found out. But she got mad at me. Like very mad. Because of the remote possibility that he saw it. And I get it, it’s my fault. I should’ve known better. We communicate a lot. But she was clearly mad because of the small possibility that that information was leaked when she said that was something between me and her. ( A similar thing happened in the past when she told part of her past to her cousin and she ended up telling her whole family.) She asked for 2 hours for her self. Anyways, I later asked her how she felt during that time, and she said for a split second she thought about leaving me. Her reasoning was because she would never be able to be part of the family and would have to avoid my family because of that information getting leaked. I asked her why she chose to continue being with me and she said because I am the only person she has. Also because she wouldn’t be able to find someone like me. She said she shouldn’t have been too tough on me that it was okay and that it was not really my fault I repeatedly told her it’s almost impossible that my little brother went through the messages. She said she believed me andis going to trust me. Anyway, how bad did I screw up and did she overreact?

Update. In the sex department, things got better. I learned how to control my self better. By focusing on other things. And I came to accept that my girlfriend has a lower sex drive. I also learned the more she goes without sex, the more she wants it. I went on vacation for almost 3 weeks. When I came back, we had the most passionate sex. I could feel she was really horny. She told me that when she goes that amount of time without sex, she wants it more, as opposed to every week. Which is fine by me. Anyways, that’s not the topic of the update. The update is, that something happened. Something I am not surprised by, but it is of great relevance for sure. In our almost 11 months together, she has grown a lot. At the beginning, she didn’t trust me, due to past experiences, but over time, that trust has grown. It was very hard for her to open up about her deepest secrets. Over time, the barriers came down. And yesterday, she told me something else. She was very worried for her brother. Because of how he is. Like her, he has depression and anxiety, and she is worried for him because of his lack of goals and ambitions in life. So she tried to dig deeper, and I asked if something happened in his and her childhood, and that’s when she started crying and she told me something about her childhood. She has never told anyone about that. She said that when she was 6 or 7, she got sexually molested by a man. And that her parents would leave the TV turned on, and sexual stuff would come up. So in her early childhood, she thought that stuff was normal. Her brother is like 3 years younger than her. And so around that age her brother and her touched each others private parts. They eventually grew up and all that stopped. Anyways, she told me that there is a chance her brother was molested by that same man. She also says she feels like a monster for what they did at that age. And she is afraid that what happened when they were really young maybe has an impact on his personality. I told her that even tho it is messed up, it was not her fault. At that age, kids are gonna do what they see. Monkey see monkey do. And also that man needs to be in jail. What matters is that eventually she outgrew that. Anyways, she then told me she was really afraid of telling me all this. Because she thought I would see her different and maybe break up with her. That is when I start thinking to my self. Okay, that’s good. She trusts me a lot to the point where she is sharing something very deep. Thats more trust building up. Ive always told her that communication is key in a relationship. What I am having trouble understanding is. If she thought that there would be a possibility of me seeing her different and breaking up with her, then why did she tell me all that? Like, Idk. That takes a lot of courage. But like, that doesn’t impact our relationship directly, so why did she decide to tell me? Thats what I don’t understand. Like If I went through what she went through, and I knew that bringing that up could lead to break up, I don’t know if I would be able to share something that deep. Anyways, I asked her about that. Of why she was telling me all this. And her response was “I don’t know honey, I just felt like you needed to know”. I also understand she has depression and anxiety. Anyways, I am a natural over thinker. She also is. My question is. Am I overthinking this? Is there something I am missing? Or should I just be grateful she trusts me to the point of telling me all this. And also how can I be there for her? What can I do to comfort her? But that little thought is bugging my mind. If she trusts me a lot, why did she think I would see her different and break up with her? And why did she tell me?

I have an orgasm almost every time we have sex. She however, does not. We have talked about this in the past, and she said she has never had an orgasm. She said it was all good and enjoyed having sex with me. I tried to give her an orgasm. I really did. Whenever I finish, I keep going, and do everything I can to help her reach an orgasm. But without success. And regarding oral. We did at the pool bathroom before like a week ago too. We also did intercourse for like 30 seconds but she was afraid we almost got caught. I don't know if she feels comfortable with intercourse at a pool restroom. And regarding her cheating history in her previous relationship. Yes bro. I do agree. That is my biggest concern by far. According to her, she changed, and I understand why she did what she did. But it's a fear Ive had for sure. Before I was not too concerned. But now, that sex went from 100 to 0, it does really scare me. But she never hides her phone, no funny business. She is either at home, or at work. She doesn't have a car, so there is a good chance she is not cheating. But the sudden drop in sex does really scare me. And to add to that, yesterday at the pool she thought I was looking at another woman. I explained to her that I did not. That's the first time it has ever happened. Next month I will be away for 3 weeks for vacation. And I am really nervous. This is my first relationship, and I am doing everything to be the best boyfriend that I can be. In the beginning, I sensed something was not right. That she was hiding something. And only after 6 months, the truth came in. And I am having the same feeling again. But I find nothing. And honestly, I am very afraid of what lies ahead.

We do that a lot. Majority of our dates are outdoors. For example, yesterday, we ate out, went to the pool, walked around, and then went to her house and watched a movie. It is very rare for us to spend the whole day in my house or hers. The only time that happened was the first month when we first started being intimate with each other, 4 months into the relationship. I haven't stopped dating her. I always try to surprise her and make her feel special. I am just puzzled at what I need to do. Back off and wait for her to initiate? Also, she knows I am horny all the time. Which is true, I even confirmed it to her. That's why I took fluoxetine to lower my drive, in case that upset her. But now I see that was a mistake. Taking medication like that could even kill me.

I have removed all sexual expectations when I am with her. I have stopped taking fluoxetine. I agree. Taking that medication was stupid. I need to control my sexual desires on my own. Yesterday, I was very concentrated on being my self and hiding my sexual desires. We went to a pool, and in the private restrooms when we were naked I just concentrated on the ceiling, and thinking about soccer. When we showered, we kissed, and briefly performed oral on each other. Everything was initiated by her. I imitated her. At her house, we watched a movie, and it went well. What I have noticed is that she really enjoys teasing me a lot. Showing me her boobs, things of that nature, even though it won't lead to sex. I just stand my ground, compliment her, think of something else in my head. Is this normal? According to her, her libido is low right now, but she teases me? I don't understand how that works. Next week, there is a high chance we might spend the whole day in her house, and no one is going to be there. What should be my approach? What I am thinking is to just go there, spend time with her and initiate nothing. And see if she initiates. I am just puzzled. We started having sex like 3 months ago. For 3 months, our sex life was great. She would have higher libido than me. She really enjoyed the sex. Always lingeries. She had fantasies she wanted to try out. And then 3 weeks ago, no more lingeries. And then her mom found the condoms. And BOOM. Zero sex drive. It's been almost 3 weeks. And if she wanted to have sex, she wouldve brought up doing it in another place. It is worth mentioning that 3 weeks ago, she also started working more, and she hates her job. She is constantly very tired. But she worked that much also when we first started having sex. Then she got more days off, and 3 weeks ago started working more again. She also has untreated anxiety and depression. But again, all these factors were present when we first started being intimate. So I don't understand. Something is not adding up. Something is out of place. I am trying to be the best boyfriend I can be. Always surprising her, taking her out, listening to her, Putting her needs above mine when in bed, and helping her pay for therapy. So I don't understand what else I can do better. She says I am a good boyfriend and our relationship has always been good.

The problem is that if I book a hotel, she will know I want to have sex with her. For some unknown mystical reason, her libido is low at the moment. We had sex in her house on Saturday. While her mom was away. I didn't ask her for sex. But she sensed that I wanted to. And although she didnt want to, we still did it. She only told me she did not want to after the fact. She was clearly a little sad. I told her I don't want to have sex if she doesn't want to. I told her to tell me no straight up if I escalated things, and if she wants sex, to simply let me know. She agreed. Her anxiety and depression also do not help much. And no, she doesn't take medication. Having sex on saturday was a huge mistake. She told me she wanted to. But she was just trying to make me happy. Which in turn doesn't make me happy. Yesterday, we stayed at her house. And I promised my self not to start anything sexual. I gave her a flower. Surprised her at work, and gave her massages. But she sensed that I was not hugging her, slapping her butt, kissing her as much. I told her I was trying to respect her and not escalate stuff. So I started hugging her more and kissing her more. That's where we are at right now. Why did she lose her libido? I will die without knowing. Does she still find me sexually attractive? I will die without knowing. Is she getting it somewhere else? I will die without knowing. Will her libido come back? I will die without knowing The plane has stalled and is in free fall right now. I need to find a way to put the nose down, gain airspeed and get the plane out of the stall before its too late.

I see. In your opinion, what should I do then ? How can I fix this?

No. But she has a lot of extra fluoxetine and sometimes she doesn't take it. I just know it works. Yes, i did get a little dizzy, but my sex drive was zero. Non existent. Being next to my girlfriend without any sexual thoughts has never been easier. Now I don't have to worry about my girlfriend sensing that I want to have sex. Because sex will not be on my mind.

Update. We had sex, when her mom was not home. But I sensed something was off. She told me she was not really in the mood. She only did it because she sensed that I wanted to. That over the last 2-3 weeks, her libido has been decreasing. I felt really bad. I want to have sex with her when she wants to as well. She also said that me trying to initiate sex when she doesn’t feel like it kinda upsets her. That I need to calm down. I apologized and told her I only want to have sex when she wants to. I told her to initiate sex when she wants to, and also for her to directly say no when she doesn’t. She agreed. Yesterday I was very careful. Not hugging her for long, not kissing her for long. I also took my mom’s fluoxetine (Prozac). Both my mom and my girlfriend don’t know this. And wow it works like wonder. While I was with my girlfriend yesterday, my sexual drive was ZERO! However, my girlfriend said I was being more distant. That she missed my hugs and kisses, and when I slap her butt. So I guess I just need to find the right balance. I told her I was just trying to respect her and for her not to think I want to have sex. She said she wants me as normal, to hug her, kiss her, but just control my self. I will certainly do that. Fluoxetine is amazing. ZERO sex drive. I didn’t get an erection not even once yesterday. I will definitely invest more in that. My only question is, is it normal for my girlfriends libido to change? She was very horny the past months, and now, not so much.

Update. We had sex, when her mom was not home. But I sensed something was off. She told me she was not really in the mood. She only did it because she sensed that I wanted to. That over the last 2-3 weeks, her libido has been decreasing. I felt really bad. I want to have sex with her when she wants to as well. She also said that me trying to initiate sex when she doesn’t feel like it kinda upsets her. That I need to calm down. I apologized and told her I only want to have sex when she wants to. I told her to initiate sex when she wants to, and also for her to directly say no when she doesn’t. She agreed. Yesterday I was very careful. Not hugging her for long, not kissing her for long. I also took my mom’s fluoxetine (Prozac). Both my mom and my girlfriend don’t know this. And wow it works like wonder. While I was with my girlfriend yesterday, my sexual drive was ZERO! However, my girlfriend said I was being more distant. That she missed my hugs and kisses, and when I slap her butt. So I guess I just need to find the right balance. I told her I was just trying to respect her and for her not to think I want to have sex. She said she wants me as normal, to hug her, kiss her, but just control my self. I will certainly do that. Fluoxetine is amazing. ZERO sex drive. I didn’t get an erection not even once yesterday. I will definitely invest more in that. My only question is, is it normal for my girlfriends libido to change? She was very horny the past months, and now, not so much.

Yes, correct. But she says she can see in my eyes when I want to have sex with her for some reason. It's like, I can not hide the fact that i find her attractive. And who knows. Maybe her seeing in my eyes that I want to have sex with her is pushing her away? So the only option would be to remove my sexual desire by medication

She says everything is normal between us. And that she is afraid of her mom catching us. She is also in her period. But I have a feeling we won't haven sex for a long while.

Yes, the same woman. So, here is what I am going to do. I will not bring up anything sexual anymore. I will just focus on the non sexual part of our relationship. And if in the future she wants to have sex, she will be the one to initiate it. And as far as self control, I will go to the doctor to see if there is any way to decrease my testosterone levels. What do you think?

Me (M22) and my girlfriend (F21) haven’t had sex in two weeks and I don’t know why. Two weeks ago she was very horny, like she always was. But all of a sudden, she is not anymore. We have been together for 8 months, and we started having sex at the 4th month. But now, we don’t have sex anymore She lives with her parents and I live with my parents. We only have the opportunity to have sex three times a week, at her place, since my parents are more strict. But two weeks ago, her mom found the box of condoms in her room. And ever since, she says her mom is looking everywhere, and looking sus. We tried having sex once after that, and stopped midway because she was paranoid with her mom walking in the room. She then told me we would need to wait a while to have sex in her place, because of her mom. She also mentioned that she hasn’t felt horny lately, and in the past she went on three months without having sex. Yesterday, I tried initiating sex, but without success. She said we couldn’t because of her mom, and because she just started her period. She doesn’t like period sex. The thing is, in the past, even tho we would not have sex on a certain day, she would still act horny, touch my crotch, make sexual comments. And ever since her mom found the condoms, everything stopped. I wonder if that was the only reason. Or is she not attracted to me anymore? Or do I suck at sex?