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DarkCh0c0

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Everything posted by DarkCh0c0

  1. You did well. Don't be harsh on yourself! Nobody is an expert in social conversations, let alone dating conversations in your early 20s. Keep in touch as usual and look forward to the next date!
  2. I'm happy to hear this. Please try at least 2 different therapists to see which one fits you best. Getting into debt because of therapy will save you from a more costly mental health bill.
  3. OP said it herself: And then he said: And then you have the parents trying to protect her from him: If OP thinks there something off, it's off. I just don't get why she's so hung up on him when he has so many red flags.
  4. How old are you two? You need to communicate that her behaviour is unacceptable and that next time you won't wait longer than 10 minutes. The fact you say nothing to her shows her that you're okay with it, so you need to have that conversation and talk about it. She's no mind reader and so aren't you.
  5. Yes. That, but he's also a groomer. He was involved with a girl since her teens. I'm utterly baffled at how she didn't find this revolting and disgusting. I would have worried about that girl instead of wasting my energy on a predator.
  6. Honestly, wasn't the fact that he's a groomer a deal-breaker for you? This is one of the most off-putting and disgusting things a man can do. And, he didn't reject you for your age as in "you're old". He rejected you because he knew he couldn't have enough hold over your mature personality to manipulate you. He literally told you that, yet you keep thinking of him. If what he's told you about his love live wasn't off putting enough for you to run to the hills, then there's something off in your self esteem and you need to explore that. You NEED to get therapy and move on. It's about time that you seek healthy, available and mature partners.
  7. As you can see below, not well. https://www.enotalone.com/topic/455616-anyone-have-experience-dating-a-dismissive-avoidant/#comment-5778388 Giving an immature behaviour a title doesn't make it any better. If anything, it should push you to run away faster.
  8. The new girlfriend is a rebound. You should set her free asap. Otherwise, I hope she realizes her worth and breaks up with you asap. You two are not compatible. She was a nice fling, but that's it. You betrayed both your ex-wife and new gf. Damn. You are exactly like the guy Ben in the movie He's Just Not That Into You. He marries his wife despite not really wanting to. He then cheats on her and lies to her face. His wife surprises him one day at his office while he was fooling around with his side gf. He then proceeds to hide his side gf in an office closet as his wife is trying to save their marriage and they have sex in that same office. Needless to say, gf leaves him and his wife eventually divorces him. He thought he can have the best of both worlds. You can't.
  9. How long have you two been dating? Honestly, if I know someone is dismissive and avoidant, I would leave them to it. What's the point of being with someone who is dismissive of your needs and avoids adult talks? They wouldn't bring anything but drama to your life and you'd feel like walking on eggshells all while questioning yourself. You can't fix this person nor act like their therapist. Once you discover by their actions that they are not a good partner to you, you simply release them back to the dating pond. There's no point wasting your time and mental health on a bad match. Date people who show you they are capable of healthy dating and with whom you feel safe and on the same page to take things to the next level.
  10. Excuse me?! I would have left him over this. OP you should be fuming! I'm sorry you're going through this. I get that you have loving feelings for this guy, but if he can't carry adult conversations, he's not partner material! It's not a YOU problem as he's trying to frame it. It's HIM. You've tried this a few times by now to know that he's not someone to trust when things get serious or even rocky. You've tried to talk to him about it to no avail. Add to that, he doesn't treat you right. You've had the time now to see his true character. What you see is what you'll always get. I would advise you to walk away if you want to avoid more heartaches and manipulations. Don't stay and play his therapist nor mom. Date men who are partner material and not projects. This guy is not it.
  11. Yes, but you've got A LOT of negative self talk going on that's making you feel this way. This is more than just this situation. There's some built up emotions from previous situations growing up together. Again, this needs exploring with a therapist. And that's cool. You've mentioned before that your mom is toxic. Maybe he just doesn't want to be around because of that? You seem to idealise this whole trip, but maybe your brother sees things differently. You are not here to people-please anyone. He can do as he wants.
  12. That's not how it works. You have to be adults here and have that difficult conversation. You need to sit them down and give them their notice. Something in the line of "we'd like our space back to just us, and we we need you to vacate by X date". No discussions on how they can't find an apartment, yadayadyada. You must rip the band-aid and only allow for logistical questions. Don't get sucked in their manipulation/pitty/negotiation tactics. Just give a reasonable notice and off they go. The friend is an adult who obviously knows people, so she'll figure this out on her own. You gotta have the conversation. There's no running away from it. Learn to be firm and have solid boundaries. You got this.
  13. These are some serious reactions just because your brother, who is an adult, decided to possibly not be onboard with the trip. You need to understand that he is an adult and he gets to decide where and when he spends his vacation time and with who. His choice has NOTHING to do with you and your internal negative self-talk. What needs to be investigated more is why you think you are a loser if he just leaves you to have a peaceful time with your parents. This has to do more with the dynamic you grew up under as brother and sister. This situation just triggered it. Maybe the parents preferred one of you? Maybe the parents did label you as loser when you didn't perfect things? Maybe you miss your bother and wanted to connect with him? Add to that, you sound very bitter of being single. Maybe you're jealous he's in a relationship? Idk. There's a whole negative self talk built up and it needs to be explored with a good therapist.
  14. Only date people you respect and to whom you are attracted. Those you're not attracted to are NOT partner potential. I get that you're desperate and you probably don't have a lot of options, but don't keep this up. It's going to end again for the same reason.
  15. He's just a friendly colleague. You have your answer. When you asked him out for the real deal, he rejected that advance. Now you need to move on to men who actually go on dates with you and with whom there are no games.
  16. You are craving attention and are crossing workplace boundaries. Why don't you date men outside the workplace? When is the last time you've been on a date? Do you go to group hobbies?
  17. I'm so sorry to hear this. You guys need to have an honest talk and figure out the best way forward. You can't be dragged down like this, and living like roommates is obviously not sustainable. Seems you know where you stand and what to do next.
  18. I'm sorry to hear this. You've been together for 4 years, but for how long has this disability condition ongoing? Does she qualify for disability pay where you live? How is her attitude towards all those changes?
  19. That's true. I have read stats that mentioned that the highest quality partners come from friends of friends. So you would be at a friend's party and meet someone there. Or, your friends who know you well would set you up with someone who can be a great match. It's all about having a healthy set of good friends/acquaintances and expanding that circle.
  20. Since you've talked to her about this several times already and nothing has changed, her stance is clear. She will keep her involved in her life. Maybe it's time for a compromise? And if there isn't one, you might consider parting ways? If your gf respected your feelings enough, she would have limited contact with that friend already. Do you suspect your gf is emotionally cheating on your with her?
  21. No wonder the bedroom is suffering. You need couple's counseling. A struggling bedroom is a sign of a lack of emotional connection, safety and intimacy. When the emotional safety is not there, the sex can't follow. Find 2-3 couple's counsellor to test and find the best one if you want to save your marriage. There's so much baggage that you even need to work each individually on. You can't be each other's therapists. Counselling is the only thing that will do at this point considering all the struggles above. In the meantime, consider going out on a date weekly, make romantic gestures and keep your temper under control. That'll help lower the stress and give you give some time to reignite the spark so to speak.
  22. Did you get married to the man who told you that he was still in love with his ex?
  23. This is ridiculous. How can he even know that you've watched a video while he's away all day at work? It hits me as controlling. He should be contributing to childcare and house chores instead of sitting in his man cave in isolation and not helping you take a break from the baby once he's back home. As long as the baby is safe, it's fine to watch a couple of videos. You're an adult and you need some escape/entertainment like most people. He, on the other hand, needs to contribute more instead of just complaining about whatever small safe thing you do to release some stress.
  24. Cheers to a newfound freedom and brighter 2023!
  25. I think your mom could consider no longer inviting those inconsiderate people. But, she won't. That's her choice. It's nothing you're responsible for.
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