Me (M22) and my girlfriend (F21) haven’t had sex in two weeks

[iamwhatyoumademe1129]

 

Me (M22) and my girlfriend (F21) haven’t had sex in two weeks and I don’t know why. Two weeks ago she was very horny, like she always was. But all of a sudden, she is not anymore. We have been together for 8 months, and we started having sex at the 4th month. But now, we don’t have sex anymore

 

She lives with her parents and I live with my parents. We only have the opportunity to have sex three times a week, at her place, since my parents are more strict. But two weeks ago, her mom found the box of condoms in her room. And ever since, she says her mom is looking everywhere, and looking sus. We tried having sex once after that, and stopped midway because she was paranoid with her mom walking in the room. She then told me we would need to wait a while to have sex in her place, because of her mom. She also mentioned that she hasn’t felt horny lately, and in the past she went on three months without having sex.

 

Yesterday, I tried initiating sex, but without success. She said we couldn’t because of her mom, and because she just started her period. She doesn’t like period sex.

 

The thing is, in the past, even tho we would not have sex on a certain day, she would still act horny, touch my crotch, make sexual comments. And ever since her mom found the condoms, everything stopped. I wonder if that was the only reason. Or is she not attracted to me anymore? Or do I suck at sex?

[Batya33]

Ask her if anything is going on with her or between you two that she is feeling upset or uncomfortable about. Ask her in a curious way, not with any sort of pushiness.  Then be quiet.

[smackie9]

Her mom finding stuff out has snuffed her desire and traded it for feeling guilty. Have patience, this will pass.  

[Wiseman2]

25 minutes ago, iamwhatyoumademe1129 said:

She lives with her parents and I live with my parents. We only have the opportunity to have sex three times a week, at her place, since my parents are more strict. But two weeks ago, her mom found the box of condoms in her room. And ever since, she says her mom is looking everywhere, Yesterday, I tried initiating sex, but without success. She said we couldn’t because of her mom, and because she just started her period. She doesn’t like period sex.

If she's worried about having sex in her house and her mother catching her and getting upset, it's understandable. You'll just have to be patient and find better opportunities for privacy and intimacy.  You need to respect her and her parents and household as well as her health and preferences. She doesn't owe you sex especially in her parents house and when she's menstruating. Be more respectful and mature about it. Is this the same woman?

 

 

[iamwhatyoumademe1129]

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

If she's worried about having sex in her house and her mother catching her and getting upset, it's understandable. You'll just have to be patient and find better opportunities for privacy and intimacy.  You need to respect her and her parents and household as well as her health and preferences. She doesn't owe you sex especially in her parents house and when she's menstruating. Be more respectful and mature about it. Is this the same woman?

 

 

Yes, the same woman.

 

So, here is what I am going to do. I will not bring up anything sexual anymore. I will just focus on the non sexual part of our relationship. And if in the future she wants to have sex, she will be the one to initiate it. And as far as self control, I will go to the doctor to see if there is any way to decrease my testosterone levels. 

What do you think?

[iamwhatyoumademe1129]

35 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Ask her if anything is going on with her or between you two that she is feeling upset or uncomfortable about. Ask her in a curious way, not with any sort of pushiness.  Then be quiet.

She says everything is normal between us. And that she is afraid of her mom catching us. She is also in her period. But I have a feeling we won't haven sex for a long while. 

[TeeDee]

It sounds like mom finding the condoms was like cold water being thrown on her libido.  

You can't really want to deal with what will happen if mom catches you in the act.  

Do not have anybody medically alter your testosterone levels.  You don't need that.  You simply need some patience, a little compassion & some self control.  

Any chance you can spring for a local motel this weekend? 

[Batya33]

37 minutes ago, iamwhatyoumademe1129 said:

Yes, the same woman.

 

So, here is what I am going to do. I will not bring up anything sexual anymore. I will just focus on the non sexual part of our relationship. And if in the future she wants to have sex, she will be the one to initiate it. And as far as self control, I will go to the doctor to see if there is any way to decrease my testosterone levels. 

What do you think?

Something is very very wrong here -with you- if you feel that in order to be with your girlfriend and abstain from intercourse you'd have to take hormonal medication? How about just the basic - when I desire to have sex with her I -will choose not to have intercourse.  You are a human.  You'll be fine not having intercourse with your girlfriend even if you feel desire to have intercourse.  I'm sure from a young age you've learned how to manage appropriate reactions to feelings and desires that could not be fulfilled at that moment. Without meds.  

[iamwhatyoumademe1129]

13 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Something is very very wrong here -with you- if you feel that in order to be with your girlfriend and abstain from intercourse you'd have to take hormonal medication? How about just the basic - when I desire to have sex with her I -will choose not to have intercourse.  You are a human.  You'll be fine not having intercourse with your girlfriend even if you feel desire to have intercourse.  I'm sure from a young age you've learned how to manage appropriate reactions to feelings and desires that could not be fulfilled at that moment. Without meds.  

Yes, correct. But she says she can see in my eyes when I want to have sex with her for some reason. It's like, I can not hide the fact that i find her attractive. And who knows. Maybe her seeing in my eyes that I want to have sex with her is pushing her away? So the only option would be to remove my sexual desire by medication

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, iamwhatyoumademe1129 said:

 So the only option would be to remove my sexual desire by medication

That's not necessary. All you need is patience and self control.

[Batya33]

33 minutes ago, iamwhatyoumademe1129 said:

Yes, correct. But she says she can see in my eyes when I want to have sex with her for some reason. It's like, I can not hide the fact that i find her attractive. And who knows. Maybe her seeing in my eyes that I want to have sex with her is pushing her away? So the only option would be to remove my sexual desire by medication

Well - no - no medication is going to change your attraction to her or how your eyes look unless it's a medication where you're asleep.  If she is pushed away by sensing you are attracted to her then your answer is she is not the right person for you.  Is your priority intercourse or is it being close to your girlfriend, feeling attraction and showing it other than through intercourse for now? You're wildly speculating and again your assuming you need medication is terribly concerning and doesn't make much sense as far as what a healthy relationship looks like.  

Also if you are staring at her body parts that might make her uncomfortable especially if she is trying to have a conversation with her.  Do you actually like this person as a person? Do you have a lot in common? Do you have fun talking to her and hanging out with her? If you're constantly staring at her in a sexually hungry way that will make most partners uncomfortable because it's too much and feels objectifying after awhile.  You can sexually desire a person and not stare at them in a sexually provocative way.

[TeeDee]

37 minutes ago, iamwhatyoumademe1129 said:

 But she says she can see in my eyes when I want to have sex with her for some reason. It's like, I can not hide the fact that i find her attractive. And who knows. Maybe her seeing in my eyes that I want to have sex with her is pushing her away? So the only option would be to remove my sexual desire by medication

You are 22 year old guy.  Of course she can see that you want to have sex.  Generally speaking men in your age bracket always want to have sex, especially if they are attracted to  their GFs.  It's normal.  It's natural & it does not have to be controlled by meds. 

Your desire for her is NOT pushing her away. Her fear of being caught by her mother is the problem.  It has nothing to do with you. 

If you want to have sex with your GF, you need to find a safe, clean, secure, private place to be together.  Not your parents' house & not her parents' house.  

Medication is not required or advisable.  Rather you should spend some money on a hotel room.  Problem solved. 

[smackie9]

Release yourself in the shower daily should cover it until then. 

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, erica tant said:

I'm ( F 19) I'm looking for telegram friend..bcz I'm down for anything.

Try dating apps.

[rainbowsandroses]

3 hours ago, iamwhatyoumademe1129 said:

She says everything is normal between us. And that she is afraid of her mom catching us. She is also in her period....

^^What makes you think she's telling you the truth?  According to your previous thread, she's a liar.  Several times over.

Plus, she's been having casual sex with various guys since the age of 16, but NOW, after five years of having casual sex, suddenly her mom found condoms lying around and she won't have sex with you?  Does this make sense to you?  

You seem to have forgotten that it was this SAME girl who told you a shyt load of lies not too long ago.

This was taken from your previous thread:

>>That’s when she opened in detail about her past. And oh boy. She started crying profusely. She didn’t have casual sex with 2-3 people. More like 7 or 8. And her casual sex/ situationships/ toxic relationships started at the age of 16 when she lost her virginity. She also admitted that she cheated twice on her ex boyfriend.

She said she was a hoe back then.<<

Based on her history of lying AND her history of cheating TWICE on ex boyfriend(s), I don't think it's beyond the realm of possibility that she has cheated on you too, caught an STD and doesn't want to have sex with you until it's treated and gone.  Or if not an STD, she feels guilty for cheating and as such is unable to enjoy sex with you.

Again, based on her history which speaks for itself (not just the the lying but everything including cheating) to me this sounds much more plausible than her mom suddenly finding condoms and she's afraid to have sex with you.

OP, you are young and inexperienced so I am not faulting you for wanting to believe her.  But come on, read again what I copied from your previous thread.  She's a liar, a cheater, has been having casual sex with guys since the age of 16, this is who she IS.

There a saying I quote often on this forum -- "the past is history, the future is a mystery, and the present is a gift, which is why it's called the "present."

However, in some cases (such as this) a person's past IS important and is a huge indicator of future behavior.

JMO but I think you would be wise to consider because the story she tells simply does not make sense, not to me anyway.

I'm sorry.

P.S.  A woman's period on average last five days, NOT two weeks.  

So it would appear blaming her lack of interest in having sex with you, in part, on her period is yet another lie.

I rarely tell posters what to do, but you seem like a genuinely good guy.  As such please reconsider remaining in this relationship.  It sounds to me like she may be playing you...

 

 

[catfeeder]

7 hours ago, iamwhatyoumademe1129 said:

...two weeks ago, her mom found the box of condoms in her room. And ever since...

That'll do it. When is the last time you had a confrontation with one of your parents about your sex life?

It can certainly throw a wet blanket on things.

You get to decide whether this woman matters to you enough to stop pressuring her. Her parent's home no longer feels like a safe place for her to have sex.

[iamwhatyoumademe1129]

On 4/23/2024 at 7:08 PM, catfeeder said:

That'll do it. When is the last time you had a confrontation with one of your parents about your sex life?

It can certainly throw a wet blanket on things.

You get to decide whether this woman matters to you enough to stop pressuring her. Her parent's home no longer feels like a safe place for her to have sex.

Update. We had sex, when her mom was not home. But I sensed something was off. She told me she was not really in the mood.  She only did it because she sensed that I wanted to. That over the last 2-3 weeks, her libido has been decreasing. I felt really bad. I want to have sex with her when she wants to as well.

 

She also said that me trying to initiate sex when she doesn’t feel like it kinda upsets her. That I need to calm down.

 

I apologized and told her I only want to have sex when she wants to. I told her to initiate sex when she wants to, and also for her to directly say no when she doesn’t. She agreed.

 

Yesterday I was very careful. Not hugging her for long, not kissing her for long. I also took my mom’s fluoxetine (Prozac). Both my mom and my girlfriend don’t know this. And wow it works like wonder. While I was with my girlfriend yesterday, my sexual drive was ZERO! However, my girlfriend said I was being more distant. That she missed my hugs and kisses, and when I slap her butt. So I guess I just need to find the right balance. I told her I was just trying to respect her and for her not to think I want to have sex. She said she wants me as normal, to hug her, kiss her, but just control my self.

 

I will certainly do that. Fluoxetine is amazing. ZERO sex drive. I didn’t get an erection not even once yesterday. I will definitely invest more in that.

 

My only question is, is it normal for my girlfriends libido to change? She was very horny the past months, and now, not so much.

[iamwhatyoumademe1129]

On 4/23/2024 at 2:03 PM, TeeDee said:

You are 22 year old guy.  Of course she can see that you want to have sex.  Generally speaking men in your age bracket always want to have sex, especially if they are attracted to  their GFs.  It's normal.  It's natural & it does not have to be controlled by meds. 

Your desire for her is NOT pushing her away. Her fear of being caught by her mother is the problem.  It has nothing to do with you. 

If you want to have sex with your GF, you need to find a safe, clean, secure, private place to be together.  Not your parents' house & not her parents' house.  

Medication is not required or advisable.  Rather you should spend some money on a hotel room.  Problem solved. 

Update. We had sex, when her mom was not home. But I sensed something was off. She told me she was not really in the mood.  She only did it because she sensed that I wanted to. That over the last 2-3 weeks, her libido has been decreasing. I felt really bad. I want to have sex with her when she wants to as well.

 

She also said that me trying to initiate sex when she doesn’t feel like it kinda upsets her. That I need to calm down.

 

I apologized and told her I only want to have sex when she wants to. I told her to initiate sex when she wants to, and also for her to directly say no when she doesn’t. She agreed.

 

Yesterday I was very careful. Not hugging her for long, not kissing her for long. I also took my mom’s fluoxetine (Prozac). Both my mom and my girlfriend don’t know this. And wow it works like wonder. While I was with my girlfriend yesterday, my sexual drive was ZERO! However, my girlfriend said I was being more distant. That she missed my hugs and kisses, and when I slap her butt. So I guess I just need to find the right balance. I told her I was just trying to respect her and for her not to think I want to have sex. She said she wants me as normal, to hug her, kiss her, but just control my self.

 

I will certainly do that. Fluoxetine is amazing. ZERO sex drive. I didn’t get an erection not even once yesterday. I will definitely invest more in that.

 

My only question is, is it normal for my girlfriends libido to change? She was very horny the past months, and now, not so much.

[boltnrun]

It's a very bad idea to take prescription medication that wasn't prescribed to you. Does your mother know you're taking her medication?

[iamwhatyoumademe1129]

Just now, boltnrun said:

It's a very bad idea to take prescription medication that wasn't prescribed to you. Does your mother know you're taking her medication?

No. But she has a lot of extra fluoxetine and sometimes she doesn't take it. I just know it works. Yes, i did get a little dizzy, but my sex drive was zero. Non existent. Being next to my girlfriend without any sexual thoughts has never been easier. Now I don't have to worry about my girlfriend sensing that I want to have sex. Because sex will not be on my mind. 

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, iamwhatyoumademe1129 said:

She also said that me trying to initiate sex when she doesn’t feel like it kinda upsets her. That I need to calm down.

 I also took my mom’s fluoxetine (Prozac). Both my mom and my girlfriend don’t know this. And wow it works like wonder. While I was with my girlfriend yesterday, my sexual drive was ZERO! However, my girlfriend said I was being more distant.

Please respect your GFs boundaries. Being passive aggressive and withholding affection is backfiring. 

Please stop abusing other people's medication. Antidepressants are not candy. 

[rainbowsandroses]

18 minutes ago, iamwhatyoumademe1129 said:

My only question is, is it normal for my girlfriends libido to change? She was very horny the past months, and now, not so much.

At 21 years of age?  Doubtful.

Given her history, she may be cheating or she simply has lost her sexual attraction to you.  Or both. 

Imo, this is done.  You're both very VERY young, there will be many others for both of you. 

IMO (and experience) stop pushing it, stop forcing it.  The more you try, the more turned off she becomes. 

What keeps you holding on so tightly?  

I agree stop abusing medication, it's against the law and just plain dumb. 

Your immaturity is showing its colors here, as well as your desperation. 

Please stop. End this and consider getting some therapy.

Your actions are over the top and out of control, bordering on a very unhealthy and dysfunctional obsession.  If not a full blown obsession.

Get help. 

 

[boltnrun]

Stealing prescription medication is illegal.

Just because you're horny doesn't mean you're an out of control animal. You can choose to control yourself.

One way to deal with your sex drive is to masturbate before you see your girlfriend. Easy and perfectly legal.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, iamwhatyoumademe1129 said:

.Myonly question is, is it normal for my girlfriends libido to change? She was very horny the past months, and now, not so much.

Yes. Libidos fluctuate. Especially since you couldn't be messing this up more with what you're doing. Especially holding her past against her slot shaming and your sense of entitlement and disrespecting her mother, her house and her boundaries. 

Add to this withholding affection in a passive aggressive manner. She's not cheating, that's not the reason. You're messing it up fine on your own. Stop judging her and her past. 

 

[iamwhatyoumademe1129]

16 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Yes. Libidos fluctuate. Especially since you couldn't be messing this up more with what you're doing. Especially holding her past against her slot shaming and your sense of entitlement and disrespecting her mother, her house and her boundaries. 

Add to this withholding affection in a passive aggressive manner. She's not cheating, that's not the reason. You're messing it up fine on your own. Stop judging her and her past. 

 

I see. In your opinion, what should I do then ? How can I fix this?