When You Look Good, You FEEL Good...

[rainbowsandroses]

Hey guys, last night I had a date with a guy I have been chatting online with for a few days.  Online, he was funny and charming, our conversations were light and fun.  Witty banter.   His pics were attractive (head shots) and he felt same about mine so we arranged a meet last night.

We met a local pub and without sounding too judgy he was dressed like an absolute slob.  Nice looking but it was obvious he made NO effort to look presentable.  At least IMO which is all that really matters since we were both there to determine if there was an in person connection.

Without trashing him, all I will say is that his style was messy and disheveled.  What appeared to be an old pair of baggy shorts, sandals and a tank top.  To be clear, I was also dressed casually, but I made an effort to shower, wash and style my hair (not overly so), minimal makeup, clean clothes (low rise jeans and a pretty casual top and cute strapless sandals). It did not take long but I did make that effort.

Anyway, I tried not to be, but I was immediately put off.  He could tell my energy and demeanor were opposite of how I interacted with him online. TBH I was completely turned off. 

So after about 30 minutes I politely told him it was nice to finally meet him but I was taking off.  He wouldn’t accept that and kept asking me why and what was wrong, ugh.

Long story short, at his urging, I ended up telling him the truth.  I didn’t harshly criticize him but we got into this discussion about appearances and I told him for ME when meeting someone for the first time, I prefer to be at my best including my appearance.  I make that effort.  That it makes me feel better, and influences my energy and how I appear to others which is important to me.

That does not mean all dolled up, that’s not my style anyway especially for a first meet.  Special occasions, then of course I dress appropriate to the occasion.

HE then started arguing with me about it!   WHY do I allow my appearance to influence my mood and how I feel?  IOW, why do I need to look good to feel good?

I REALLY didn’t feel like getting into it so I responded I never thought too deeply about it, it is what it is. Who I am.  When I look good, I feel good.

I also told him I think it sends the covert message to people that I care to make a good impression, to make the effort to be well put together.  After some mindless back and forth, he accepted it and I left and walked home (alone) but of course I began thinking about this and wanted to get other opinions about it. 

What are your thoughts about it?   Does how you look impact how you feel?   That when you look good, you feel good?

I dunno I have always been this way, and I am not really questioning it or who I am, but it DID get me thinking about how much emphasis I place on physical appearance.

Thoughts?

Thanks!

[yogacat]

4 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

What are your thoughts about it?   Does how you look impact how you feel?   That when you look good, you feel good?

I always look good. 😂 In fact, since I've stopped with my nightly skin care regimen, my skin actually feels better. Weird.

[rainbowsandroses]

1 minute ago, yogacat said:

I always look good. 😂 In fact, since I've stopped with my nightly skin care regimen, my skin actually feels better. Weird.

Does looking good impact how you feel?  That was my question.

For me, when I look like crap, I tend to also feel like crap (internally).

Re your nightly skin care regimen (which if you recall is my thing, I am in the process of purchasing a beauty salon), what were you doing?

Cause it is kinda weird that since you stopped your skin feels better.  Sometimes certain products with certain chemicals and additives can actually dry your skin.

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

.  I didn’t harshly criticize him but we got into this discussion about appearances and I told him for ME when meeting someone for the first time, I prefer to be at my best including my appearance.  I make that effort.  That it makes me feel better, and influences my energy and how I appear to others which is important to me.

It's good you were honest with him. It seems like he was going for the laid-back approach. Perhaps the venue matters as well. It doesn't seem like you met at any sort of upscale place and he didn't really make much effort. 

[rainbowsandroses]

14 minutes ago, yogacat said:

I always look good. 😂 In fact, since I've stopped with my nightly skin care regimen, my skin actually feels better. Weird.

Yoga, a quick derail but try Nutiva Organic cold pressed coconut oil combined with grape seed oil it's a natural way to thoroughly hydrate your skin, better than any other product sold and A LOT cheaper!  

I use both morning and night!  😀

 

[yogacat]

12 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Does looking good impact how you feel?  That was my question.

For me, when I look like crap, I tend to also feel like crap (internally).

Re your nightly skin care regimen (which if you recall is my thing, I am in the process of purchasing a beauty salon), what were you doing?

Cause it is kinda weird that since you stopped your skin feels better.  Sometimes certain products with certain chemicals and additives can actually dry your skin.

I don't think so. 

Of course, looking good can boost my confidence and make me feel better about myself, but ultimately, how I feel on the inside is what truly impacts my overall mood and well-being.

The sun beaming on my face...omg...it fills me with  joy...just like driving with the windows down...hair flying all over...and blasting some really good music.🌞

Don't get me wrong, I love putting on makeup but I like more that I am happy with my skincare on the daily... and putting on makeup is really just playing with my face. Sometimes I like to put on makeup in my home knowing that I won't be  =going anywhere or seeing anyone, just to see what I can create on my face. Makeup is an art form and can be really fun and creative.

Right now, with my skincare routine, I am going through an all natural phase. Meaning, none. I wanted a bit of break from depending on products for awhile. I am super picky about which products I use, animal testing, harsh chemicals, carbon footprint etc.

Did you know that by 2050 there will be more plastic in the ocean than fish? That's craaaaaazzzyyyy. But every now and then, I do like to use a brand called The Ordinary- super cheap, cruelty free, and great quality.

I don't think it's weird that since I stopped my skin feels better. I think taking a break from constantly putting products on my skin and just letting it breathe has really helped. 

Maybe down the road I will have skincare routine again, but right now, I am enjoying the simplicity. 

[boltnrun]

My bestie loves makeup and has as long as I've known her (which is over 40 years!) She puts on heaps of makeup, which causes breakouts, which she counteracts by heaping on even more makeup to cover the zits, which causes more zits! I told her to take a month off from wearing makeup and just let her skin heal and she responded (in a horrified voice) "Noooooo! I could never do that!" I've seen her without makeup and her skin is just awful. Covered in scars and pits. It's a shame because she is naturally stunningly beautiful but she has destroyed her complexion. And here's me, who seldom wears any makeup, and my skin is pretty good. In my case it's more laziness than anything else. Plus I don't subscribe to "false advertising". What you see at 8:00 pm is what you'll wake up to in the morning. No surprises (although my hair is awful...unruly and wild and out of control and my bed head is next level, but that's another story).

I guess my philosophy is...no false advertising and you will always see the real me. Now, I do make an effort to be neat, clean and presentable. I even shower, shampoo and get dressed (in real clothes) when I work remotely. But I need a set routine. It's not to impress anyone. 

[rainbowsandroses]

8 minutes ago, yogacat said:

The sun beaming on my face...omg...it fills me with  joy...just like driving with the windows down...hair flying all over...and blasting some really good music.🌞

LOL, me too!  But is it safe to presume you don't look like a complete slob while doing this?

I may not have articulated myself correctly, my bad.  

I dunno, I am always clean, including my body, my hair, my clothes.  I can be wearing jeans or shorts and a tee and still feel I look good.

I am very natural looking, very little makeup so I definitely don't need to be all dolled up, in fact I actually dislike dressing up, wearing tons of makeup, that is SO not me!

I prefer to be casual except for special occasions BUT I always want to look nice.  

At the beach with my hair blowing, in a convertible with sun beaming down....

My mom (former model) instilled in me from a very young age to always look nice and presentable in case I have an accident and need to be taken to the hospital.  LOL  Like lord forbid, what would the doctors/nurses think!

My mom was like this (may she RIP).  Very into appearance and I think I may have taken after her on some level.

[rainbowsandroses]

8 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

My bestie loves makeup and has as long as I've known her (which is over 40 years!) She puts on heaps of makeup, which causes breakouts, which she counteracts by heaping on even more makeup to cover the zits, which causes more zits! I told her to take a month off from wearing makeup and just let her skin heal and she responded (in a horrified voice) "Noooooo! I could never do that!" I've seen her without makeup and her skin is just awful. Covered in scars and pits. It's a shame because she is naturally stunningly beautiful but she has destroyed her complexion. And here's me, who seldom wears any makeup, and my skin is pretty good. In my case it's more laziness than anything else. Plus I don't subscribe to "false advertising". What you see at 8:00 pm is what you'll wake up to in the morning. No surprises (although my hair is awful...unruly and wild and out of control and my bed head is next level, but that's another story).

I guess my philosophy is...no false advertising and you will always see the real me. Now, I do make an effort to be neat, clean and presentable. I even shower, shampoo and get dressed (in real clothes) when I work remotely. But I need a set routine. It's not to impress anyone. 

Thanks.  Again, I may have not have articulated myself correctly, this is NOT about makeup, skin, complexion of false advertising.

It's about the connection between looking good, pretty and presentable (whatever that means for you, for ME it means natural, clean and fresh) and feeling good.

And making that effort before a date....

 

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

 Very into appearance and I think I may have taken after her on some level.

That's possible. It was just a meeting for compatibility and obviously you have different perspectives on that. That's ok. Try not to take it personally how someone shows up. That's just his particular style.  Hopefully he wasn't too offended. Maybe he'll find more compatible boho chic kind of women who accept him.

[rainbowsandroses]

12 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Now, I do make an effort to be neat, clean and presentable. I even shower, shampoo and get dressed (in real clothes) when I work remotely. But I need a set routine. It's not to impress anyone.

This^ is what I am referring to and I am the same.  Even when home alone.  It makes me FEEL better (for ME) when I make that effort for myself.

And when I meet others, I think it sends a positive message to them as well and I do care about that.

My date last night did NOT.  Obviously he didn't give a rat's rare how he came across to me, appeared to me or what I thought.

And it was a complete turn OFF.

[dias]

How I feel and how I look a particular moment are unrelated.

Having said that, I would feel awkward and self-conscious if I dressed like I go for a walk on the mountain on a date. The first date is crucial whether we like it or not since we mainly judge on appearance and body language. It's different if you already know a person. It's like going to a formal interview with swim-trunks which is cool in a way but it does not work lol

[rainbowsandroses]

16 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Maybe he'll find more compatible boho chic kind of women who accept him.

It's funny cuz I am kind of "boho" myself.  Sort of "shabby/chic."

Anyway, yeah obviously we were not a match, but it did get me thinking about how my appearance affects my mood and that I do have a bit of my late mom in me in that I care about appearance, for ME and also how I present to others.

 

[rainbowsandroses]

4 minutes ago, dias said:

Having said that, I would feel awkward and self-conscious if I dressed like I go for a walk on the mountain on a date. The first date is crucial whether we like it or not since we mainly judge on appearance and body language. It's different if you already know a person. It's like going to a formal interview with swim-trunks which is cool in a way but it does not work lol

Thanks dias.  And I do agree with you.  Without being too critical because he is who he is, but he was dressed like he just got back from surfing and threw on a pair of old shorts in the back seat of his car, a tank top and sandals.  

This was our first meet at a casual local pub..

One of my friends thought it might be some sort of "test" to see how I reacted.  He made quite a big deal when I told him about my thoughts on appearance and first impressions.

[dias]

5 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

This^ is what I am referring to and I am the same.  Even when home alone.  It makes me FEEL better (for ME) when I make that effort for myself.

My grandmother used to tell me this all the time lol  I used to ask her " if nobody is watching or you don't care about the people who are watching why would you dress well" and she always replied "You do it for yourself not for the others". 

[yogacat]

18 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

LOL, me too!  But is it safe to presume you don't look like a complete slob while doing this?

My favorite times when my ex dressed up was when he was in a t-shirt (sometimes they had holes in it, lol), some jeans or shorts, and a baseball hat. Simple, clean, and nimble looking, IMO.

I totally get what you're saying, someone that shows up on a first date looking like they just rolled out of bed or not taking a little time to preen (hair--- suck the hair in a pony-tail neatly, or comb it, add lip balm, brush ones teeth, overalls don't look dirty or grass-stained), to at least seem minimal in a reply to trying to leave the house they are planning to be at to a bit more calm and or appreciated (looking like a hot mess, covered up like a zit strip, one's hair lagging lip gloss on it like lipstick). 😂

THAT SAID, he might just not have the same emphases in dressing just cuz he is meeting someone new. He dresses in loose, airy, cool, down-looking clothes, and may just not think about or hold it against them for not. It's just life - it's how I felt about first dates, the way they verbalized what they serendipitously came across each other for a drink on a Friday while collecting fro-yo...

I mean, was his fingernails dirty and did he smell of 50 yard dumpster's...or, was he just more casual in a way then you've enjoyed before?

[rainbowsandroses]

2 minutes ago, dias said:

My grandmother used to tell me this all the time lol  I used to ask her " if nobody is watching or you don't care about the people who are watching why would you dress well" and she always replied "You do it for yourself not for the others". 

I love your grandmother!!!  😍

[dias]

2 minutes ago, yogacat said:

was his fingernails dirty and did he smell of 50 yard dumpster's.

🤣😂

[boltnrun]

How I dress or appear doesn't affect how I feel. Being dirty or smelly would. One thing I hated about being hospitalized years ago was that I was unable to bathe. In 11 days I got one sponge bath and one shower. I felt worse because I was dirty. And hairy. I had hair where I didn't know hair grew. 

I would not wear pajama bottoms out in public. Or basketball shorts ( although I don't own basketball shorts, so...). Today I'm wearing shorts made of sweats material and a T-shirt. Clean, neat but definitely not fashionable. But the only place I'm going after work is to the bank and I don't think they care about fashion.

 

[rainbowsandroses]

5 minutes ago, yogacat said:

I mean, was his fingernails dirty and did he smell of 50 yard dumpster's...or, was he just more casual in a way then you've enjoyed before?

He looked "dirty," that was my first impression.  Maybe he wasn't literally dirty, but he was messy and disheveled, as I said he literally looked like he just got back from surfing (old shorts, TANK top and old sandals).

Anyway nuff said about him.  He is who he is and perhaps another woman would not have been as turned off. 

 

 

[mylolita]

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Does looking good impact how you feel?  That was my question.

For me, when I look like crap, I tend to also feel like crap (internally).

Re your nightly skin care regimen (which if you recall is my thing, I am in the process of purchasing a beauty salon), what were you doing?

Cause it is kinda weird that since you stopped your skin feels better.  Sometimes certain products with certain chemicals and additives can actually dry your skin.

The Koreans who are famed for having the most youthful, clear and glowing skin notoriously take at least one day/night away from any products. The thinking behind this is, it allows the skin to breathe. 
 

People pile a whole lot of stuff onto their face for routines, and for the most part I imagine all the chemicals upon chemicals are not the best or researched to synch with their skin types, so this “break” in products or routine might actually refresh the skin! I am, guessing by the way… I am no beauty expert! 
 

I have very sensitive and pale skin and the less ingredients in a product and the less of everything I use, the better! I naturally take a night where I just don’t put anything on my skin and give it all a rest.

 

Sorry rainbows, off topic (LOL!) but didn’t know whether you had heard of this Korean practice! 
 

And, congratulations on your salon!!

 

x

[rainbowsandroses]

No worries Lolita, I derailed my own thread earlier!

I did not know the Koreans practiced this, but I NEVER put any products on my skin with chemicals or additives, everything I put on my skin is 100% natural, like the coconut oil and grapeseed oil I mentioned earlier.  

The combination of those two oils naturally hydrates and it's absolutely amazing!!  I used to get professional facials from the salon and I swear since I now use the all natural oils my skin looks and feels better than ever before!

I also use a natural exfoliator NOT the acids so often used (lactic acid, hydroxy acid).  You don't need them, use a natural sea salt scrub (there are many different variations) for both face and body with fragrant oils and it does the same thing, even better!!

I put those salts in my bath too, my bath smells great and feels so luxurious, I love it!

 

 

[rainbowsandroses]

26 minutes ago, mylolita said:

And, congratulations on your salon!!

Thank You!! 💛

[itsallgrand]

When I met my SO I was in a pair of sweats and a big baggy sweater after coming back from swimming lol. I'm sure there are other guys who have looked past me because I'm not by default looking real put together. I'm clean and all that! But some people do care about the appearance of style more than others. It's fine, those people find each other. I long ago decided for dates I showed up a reasonable approximation of what you would get on a regular day. No surprises, what you saw was what you get. And it did help me in not wasting my time with someone who might be wanting something else. 

I mean, maybe he did come back from surfing or something prior to the date?! Maybe not lol. Either way, you seem to have as the deal breaker that his level of showing up is not acceptable to you. You have the right to pick and choose however you want. 

 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

When You Look Good, You FEEL Good...

This may be a good slogan for your business, but it's not a good philosophy to criticize others' appearance or outfits on dates.