My Co-Worker Again....Ugh!

[rainbowsandroses]

Hi guys, referencing my previous, not sure I'm going to be able to hang in until end of June... 😞

Today my co-worker (woman I'm training) made quite a disparaging (in my opinion) comment and don't know if I'm being overly sensitive again and should brush it off or say something to my bosses?

Last Friday, I was showing her how to enter a vendor invoice into our billing system to bill to the client. 

Today, we received via email the same invoice so it was a duplicate but I did not immediately notice that, I just forwarded it to her to enter the payment.

She responded that it was a duplicate invoice and I responded "oh okay I hadn't noticed that, thanks"!

She responded (and she was perfectly serious, she wasn't joking/teasing, it's not in her nature to joke) "doesn't surprise me, it didn't appear you were operating on all four cylinders last week."

What the heck!  

Please be honest as you always are.  I'm still navigating boundaries and although I'm only here for 6-7 more weeks, I really feel this went beyond the pale!

I did not respond to the comment. 

Thanks!

P.S.  I'm posting from my phone not the office computer. 😉

[MissCanuck]

12 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

She responded (and she was perfectly serious, she wasn't joking/teasing, it's not in her nature to joke) "doesn't surprise me, it didn't appear you were operating on all four cylinders last week."

This is plain rude and unprofessional. 

Yes, I would inform the boss about this one. You are leaving soon, true, but this sort of behaviour is unacceptable. It needs to be addressed, and even if they don't do much about it, it will be on record. That way if it happens again with someone else (or you, in your remaining weeks), it will be noted that it's not a one-off but a more concerning pattern of behaviour. 

 

[rainbowsandroses]

Thanks Miss Canuck, yeah it really does affect my morale and I am still in the process of training her and it's just so hard to have to bite my tongue!!

A couple of weeks ago, I did end up telling one boss (the one I'm pretty tight with) how condescending she often is and he agreed!!  Apparently she is with him too!!  He told me it's her personality (brash/abrupt) and he simply chooses to ignore her emails when she acts that way.  He advised me to do the same.

After which SHE complained to me that HE doesn't respond to many of her emails!  lol

He asked me if I wanted him to say something to her and I said no, that would probably just make it worse and since I am leaving, I will try to ignore.  But it felt good to get it off my chest!

Now today with this comment, ugh.  

Not sure if you are familiar with my history MC but I grew up in a verbally abusive environment and some of my relationships entailed my boyfriends making disparaging comments and I have struggled with proper boundaries.

 

 

[rainbowsandroses]

So I now think something may be going on like they are looking to replace her because she just complained to me that the partners have given her a rather unreasonable monthly billing quota (for paralegal work) PLUS all the billing responsibilities which is a full time job in and of itself!

And that they are NOT going to be hiring a separate billing coordinator for that and that he expects her to do it.

Frankly, I don't really care for how my bosses (two partners) handle workplace conflicts and/or difficult personalities but that's their business.

I am just counting the days......

 

[dias]

43 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

This is plain rude and unprofessional. 

Yes, I would inform the boss about this one. You are leaving soon, true, but this sort of behaviour is unacceptable. It needs to be addressed, and even if they don't do much about it, it will be on record. That way if it happens again with someone else (or you, in your remaining weeks), it will be noted that it's not a one-off but a more concerning pattern of behaviour. 

 

This! It was so rude, especially since you are training her. Like what the heck......Report it. 

[DarkCh0c0]

51 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

doesn't surprise me, it didn't appear you were operating on all four cylinders last week."

What the heck! 

Yeah... Absolutely disrespectful.

There are people who need to put other people down to feel (up) better about themselves. Think of the children seesaw game. 

You can either respond back and show her it's not okay/professional to say so, report her to the boss, or you just ignore her and pretend she hasn't said a thing. Your choice really.

[dias]

31 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

A couple of weeks ago, I did end up telling one boss (the one I'm pretty tight with) how condescending she often is and he agreed!!  Apparently she is with him too!!  He told me it's her personality (brash/abrupt) and he simply chooses to ignore her emails when she acts that way.  He advised me to do the same.

Why the heck did they hire her? Jeez...

[rainbowsandroses]

7 minutes ago, dias said:

Why the heck did they hire her? Jeez...

Her credentials are excellent!  And she looks good on paper and apparently she presented herself halfway decent on the interview.

I deleted my previous but she informed me she has various degrees in both legal and accounting and quite a bit of experience as well...

IDK, I think she and the partner I am tight with totally clash, I envision a falling out eventually if they don't get rid of her first.

NOT my problem though.... but I have been here for many years so I do care to some extent.

 

[boltnrun]

You have nothing to lose if you give it right back to her. Or alternatively you could do what I did when a manager I knew I would have to continue working with was rude to me. I said calmly but firmly "D, please do not speak to me that way." And when he persisted I repeated "Please do not speak to me that way. I am a professional and I don't appreciate being spoken to that way." Interestingly he came back later to apologize. And MORE interestingly he ended up becoming somewhat Twitter famous (he got fired from the  company he worked for next and made a big stink about it publicly). 

So why not just say something? These people continue because everyone lets them get away with it. 

[DarkCh0c0]

8 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I said calmly but firmly "D, please do not speak to me that way." And when he persisted I repeated "Please do not speak to me that way. I am a professional and I don't appreciate being spoken to that way." Interestingly he came back later to apologize.

Brilliant advice! 🏆

[rainbowsandroses]

6 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Or alternatively you could do what I did when a manager I knew I would have to continue working with was rude to me. I said calmly but firmly "D, please do not speak to me that way." And when he persisted I repeated "Please do not speak to me that way. I am a professional and I don't appreciate being spoken to that way."

I know I should say that.... but why is this so hard for me!!!  In romantic relationships I would have no problem saying that (minus the "I am a professional") but in the work place I struggle with asserting myself for some reason.   

As I said, I have been SO lucky that I never had to deal with such BS before!   Not on this level anyway and continuously!

Anyway, I just told my other boss (the one I am not that tight with) and he said he totally understands why I would be upset and asked what he could do (he offered to buy me a coffee later).

He also said he and Xxxxx (the other partner) are aware and dealing with it.....

I do feel better for telling him and writing it out here.... so thanks guys. 

I mean what a bytch though you know?  I would never say such a thing to someone even IF they did seem a bit off that day.... I mean there are things that are just better left UNSAID.....

My late mom taught me that.  She abused me growing up but she did leave me with some valuable insight (may she RIP).

 

[boltnrun]

As long as people tiptoe around her (and encourage you to do so OR advise you to "ignore" her) she will continue. 

Again, what do you have to lose? If you leave earlier than planned they'll have no one to train her. So why not say something to her like "You and I will have to work together for the next few weeks so we might as well make the best of it. How about we leave the commentary outside the door and focus on work?" And you could tell your manager that you're not interested in dealing with someone who's trying to be unpleasant, so if they don't want to say something to her you will deal with it in your own way. Assure them you won't be unprofessional but you also won't be treated poorly. 

I could maybe understand if you were staying, but you're not. So why not say something?

And ask your fears what it is you're really afraid of. That's how I deal with things that I'm irrationally nervous about. 

[rainbowsandroses]

38 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

As long as people tiptoe around her (and encourage you to do so OR advise you to "ignore" her) she will continue. 

Again, what do you have to lose? If you leave earlier than planned they'll have no one to train her. So why not say something to her like "You and I will have to work together for the next few weeks so we might as well make the best of it. How about we leave the commentary outside the door and focus on work?" And you could tell your manager that you're not interested in dealing with someone who's trying to be unpleasant, so if they don't want to say something to her you will deal with it in your own way. Assure them you won't be unprofessional but you also won't be treated poorly. 

I could maybe understand if you were staying, but you're not. So why not say something?

And ask your fears what it is you're really afraid of. That's how I deal with things that I'm irrationally nervous about. 

You are absolutely right.  And what's bolded is perfect, I could envision myself saying that!  Next time she's rude, I am going to say that, thanks Bolt.

What's weird about her is that she stopped by earlier after the comment and asked me how my day was going and if she could pick me up a coffee at Starbucks as she was heading over there.

Honestly, I don't think she even knows how abrasive she comes across.  This is mean to say but she's may be that obtuse.  She lacks social skills and perhaps that is all this is?

To give you an idea, she reminds me of Nurse Ratched from 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest,' same exact energy!

 

[Kwothe28]

2 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I did not respond to the comment. 

 

Major mistake. What my late Grandma thought me that you should always use "sass" and that its super effective with rude people

For example when she says

2 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

"doesn't surprise me, it didn't appear you were operating on all four cylinders last week."

You say something like

"Sorry, I was getting sex whole week so barely standing. You should try it sometimes, it does wonders for your mental health".

[rainbowsandroses]

9 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

"Sorry, I was getting sex whole week so barely standing. You should try it sometimes, it does wonders for your mental health".

@Kwothe28thank you but that is equally rude and here in the U.S. might also constitute a form of sexual harassment since it refers to sexual activity and I could be terminated ON THE SPOT for saying something like that to a co-worker.  

There are laws against this here in the U.S.  

Her comment was also rude and quite unprofessional but she broke no Labor Laws for saying it.

Sexual harassment is HUGE here in the U.S., we have a big poster on the bulletin board describing what constitutes it, seminars held, etc.

Companies have been sued and lost big time when statements like that are made to a co-worker.

So while I do appreciate the advice I think I will need to pass on that one and stick with what Bolt suggested.

 

 

[boltnrun]

Definitely cannot mention sex or having sex. You absolutely could be termed on the spot for saying something like that. 

You can set boundaries without being offensive or crossing the line into being inappropriate. 

[Kwothe28]

2 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Companies have been sued and lost big time when statements like that are made to a co-worker.

 

In USA you could sue for anything, so meh. Also I dont think this is sexual discrimination nore constitute as one. But then again you do live in California. Probably just looking at somebody of opposite sex wrong is sexual discrimination there. 

Also, I was joking(half). But until you fire back she wont stop. No amount of "me nice we focus on work" would help you there, sorry.

[boltnrun]

It's illegal in the US. It's a federal crime, not specific to any one state.

And yes, talking about all the sex you have can absolutely be considered sexual harassment. Trust Rainbows, she works in the legal profession!

[rainbowsandroses]

4 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Also I dont think this is sexual discrimination nore constitute as one.

That's fine you can think what you like, it really doesn't matter, it's the law.  And not just in CA, it's defined under the U.S. Labor/Employment laws.  Meaning it's a federal law.

It's defined as:

"Sexual harassment refers to both unwelcome sexual advances, or other visual, verbal, or physical conduct of a sexual nature and actions that create an intimidating, hostile, or offensive work environment based on an employee's sex or sexual activity."

8 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Also, I was joking(half). But until you fire back she wont stop. No amount of "me nice we focus on work" would help you there, sorry.

This is a professional environment @Kwothe28, a law firm not a construction site or similar where that type of bantering may be more acceptable.  

And although I am leaving, I have been here for many years and would like to leave on a good positive note, I may need them as a reference someday and "firing back with something sassy," as much I might love to do that, would NOT serve my best interests.

Just because a co-worker is rude and unprofessional to me that doesn't mean I have to reduce myself to their level.  That is not my style no matter where we are!

What @boltnrunsuggested is perfect.

But thank you for chiming in and to everyone else who chimed in!  I do feel better for having talked this out!

 

 

[Jaunty]

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

 I said calmly but firmly "D, please do not speak to me that way." And when he persisted I repeated "Please do not speak to me that way. I am a professional and I don't appreciate being spoken to that way."

This is the best advice.   You have NOTHING to lose and you have a lot to gain by getting a chance to practice being assertive in this manner.  

[Batya33]

27 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

This is the best advice.   You have NOTHING to lose and you have a lot to gain by getting a chance to practice being assertive in this manner.  

I agree and especially agree - start practicing being assertive in this way.  I'm sorry you received an email like that -it's cringey.  And as you seem to know -this is about her. Not you. Her issues.

[rainbowsandroses]

15 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

And as you seem to know -this is about her. Not you. Her issues.

Yes I know it's about her... I think it's everything combined.  The sponges, the mugs on the counter and her attempts to undermine me at every turn.

It builds up!  

I would LOVE to not have to interact with her at all, and if I had my druthers I wouldn't but unfortunately I have a couple more things to train her on and then she's on her own starting June 1st!!

And I can catch up on my work before I leave.

But typically if I am around a rude or difficult co-worker, my style is to simply not interact with them.  I dunno, is that avoidance?  I guess it is.

Unless I have to work with them directly, but like I said this has rarely happened where I have to work so closely with someone training them and they are consistently rude like this.

So I've got 7 more weeks approx.  Next rude remark, I am going to say what Bolt proposed the first time depending on how rude the comment is.

If it's only semi rude like she did with the sponge and mug on the counter, I will say what Bolt suggested the second time....

LOL, sometimes I feel like that "damsel in distress" that @yogacatreferred to in her thread, so stupid!!   

Anyway thanks again to everyone who chimed in!!

 

[boltnrun]

No, it's upsetting when someone at work treats you rudely. When that man spoke to me the way he did I remained calm and resolute in front of him but when I reported him to my manager my voice was shaking. Not out of fear but out of anger. I was furious that this man thought it was acceptable to tell me my brain doesn't know how to process information. 

So yes, it is upsetting. But I'll be g*d damned if I'm going to accept being spoken to that way. I wasn't going to slink away. I worked too hard to get into management and that man wasn't going to destroy my fortitude. 

You can do this!

[LootieTootie]

Yea, she sounds really bad. Sorry you're having to put up with her.

I've had coworkers in the past who were mean and nasty. Even tho I have dealt with mean coworkers by ignoring, acting cold and unbothered- I do encourage you to say something to her. I like Bolt's suggestion - tell her not to speak to you that way. You really have nothing to lose by standing up for yourself.

 

[Batya33]

I had the same experience as Bolt described with the shaking. Karma helped - months later I was at a new place- in the reception area momentarily -and he showed up for an interview! He noticed me, realized and I went back to my office and called the person he'd be interviewing with.  Never saw him again.