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Everything posted by LootieTootie

  1. Hun, it's not a good sign. You been together for 7 months and you're telling me he is still figuring out what he wants? If he was inclined to choose you, you would not be in this situation 7 months in to the relationship. Meaning relationships take a lot of work and it takes two. This guy might like you but he doesn't like you enough to put that extra work in. I have a similar story to bolt and we might as well have been dating the same guy. Knowing I was just a convenience to this guy, it bruised my ego and made me second guess myself after - never thought I would say this about someone I was very compatible with and someone with great chemistry with. Luckily I cut it off 3rd month when he uttered "don't want to put all my eggs in one basket" speech. Then get this? I met my husband right after. So give this guy a week as you've planned. Me, personally, I think he has had sufficient amount of time to figure out what he wants. Just imagine the next time you guys have another disagreement. I wouldn't be happy with someone sulking or wanting space for 2 plus weeks.
  2. I am with everyone else. This guy sucks! Usually I would advocate open communication but if this guy has been oblivious and selfish for this long, you need to kick him to the curb.
  3. You are planning a bridal party for a Facebook friend. Your motives seem like you just want to attend a party/social gathering even if that means: - you don't really know these gals - you're being used by FB friend and - putting up with FB friend's real friend's nonsense. Also did FB friend's real friend, Viv, say that she is paying for everything at the restaurant? Or split between the girls? Or the bride will be paying? It just looks like so far you're paying for items, even if it doesn't seem too much (yet).
  4. This drama is so unnecessary on so many levels and the saddest thing about this all is that you don't even really know these people! Yes you are being used. Yes this is all nonsense. And no, this isn't worth it. For what? for possible friendships down the road?
  5. OP, is she still not taking medications? Do you know how dangerous that is for someone who is bipolar and not taking any medications. I am surprised you have been this generous with her and only now are you considering seriously breaking up with her because she didn't include you in her future plans. You should have broken up with her when she refused treatment. OP, please learn to be kind to yourself. You deserve so much better.
  6. Too many red flags and it's still early! Please cut it off now or you will get too invested and regret it later. Also someone who tells you early on they are going to marry you without even fully knowing you, most likely love bombing you to get you attached. Now that he thinks you are attached - he is changing his tune just a tad. If you're almost 50, you gotta have a better sense when a man is talking out of his u know what.
  7. Yep that's the one I got. It's also called a martingale collar. One great thing about this collar too is that its quite easy to slide the collar to go up higher on their neck, near the ears, when walking them. just make sure to have a short leash while doing this. When you do this, you have more control of their head and you can control their walk. It makes my dog walk like a show dog but control his head and jaws (from yapping away).
  8. You've been giving him mixed signals. You also need to be the alpha. Dog trainers are expensive! You can do the training yourself but it means being extra committed and might having to grow a mean bone. The "oh he's not bugging anyone now sitting on the couch so I'll let him be" NOPE! If you want the jumping on the couch to stop because of safety reasons, you gotta go over to him and tell him get off and be FIRM every time he's on the couch. When he oblige, show him your approval with jubilation and love. Animals don't speak our language but they know tone and they know energy. When you keep doing this, eventually he will start to realize that "I can't get on the couch without mom's ok." What works for me is a louder voice too. Sometimes my dog wants to pull and chase a squirrel and all I do is say loudly "No!" and he's back to walking with me. It's called re-directing their attention. If your dog is barking at other dogs when walking, you need to train your dog that it's not okay. You can do redirecting with a quick snap of the leash and collar. Some will turn their dog around with a tight grasp of the collar and short leash. I just use the martingale collar for this and it redirects my dog by getting his attention by telling him "can't make mom mad." I have a neighbor who was using a muzzle and I told her about my martingale collar and she didn't think it would work but it did. Another advice too for dogs who bark a lot at other dogs, they are crying for stimulation or/and seeing other dogs as threats. Socialize him. Does he go to the dog park? My dog doesn't play with any dogs at the dog park but he loves to graze and sniff dogs butts. Dogs are social animals and the more they see that it's easy to be around their kind, you can see how positive it affects their behavior. I'm sure it's good for their mental state too.
  9. Your responses say more about you than him. Everyone here is giving you really sound advices... And IF you are not taking it to heart, I think you have to ask yourself are you okay knowing later that you might regret having low standards. Because being okay or "wasn't as mad" with a liar and his terrible explanation on a big lie is having low standards. You gotta have some self-respect, because this guy sure don't have any for you.
  10. I got it an email by a friend who found it online. I got this a LONG time ago when I was 20. I just turned 37 not long ago, haha. I am not sure who wrote it but hey you can definitely tweak it if you like.
  11. I've known a few ADHD individuals and they never put anyone's life in jeopardy. I want to say the worse thing I've seen one of them do is watch Dr. Who at work while reviewing 20-pages applications, entering data and holding a conversation -all at the same time. I was always enlisted by my boss to peer review her work - lucky me right? Her work space was like her, cluttered, disorganized and if I asked her a question, she wouldn't have an answer except "I don't remember" or nonchalantly "I wasn't thinking." Saying all that, this gal is one of the biggest hearted person I know. SUPER generous and always brought in baked pastries. I have to agree with others who posted that it can just be two people coming together and learning to coexist and this has nothing to do with his ADHD. My husband when he washes the dishes he puts the silverware's handles up when drying on the dish rack. This of course could rattle my OCD core, but I gotta pick my battles and this is just not a battle worth fighting or even exploring. So what I do? I just smile as wide as I can and say thank you. I know his intentions are good and he has a preference for doing some chores different than me and yes, I will live, just fine. Chore Chart, I want to also echo that me thinks it's not good - maybe you should have one for yourself personally if that helps you with your depression and anxiety, but having it for you and him, I think it can be potentially perceived as a power thing. Even hearing that there is a Chore Chart for grown-ups in their own home sounds like a slave camp or grown people who need to be treated like children to remind them to get off their phone at x time to feed the dog. I think your significant other is doing the best he can and you just need to be a little bit more accepting and forgiving.
  12. OP, I implore you to come back and write your perspective when a decade has pass, and the decade after that, and so on. It's strange because I once read this online when I was 20 and I couldn't relate but now I Can! Sharing with everyone reading this: A Geography Of A Woman Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful. Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe, well-developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash. Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit. Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all-conquering past. Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war and doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business. Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving but open to meeting new people. After 70, she becomes Tibet, wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages; only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there. The Geography Of A Man Between 1 and 90, a man is like Iran, ruled by nuts. *Sidenote - I disagree with last sentence LOL I'm sure it's a joke.
  13. Way to go Seraphim! You are going to be the queen of your own castle 🙂
  14. I am happy he is giving you another chance. There's a reason why you felt this overwhelming guilt and I am so happy you told him the whole truth. He seems like a good guy. I hope it works out. ❤️ Sometimes our worse enemy is ourselves.
  15. Ugh this doesn't look good OP. You need to start looking but be casual about it if someone at work brings it up. I don't think anyone would blame you for searching.
  16. What a loser! I agree to be nice and courteous with a short sentence that you've blocked him to move on. Other than that, you owe him nothing. I was in this situation once when I was young and single. Really like this guy but a couple of months in to it, he told me he "didn't want to put all his eggs in one basket." I didn't have to block him because he was respectful of my feelings and of where I stood. That's how it should be. People shouldn't be throwing people bread crumbs and if they do, it's because they're inconsiderate and egotistical - which should be a huge sign that you don't want this person to be your partner.
  17. Agree. Announcing a breakup with exclamation and asking this person for relationship advice, it just feels like a friendship to me. I would still be guarded and be a friend and ask her if she wants to get coffee and vent. That will help you get more of an idea if you're still friend zoned.
  18. So the proper thing to do is treat this relationship as it is: FWB. Feelings/emotions should not get in the way. Even thinking about what is the proper thing to do when your request for rendezvous has been declined- just don't even go there. You're only asking to get emotionally attached. Sure it's kind of you but I promise you, this guy isn't going out of his way wondering about how his decline impacted you. Neither should you.
  19. You wrote this: And your question is: Should I text him again or leave it? If you are preoccupy with this question at the moment, aren't you getting a little too emotionally invested? Especially when the relationship with the guy is not ideal for anyone to get emotionally invested in. Think hard about what you really want because something tells me you're not sure yourself.
  20. So first I just want to say how I love that you are dating, Tiny. And it sounds like you are having fun and getting to know this person on a very intimate level. Dating should be fun!! Secondly, you just met the guy and it's too early to say if you should be paranoid about the virginity element. You have been very honest about your struggles on here so even that kind of disclosure is too early, right? You guys gel right now and that's all that matters. As long as you both are seeing each other regularly and consistently you guys will start to know each other and decide if you're good together or not.
  21. I couldn't have said it any better, Dancing. Also OP, please realize that your wife checked out a long time ago. You need to see it for what it is and stop denying yourself from seeing the writings on the walls. If your wife really cared about your feelings, she wouldn't be on a chatroom having a blast with cheaters.
  22. Well I don't know why you just don't go over there with him or go walk with the dog with them too... unless it's obvious they don't want you around messing up a good opportunity for them to hook up.
  23. Thank you for returning and replying, OP. So many times posters don't come back and elaborate. Just to let you know, I've lived on my own for 10 years so I understand how it feels to be alone and lonesome. One time I got so lonely, I went to the park and tried to talk to random people because I hadn't talked to people for months. Also, it took me 3 years to get out of a bad relationship because I thought "well if I don't have this guy, I have nothing" even though the guy did nothing to improve my emotional and mental health. Sucked in bed too. If you think you are "damage" but can be a good partner, you really need to rethink here. And I don't think you're there yet... I think you are still in your zone - comfort (safe) zone, where you come off very secretive and want to keep everything close tight to your chest. How is anyone going to truly love you for all of you and accept you for you? I don't mean to be harsh but there's something empowering and not damaged when one can admit "hey here are my flaws. I own them. Take it or leave it." I suggest loving yourself and that means accepting yourself. This is an internal thing between you and you only. Accept things you can't control: your mom, your injury, maybe even your predisposed to depression or any other mental health... Secondly... willingness to open up to others about it. There's nothing wrong with who you are. There's just someone who is evolving and is continuing her journey to find herself and her happiness in life. Third step is knowing that you are strong and you want someone just as strong as you are. This is where you will attract the right kind of people. Don't ever settle... because when you do, you sell yourself short. Someone who has been independent since the age of 15, you've come too far to settle with a weak link.
  24. Please don't sit around and wondering if there's someone out there for you. The only person you need is you because that's the only person who can fix you. When you date as a broken person, you attract the wrong kind of people and the wrong types of relationships. OP, do you do any self-care? I asked because if I am to be honest, you don't sound happy with yourself. That internal feeling is something you need to change so I am thinking maybe if you don't want to jump in to therapy for your problems, have you thought about some self-care you can start doing? Like going on short trips - maybe to a hot springs, or maybe just a nice long drive in the middle of nowhere? Going to the gym and working out and throwing some physical therapy training in the mix and releasing some endorphins (also can make you feel hot and bothered - in a good way!) Listening to calming music while in a bubble bath? Treating yourself out - pedicures, spa treatment, retail therapy, etc. I think if you improvise some regular self-care in your life, you will start to feel like you are deserving of those little rewards. Maybe that will help with your headspace and make you feel like you have a purpose and that purpose is to be happy. I think you have been stuck in a rut too long and with the injury, it prolonged it, but there's this voice in you that wants you to be free of self-doubt and self-loathing because you aren't happy being this way. Only you can fix you. Listen to that voice who wants you to overcome.
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